Defeated. It was quite possibly the only word that would ever describe the look of her face. Even for having been chiseled out of flawless marble, she was defeated in a way only a human could be. Though that was always a quality Isabella Swan-Cullen had been known for, being far more human than she actually was. Currently, she just standing outside on the private balcony that was part of the bedroom she and Edward shared. Her forearms were resting on the top of the wooden railing as she peered over the forest it over looked.
They lived in Alaska now; the whole Cullen clan. Mostly to deal with Renesme's rapid growth, they were forced to relocate fairly often. Fifteen times a year to be more precise, but it was ok. They had the money to support such relocations. Emmet and Rosalie often broke away to pretend to be newlyweds in some new town, and Alice and Jasper liked the feeling after Rosalie convinced her sister to at least try it once. So sometimes it was only Bella, Edward, their treasured daughter, and her grandparents moving around the country at such a rapid rate. Naturally, Renesme's all purpose Jacob Black/Werewolf was never far in tow.
"Bells." It was a nickname she should've been used to hearing, but under the circumstanced everything felt distant and detached from her, though she knew in truth it was her that was detached from everything else. Slowly, she turned to see her once personal heater filling the entire doorframe of the glass door that lead back into the bedroom.
"What is it, Jake?" She found that even her own voice sounded foreign to herself. Had she been that enclosed in the last few months?
"Just… wondering."
"Wondering what?" She asked. This had to be the most conversations she's had in weeks.
"I don't know." He answered. "I guess if you're as lost as me. Or that maybe… I don't know." He trailed off again but Bella understood perfectly. She always understood Jacob Black. He wasn't hard to comprehend and it was her that didn't understand why he was so confusing to the other Cullen's, other than Edward of course who had an all access pass.
"I know," Bella finally turned and nodded in agreement. He stared at her, and even though she was flawless, she looked horrible. Her eyes were dark. Dark with hungry, for he was sure she hadn't spent much time hunting. But she also looked as if she had been crying. It was perfectly understandable if she had been crying, for any normal person would've balled their eyes out in desperate sobs had they been in her place, but she was not any normal person. In fact, Jake was rather confused on the crying subject. Could vampires cry at all?
"You look thirsty." He commented. "Maybe you should find something."
"No," Bella shook her head as she turned back and over looked the forest again. She could hear Jacob near her, but she could feel the heat he radiated as he came closer and leaned on the rail as well. He felt much hotter than 108 degrees now that she was much colder than she had been before, but maybe she had been too numb in the last few weeks and Jacob, just like before, was the only thing that brought feeling back to her life when nothing else could.
"I know it's hard. I know better than anyone. And I know that it's even twice as hard for you. I want to say the right thing Bells."
"She was my daughter," Bella sounded as if she were going to break. Jacob watched her out of the corner of his eye, knowing that if it hadn't been for solid marble skin, she'd have already been in pieces on the floor. "And he was my husband. He promised me, Jake. He promised forever. He promised until the end of time, and it's only been five years. Five short years that we got to love each other."
"I know the feeling," he responded.
"And I loved her more than anything. For as much as I loved him, I loved her twice as much." Bella sounded so broken, and Jacob felt he would soon find the answer to his crying vampire question. "I'd have given anything, Jake. Anything in the world for anything but this."
"We all would've." Jake replied. "Every last person in this house would've."
Rosalie and Emmet had returned on short notice once the news of their brother and their niece's death. Now the entire Cullen family, including Jacob, were in one place, everybody grieving a lose nobody thought Bella or Jacob would survive, at least not without the other, because anybody could see Jacob and Bella were two of a kind.
Yes they'd loved each other once, and loved others at the same time, but they were one of a kind. That didn't mean they loved Edward of Nessie any less, because Bella loved Edward with every fiber of her being, and Jacob would've happily taken Nessie's place in a heartbeat if meant she'd still be alive and in her mother's loving arms. No, it just meant they healed each other in a way nothing else would, especially in a time like this when both found themselves in an impossible situation that would never heal.
"Bella?" Bella and Jacob recognized the voice, but only Bella turned to see the blonde beauty standing in the bedroom, just a few feet away from the balcony, probably escaping the werewolf smell that Jacob suffered from. "Carlisle would like to know if you wanted to visit all of your and Edward's houses to finishing going through his things?" Rosalie spoke in such a sweet voice, though it was unusually considering Jacob's presence. Bella appreciated that she left them to grieve peacefully.
