Guys' Night Out

By Verdigris

Summary: Roxanne's idea for a guys' night out for the former resident super hero and villain backfires but not the way she is expecting. Rated T for some suggestive themes.

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own any of these awesome characters or the movie.

Roxanne felt like banging her head against the keyboard on her desk. She was stuck in her office rushing through a last minute article her boss had given her. It was not her job that had her frustrated and hunched over a computer at six-thirty on a Friday evening—it was a certain ex-villain who was currently panicking on the other end of the phone.

"What do you mean you're still in the office?" Megamind shrieked into her ear. "You can't leave me alone with Metro Man! He'll be here any minute! What if he brings his guitar and starts singing? I won't be responsible for my actions if he starts singing!"

Rubbing at her temples Roxanne grated out, "It's Wayne, not Metro Man anymore, okay? Look, I'm trying my best to get through my work as quickly as possible. I'll head over right after that. Its just a little get together, Megs… It won't be as bad as it seems, I promise."

She heard him grumble on the side of the phone before retorting in sigh of disgust, "If Metro Ma—I mean, Waaayne…wants to get on my good side he'd leave me alone and send me a Hallmark card. Why won't he take my empty threats more seriously? Am I being too subtle?"

Megamind is a lot of things, but subtly isn't one of them.

"He just wants to be friends," Roxanne explained in a low impatient voice. "You wouldn't go to his secret hideout so he's coming to yours. Please, this is really important to him."

A long drawn out sigh erupted from the other end of the phone, followed the sound of him running a hand down his long face. "Okay, okay. But if you're not here in the next hour or so, I'm sending brainbots to come get you. I'll even take the heat from your boss!"

"Leave out the knock out spray and you got a deal," she teased with a smirk before hanging up.

This time she really did bang her head on the keyboard. It had been six months since Titan's defeat and Megamind was still holding onto his lifelong grudge with the former hero in white. Wayne had made numerous attempts to meet with the ex-villain one-on-one, but he turned him down every time. At first she couldn't blame him really. Wayne had made his life a living hell as a child and prompted their twenty-five year rivalry when they were six years old. It was only until she recently met with Wayne at a coffee shop a few days ago did she realize how badly he wanted to make it up to Megamind. So, she had managed to convince her blue beau after using a few tricks up her sleeve—namely her feminine wiles—to get him to go along with it.

Yet her unexpected overtime threw a wrench into her plan. He had agreed to put up with Wayne if she came along. If only there was something she could do to ease his hysterics before she got there. Then she had an idea. The only thing that kept his nerves at bay while meeting with public officials of Metro City were the alcoholic beverages provided for the event. A few sips of wine had done wonders for his stress and he actually enjoyed himself for the remainder of the night. It could at least buy her some time before she arrived.

She decided to make a quick phone call to Minion before returning to her work.

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An hour and a half later Roxanne finally arrived at the hidden entrance to the lair. She had just enough time to stop by her apartment to change into a pair of jeans and trade her high heels for some flats. Roxanne prayed that Megamind hadn't already pushed the former super hero out the door. Even if Wayne managed to stay for twenty minutes it would be a major breakthrough in their so-so alliance. She still wished she have been here earlier and vowed to remind her boss that she had a life outside of work. Taking a deep breath and tucking the stray strand of hair behind her ear she strode inside, preparing for the worse and hoping for the best.

The moment she passed through the hologram disguised a brick wall a security brainbot floated towards her and quickly evaluated her presence and awaited a voice key.

"Roxanne," she said calmly and the bot bowged happily and allowed her pass without alerting its brothers.

Heading for the main room that served as a living space she heard a loud crash in the distance. Oh this can't be good. She sped up her pace, practically running towards the main room in hopes of stopping whatever was happening in there. Then she heard a sound she never thought she hear that evening. Megamind was laughing. Not the evil maniacal laughter he had perfected over the years, but a genuine laugh. It was broken by the sound of another crash, which made her speed up even more to see what was happening in the lair.

Upon entering she noticed that the floor was littered with wrenches piled around the makeshift living room. Megamind and Wayne appeared to be making a game of throwing wrenches at the brainbots, laughing when they caught them and then uproaressly cheering when they missed. Wayne's super strength caused him to throw them too hard and they crashed into various machines throughout the lair, yet Megamind did not seem to mind.

Confusion knitted at her brow wondering what exactly was taking place. She stepped on an empty beer bottle and it made a clink noise on the floor and alerted the retired super hero.

"Roxie! Come join the party," Wayne's voice booming loudly from his lounged position on the couch.

