The REAL Story of the Android Saga
As told by GuinevereKoopa
Author's Note: Yeah yeah, none of 'em are mine except good ol' android 21…Akira Toriyama-Sama has credit for everything else
"So much for them, now that I'm finally in my laboratory, I can awaken 17 and 18, and then they'll be no match for us! I only hope that the repairs I've made to their programming work correctly."
Android 20 walked over and pressed the button that would release 17 from his holding tank. 17 stepped out. He looked at 20 and, seeing the controller that could destroy him should his creator ever feel the need to use it, smiled and said politely, "Why, hello doctor."
"Good, it appears you are functioning properly," 20 muttered to himself. "Now then…" He pressed the button for 18's tank.
She stepped out. She looked at 17, an unspoken message passed between them and her eyes narrowed. "Yeah, well screw you too, 17!" she shouted at him.
"I didn't say anything!" he said defensively. But he had an evil smile on his face.
"I don't care if he woke you up first, I'm still better than you are! So nyah!" She stuck her tongue out at him.
"That's it, I'm coming over there!" he threatened.
"I'm so scared! I'll believe you can kick my ass when I feel it!"
Android 20 blinked. "Um…It appears you are both malfunctioning," he stated.
"SCREW YOU, DOCTER GERO!" they both shouted at him.
He fell back in astonishment. I don't get it. What happened? he wondered as his two creations continued to argue. Maybe…Maybe I should get a mind-controlling cat like Dr. Briefs…I hear he makes very few programming mistakes because of it…
"Right, so, uh…Don't wake up 16…and, um, just stay there…" he stammered, backing toward the door.
17 and 18 stopped arguing and looked at him. 17 smiled and glanced at 18. She grinned back. In a swift movement, 17 snatched the controller from 20's hand. "Hey, give that back!" 20 protested.
"Hmm…" 17 said, inspecting it. "Hey, this is that thing you used to deactivate us, isn't it? I don't think I like that. Do you like that, 18?" 18 started to answer but 17 cut her off. "I think you won't be needing this, doctor. We'll be around for a while." He crushed it in his hand and grinned evilly at Android 20.
"Yeah, just cut me off when I'm trying to talk, whydoncha!" 18 shouted.
"SHUDDUP!" 17 yelled back. "I'm trying to kill our creator over here!"
"Yeah well hurry up! I need a new outfit!"
"You and your damn clothes! What is it with you?"
He turned around and they once more got into a tongue-sticking-out fight.
20 blinked. "What the hell is going on?" He turned around and slammed down the button to open the door.
It started to slide apart, but 18 shouted, "He's getting away 17!"
17 whirled around, accidentally slamming his arm into 20's head as he did so. 20's head fell off and he looked up at 17 in a quite pissed off manner. "That's it, now I'm angry," he threatened.
"Oops. Should I still kill him?" he asked 18.
"Knock yourself out," she answered.
They heard the doors slide home into the sides of the rock wall and looked up. Standing outside was gathered most of the Earth's Special Forces. 18 swore. 17 shrugged. He looked down at 20's severed head and stepped on it, crushing it and thereby killing his creator. He looked up.
"What the hell are you people staring at?" he demanded.
"So, these are the big bad androids," Vegeta said with a sneer. "A boy with long hair and a sca—"
"Don't even start that!" 17 interrupted him. "I just might have to insult your hair, if you go insulting mine."
"Wha…?" Vegeta blinked.
Krillan started laughing. "Insult…Vegeta's hair! Hahaha! That's rich! Oh god, I wish I could do that!"
"Shut up!" Vegeta shouted at him. Krillan kept laughing. "SHUT UP!" He kicked Krillan and he flew into the rock wall.
"Ow…"
"I wasn't insulting your hair!" Vegeta shouted at 17. "I was merely stating that you don't look like you could kick my ass!"
"Yeah, well…" 17 replied. "I'll bet she could kick your ass," he said as he pointed to his sister 18. "And I've five times stronger than she is."
"You are not, you conceited…Ugh! Your power level is only a 5% increase over mine!" she yelled.
"It is not! It's way higher than that!"
"You've obviously never seen your blueprints, dumbass!"
The Earth's Special Forces collectively blinked.
"Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on here?" Krillan demanded.
"Well…They're fighting with each other, and we're standing here dumbfounded," Tien supplied.
"Thanks, that helps," Krillan said sarcastically.
"You're welcome."
Krillan sighed.
"Wait," 17 said, interrupting 18, who had been in the middle of a long string of insulting swear words directed toward him. "What was that thing that Gero told us not to do?"
"Wake up…another one of the androids," she said. "I can't remember the number, there's too many of us.
"It was 16, wasn't it?" he suggested.
"I don't know. It could've been 7."
"I think it was 52."
"No, it couldn't have been 52! 52 is still being repaired after that incident with 503, remember?"
"How many androids are there?" Trunks wondered.
"Apparently more than you warned us about," Piccolo told him.
"It was android 21!" 17 concluded.
"No, I think it was 16," 18 said.
"No, it was 21. Let's go wake up 21, then!"
"Okay…I guess…" she said.
17 walked over to another android holding tank and was about to press the button when Trunks shouted, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" and turned Super-Saiyan, then fired an enormous energy blast at the mountain. Piccolo, Tien, Krillan, and Vegeta barely had time to jump out of the way before the mountain was reduced to dust by the sheer power behind it.
