A Life for Two
Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or anything you recognize. All credit goes to their rightful owners.
I know this story is depressing, but I just needed something to get my feelings out. Writing usually helps me do that. I just learned that I've lost my grandmother, who I was really close to. I don't know how to deal right now. I just need to let something out. Thank you for your understanding.
James' POV
It was so hard to look at. Kendall's lifeless body lying in the coffin. I felt like I was lying right there with him. I was still alive, but a big part of me had died with him. There wasn't anything left for me to live for. My life was lying in this coffin. Why? Why did this have to happen? What did Kendall do to deserve this? I was so lost right now. I couldn't look at his body anymore. It was so painful.
I walked out of the funeral home. It was such a nice, sunny day. Why was the world so happy when I was falling apart? Why could everyone else move on while my soul was in that coffin with Kendall? I continued walking and saw all the gorgeous flowers. I felt so angry. Everything was so beautiful and happy, and I couldn't be. I saw the fountain that Kendall and I always used to come to. I sat on the edge and let myself dissolve into a memory.
Flashback
"Kendall, c'mon!" I yelled while pulling Kendall along with me. "You'll love the fountain, it's so gorgeous, especially at this time!"
"Okay, okay, Jamie! I'm coming!" Kendall laughed. We began to run toward the fountain as soon as it came into our sight. We sat down on the edge and just enjoyed the beauty of the sparking water. Kendall slipped his arms around my shoulders. I leaned into his touch and snuggled up to him. We sat frozen in that position, just enjoying the cool wind blowing, the sound of the water splashing, the sounds of the birds chirping. Kendall shifted slightly and I moved with him. We moved just a bit too close to the edge and when we moved again, we fell into the fountain. I stood up in the water and spit out the water in my mouth. I looked over at Kendall and he was laughing hysterically. I pouted, and he stood up and wrapped his arms around my freezing frame.
"Awwwww, you look just too adorable when you pout!" I blushed at Kendall's comment and he laughed again.
"Stop laughing at me!" I yelled, and got out of the fountain and began walking away.
"Jamie, wait! I wasn't laughing you!" Kendall yelled after me. He stepped out of the fountain and I walked over to him.
"Oh, you weren't?" I said accusingly.
"Of course I wasn't babe. You just are so cute," Kendall explained. "I'm sorry that you thought I was laughing at you." He held his arms out for a hug, and I walked into his embrace. I felt him place a soft kiss to my hair.
"Oh, and one more thing baby," I said.
"What?"
I placed my hands on his chest, and he raised his eyebrows at me. I shoved him back and he fell backwards into the fountain. He shook out his hair and looked at me.
"I probably deserved that."
End Flashback
The times we spent at the fountain were always really special. This fountain became our special place. Just being here caused my heart to ache. Tears filled my eyes. I had to leave; I couldn't stay here without having a breakdown. I began walking back to the funeral home where Carlos, Logan, Mama Knight, and Katie were waiting for me.
"James, how are you holding up?" Logan asked me. I looked at him with my tear filled eyes.
"Come here buddy," Logan said while extending his arms out. I welcomed his embrace. He wrapped his arms around my shaking figure, and I couldn't help but begin to sob. I felt more arms wrap around me and more heartbroken sobs. That just made me cry harder. Honestly, I think we all needed this. Carlos, Logan, Mama Knight, Katie, and I. We were all suffering. Carlos and Logan had lost one of their best friends, Katie had lost her brother, and I had lost the love of my life. Everyone backed away from me, except for Mama Knight. She and I stayed wrapped in each other's arms.
"Why?" I whimpered. "Why did this happen?"
"I don't know sweetie. But I do know that we can get through this. Together. All of us. James, you're like a second son to me. You can't give up on this. We are going to make it. Do you hear me? We are going to make it through. Oh god, sweetheart, if I lost you too-"She choked up at that part. "I love you sweetie. We all do. I know it's hard right now, but it will get better. They say that all wounds heal with time. I know from experience that that isn't true. Over time, the wound will get less tender, but the scar will always be there. But you can't let that scar control your life. You are strong James. You can do it. We all can. And we will."
I knew Mama Knight was right. I knew my scar will never heal. But I can get through this. No, I will get through this. Mama Knight and I walked over to Kendall's tombstone. We sat down next to it and I traced my finger over the engraved words.
Kendall Frances Knight
1996-2012
Best friend, brother, son, and lover.
I teared up again. I looked over at Mama Knight. Her eyes were glistening with tears.
"Hi honey. Are you happy in heaven with your dad? I hope so. I love you so much. I'll make sure to visit you everyday-"At this point, she was too choked up too much to continue. We once again embraced and I turned to Kendall's tombstone.
"Hi babe. How are you? We're holding up here. I really wish you were here, but I know that you're in a good place. In heaven, with your dad. You always talked about someday meeting back up with him. I just didn't know it'd happen so soon. But I'm glad that you could. I miss you so much, and I want you to know something. I love you, and I always will. I could never love anyone the way I loved you. No, not loved, I still love you to pieces. Please don't ever forget that. Just because you're not with me doesn't change that fact. Someday, I'll join you. We'll see each other again. I just know it," I said with tears running down my cheeks. Mama Knight and I separated and began walking back to Carlos, Logan, and Katie.
"James, are you okay?" Katie asked.
"No, I'm not. But I will be. Eventually."
I looked back at Kendall's tombstone.
"I love you Kendall. I'll be with you soon."
I knew that the road to being okay again wasn't going to be easy. And when I was okay again, it doesn't mean that I won't still love Kendall. It just means that I'll be able to continue on with my life. So that one day, I'll be able to join Kendall. I'm not just living for me anymore. I'm living for both of us.
By the way, those last two lines are the explanation for the title. "A Life for Two", meaning one life that lives on for two people.
A fountain isn't actually the special place my grandmother and I shared, but I used that for the story.
So basically, I was James in this story. I already feel better just after writing that. It may have not been that long or good, but it definitely helped. This story really does mean a lot to me. I cried while I wrote it, but maybe because it's my personal experience. Sorry if the story sounded too depressing. I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I just wanted to make James' feelings in the story as real as my own in real life. Thank you so much for reading, bye!