"You've reached Sasuke Uchiha. I'm not available. Leave a message. Hnn."
Beeeeeeeeeeeep.
"SASUKE-CHAN it's Naruko you're the hottest thang I've evvvvverrrrr seen and I so want your babies. CALL ME BACK SO WE CAN GET TO WORK ON REVIVING THE UCHIHA CLAN. Raaaammennnn."
Beeeeeeeep.
"SASUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU'RE HOT. ADJKHSL. CALL ME BACK. SERIOUSLY. UCHIHA BABIES. YOU. ME. THINK ABOUT IT."
Beeeeeeeeeeeep.
Sasuke Uchiha stared at his phone. "...Hnn?"
Please Press 5 if You Want to Have Sasuke Uchiha's Babies
Parties, Alcohol, Babies
TWENTY FOUR HOURS PREVIOUSLY
To: Sakura-chan
From: Naruto
THERE IS GOING TO BE AN AWESOME PARTY AT INO'S LATER ARE YOU COMING (haha that's what she said)?
To: Naruto
From: Sakura
I helped plan the thing, baka. Stop using caps.
To: Sakura-chan
From: Naruto
NEVER CAPS IS AWESOME!
To: All Contacts
From: Ino
PARTY. MY HOUSE. EIGHT PM. BE THERE OR BE SHUNNED. Ino out.
To: Ino
From: Sakura
Ino stop trying to be a gangster.
To: Sakura
From: Ino
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, FOREHEAD. THIS COVERSATION IS OVER.
To: Sakura
From: Ino
Do you still have my purple boots?
To: Ino
From: Sakura
Sure do.
To: Sakura
From: Ino
YOU'RE A LIFESAVER. ILY FOREHEAD.
INO'S HOUSE.
EIGHT P.M.
"FOREHEAD! YOU MADE IT!" My best friend in the entirety of the world glomped me as soon as I walked in the door.
"Ino-pig, there's this thing called personal space. You may not have it, but I do."
The platinum blonde scoffed. "Lighten up. You need a drink. There's beer...somewhere..."
I facepalmed. "You fail, Ino. Is Naruto here yet?"
"He's in the kitchen. I think it's going to be one of those parties, billboard brow!"
"Oh great," I mumbled as I pushed past the crowds of dancing people. I spotted Lee starting a conga line and Neji and Tenten making out in a corner.
They needed lives.
I finally made it to the kitchen, only to find it refreshingly uncrowded. The only people here were Kiba, Chouji, Shikamaru, and-
"SAKURA-CHAN!"
"Hey Naruto."
-My other idiotic blonde best friend.
"I'm glad you came!" He was holding me in a death hug.
"What a drag...Naruto, I think you're killing her," Shikamaru muttered.
With a yelp, he released me. "Sakura-chan are you okay?"
"I'm fine baka, calm down. Hey Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba," I greeted.
"Munch munch."
"Troublesome..."
"Yo," Kiba replied.
"Why are you guys all in here anyway?"
"Crowds are troublesome..." Shikamaru murmured and I sweatdropped.
"Ino's being a Queen Bee," The mentioned blonde's boyfriend shrugged.
"Food."
"Ramen."
I facepalmed for the second time in the last five minutes at their responses. "Seriously, guys?"
"Yep!" Naruto grinned, reaching beneath the table. "Oh, I have vodka! And sake!"
"Let's get smashed," Kiba chuckled evilly.
"..." I sighed. "Oh, why the hell not. Count me in."
"Alright! Shikamaru? Chouji?"
They both shook their heads as Naruto opened the bottles and kiba fetched glasses.
"Bring it on boys!"
To: Tenten
From: Sakura
heeeeeyyyyyy tenner! r u and the nejster makin babiehs? :D
To: Sakura
From: Tenten
Sakura...are you drunk?
To: Tenten
From: Sakura
naruko brought sake and VODKA BITCHES!
To: Sakura
From: Tenten
...You mean Naruto?