When the dust cleared, 17 was still standing over the holding tank with his hand on the button. He blinked. "What the hell was that all about?" he shouted up at Trunks. "What's wrong with you people? Can't even let a guy wake up his own sister? Sheesh, what's this world coming to?"
Trunks blinked. "I don't get it. That should've destroyed them."
"Idiot," Vegeta muttered.
18 growled at 17. "Press the damn button already!" She slammed her fist down on the hand sitting atop the button.
"Ow!" 17 pulled his hand back and glared angrily at 18, muttering various nasty words describing her under his breath.
The lid rose off the holding tank. 18 got impatient. "Open up, dammit!" she shouted as she kicked the lid off.
A woman sat up from the tank. She looked about the same age as the other two seemed to be. Her hair was brown, but had a red tint to it, and was put into a ponytail then braided. Unlike the other two androids, her eyes were black and round, not ice blue and square-ish. She stood. She was wearing a dark gray shirt that just exposed her midriff and a short plaid skirt. She had gray tights on and black boots.
"Well…Hi, I guess. What's the occasion?" she asked 17 and 18.
17 stopped glaring at 18 and blinked at 21. "Oh, uh…We killed our father. Wanna go destroy the world? It'll be fun."
"Sure!" she smiled.
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Trunks shouted again.
"SHUDDAP!" Vegeta yelled. He punched Trunks in the stomach.
"Ow…" Trunks fell and hit the ground, knocking himself unconscious as he hit.
"That takes care of that," Vegeta said.
"We are not destroying the world right away, 17," 18 berated. "I need a new outfit."
17 sighed. "Outfit?" he whined. "I wanna jack a car and have some fun!"
"After I get some new clothes!" she insisted.
"Fine," he sighed.
"Wait, where do you think you're going!" Vegeta shouted. You've gotta go through me before can leave here!"
"Let me do this, 17. I can kick his ass, no problem," 18 volunteered.
"Be my guest," 17 muttered. "I'm not gonna fight, I might mess up my hair."
"Dork," 18 threw at him.
"Ditz!" he threw back.
"Imbecile!"
"Bi—"
"God, one of you just destroy them all already and quit arguing!" 21 interrupted.
"Oh…Right," 18 blinked. She looked up at Vegeta, "I challenge you to a fight!" she shouted.
"That's what I'm talking about!" Vegeta said happily.
18 jumped into the air and started fighting with Vegeta. 17 watched in boredom. "I wanna jack a van…" he whined.
"But isn't that sort of thing illegal?" 21 asked.
"Yeah," he sighed dreamily.
Vegeta screamed. "Ah! Damn b^%&$ broke my arm!"
They could hear 18 laughing at him. Suddenly, Trunks regained consciousness and leapt at 18 with a scream of, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" She swung around and kicked him into the side of a mountain. Then she knocked out Vegeta and proceeded to take down the rest of the Earth's Special Forces one by one.
When she flew back to rejoin 17 and 21, her clothes were torn and she looked quite pleased. "Well, let's go get those new clothes now," she smiled.
"Right. And can we jack a car?" 17 asked.
She sighed. "We could just fly you know."
"But breaking the law is fun! Especially if you're evil, such as we."
"Fine," she growled. "But then we get me some new clothes."
They looked at 21.
"I suppose…We could find some cars on the highway," she suggested.
They took off in the direction of the highway. They found a nice spot and sat down at the side of the road to wait for a car to come by. Meanwhile, while they were waiting, 17 and 18 got into an argument over whose hair was better looking. 21 was rather indifferent and refused to comment.
Then they heard a vehicle coming down the road. "Yes!" 17 shouted. "18, you stop the car, and I'll take care of whoever's inside and then we'll go to Goku's house and destroy him such as our programming says!"
"Clothes first," 18 reminded him.
"Yeah, whatever, just stop the car."
18 jumped out into the road. "Stop!" she shouted.
A large truck stopped just in front of her. "Hey!" the driver shouted. "Get outta the road! I'm hauling paper clips! Big truck, paper clips, you know…?"
"What an idiot," 18 muttered.
"I heard that!" the driver exclaimed. He backed up and then sped over 18.
17 and 21 ran out into the street to see if 18 was okay.
"Damn," 17 stated.
"Uh, she's dead," 21 commented.
"No, I mean, we missed our chance to jack that truck."
21 looked at him. "How is it that 18's dead because a semi hauling paper clips ran over her?"
"Oh, didn't you know?" 17 said. "Doctor Gero made it so that if one of us gets hit by a truck hauling paper clips or live orangutans, we'd automatically die. Super-villain weaknesses and all."
"Bummer," 21 responded.
"I want a rematch!" Vegeta's voice shouted.
"Too late, she's dead!" 17 called up.
Vegeta blinked and landed in the road beside 17. "Well, that sucks. I wanted my rematch. Can I fight you instead?"
"No, I'd rather just go kill Goku so I can lose this idiot programming," 17 answered.
"But I wanna fight!" Vegeta whined.
"Uh…" 17 thought. "Go fight him!" he said, pointing to the fast- approaching Krillan.
"Okay!" Vegeta flew off and punched Krillan. Krillan's cursing could be heard down on the road.
"Well, I don't think any cars are coming, 21. Let's go look for one."