"I'm not even done going through his things here," Bella responded, taking a glance at the bedroom behind Rosalie. The large bed was situated in the center, and all of Edward's things were still in place, where he left everything. The only thing out of place was the night shirt Bella wore to bed to have the smell of him beside her once more. "In fact, I don't think I've started to go through his things."
"Well he'd like to know if the rest of us should start packing or not." Rosalie responded, keeping her eyes still on Bella, without even acknowledging Jacob.
"Jake," Bella called for him softly though her new vampire voice sounded so melodic to him. "Do you want to move again?"
Jacob took a long moment to simply stare out at the quiet bliss of the forest that failed to describe the atmosphere of the Cullen house. "Sort of but… not really." He answered with a slight shrug.
"You're so tired Jake. Got get some sleep." Bella suggested. "You can sleep in here if you want. Or the couch downstairs." Bella had been looking at Jake, but she imagined Rosalie cringed at the thought of having such a smell stuck to that couch forever.
"I think I'm going to go for a run," Jacob responded as he gripped the hand rail with both hands.
"Come back soon please." Bella requested. Jacob turned and they caught each other's eyes for a long moment before Jacob silently agreed with a small nod. Then without notice, he leapt over the railing and flew down the three story house to land perfectly on her feet on the ground. Bella imagine Alice and Jasper being quite surprised as the watched Jacob sprint on two legs towards the forest, then run wildly on all four as he disappeared behind the tree line.
"Bella," Rosaline neared her cautiously. "You realize there's really no more reason to keep him around."
"Except that I prefer his company, Rosalie." Bella responded as she entered the room, brushing past the blonde as she neared the bed in the center of the bedroom. She reached out and smoothed the few wrinkles in the top layer of the bed, but only because she needed something to keep her busy. Rosalie followed Bella, but didn't speak until Bella stopped at Edward's dresser. She took a moment to stare at the framed pictures on the top. The first one was taken the night he had taken her to prom, but the second two were taken after her transformation.
"It'll be easy if you get away, Bella."
"How do you know, Rosalie?" Bella snapped as she spun around, the golden of her eyes shinning much brighter than those of her adoptive sister. "How could you possibly know? You've had the easiest life of everybody here!" Bella knew she was raising her voice to the point where the entire house could hear the conversation. "You've never lost anything Rosalie. You took care of the only people that have ever hurt you, and then you had Emmet. And then everything was easy. I fought for everything Rosalie. I fought my life more times than you could possibly remember, and I fought for him, but it wasn't enough."
"Nothing is going to be enough, Bella. You can't bring them back, but you can start to let go."
"Let go? Coming from you?" Bella snorted as she turned away again and began to wipe dust from the glass of the picture frames on Edward's dresser. She heard Alice enter the bedroom, most likely with the intention of stopping a near fight. "The sole person in the world with every grudge possible."
"Rose," Alice called, and Rosalie turned her sneer from Bella to Alice. "Emmet is waiting for you." She said before sliding to Bella's side at a speed humanly impossible but quite normal for any given vampire. Rosalie exit the room with as much grace as she could muster and wasn't until the bedroom door was shut did Bella finally face Alice.
"Your future keeps disappearing Bella. And coming back again,, and disappearing again. What are you considering?"
"Jacob," Bella answered. "I know he'd agree if I ever asked him."
"Something that you wouldn't consult us about?" Alice asked, and Bella took notice to the clear division she had made between the original Cullens and Bella and Jacob.
"Of course I would, I just haven't decided if it's something I want or not." She answered.
"What is it?"
"I was thinking about having Jacob stay with us, permanently. Or at least as long as he'd like." Bella answered. "I know I'm never going to leave Esme and Carlisle. And I'll never leave you Alice," Bella smiled as she looked into her only true sister's face. "But a part of me doesn't want to leave Jake. He has no reason to stay anymore."
"He still loves you Bella," Alice answered, "Just s you still love him. It's just neither of you ever explored the full potential of that love because you both has someone else who had a much bigger pull on the both of you."
"And now that they're both gone?" Bella asked.
"Well, neither of you are the same as you were when that love started," Alice began. "I mean… you're not human anymore Bella, and he's hardly human ever… ever since what happened. But that doesn't mean that it's impossible."
"But it's what they got killed for, Alice. And she was my daughter, and…" Bella let out a sigh as she shut her eyes, while that same look of utter destruction washed over her again.
"She wasn't old enough for it to blossom into a real romantic love, Bella. He was still more of a brother to her. And he didn't love her that way yet." Alice reminded Bella of what Edward had told her many times before, and she knew very well that Edward wasn't the lying type, at least not about his daughter.
"I don't understand Alice." Bella said and Alice looked back at her.