To: Tenten
From: Sakura
no he's naruko now he's gonna have a sex change so he can carry babiehs or sumthing
i wasn't payin attention cause there was VODKA
To: Sakura
From: Tenten
...Ooooohkay then. And no, I'm not 'making babies' with Neji.
To: Tenten
From: Sakura
ur babiehs would be hawt
To: Sakura
From: Tenten
Uh...thank you?
To: Hinata
From: Kiba
babe ur the hottest thing evr stop socialize-ish and let's MAKEOUT
To: Kiba
From: Hinata
Kiba-san, I'm not your girlfriend, I think you sent the text to the wrong person.
To: Hinata
From: Kiba
whoops sorry PRETTY LIGHTS auzhjgdjfgkg AKAMARU
To: Ino
From: Hinata
Uhm Ino I think your boyfriend is drunk.
To: Hinata
From: Ino
Shit do you know where he is?
To: Ino
From; Hinata
Sorry, I don't. Maybe the kitchen?
To: Hinata
From: Ino
Thanks!
To: Sakura
From: Ino
Hey Sak have you seen Kiba?
To: Ino
From: Sakura
the view from ur roof is AMAZIN I would totally have sex up here
ps I beat kiba and naruko in a drinking contest yaaay
To: Sakura
From: Ino
Good to know...Forehead did you have vodka again?
To: Ino
From: Sakura
hellz to the yesh I did.
I hash to whisper now cause naruko's callin someone important
To: Sakura
From: Ino
Ohkay sweetie...is Kiba up there?
To: Ino
From: Sakura
he's dancing with leprechauns...
shikamaru's sitting in the pot of gold
To: Sakura
From: Ino
Shika's drunk too?
To: Ino
From: Sakura
yeeeeeepz! he joined in after the fifth round
haha that sounds like we were having sex but WE WERENT
To: Sakura
From: Ino
Okay then...
INO'S HOUSE
TEN THIRTY PM
"Sia! You guys made it!" Ino glomped the sole female offspring of Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha. "Sasuke, Itachi."
"Hnn."
"Hello Yamanaka-san."
"ITACHI!" came a roar from where 'The Akatsuki' were huddled in part of Ino's living room.
"Excuse me," Itachi politely excused himself, Sia following, most likely to find her 'Gaara-panda'.
"Oh, Sasuke, your two best friends got drunk and are on my roof and according to Tenten-via a drunken Sakura-Naruto is now going by Naruko."
"...What?" He asked.
"Apparently Naruto, Kiba, Sakura, and Shikamaru had a drinking contest. And now they're on the roof. I think," Ino explained in a rush before disappearing into the crowd.
To: Naruto
From: Sasuke
Hnn. Where are you and Sakura?
To: Sasuke
From: Naruto
up on the roof YO
the sakiness is singing britneh spearz
she's haaaawwwt but not as hawt as u ;)
To: Naruto
From: Sasuke
I'm going to ignore the fact that you think I'm hot (or, at least the drunk you thinks I'm hot).
To: Sasuke
From: Naruto
we found tequila man this shit is AWWWWEESSSOOOMMMEEEE.
u need 2 try it dude.
To: Naruto
From: Sasuke
Ino informed me that you're changing your name to Naruko. Any reason why?
To: Sasuke
From: Naruto
imma be a chick dude. BABIES!
To: Naruto
From: Sasuke
...You are disturbed.
To: Sasuke
From: Naruto
oh hey yo sister is on the roof naow and she cracked open more tequila
WE'RE GONNA GET WASTED
To: Naruto
From: Sasuke
Oh god. And, by the way, you already ARE wasted.
To: Sasuke
From: Naruto
...good point w/e TEQUILA AND PJNK RABBIT!shd()()&!(?$/~4)
INO'S HOUSE
TEN FORTY FIVE PM
"Sasuke," Gaara walked up to the youngest Uchiha. "Have you seen your sister?"
"I think she's on the roof getting smashed with Naruto and Sakura, I dunno though. Have you seen my brother?"