"Works for me."
They started flying to find a car and eventually came across a gas station. There were two cars parked there. A brand-new midnight blue Dodge viper with a double white racing stripe, and an old beat up pink doughnut van.
"We'll take that one!" 17 said, pointing to the van.
21 blinked. "Sev?" she questioned, looking at him strangely.
"What? It's a doughnut van! Isn't it cool?" he grinned.
She rolled her eyes at him and they landed on either side of the van. 17 got in on the driver's side and 21 entered on the passenger's side. The delivery guys that owned the van shouted at them, but they ignored the two hicks.
"Right, so, how do you hotwire a van again?"
"The key is in the ignition, Sev."
"Even better!"
"Sigh…"
He took off down the road. 21 snapped her seat belt into place within a two-second sample of 17's driving. She also somehow managed to snap his seat belt onto him while he was driving.
"Hey!" he protested.
"Law and all," she reminded him.
"But I'm a child delinquent!"
"You'll be a dead one if you run into a truck carrying live orangutans."
"Lay off, okay?"
Some time later…
"I wonder if we're anywhere near Goku's house yet?"
"You've been driving along the same forest off-road path for a week, 17!"
"So? Then we must be close, right?"
"Give me the wheel, you dumbass!"
"Hey, no, it's mine! I jacked the van, I get to drive!"
"Give…me…the…wheel!"
"Hey, look, there's Master Roshi's house!"
"What the…? How the hell did we get here? 17, you are the worst f^#$ing driver I have ever known!"
Elsewhere…
"Why is it that I'm always all alone, for some reason?" Piccolo muttered. "That's when the bad stuff happens, whenever one of us is all alone. Whenever we're all alone and Goku's temporarily out of the picture. Maybe they want me to die. I think they hate me. Well, they wouldn't hate me if I had gone and fused with Kami! They love Kami! What's up with that? Well, that'd show them, take away their precious Dragon Balls. Hah! Damn, I should've followed my instinct on that one. Sigh…I hate being fused with Nail, always making me second-guess myself. Damn you Nail! Shut up Piccolo! It's your fault we're in this mess! My fault, how's it my fault? 'Cause you're a dumbass, that's how!"
He stopped talking as his exquisite sense of hearing picked up the sounds of the two androids yelling at each other.
"Wow, Nail. They argue worse than we do. Shut up, we don't argue. Stop arguing with me!"
He stood and walked over the sleeping fighters to the door. He stepped out and surveyed the scene. A pink doughnut van was parked in front of Kame House. 21 was trying to drag 17 out of the van, but was having immense trouble because his seat belt refused to give. "That's it! I'm driving now!" she shouted at him as she finally managed to pull him from the seat onto the ground.
"Wait, isn't that Piccolo?" 17 said, pointing to him.
"Yeah, whaddaya want?" Piccolo demanded.
"Can Goku come out and play?" 17 asked.
"Sorry, he's not here right now," Piccolo responded.
"Oh, okay then. We'll come back later."
"You moron. That was a challenge."
"Oh. It was? You want to fight me?"
"Yeah. Winner gets to kill Goku. I mean…Winner…gets to, uh…what the hell, winner gets to kill Goku!"
"Okay then, works for me!"
"Is it just me or is this fanfic immensely stupid?" 21 asked.
"It's just you," 17 told her.
They decided to fight on a nearby island, so that nobody would get hurt…Other than themselves. And, since I don't want to go into any in detail fighting descriptions because I suck at writing those, let's just say that they were kicking each others' asses quite nicely. Even match and everything, just totally tromping on each other. I guess…Piccolo, since he's not fused with Kami, is a lot stronger here…Either that, or 17's weaker. Let's just assume that Piccolo's stronger. Okay? Okay.
And then all of a sudden this creep named Cell shows up. See, since Piccolo didn't go fuse with Kami during this timeline, he never fought Cell. But his fighting 17 led Cell straight to 17. So, then, Cell tries to absorb 17, Piccolo saves him somehow, gets himself nearly killed and tossed into the water so that he's almost certainly dead, and then Cell starts beating on 17.
21 doesn't like that, so she fights Cell. She gets it going pretty good, but then Cell disappears. 17 gets up and makes a speech to 21. And now, back to the straight story.
"21, it'll be perfect! Now that Cell's gone, we'll band together and take over the world! It'll be excellent, just the three…two of us, 18's dead…Just the two of us, creating mayhem and chaos and all around panic! We'd be unstoppable! The Android Tri—uh, Duo! And we'd be lawbreakers and everything! Whaddaya say, 21?"
"Uh…Look out 17!" she shouted.
Cell rose up behind 17 and his huge funnel tail slammed over the android. Cell laughed as he absorbed 17. Muffled swearing could be heard from 17 as he was being absorbed, along with a lot of screaming and struggling and other such things. 21 watched in utter horror as Cell finished, and transformed into something even uglier. (Not that that was really possible or anything, but, you know…)
"Hahaha! Now I am almost perfect!" Cell laughed. "All I need to do is absorb Android 18, and then I'll be the perfect weapon! Cell, perfect in every way! Even in bed!"
"But…18's dead," 21 pointed out to him. "Really, she got hit by a truck full of paper clips and died."
"Dead?" Cell's expression became bleak. "She's dead? Paper clips? God damn Doctor Gero, why the stupid paper clips or live orangutans weakness?"