Wading through the sea of empty beer bottles on the floor she barely suppressed at smirk at Wayne's disheveled appearance. His beard appeared extra scruffy and his shirt was untucked. He had also removed his shoes and apparently one sock. It was probably buried underneath the mess of bottles and wrenches. Megamind was turned away from her, tugging on a wrench the brainbot had locked in its jaws.

There was a delayed reaction in his expression when she strode up him. When Megamind finally recognized her a large inebriated grin spread across his face. He drawled out a very relaxed, "Hiiiii..."

"I thought you'd be on a rampage right now," Roxanne said in an amused tone, leaning forward to peck him on the lips. The alcohol on his breath was strong and heady. "I guess Minion took my advice."

Megamind grinned lopsidedly at her while swirling what appeared to be a large glass of dark red wine. He patted a spot on the couch next to him for her to join him. "Yeesss, this concoction is fantastic! Never had anything like it. What's in this again, buddy?"

At first she thought he was referring to Minion, but she noticed Wayne looking at his direction and nodding to him. "Sangria."

"Buddy?" Roxanne snorted out as she sat on his right. Wow, he must really be drunk to call his life-long nemesis that.

Wayne tossed another bottle over his shoulder, grabbed another and popped the top off another. "Thought he'd might like it since its really sweet. He didn't like the beer I brought over. Oh well, heh, more for me! Want one, Roxie?"

"You did a booze run, Wayne?" Roxanne shot him a surprised glance as she took the bottle from him.

"Minion was busy with the appetizers," he said defensively. "I was fast about it too—super speed, remember? Plus I have unlimited funds for this kind of thing. It's the least I could do for my little buddy."

Megamind brought hand to his head before falling back onto the couch, "I salute you, my good man!"

Roxanne lost count of how many beer bottles were on the floor. No doubt he had to purchase a ton of beer to even feel a buzz where as Megamind barely needed one. Judging by the blue alien's state of mind he had more than enough. It seemed her plan was working a little too well. She highly doubted that her boyfriend would remember anything after tonight. At least he appeared to be having a good time so it was a start.

"You guys have become…hmm…awfully chummy. What have you been doing in such a short amount of time?"

"Talking about the old days mostly," Wayne said with a casual air as if they had been friends for. "How we used to battle and all that stuff."

"And playing this game whenever a brainbot misses a wrench you take a drink," Megamind piped up. "It was fuuunnnn!"

"Seems like it," Roxanne smirked. No wonder he got drunk so fast.

"We were talking about our past battles, like that one with the robot unicorn."

"Equestrinator!" Megamind corrected. "And it was bad ass and you know it."

"Okay, okay…" Wayne shook his head and chuckled. "Well, what about those robot clones you made of Roxie? Didn't you know my super sense of smell would easily find the real Roxanne? I thought you were a genius?"

"I didn't think it would be that powerful, mind you. I've made plenty of mistakes, but I learned from every single one of them." He took a big sip from his glass and grinned evilly, "At least I don't sleep with a stuffed kitty cat. What's your excuse for that?"

"It's a tiger! And it's…manly."

"It's a child's play thing!" Megamind taunted.

"At least I'm not afraid of kissing babies…"

Roxanne raised an eyebrow at her drunken boyfriend, "Don't you like babies?"

"No, they're fine…but," Megamind took a small sip of his drink and hisses suspiciously, "I don't trust them. They also have one volume setting—obnoxiously loud!"

A laugh bubbled out of her throat, "An innocent baby isn't trustworthy?"

"Of course not!" he gawked at her. "Sure they're cute and babble in amusing nonsensical words—why are you looking at me like that, Roxanne?—but they're highly suspect. Look at their eyes! I don't trust them any further than I can throw them."

There was a slight pause.

"…which would be approximately forty feet," Megamind deduced while tapping his chin as if he were quickly evaluating his statement in his head.

Roxanne pointed a scolding finger at him, "If you don't want your PR to go downhill, please keep that little fact to yourself!"

She had a sudden thought and uncomfortably asked, "Are you saying you've…"

Wayne and Megamind comically blanched at her accusing tone of voice and spit out their drinks at the same time. "Of course not!" they cried out in unison.

Megamind held his hands in front of him, "I may have been an evil genius for ninety-six point twenty-three percent of my life, but I drew the line at baby throwing."

She sighed in relief and glad to hear their battles with each other never crossed the border at harming children.

"Though I have thrown something with the equivalent size and weight of baby," Megamind justifies before admitting with a short cough, "A monkey."