"You do understand, Bella, you just wish you didn't."
Though she was still human when he'd said it, she could remember it perfectly.
"They don't honor truces with werewolves." Edward's voice was a clear as ever in her mind, but that was due to her perfect vampire memory, as opposed to the almost perfect human memory she still held onto.
"I just wish it weren't true. He promised me forever, Alice." Bella said as she leaned her forehead against Alice's shoulder.
"He had every intention of giving you forever, Bella." She responded as she wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulders. Bella simply rested against her sister, and she felt Jasper's good intended wave of content wash over her. She didn't even need to turn back to see if it really was him. Not only could she smell him, but she had become accustomed to his mood controls lately, and even found herself craving his presence when everything became too overwhelming.
"My mother and Phil got divorced." Bella commented.
"I know," Alice nodded. "I saw that. Maybe we should take a trip to Forks." She suggested. "You might find something a pleasant surprise."
"Just tell me."
"I already saw that you enjoy it more if you find out for yourself." She answered and Bella could only let out a dry laugh, trusting Alice completely. In fact, just as much as she had trusted Edward.
"Maybe I'll bring it up to Jacob."
"Great," Alice nodded as she pulled away from Bella who looked up at her with confusion. "The whole trip just disappeared, Bella."
Bella could only laugh as she thought about seeing her dad. It would be the first time since she left Forks with Edward and his family. "What do I say to him? About Edward, and how I am now?"
"You're going to tell him you're a vampire?" Alice asked in shock.
"No, but I do have to explain why I'm suddenly no longer human looking, Alice. Vampires don't exactly blend in, as well as you all might think."
"Bella!" Jacob's voice nearly echoed throughout the whole house as if every vampire in the house wouldn't have heard him had he been whispering. As Bella and Alice turned to the open balcony door, Jacob suddenly flew through the door and landed, rather roughly, on the floor, causing a loud crash. It was only moments, before Carlisle and Emmet appeared the door way to be sure everything was ok.
"Jake, what is the matter with you?" Bella went to him and bent down beside his face, where he had a long gash down the side of his face, dripping blood onto his shirt. "What happened?"
"Vampires. Other ones. Bitchier than Blondie." Jake panted and suddenly the four vampires could hear the sound of graceful vampires approaching the house, as opposed to Jake's rather loud entrance.
"And you lead them here?" Rosalie appeared at Emmet's side, holding onto his arm as she sneered down at Jake. "If you're such a great werewolf couldn't you have protected yourself, or is the little doggie getting scared?"
"Rosalie." Bella snapped. "Save it." She added as she peered down from the balcony. "They have red eyes, and there's five of them. He wouldn't have survived a fight against five vampires."
"Well now he's told them that we associate with werewolves." Jasper was at Alice's side, and urging her to leave the room, but Bella knew Alice was not ready to leave any time soon.
"Not necessarily." Carlisle responded as she neared Jake, and bent down beside him. Jake slowly sat up as he drew in a deep breath. "Turn your head," He said and Jake complied. "You'll heal that yourself."
"Can some of you like… go away? The smell is really strong. I mean… Bella is ok… and so is Alice, but… the rest of you just… smell." Jake commented as Carlisle backed away from him. "Doc you can too," Jake added as he looked down at his wounded hand.
"Jake, what you need to do, is run back out the back door, and get them to follow your scent, and maybe they'll think you just came to some random house." Jasper said.
"Ok," Jake agreed without an argument. Bella watched as he rose to his feet with some difficulty, smearing blood on the carpet. He then turned to Bella with a frightened look on his face. "Sorry. I'll clean that."
"It's fine, Jake. I'll get it. Just go. Don't get hurt." Bella told him as she walked toward him and reached out to stroke the side of his face. "Come back."
"Of course.' He answered with a slight chuckle, as if he were surprised that she would tell him that at all. "Of course I'm coming back, Bella. Where else would I go?"
Bella only smiled at him as he walked out of the door way, doing his best not to drip any more blood on the floor. She turned back to Alice who only stared at her with a slight approving smile, the same one Carlisle also had directed at Bella.
"He's just going to cause us more trouble." Rosalie broke Bella's momentary content with her shrill voice expressing stubble disgust in the werewolf.
"You say that a lot, Rose." Bella replied, ignoring her the best she could. Before anybody could say anything else, Esme appeared in the doorway.
"There are some rather hungry looking vampires at our door looking for Jacob." She announced as she looked first at Carlisle, then towards Bella. Carlisle nodded as he walked towards the door.