21 shrugged. "Beats me. Well, I guess there's nothing you can do, is there? No way you can be perfect without 18."
"Maybe if I absorbed you…"
"Nope, not me! Wouldn't work! I'm not…er…designed right! I don't have a human base, I was…uh…built on…um…a…uh…cat base…that's it! He built me from a cat! Can't absorb a cat and be perfect! Meow!"
"Damn, she's right…What am I going to do?"
And then Vegeta, who has been training in some hyperactive time chamber or some such thing, decides to show up with Trunks. He's an ascended Saiyan now! Which is just like a Super-Saiyan, only…ascended…I don't know the difference either. Okay, and so Cell and Vegeta start fighting and then for some reason Goku does his Instant Transmission and picks up Piccolo, who actually sort of was alive, and 21, and takes them back up to Kami's Lookout. They give Piccolo a Senzu Bean, and 21 a box of tissues, and then Goku and Gohan go into the hypermawhatsis chamber. 21 starts crying over the fact that Mr. Popo is chopping onions for supper and she's sitting in the kitchen, and Piccolo is watching off the edge of Kami's Lookout and getting mad at Kami who keeps wanting to peek into girl's locker rooms at high schools. But eventually he manages to convince to corrupt god to watch the fight between Vegeta and Cell. Then he starts getting pissed off because Vegeta's just toying with Cell. He's really just a pissed off sort of person, too much stored up emotion and all, he's too angry. Anywho, Vegeta's fighting Cell. Back to the straight action!
"I can kill you anytime I want, Cell!"
"No you can't, you can't be this strong! It's not right!"
"But I am! So deal with it!"
"I'd be a better challenge to you if I was perfect."
"How can you be perfect?"
"Absorb 18! But…dammit! I forgot, she's dead!"
"Yeah, so I guess there's no point in it, is there?"
"Sigh…"
And so Vegeta tried to kill Cell but Trunks jumped in for some reason shouting, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" as he is prone to do, and got himself blasted.
"Dumbass," Vegeta muttered.
"Whoa…he was, like, your son," Cell blinked.
"So?"
"Whoa…"
"Come on and fight!"
"Uh, sure…"
Cell fought s'more with Vegeta and somehow managed to knock Vegeta out. That's when Piccolo showed up, because like I said he was really pissed off and so he'd decided to take matters into his own hands and had been on his way over so he could kill Cell and possibly kick Vegeta's ass for being a moron.
So to quickly summarize what happened, Piccolo killed Cell. Then he grabbed Vegeta and flew back to Kami's Lookout. Trunks he left there, because Trunks was from the future and didn't really have a place in this timeline at all. But when he got back to the Lookout, Kami forced him to go back for Trunks. And then Kami gave Trunks and Vegeta a Senzu Bean each, and Trunks went home to his own timeline, and everyone was happy. Except for 21. Because now all her family was dead.
"I WANNA YELL AT 17 DAMMIT!" she shouted at Kami. "HE'S FUN TO YELL AT! AND IT'S FUN TO WATCH HIM ARGUE WITH 18! I WANT THEM BACK! SO I CAN YELL AT THEM!"
Kami cowered under her anger/sadness/sad anger. "Just…wish them back with the Dragon Balls, okay? Don't hurt me," he whimpered.
So they talked to Bulma and Bulma gave 21 the Dragon Radar and 21 found all seven Dragon Balls and summoned the eternal Dragon Shenlon. Shenlon asked, "What is your wish?"
"I would like to wish Androids 17 and 18 back from the dead!" she said.
The dragon seemed taken aback by this wish. "Why in the world would you want to do that?"
"Just do it, okay!" 21 yelled at him.
"Okay, okay, sheesh…Your wish is granted, just don't hurt me." And the Dragon Balls promptly scattered around the world. 17 and 18 appeared, alive and well, and immediately started fighting.
"I love you guys!" 21 grinned.
"Screw you!" they shouted at her, and continued arguing.
Epilogue/End/That thingy that tells you what happened to people…
18 married Krillan, for some unforetold reason, and they had a daughter named Marron. 18 forced Krillan to grow his hair out, just to prove to people that he wasn't prematurely bald.
17 and 21 just sort of lived somewhere together, and argued a lot, and had many mishapful adventures.
Gohan became a Super-Saiyan, Goku was proud of him, Goku died. Yes, Goku died. 21 killed him because 17 dared her to. And then the Z-fighters couldn't wish him back so they were like, "Damn. Oh well, wanna go train?"
Chichi had another kid and named him Goten. Nobody's really certain, but most of 'em are pretty sure that he's really Yamcha's son.
Then Bulma and Vegeta got married, had another kid and named her Bra.
Oh, and not only that, but other stuff that wasn't mentioned in this story…Like Bulma's son Trunks grew up to be really annoying and hung out with Goten all the time. And Gohan eventually married this chick named Videl, who is the daughter of the guy that claimed to have killed…uh…a marmoset. And then sometime before the Android Saga, Piccolo had met this fan created chick and they had a fan-created daughter named Sranadalanya…but everyone just calls her Del. And, uh…she's fan created…By a fan…So she's technically not real, and neither is her mother…cuz she's…fan created…
Blah, blah, blah, other stuff happened, go away already!