"The Akatsuki's playing strip poker."
"...Seriously?"
"Aa," The redhead smirked. "I've already got blackmail of my cousin Sasori..."
Sasuke also smirked, pulling out his phone. "Thanks Gaara."
"Aa."
To: Sia
From: Gaara
Where are you?
To: Gaara
From: Sia
heyyyyyy did ya know ino has a pool?
To: Sia
From: Gaara
...Please don't tell me you're in the pool.
To: Gaara
From: Sia
the water's warm...ooh ooh guess what panda!
To: Sia
From: Gaara
...What?
To: Gaara
From: Sia
i like tequila SSSHHHHH don't tell the rainbow toads
To: Sia
From: Gaara
...Sakura and Naruto with you?
To: Gaara
From: Sia
didya know shikamaru is a leprechaun? TEEHEE
To: Sia
From: Gaara
/facepalm
To: Neji
From: Shikamaru
Pssssst. Neji.
To: Shikamaru
From: Neji
...What?
To: Neji
From: Shikamaru
...are you a gurl? u have such pretty hairrrrrr...
btw sakura kiba sia and naruko say SUP NEJI
To: Shikamau
From: Neji
...I am not female. That idea is preposterous.
To: Neji
From: Shikamaru
u would make an awesome gurl fyi
To: Shikamaru
From: Neji
...I'll keep that in mind.
To: Itachi
From: Naruto
in case sasuke doesn't accept my proposal will you make uchiha babies with me?
To: Naruto
From: Itachi
After a few more beers I might.
To: Itachi
From: Naruto
BITCHIN'.
To: Shikamaru
From: Sakura
haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
To: Sakura
From: Shikamaru
where in the name of my pineapple hair did naruko and kiba go?
To: Shikamaru
From: Sakura
nnnoooo idea but sia's still in the innnerrrrrr tubbbbeeeee
To: Sakura
From: Shikamaru
yeah I know, we're sitting next to each other I can see everything u can
To: Shikamaru
From: Sakura
ohhhh heyyy we are! :D just noticed
OMG KILLER UNICORNS EVERYBODY RUN
To: Sakura
From: Shikamau
...pass me the tequila i think im sobering up
INO'S BACKYARD
TWELVE O' ONE AM
"Duuuuuude. Duuuuuude. Dude. DUDE!"
"What teh hellzish, Naruko?"
"Dude...where are we?"
Kiba looked around, scratching his head. "I...dunno man. But we've got vodka!"
"Sweet..." Naruto plopped down on the grass. "Kiba, man, can I borrow your phone?"
"Dont you have your own?"
"...Kiba, mah friend, you are a genius."
"Fuck yeah I am."
To: Hinata
From: Naruto
if I don't get the chance to bear uchiha babies will you be my lesbian lover?
To: Naruto
From: Hinata
Uhm...sure?
To: Hinata
From: Naruto
aaaawwwwwwwww yeah
To: Ino
From: Hinata
Naruto...er, Naruko just asked me to be his lesbian lover. /facepalm
To: Hinata
From: Ino
Wow he really must be wasted.
To: Ino
From: Hinata
No doubts. I'm about to drive Lee, Neji, Tenten, and Sai home.
To: Hinata
From: Ino
Good luck with that...
Everyone's gonna be sooooo hungover tomorrow.
To: Ino
From: Hinata
Think of the blackmail.
To: Hinata
From: Ino
I already am. -cackles evilly-
To: Ino
From: Hinata
...Wow.
To: Hinata
From: Ino
Shut up.
To: Hinata
From: Ino
…I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.
To: Ino
From: Hinata.
Me either Ino. Me either.
A/N: Let me just say that everyone in this fic is at least 21 and there was no specific reason for the party because the naruto characters are cool like that.
This bad boy, at the most, will be five chapters, so...
REVIEW IF YOU WANT MORE, it's simple math.
Lurves,
~Ze RAWR