Story title taken from T.S. Eliot's "The Hollowmen".
Chapter title taken from Carol Ann Duffy's "Quickdraw".
None of it's mine, rights reserved to those whom they belong.
First timer, so please excuse any mistakes.

Chapter One:
This is love, high noon, calamity, hard liquor.

Tony and Steve were together, which was a good thing- apart from all the times it wasn't good. Which, actually, was whenever they weren't fucking.

The sex, Tony mused, was fantastic. (Hell, the sex was mind blowing.) He never would have guessed that prim and proper Captain Rogers could take it like a pro. Fuck, when Steve rode Tony, he really put all in; back arched, hips slamming down, head thrown back in a moan- enough to turn any straight guy.

But outside the bedroom they were constantly at each other's throats and not in the kinky way.

Tony was stubborn and selfish- he knew this. Steve, however, could not understand why Tony refused to change for him. It wasn't that Steve wanted anything drastic, just for Tony to drink a little less, to be a little less reckless; basically to act like he gave a damn about his own life.

The problem was, Tony didn't give a damn about his life. He considered it an achievement that he hadn't shot himself in the head yet (he'd certainly wanted to enough times).

It wasn't that he was angry at the world, or that he felt no one understood him. He knew that no one truly understood him and he wasn't angry at the world, he was angry at his dad for setting the bar so high (Tony what are you doing, get out, I don't want to see your face here again), angry at the press that loved to pull him done all the time, angry at himself for being so damn pathetic (alone and hollow, so hollow).

But Tony really did like Steve, maybe even love him. "Anything else," he'd say, "I'll do anything, Steve, but I can't pretend to feel I deserve you, that I deserve any of this."

So they argued. They'd bicker over the smallest things and scream themselves hoarse over the infinitesimally bigger things. On missions they'd refuse to team up, causing everyone to argue.

Finally, Fury gave them an ultimatum; sort it out or end it.

So, Steve and Tony broke up, leaving Steve a mess and Tony? Well, Tony went out, got drunk and started fucking the God of Mischief.

"Fuck!" Tony growled, "Harder, Loki, I'm not gonna' fucking break!" Loki slammed his hips down, whilst biting on Tony's collarbone- hard. Tony groaned, the mix between searing pain and intense pleasure making his back arch, lifting his hips to meet every one of Loki's deep thrusts.

With a final broken groan, Tony came, vision whiting out as his toes curled, feeling Loki follow him, heat filling him deep inside. Tony collapsed down onto the bed, Loki rolling off him to lay by his side.

For a few minutes they lay there, panting, before Tony felt the bed shift as Loki stood up. Tony sat up and watched as Loki dressed, shamelessly admiring the curve of his spine as Loki bent to pick up his discarded shirt.

Tony eventually followed suit, pulling on his boxers and yanking a t-shirt over his head, just in time to see Loki open the hotel door and walk out without a backward look.

Before collapsing back on the unmade bed, Tony grabbed a bottle of the scotch from the mini bar, thanking the Gods that it was half decent brand. Drinking straight from the bottle, Tony tried and failed to not think of Steve.

An hour later he was asleep, bottle empty and cheeks damp.

The next time, Tony was cuffed to the bed, blindfolded, with Loki riding him. With every moan the God made, Tony's brain echoed it in Steve's voice. Each shift of Loki's hips, each bite, each touch, Tony imagined it was Steve's.

He came quickly, head thrown back against the pillows, fists clenched as he screamed out Steve's name. He felt Loki follow with a grunt. This time, Loki walked out as quickly as he could, saying nothing as he untied Tony's wrists and left the room.

Tony washed his guilt away with the hotel's finest whiskey.

Loki never kissed him, never stayed after and never said a word.

Tony, in return, kept quiet, told no one and never mentioned it when Loki's moaned Thor's name in place of his own.

In a silent agreement, both knew this was, and would only ever be, sex.

When Thor proposed to Jane, Tony got fucked for nearly an hour, Loki making his come again and again until, finally, the God collapsed onto the bed, tears rolling down his cheeks. Tony had just stood, dressed and left the room.