THE END! Dammit!
As told by GuinevereKoopa
Author's Note: Yeah yeah, none of 'em are mine except good ol' android 21…Akira Toriyama-Sama has credit for everything else
"So much for them, now that I'm finally in my laboratory, I can awaken 17 and 18, and then they'll be no match for us! I only hope that the repairs I've made to their programming work correctly."
Android 20 walked over and pressed the button that would release 17 from his holding tank. 17 stepped out. He looked at 20 and, seeing the controller that could destroy him should his creator ever feel the need to use it, smiled and said politely, "Why, hello doctor."
"Good, it appears you are functioning properly," 20 muttered to himself. "Now then…" He pressed the button for 18's tank.
She stepped out. She looked at 17, an unspoken message passed between them and her eyes narrowed. "Yeah, well screw you too, 17!" she shouted at him.
"I didn't say anything!" he said defensively. But he had an evil smile on his face.
"I don't care if he woke you up first, I'm still better than you are! So nyah!" She stuck her tongue out at him.
"That's it, I'm coming over there!" he threatened.
"I'm so scared! I'll believe you can kick my ass when I feel it!"
Android 20 blinked. "Um…It appears you are both malfunctioning," he stated.
"SCREW YOU, DOCTER GERO!" they both shouted at him.
He fell back in astonishment. I don't get it. What happened? he wondered as his two creations continued to argue. Maybe…Maybe I should get a mind-controlling cat like Dr. Briefs…I hear he makes very few programming mistakes because of it…
"Right, so, uh…Don't wake up 16…and, um, just stay there…" he stammered, backing toward the door.
17 and 18 stopped arguing and looked at him. 17 smiled and glanced at 18. She grinned back. In a swift movement, 17 snatched the controller from 20's hand. "Hey, give that back!" 20 protested.
"Hmm…" 17 said, inspecting it. "Hey, this is that thing you used to deactivate us, isn't it? I don't think I like that. Do you like that, 18?" 18 started to answer but 17 cut her off. "I think you won't be needing this, doctor. We'll be around for a while." He crushed it in his hand and grinned evilly at Android 20.
"Yeah, just cut me off when I'm trying to talk, whydoncha!" 18 shouted.
"SHUDDUP!" 17 yelled back. "I'm trying to kill our creator over here!"
"Yeah well hurry up! I need a new outfit!"
"You and your damn clothes! What is it with you?"
He turned around and they once more got into a tongue-sticking-out fight.
20 blinked. "What the hell is going on?" He turned around and slammed down the button to open the door.
It started to slide apart, but 18 shouted, "He's getting away 17!"
17 whirled around, accidentally slamming his arm into 20's head as he did so. 20's head fell off and he looked up at 17 in a quite pissed off manner. "That's it, now I'm angry," he threatened.
"Oops. Should I still kill him?" he asked 18.
"Knock yourself out," she answered.
They heard the doors slide home into the sides of the rock wall and looked up. Standing outside was gathered most of the Earth's Special Forces. 18 swore. 17 shrugged. He looked down at 20's severed head and stepped on it, crushing it and thereby killing his creator. He looked up.
"What the hell are you people staring at?" he demanded.
"So, these are the big bad androids," Vegeta said with a sneer. "A boy with long hair and a sca—"
"Don't even start that!" 17 interrupted him. "I just might have to insult your hair, if you go insulting mine."
"Wha…?" Vegeta blinked.
Krillan started laughing. "Insult…Vegeta's hair! Hahaha! That's rich! Oh god, I wish I could do that!"
"Shut up!" Vegeta shouted at him. Krillan kept laughing. "SHUT UP!" He kicked Krillan and he flew into the rock wall.
"Ow…"
"I wasn't insulting your hair!" Vegeta shouted at 17. "I was merely stating that you don't look like you could kick my ass!"
"Yeah, well…" 17 replied. "I'll bet she could kick your ass," he said as he pointed to his sister 18. "And I've five times stronger than she is."
"You are not, you conceited…Ugh! Your power level is only a 5% increase over mine!" she yelled.
"It is not! It's way higher than that!"
"You've obviously never seen your blueprints, dumbass!"
The Earth's Special Forces collectively blinked.
"Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on here?" Krillan demanded.
"Well…They're fighting with each other, and we're standing here dumbfounded," Tien supplied.
"Thanks, that helps," Krillan said sarcastically.
"You're welcome."
Krillan sighed.
"Wait," 17 said, interrupting 18, who had been in the middle of a long string of insulting swear words directed toward him. "What was that thing that Gero told us not to do?"
"Wake up…another one of the androids," she said. "I can't remember the number, there's too many of us.
"It was 16, wasn't it?" he suggested.
"I don't know. It could've been 7."
"I think it was 52."
"No, it couldn't have been 52! 52 is still being repaired after that incident with 503, remember?"
"How many androids are there?" Trunks wondered.
"Apparently more than you warned us about," Piccolo told him.
"It was android 21!" 17 concluded.
"No, I think it was 16," 18 said.
"No, it was 21. Let's go wake up 21, then!"
"Okay…I guess…" she said.
17 walked over to another android holding tank and was about to press the button when Trunks shouted, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" and turned Super-Saiyan, then fired an enormous energy blast at the mountain. Piccolo, Tien, Krillan, and Vegeta barely had time to jump out of the way before the mountain was reduced to dust by the sheer power behind it.