"Bella, stay here. You smell like him." He told her, bringing a slight smile to her face, as if smelling like a werewolf was something she liked. Rosalie left the room with a scoff at Bella's rare smile.
**
"Bells," Jacob walked through the back door of the Cullen house without giving any warning. The whole family, except Bella was sitting in the living room watching TV, the volume set so low, only supernatural beings would hear it.
"She's upstairs," Alice answered. Jake nodded as he walked around the couch, careful not to disrupt their family time.
"Thanks," He mutter under his breath to Alice, as he panted, trying to catch his breath. "Did everything go ok?"
"Momentarily." Carlisle answered. "We'll have to move soon."
"Ok, that's fine." Jake nodded as he started up the first two steps of the stair case cover them both with one stride.
"Why do you assume we include you into our new living arrangements?" Rosalie snapped and Jake turned back to her. "It's your fault other vampires found us and nearly discovered us as vampires who associate with werewolves. And besides, your only connection to us was through Renesme, but she's not here anymore, and neither should you."
"Listen, Blondie," Jake let out a frustrated laugh as he narrowed his eyes at her. "I don't care what you think. If everyone here felt that way, I'd have already been out the door, but fortunately you're the only bitch. SO if you could just leave me alone, that'd be great." The sarcasm in his voice nearly filled the whole house, before he turned and continued to run up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
"Bella?" Jake called again at the top of the stairs. Her and Edward's bedroom door was close, but he walked in anyway, only to see her whip around instantly to see who the intruder was. "Bell." His voice softened immediately as he shut the door behind him. Bella turned back around, her back to Jake, though he knew she wasn't trying to push him away. He slowly neared her and sat down behind her, putting both his hands on her waist, waiting for her to turn back again so he could wipe the glistening tears off of her cold cheeks.
"I'm sorry," Bella managed through sobs, as she climbed into Jake's comforting lap. He wrapped his arms around her as he leaned back against the side of the bed. She buried her face in his neck and all he could do was hold her as she cried.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." He replied.
"It should've been me, Jake. You could still have, and I wouldn't have to live without Edward. Everything would've been better." Bella mumbled into Jake's shoulder, and he couldn't help but notice that she so much more human than anyone else in that house, including himself, and he was far more human than the other Cullens.
"Don't say that, Bella. We still have each other."
"But we were better with them." She said as she pulled back and looked Jake in the eyes. He was amazed to see that vampire eyes were capable of turning red on the outside after crying, which he was also surprised they could do. He knew Nessie could cry, but she actually was part human. In fact, she had been the most human of them all.
"Maybe, Bella. But that life was our supernatural life."
"And what?" Bella let out a dry laugh. "We're not supernatural anymore?" She asked sarcastically.
"Of course we are," Jacob answered with a smile as he reached up and stroked the side of her face. He tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear before he smiled at her sweetly. "But nobody said supernatural love was the one that lasted."
"are you-" Bella stopped as she stared at Jacob.
'I'm not saying anytime soon, Bell." He answered her unasked question. "I'm just saying that it's always there. It's always been there, and you know it. I loved Nessie. I loved her more than anything Bella, and I know you loved him just as much as I loved her. But we were always there."
Bella didn't say anything because it was true. Jacob had always been there. He had always been the other guy. The one she would've married had she not been dragged into such a supernatural world. But such a life often depressed her, even though she knew that was the natural order of things. Had Carlisle never been turned, Edward would've died of the Spanish Influenza and the Cullens would've never arrived in Forks. Bella and Jacob would've fallen in love, probably twice as fast as they did, without the vampiric and even werewolf related distractions.
They would've married, and she would've moved onto the reservation and had those two children she dreamed of all those years ago. It felt like a lifetime ago that she last though about that specific sequence of events. But she could hardly picture that life as plausible, even though that had been her destiny, after everything they had been through, together and apart.
"We were always meant to be, weren't we?" Bella asked as if she was starting to give up on destiny.
"Yeah, in some ways."
"But you were meant for Nessie."
"You were meant for Edward. Doesn't mean the natural life we were meant to have is any less real. We both have parents don't we? I have sisters. You have cousins. We have normal lives Bella. Or least we did. And that was the life we were meant to have."
"But we have this one now. Doesn't this life remove that one?"
"I don't think a lifestyle removes true love, Bell. Haven't you noticed? Haven't you heard Carlisle talking about us before? We're two of a kind Bella. We're probably the only people in the world with two soul mates. We're the only ones with a second chance at true love. Does it make the first try any less real? No, but does it mean that time could be perfect? Yeah. It does." Jake nodded as he looked down at Bella. For a moment he saw his children running in her eyes, chasing their grandpa in his wheel chair, and jumping off cliff at La Push. For a moment he understood how unreal that life seemed to him now. After having lost the love of his life.