Similarly, when Clint has let it slip to Tony that Steve was dating someone else, a women he'd met, Loki had, as per Tony's text, arrived at the designated hotel and had let Tony fuck him on all fours; nails leaving marks down Loki's back, Tony imagining it was Steve who was writhing under him and clutching at the sheets.

Tony finally collapsed, physically sated but emotionally strung up, feeling as though his world was falling apart around him.

He didn't even see Loki leave through his tears.

The next year passed for Tony in an alcohol hazed dream. Fury eventually kicked him off the team, Pepper locked away his suits and Rhodey stopped calling.

The worst bit, however, what always managed to stick in his memory when everything else was washed away by alcohol, was when Steve would show up in the workshop; head bowed, shuffling his feet, and begging Tony to let him "help".

Those days Tony would drink until he woke the next day in a pool of his own vomit.

Eventually, however, the alcohol stopped working and Tony would just lie in his bed, day after day, only eating when Pepper made him but never saying a word. She would keep telling him that things would get better and he'd never believe her. He stopped caring about anything and everything; gone was his desire to build, design and create.

The only thing that Tony held the slightest curiosity for was what had happened to the equally damaged God.

One day, Loki had just stopped texting Tony's cell, or appearing in his bedroom on random nights. Somewhere, deep in Tony's brain, he was wondering why. Now, even when Steve's begging couldn't get a reaction from him, Loki still managed to spark curiosity.

Later, Tony would realise why this was, but for now, he just let his thoughts fester.

Christmas came and went, with Pepper and Happy getting engaged and Steve finding Sharon Carter, a relation of Peggy's, whom he soon began to date.

Tony had finally dragged himself out of bed. He didn't go out, merely flitted between the workshop and his bedroom; never saying much, eating little and remaining apathetic to his surroundings.

Pepper had thought that Tony's return to the workshop was an improvement, never realising that Tony was only building things to destroy once he'd finished.

And still Loki never showed.

What had began as a slight niggling in the back on Tony's head, had grown into an overwhelming need to know what had happened to Loki. So, he texted him, hoping that maybe, this time, he'd appear as he always had done before.

Unexpectedly, however, Loki replied to Tony's text, whereas usually Loki just showed up, always in silence and always willing. So, when Tony's phone lit up with an incoming message, he was shocked, and a little bit relieved;

What do you want, Stark?

Tony frowned and replied, I want to talk to you.

I reiterate, why? You've never had an interest in talking with me before.

Why are you being so difficult?

It's in my nature. Now, what do you want?

To talk.

Why?

Humour me.

"Why should I?" Loki's voice came from behind Tony, making him swear loudly as he span to face the God.

"How the fuck did you get in my workshop?" Tony had the best security system in the world, he should know, he built it.

"Not much can deter me, Stark. Now, you said you wished to talk, so please, go ahead, I do have other things to be doing." Getting over the shock of Loki's sudden appearance, he took the time to look the guy over and, fuck, he looked wrecked. Black bags under his eyes, bruising smattering the pale skin of his arms , exposed by the scraggly black t-shirt and too large jeans slipping off his painfully narrow hips.

"Jesus," Tony said, "What happened?"

Loki sighed, "It appears I upset more than Midgard with my performance last year, and those involved finally decided on taking their revenge."

"But surely Odin or Thor or someone would come and help you? You look like you've been fucking tortured."

Loki, finally, looked directly at Tony, the green of his eyes seeming dimmer than Tony remembered, "Odin doesn't take treason lightly."

Was Loki suggesting, he couldn't possibly be- "You're telling me that Odin wouldn't come and help you because of what you'd done? That's fucking twisted."

"Odin has a very idiosyncratic view on punishment. He dare not inflict pain by his own hand, but he willing watches as other's do the deed." The hurt in Loki's voice was evident, even if he was doing a good job at hiding it. Tony had been hiding for so long now he could tell when others were too. Due to this, Tony felt it was his job to help as much as he could.

"Is there anything I can do?" Tony asked, hoping the God would say yes. He didn't know why, but he needed to help Loki, maybe for his own sanity, or maybe because he saw far too much of himself in the man.

Loki arched an eyebrow, "What could you possibly do for me, Stark?"

Tony shrugged and gestured around him, "I've got food, warmth and enough space that you wouldn't even have to speak to me if you didn't want."