When the dust cleared, 17 was still standing over the holding tank with his hand on the button. He blinked. "What the hell was that all about?" he shouted up at Trunks. "What's wrong with you people? Can't even let a guy wake up his own sister? Sheesh, what's this world coming to?"
Trunks blinked. "I don't get it. That should've destroyed them."
"Idiot," Vegeta muttered.
18 growled at 17. "Press the damn button already!" She slammed her fist down on the hand sitting atop the button.
"Ow!" 17 pulled his hand back and glared angrily at 18, muttering various nasty words describing her under his breath.
The lid rose off the holding tank. 18 got impatient. "Open up, dammit!" she shouted as she kicked the lid off.
A woman sat up from the tank. She looked about the same age as the other two seemed to be. Her hair was brown, but had a red tint to it, and was put into a ponytail then braided. Unlike the other two androids, her eyes were black and round, not ice blue and square-ish. She stood. She was wearing a dark gray shirt that just exposed her midriff and a short plaid skirt. She had gray tights on and black boots.
"Well…Hi, I guess. What's the occasion?" she asked 17 and 18.
17 stopped glaring at 18 and blinked at 21. "Oh, uh…We killed our father. Wanna go destroy the world? It'll be fun."
"Sure!" she smiled.
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Trunks shouted again.
"SHUDDAP!" Vegeta yelled. He punched Trunks in the stomach.
"Ow…" Trunks fell and hit the ground, knocking himself unconscious as he hit.
"That takes care of that," Vegeta said.
"We are not destroying the world right away, 17," 18 berated. "I need a new outfit."
17 sighed. "Outfit?" he whined. "I wanna jack a car and have some fun!"
"After I get some new clothes!" she insisted.
"Fine," he sighed.
"Wait, where do you think you're going!" Vegeta shouted. You've gotta go through me before can leave here!"
"Let me do this, 17. I can kick his ass, no problem," 18 volunteered.
"Be my guest," 17 muttered. "I'm not gonna fight, I might mess up my hair."
"Dork," 18 threw at him.
"Ditz!" he threw back.
"Imbecile!"
"Bi—"
"God, one of you just destroy them all already and quit arguing!" 21 interrupted.
"Oh…Right," 18 blinked. She looked up at Vegeta, "I challenge you to a fight!" she shouted.
"That's what I'm talking about!" Vegeta said happily.
18 jumped into the air and started fighting with Vegeta. 17 watched in boredom. "I wanna jack a van…" he whined.
"But isn't that sort of thing illegal?" 21 asked.
"Yeah," he sighed dreamily.
Vegeta screamed. "Ah! Damn b^%&$ broke my arm!"
They could hear 18 laughing at him. Suddenly, Trunks regained consciousness and leapt at 18 with a scream of, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" She swung around and kicked him into the side of a mountain. Then she knocked out Vegeta and proceeded to take down the rest of the Earth's Special Forces one by one.
When she flew back to rejoin 17 and 21, her clothes were torn and she looked quite pleased. "Well, let's go get those new clothes now," she smiled.
"Right. And can we jack a car?" 17 asked.
She sighed. "We could just fly you know."
"But breaking the law is fun! Especially if you're evil, such as we."
"Fine," she growled. "But then we get me some new clothes."
They looked at 21.
"I suppose…We could find some cars on the highway," she suggested.
They took off in the direction of the highway. They found a nice spot and sat down at the side of the road to wait for a car to come by. Meanwhile, while they were waiting, 17 and 18 got into an argument over whose hair was better looking. 21 was rather indifferent and refused to comment.
Then they heard a vehicle coming down the road. "Yes!" 17 shouted. "18, you stop the car, and I'll take care of whoever's inside and then we'll go to Goku's house and destroy him such as our programming says!"
"Clothes first," 18 reminded him.
"Yeah, whatever, just stop the car."
18 jumped out into the road. "Stop!" she shouted.
A large truck stopped just in front of her. "Hey!" the driver shouted. "Get outta the road! I'm hauling paper clips! Big truck, paper clips, you know…?"
"What an idiot," 18 muttered.
"I heard that!" the driver exclaimed. He backed up and then sped over 18.
17 and 21 ran out into the street to see if 18 was okay.
"Damn," 17 stated.
"Uh, she's dead," 21 commented.
"No, I mean, we missed our chance to jack that truck."
21 looked at him. "How is it that 18's dead because a semi hauling paper clips ran over her?"
"Oh, didn't you know?" 17 said. "Doctor Gero made it so that if one of us gets hit by a truck hauling paper clips or live orangutans, we'd automatically die. Super-villain weaknesses and all."
"Bummer," 21 responded.
"I want a rematch!" Vegeta's voice shouted.
"Too late, she's dead!" 17 called up.
Vegeta blinked and landed in the road beside 17. "Well, that sucks. I wanted my rematch. Can I fight you instead?"
"No, I'd rather just go kill Goku so I can lose this idiot programming," 17 answered.
"But I wanna fight!" Vegeta whined.
"Uh…" 17 thought. "Go fight him!" he said, pointing to the fast- approaching Krillan.
"Okay!" Vegeta flew off and punched Krillan. Krillan's cursing could be heard down on the road.
"Well, I don't think any cars are coming, 21. Let's go look for one."