"Do you think Alice and Emmet and Jasper would be mad at me?" Bella asked.
"For what?"
"For betraying him. I mean… he's their brother, Jake, and you're a werewolf."
"You've forgotten, Bella. You're their sister too. And no they wouldn't be mad at you, because they saw all of this way before we did. Centuries before you, apparently." He laughed as he wiped one remaining tear from her eye.
"I've always loved you Jake."
"I've always loved you Bells." He replied. "You should go get something to eat. Your eyes are getting dark."
"They've been dark for a while," She answered, turning back down to the small picture frame she clutched in her hands. She gazed upon Edward cradling their beloved daughter, but Jake pried the picture from her hands. He was surprised the glass didn't shatter under her supernatural strength, but he figured she would let go of it if it meant the precious picture would be preserved.
"Go hunt, Isabella." Jake used her full name, know it was probably the only way to get to do what he wanted. He'd learned that trick with her daughter, and thought perhaps she'd gotten that from her mother who often responded to only her nickname.
"Will you be here when I get back?" Bella asked softly, though he could always hear her perfectly.
"Of course," He answered, "Where else would I be?"
"I thought that since Nessie isn't…" Bella started but still could say the words. "I thought maybe you felt you didn't have any more reason left to stay with us. She was your connection, Jake."
"And what were you? I was a werewolf and they were vampires before Nessie was here. I felt a connection then." He answered. "Just stop worrying about everything, Bella. It'll be alright. I'll still be here when you get back, I promise."
"Promises have lost their integrity to me." She answered and Jake could only press his lips to her temple in a desperate attempt to restore faith and hope in the heart of a woman left with nothing. "I want to know that people will still be there when I need them the most."
"Bella," Jake turned so she was peering up at him. "There are exactly three things I want you to remember. Do you think you can manage that?"
The sarcasm of a sixteen year old boy playing with tools and scrap metal came rushing to the forefront of her mind as she stared into his brown eyes. "Yes," She answered with the tone of a seventeen year old girl who loved her best friend more than she thought she did.
"I will always be here for you whenever you need it. I will never leave you, and I will always do everything in my power to keep every promise I've ever made to me."
Silence fell around the would've-been lovers as they stared into each other's eyes. They were supposed to be repulsed by one another. If anything, Rosalie had the most natural response to the werewolf, being a vampire herself, and yet Bella could find nothing as comforting as crawling up into his werewolf arms and snuggling into his overheated body.
"Go hunt, Bells." He whispered to her. "I'm going to catch up on some much needed sleep, and if I'm asleep when you get back, just wake me up," he told her as he started to stand, still holding Bella in his arms, one arm behind her back and one beneath her knees.
"Alright," Bella agreed as Jake set her on her feet. "Can I ask you one question?"
"Of course."
"Did you ever wonder? After Edward, and after Nessie, did you ever think of what could've been? What would've been? What quite possibly, should've been?"
"Did I ever think about living on the reservation married to you instead? Two kids running around, pushing my father into the mud and letting him drag himself out?" Jake describe the same scene she'd pictured, though he kids were a bit more troublesome than hers had been. "I thought about it all the time, Bella, and if there's one thing I regret more than letting Nessie die, it's letting that dream die too."
"If you could go back, and never have known this life?" Bella could feel her tears growing again, but forced herself to step back from the man before her. It seemed all thoughts of vampires and werewolves and natural enemies had been permanently casted from her mind. She was a woman, and he was a man, and once upon time they'd been destined for one another, but destiny fucked everything up along the way.
"Would I have chosen that life over this one? Even if it meant never knowing this life at all?"
"Yes," She confirmed what she was asking and silence fell once more.
Jake knew his answer, but was afraid his answer might destroy her and himself in the process. He was terrified that her marble skin would become a hard, indestructible shell holding only the pieces of a shattered heart inside. He was terrified that his own mind and heart could not handle accepting their situation but dreaming of another.
Finally, he shattered the silence, but pierced whatever stability was left in their hearts. "Every day, I hate myself for not fighting for you harder. For not making you realize what could've been. Yes, I wish we had that life instead of this one. I wish the Cullens had died when they were supposed to, and I wish I'd never been a werewolf. I'd have been the one to force you to go to prom, and right now we'd have two kids, and neither of us would be as broken as we are now. Every day, Bella, I wish you'd loved me just a little bit more than you did, because it would've made all the difference in the world."