Something I've wanted to give to someone... No one's been good enough. Maybe you'll be. It's awkward and sweet, hopefully, heartbreaking, too. I mean that in the best way. I do not own any of the song references, quotes and story lines.
My inviolability, I thought that it was a place where evil did not prevail; mankind did no wrong. Can't you see that the brain is consciousness? The mind is God. My self-wishing dream was society's reality. Proven guilty until not freed, you and I, we'll hang side by side. Did I know what a selfish enterprise it was? It took away what little light my soul was waiting for me to grasp. No, none of us knew. Grasping hands, sucking the life out of each other's souls, that was what we knew to do best. But we were never crazy, you see, simply…crazed for a rebellion.
I'm a very constructive person – a freak is a better description. I was raised by lions, I was taught by Coco, and I lived the life of Chanel, what was it for, you ask? An empty heart with all of the corruption you've never sought.
I have a lot of spare time on my hands, that's not doubtful – being by your lonesome mind gives you the energy to uncover the antique memories of time. Those were the days, man. Those were the days because of me you finally know how to rebel, sweet thing.
Criticism is what I do best, what I always will do best. One shot, three dollars. Big shot, no money. We're all in tears. Dios te salve, Maria.Llena eres de gracia:El Señor es contigo.
Many years ago, in what was a blessed dream, I was called queen. But in the real world, reality, society – everything I dreamt of perished into thin air, leaving me, myself and I alone. "You are deeply disturbed." Everybody wants to rule the world. "Who isn't?" The choices we make to achieve our demands reflect on our sanity.
Those few seconds of made-up-belief that I managed to fight for, had me so attached, I became crazy. A devastated soul. A psycho. A hopeless mind. I spent millenniums of seconds trying to take back what I once had, even if it would last for a time shorter than my own conscience's goodwill.
I laughed when I was scared; cried when I was happy. Ideals baby: Don't believe childish fantasies; leave the ripened gambles for the children's minds, and take your own matters into your own hands. But every once in a while, you meet someone who's iridescent, and nothing else can compare.
My conscience didn't care about me. In fact, would it be falsity if I told the honesty? All is forgiven until true love comes, hand in hand, crown to sword, heart to dagger. Skinny Love was waiting.
It's all because of our great love and fake names that our lives are so corrupt. The exotic places we talked about were never destined for us. The bars and the liquor were peaceful matches in our minds, and skinny dipping in the ocean's deepest was the least absurd act we had ever accomplished. Being able to control what would happen was the real deal.
Skinny Love's love was never skinny. It was made to be a fragment of God's creation to show us all the wrong we've done. Yet, I believe we've done as much wrong as good, and that's got to count for something, huh, God, huh?
"I love you for not the way you dance with my angels but for the way the sound of your name could silence my demons," he used to say, he used to speak, even when he could not breathe alone. The most admired of all I had found, but the easiest time to love him was when he was asleep, for he could not disturb your mind with his quiet poems that were so sweet. I saw the greatest mind of my generation destroyed by madness.
Los Angeles is the city of gods and monsters. Los Angeles is dirty and full of neon. Los Angeles is beautiful and ripped, charismatic and non-conservative. Where life imitates art and you live like Jim Morrison. It's where you are truly aware of all vileness in this world.
Everyone trapped me inside their thoughts: Reckless. Wild. Gangsta. Live fast. Die young. The reason why your generation rebels? I am held responsible.
I believed in forgiving crazy sins. And the worst part is there is no one else to blame. Perdóname, padre, porque he pecado. Love makes you do things that reach the act of impossible. "Everything is forgivable," they say, I trust those words, but you may not.
You love people in a language they cannot understand. Can't you see I'm guilty? My wicked tongue, what must you know? Do you remember, Skinny Love, when your head caught flame? Do you remember how I kissed your scalp and caressed your brain? You showed me love was all you needed. Remember?
"But it's not your mistake to correct, darling," Mama would say. If being scared was a crime, I wouldn't have revolved around the disease of a nation and understood that pretty hurts. We torture ourselves without our own need, but to please those who can't compromise enough to see the truthful soul beneath the pain. "It's the fault in our stars," Mother finished, leaving me to curse and yell at the sky.
Every inhumanely human emotion I had experienced taught me the true meaning of life: There is no pure freedom made for you. You have to earn the freedom that was given, lose it and conquer one by yourself, for yourself.
This is mine…
Come on, Skinny Love, I beg you! Come on, Skinny Love, last another second.
I stared at the reflection in the mirror. It was worn out and abused by the tears that never learned to pace themselves as they fell down. It was glorious to see myself standing but, "Then you break when the fake facade leaves you in the dark. You're left with shattered mirrors and the shards of a beautiful past." I broke and didn't stand for the longest time coming.
I stared at my reflection and I prayed, I prayed hard for next generation to know, to know what this one never knew: How hard it was to keep myself from falling from high above. Truly, you and I, wishing for praise, must you know, Skinny Love never lasted. And I was never sane again.
I cursed and yelled at the million stars that evening.
It was an imperial affection,
You and I.