Mortal Doh!
Gong! Gong! Gong!
Liu Kang, scared crapless, sat up in bed dripping in sweat. He turned his head sideways, and noticed his mini-gong alarm clock was going off. 9:00. He layed his head back down, relieved. He slammed his fist down on the clock on the nightstand, instantly smashing it.
FATALITY!
"What the hell was that?!" Liu Kang asked out loud.
Excellent...buahahaha!
"Stupid mysterious voice...never get rid of that thing...oh well!"
He hopped out of bed, and welcomed his nostrils to the sweet smell of pancakes. Happy and half-naked, he strutted into the kitchen, where he found it empty.
"Huh? But I smell pancakes..."
He walked back to his bedroom, and noticed that somebody was in the bathroom.
"Kitana, honey? Are you eating pancakes in the bathroom?"
"I'm takin' a dump sweetie, whaddya want?"
"Oh...nevermind..."
Despite his wife's odd smelling poo, he proceded to the sunroom, where he planned to sit and watch his cat, Khan, eat birds without remorse. He walked through the kitchen, then into the living room. While in the living room, he thought to himself, "Man, I really love my polka-dot painted living room!" He approached the sunroom doorway, set one barefoot outside the living room, then stopped. Slowly, he turned around, and gazed into the living room.
"Polka dots?" he asked to himself.
"POLKA DOTS?!" he asked again, outraged.
He shoved his fists into the air, and screamed with rage.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
He fell to his knees, crying and covering his head.
"Baby, are you ok? Liu, darlin? I heard somebody scream."
His wife entered the living room, with her hair wrapped in a towel, wearing a pink robe.
"Oh, suck it up honey. It's just polka-dots."
"No! Its not just dots!"
He stood to his feet and pointed a grumpy finger at his wife.
"You! You paint my living room, with freikin' polka-dots!"
"But honey," his wife replied calmly, "the whole house was painted with pictures of dragon heads! Were not satanists!"
"You make me-" Liu Kang breathed heavy, "very angry! I don't wanna do this, but you force me!"
"What, what honey! What 'cha gonna do?"
Liu Kang formed his palms into a ball shape, together. A small "ooh" rose from his throat, and grew louder.
"OOOOHHH!"
His wife only stared at him.
Suddenly, a ball of fire shot from his hands, and flew towards the ceiling, burning the ceiling fan to ash. A suprised, saddened grin came to his face.
"Dang it! I always miss!"
He broke out in tears, and wrapped his arms around his wife.
"Oh, my poor little Liu, it's ok sweetie cakes. I know..."
Liu Kang continued to sob, and spoke through pouring tears.
"I...can't do it!"
He was crying like a baby.
"I suck! I suck! Waaaah!"
His wife stroked his bare back.
"Oh...tell you what honey, how 'bout you go sit on the toilet, relax, and i'll run to the market and buy a funny movie. That sound ok?"
He answered in a babyish tone, "Yeah.."
BABALITY!
"Shut up! Shut up!" Liu Kang shouted, tearing away from his wife's arms.
He dropped to his knees again, lifting his open hands to the sky.
"WHO, THE FREAK, ARE YOUUUU!!!???"
"Liu..." the voice responded.
"WHAAAT?!"
"I am your father..."
Liu went silent immediately, then broke out into tears again.
"No your not! YOU SUCK! YOU SICK DING-A-LING! YOUR A DOO-DOO HEAD!"
His wife rolled her eyes, slipped on her slippers, and walked out the door. Meanwhile, Liu stomped to the bathroom, ripped down his underwear, and sat on the toilet. Suddenly, he realized something horribly shocking-there was a note stuck on the wall. He pulled it off and read it with horror.
"Dear honey,
The toilet doesn't flush, and we're out of toilet paper. Also, don't shut the door behind you when you get in here, it won't open again (its broken!)."
He felt, the slimy poo coming. He lifted his fists into the air.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Duh End