"Works for me."
They started flying to find a car and eventually came across a gas station. There were two cars parked there. A brand-new midnight blue Dodge viper with a double white racing stripe, and an old beat up pink doughnut van.
"We'll take that one!" 17 said, pointing to the van.
21 blinked. "Sev?" she questioned, looking at him strangely.
"What? It's a doughnut van! Isn't it cool?" he grinned.
She rolled her eyes at him and they landed on either side of the van. 17 got in on the driver's side and 21 entered on the passenger's side. The delivery guys that owned the van shouted at them, but they ignored the two hicks.
"Right, so, how do you hotwire a van again?"
"The key is in the ignition, Sev."
"Even better!"
"Sigh…"
He took off down the road. 21 snapped her seat belt into place within a two-second sample of 17's driving. She also somehow managed to snap his seat belt onto him while he was driving.
"Hey!" he protested.
"Law and all," she reminded him.
"But I'm a child delinquent!"
"You'll be a dead one if you run into a truck carrying live orangutans."
"Lay off, okay?"
Some time later…
"I wonder if we're anywhere near Goku's house yet?"
"You've been driving along the same forest off-road path for a week, 17!"
"So? Then we must be close, right?"
"Give me the wheel, you dumbass!"
"Hey, no, it's mine! I jacked the van, I get to drive!"
"Give…me…the…wheel!"
"Hey, look, there's Master Roshi's house!"
"What the…? How the hell did we get here? 17, you are the worst f^#$ing driver I have ever known!"
Elsewhere…
"Why is it that I'm always all alone, for some reason?" Piccolo muttered. "That's when the bad stuff happens, whenever one of us is all alone. Whenever we're all alone and Goku's temporarily out of the picture. Maybe they want me to die. I think they hate me. Well, they wouldn't hate me if I had gone and fused with Kami! They love Kami! What's up with that? Well, that'd show them, take away their precious Dragon Balls. Hah! Damn, I should've followed my instinct on that one. Sigh…I hate being fused with Nail, always making me second-guess myself. Damn you Nail! Shut up Piccolo! It's your fault we're in this mess! My fault, how's it my fault? 'Cause you're a dumbass, that's how!"
He stopped talking as his exquisite sense of hearing picked up the sounds of the two androids yelling at each other.
"Wow, Nail. They argue worse than we do. Shut up, we don't argue. Stop arguing with me!"
He stood and walked over the sleeping fighters to the door. He stepped out and surveyed the scene. A pink doughnut van was parked in front of Kame House. 21 was trying to drag 17 out of the van, but was having immense trouble because his seat belt refused to give. "That's it! I'm driving now!" she shouted at him as she finally managed to pull him from the seat onto the ground.
"Wait, isn't that Piccolo?" 17 said, pointing to him.
"Yeah, whaddaya want?" Piccolo demanded.
"Can Goku come out and play?" 17 asked.
"Sorry, he's not here right now," Piccolo responded.
"Oh, okay then. We'll come back later."
"You moron. That was a challenge."
"Oh. It was? You want to fight me?"
"Yeah. Winner gets to kill Goku. I mean…Winner…gets to, uh…what the hell, winner gets to kill Goku!"
"Okay then, works for me!"
"Is it just me or is this fanfic immensely stupid?" 21 asked.
"It's just you," 17 told her.
They decided to fight on a nearby island, so that nobody would get hurt…Other than themselves. And, since I don't want to go into any in detail fighting descriptions because I suck at writing those, let's just say that they were kicking each others' asses quite nicely. Even match and everything, just totally tromping on each other. I guess…Piccolo, since he's not fused with Kami, is a lot stronger here…Either that, or 17's weaker. Let's just assume that Piccolo's stronger. Okay? Okay.
And then all of a sudden this creep named Cell shows up. See, since Piccolo didn't go fuse with Kami during this timeline, he never fought Cell. But his fighting 17 led Cell straight to 17. So, then, Cell tries to absorb 17, Piccolo saves him somehow, gets himself nearly killed and tossed into the water so that he's almost certainly dead, and then Cell starts beating on 17.
21 doesn't like that, so she fights Cell. She gets it going pretty good, but then Cell disappears. 17 gets up and makes a speech to 21. And now, back to the straight story.
"21, it'll be perfect! Now that Cell's gone, we'll band together and take over the world! It'll be excellent, just the three…two of us, 18's dead…Just the two of us, creating mayhem and chaos and all around panic! We'd be unstoppable! The Android Tri—uh, Duo! And we'd be lawbreakers and everything! Whaddaya say, 21?"
"Uh…Look out 17!" she shouted.
Cell rose up behind 17 and his huge funnel tail slammed over the android. Cell laughed as he absorbed 17. Muffled swearing could be heard from 17 as he was being absorbed, along with a lot of screaming and struggling and other such things. 21 watched in utter horror as Cell finished, and transformed into something even uglier. (Not that that was really possible or anything, but, you know…)
"Hahaha! Now I am almost perfect!" Cell laughed. "All I need to do is absorb Android 18, and then I'll be the perfect weapon! Cell, perfect in every way! Even in bed!"
"But…18's dead," 21 pointed out to him. "Really, she got hit by a truck full of paper clips and died."
"Dead?" Cell's expression became bleak. "She's dead? Paper clips? God damn Doctor Gero, why the stupid paper clips or live orangutans weakness?"