"I thought your team mates lived with you?" The sneer made Tony laugh for the first time in a long time,

"I kicked them out when they kicked me off their team."

Loki actually looked genuinely shocked, "They kicked you off the team? I was under the impression they ran off your funding." Somehow, Loki managed to phrase his question as to not sound at all curious, even though he clearly was.

"I suppose they found someone else's bank account to drain." Tony shrugged. He hadn't actually thought about it and he now realised that he didn't care much at all. "So, what do you say? I'll even let you use the workshop, if you want." Clearly Tony had gone crazy, as he never let anyone use his workshop; not even Banner had earned that honour.

Loki stared at him for a moment, as if attempting to see if Tony was luring him into a trap. Clearly deciding it was safe, Loki spoke, "I suppose, under the circumstances, I would benefit immensely from your generosity," He paused, seeming to deliberate for a moment, "I- I mean, well... You have my thanks."

Tony smirked at Loki's distaste at having to thank him for anything. "Don't mention it." Tony paused for a moment, deciding how to word what he was thinking. "You look like shit and you really need a shower." Blunt and brutal always worked best.

Tony gave Loki a quick tour of the house, showing him the God's room (and if it was next to Tony's then it was just because he didn't want Loki wondering around his home without Tony knowing about it), giving him clean clothes to wear (yes, okay, that was Tony's favourite Black Sabbath t-shirt, and what?) and showing him the bathroom, where he left Loki to himself (and no that wasn't a last lingering look he gave him, nope, not at all).

Tony went to get a drink, wondering why his own brain was betraying him.

That evening found Loki and Tony sat at either ends of the couch, resolutely ignoring one another. Tony was sketching on his tablet whilst Loki read a book he'd chosen from Tony's collection- the fact that Tony even owned books had been a surprise to him.

It was all very... Domestic. It alarmed Tony how comfortable he felt in Loki's presence. Gone was the constant itching under his skin for another drink and his mind felt blissfully clear for once. It was almost like Loki was a balm to chaos of Tony's thoughts and it scared him- a lot.

Tony had never been a strong believer in what was "morally right". Even when he'd started screwing Loki, he'd known that the whole team would have considered it "wrong". Hell, Tony can even picture the disappointed face Steve would pull. But in Tony's opinion, Loki was just another person who had made a few wrong choices, got fucked over too many times. He didn't care that Loki had tried to kill him, that Loki had killed hundreds of people. Tony had himself killed millions through the weapons he had sold, and yet he had got given a second chance, so why the fuck shouldn't Loki?

So it wasn't that Tony felt like he was doing something wrong. Neither was it that he was afraid of Loki; if the man had wanted to kill him, he'd had plenty opportunity before. So it was neither fear not guilt that was making Tony feel so... Odd.

It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, per say, more the opposite in fact. A warmth was spreading though him and he felt himself smiling involuntarily. It was similar to how he had felt when he was with Steve, just without the constant self loathing and the feeling that he wasn't good enough.

The sofa shifted as Loki stretched, causing Tony to be jolted away from his thoughts. Shamelessly he watched as Loki reached above his head, spine popping from sitting hunched up so long and the God's long legs reached across the sofa as he sat more comfortably, feet inches from Tony's thigh.

Tony had to physically stop himself from lifting Loki's feet onto his lap, because they were not together. Clearly Tony's addled brain, so starved of company, had taken Loki's presence and made it into a relationship (which was wrong, very wrong. They'd never be together, it'd be impossible, simply because, well, just because).

Tony sighed and rubbed his forehead, wondering again why his own brain was turning against him and refusing to give him the answers he needed.

Loki looked up at Tony's sigh, "Tired, Stark? Please don't feel you have to watch over me, I promise to behave." It was entirely irrational that Loki's words made Tony feel just that little bit too warm (I want you to misbehave, I want to berate you and tie you up). He seriously needed to sleep, his brain was clearly entirely out of it.

Tony stood up quickly, determined to get away from Loki before he did something stupid, "I, yeah, night." He walked quickly out the room (he ran for his life) and he most definitely didn't throw a last desperate look over his shoulder before Loki completely disappeared from view (the god had looked confused at Tony's sudden departure).

He was so fucked.