21 shrugged. "Beats me. Well, I guess there's nothing you can do, is there? No way you can be perfect without 18."
"Maybe if I absorbed you…"
"Nope, not me! Wouldn't work! I'm not…er…designed right! I don't have a human base, I was…uh…built on…um…a…uh…cat base…that's it! He built me from a cat! Can't absorb a cat and be perfect! Meow!"
"Damn, she's right…What am I going to do?"
And then Vegeta, who has been training in some hyperactive time chamber or some such thing, decides to show up with Trunks. He's an ascended Saiyan now! Which is just like a Super-Saiyan, only…ascended…I don't know the difference either. Okay, and so Cell and Vegeta start fighting and then for some reason Goku does his Instant Transmission and picks up Piccolo, who actually sort of was alive, and 21, and takes them back up to Kami's Lookout. They give Piccolo a Senzu Bean, and 21 a box of tissues, and then Goku and Gohan go into the hypermawhatsis chamber. 21 starts crying over the fact that Mr. Popo is chopping onions for supper and she's sitting in the kitchen, and Piccolo is watching off the edge of Kami's Lookout and getting mad at Kami who keeps wanting to peek into girl's locker rooms at high schools. But eventually he manages to convince to corrupt god to watch the fight between Vegeta and Cell. Then he starts getting pissed off because Vegeta's just toying with Cell. He's really just a pissed off sort of person, too much stored up emotion and all, he's too angry. Anywho, Vegeta's fighting Cell. Back to the straight action!
"I can kill you anytime I want, Cell!"
"No you can't, you can't be this strong! It's not right!"
"But I am! So deal with it!"
"I'd be a better challenge to you if I was perfect."
"How can you be perfect?"
"Absorb 18! But…dammit! I forgot, she's dead!"
"Yeah, so I guess there's no point in it, is there?"
"Sigh…"
And so Vegeta tried to kill Cell but Trunks jumped in for some reason shouting, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" as he is prone to do, and got himself blasted.
"Dumbass," Vegeta muttered.
"Whoa…he was, like, your son," Cell blinked.
"So?"
"Whoa…"
"Come on and fight!"
"Uh, sure…"
Cell fought s'more with Vegeta and somehow managed to knock Vegeta out. That's when Piccolo showed up, because like I said he was really pissed off and so he'd decided to take matters into his own hands and had been on his way over so he could kill Cell and possibly kick Vegeta's ass for being a moron.
So to quickly summarize what happened, Piccolo killed Cell. Then he grabbed Vegeta and flew back to Kami's Lookout. Trunks he left there, because Trunks was from the future and didn't really have a place in this timeline at all. But when he got back to the Lookout, Kami forced him to go back for Trunks. And then Kami gave Trunks and Vegeta a Senzu Bean each, and Trunks went home to his own timeline, and everyone was happy. Except for 21. Because now all her family was dead.
"I WANNA YELL AT 17 DAMMIT!" she shouted at Kami. "HE'S FUN TO YELL AT! AND IT'S FUN TO WATCH HIM ARGUE WITH 18! I WANT THEM BACK! SO I CAN YELL AT THEM!"
Kami cowered under her anger/sadness/sad anger. "Just…wish them back with the Dragon Balls, okay? Don't hurt me," he whimpered.
So they talked to Bulma and Bulma gave 21 the Dragon Radar and 21 found all seven Dragon Balls and summoned the eternal Dragon Shenlon. Shenlon asked, "What is your wish?"
"I would like to wish Androids 17 and 18 back from the dead!" she said.
The dragon seemed taken aback by this wish. "Why in the world would you want to do that?"
"Just do it, okay!" 21 yelled at him.
"Okay, okay, sheesh…Your wish is granted, just don't hurt me." And the Dragon Balls promptly scattered around the world. 17 and 18 appeared, alive and well, and immediately started fighting.
"I love you guys!" 21 grinned.
"Screw you!" they shouted at her, and continued arguing.
Epilogue/End/That thingy that tells you what happened to people…
18 married Krillan, for some unforetold reason, and they had a daughter named Marron. 18 forced Krillan to grow his hair out, just to prove to people that he wasn't prematurely bald.
17 and 21 just sort of lived somewhere together, and argued a lot, and had many mishapful adventures.
Gohan became a Super-Saiyan, Goku was proud of him, Goku died. Yes, Goku died. 21 killed him because 17 dared her to. And then the Z-fighters couldn't wish him back so they were like, "Damn. Oh well, wanna go train?"
Chichi had another kid and named him Goten. Nobody's really certain, but most of 'em are pretty sure that he's really Yamcha's son.
Then Bulma and Vegeta got married, had another kid and named her Bra.
Oh, and not only that, but other stuff that wasn't mentioned in this story…Like Bulma's son Trunks grew up to be really annoying and hung out with Goten all the time. And Gohan eventually married this chick named Videl, who is the daughter of the guy that claimed to have killed…uh…a marmoset. And then sometime before the Android Saga, Piccolo had met this fan created chick and they had a fan-created daughter named Sranadalanya…but everyone just calls her Del. And, uh…she's fan created…By a fan…So she's technically not real, and neither is her mother…cuz she's…fan created…
Blah, blah, blah, other stuff happened, go away already!
THE END! Dammit!