Both Roxanne and Wayne stare at him, but he waved a hand to halt further questions. "Metro City Zoo…1998…don't want to talk about it."

Minion suddenly burst through the kitchen doors with a 'Kiss Me I'm a Pisces' apron around his mechanical body and a large tray of snacks.

"Who wants spinach dip? Oh, Ms. Richie! How nice to see…oh no…"

His large brown eyes widened at the state of the living room. He let out a series of whines when he saw all the wrenches and beer bottles.

"What's going on? I just cleaned this place up," Minon groaned before placing the tray on the coffee table. "I'm so sorry Ms. Richie, I didn't realize they'd be so messy."

Wayne knocked back another beer and wiped a hand across his mouth. "Sorry about that. Guess we got a little carried away. We'll clean it up."

"No, no, I'll just get a garbage bag," Minion sighed before retreating to the kitchen for a broom as well. "Is there anything I can get you Ms. Richie?"

"I'm good, thank you." She softly apologized, "I'm really sorry about this…"

"Don't worry about it. It's nice to see Sir and Mr. Scott getting along so well. I never thought I'd see the day" the fish replied with a good-natured shrug as he tended to his duties.

Megamind suddenly came out his alcohol-dazed state when he noticed the food in front of him. After several unsuccessful attempts at leading the dip filled chip to his mouth he poked at Wayne with an out stretched foot.

"Hey buddy, tell Roxanne that joke you told me!"

Wayne scratching his beard while he finished another beer, "Which joke? I don't…. really remember."

"That one with the thing? And that thing telling the other thing?" Megamind eagerly explained by fluttered his hands about him as if it would help him remember

"Oh! That joke!" Wayne cleared his throat. "Okay…two sausages are lying on a frying pan…"

Megamind scooted further on the edge of the cushion, biting his lip in anticipation. Roxanne held a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing at his childish posture.

"The first one says, "Phew, I'm roasting in here." And then the other one says, "Wow, a talking sausage!"

Roxanne jumped and clutched her own drink to keep from spilling it when at all once the two men laughed uproars. Megamind slapped his thigh throwing his head back let it was the funniest thing he had ever heard and wiped away a tear. Wayne was laughing so hard he began coughing and snorting.

"You should guest star on Saturday Night Live with those jokes," Roxanne teased with a roll of her eyes and nudged him in the shoulder.

Megamind clapped his hands together as if a sudden eureka moment passed through him. He pointed at Wayne and enthusiastically nodded, "Yes! You could even play those horrible songs everyone likes!"

Roxanne was unsure if he meant it to be compliment. But at this point he probably had no idea what he was saying.

"Thanks, but I think I'll stay out of the comedy circuit. Saturday Night Live hasn't been funny since that one comedian left. What was his name again? Farris? Will Farris…no…that's not it…"

"No matter…Oh! I got one, I got one!" Megamind interjected quickly before suddenly looking horror stricken at his empty glass. "Minion! Refill!"

He gestured to Minion who busily sweeping the empty beer bottles off the floor and into a large bin. The fish glanced up long enough to see Megamind pointing at his glass and then at his mouth. Minion rolled his large brown eyes before trudging back to the kitchen to retrieve bottle of sangria. Roxanne could hear him muttering to himself to never again let his master drink again as long as he lived.

"Where was I? Okay, so this one molecule overheard another molecule say, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me." Then the other molecule replied, "Well next time keep your ion him."

Megamind was too caught up laughing at his own joke to realize he was the only one. "Oh, I kill me!"

Minion returned with a large bottle of sangria and gritted his sharp teeth as he poured him another glass, trying not to spill it.

"How much has he had to drink?" Roxanne whispered to him.

"This is his fifth glass. I'm thinking about dumping the rest down the sink when he's not looking," the fish hissed from the side of his mouth.

"I'll take it from here, Minion" Roxanne soothed, still feeling a bit guilty about the outcome of the evening. When Megamind drained his glass she quickly took away from him. "Whoa, easy there slugger."

"No!" Megamind cried out. "Give it back…"

"You'd had more than enough," she scolded gently and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

This action seemed to calm him imediantly and he sank against her, resting his chin in her hair and purring like a content house cat.

Wayne chuckled sleepily and yawned while eyeing the scene with interest. "Man, he's really mellowed out since you two got together. He's always been so high-strung and bouncing off the walls—literally, have you seen this guy take a hit? But now he appears to be so happy."

Roxanne smiled and stroked the alien's head gently as he rested against her. "He really has come a long way I have to admit."

"It seems only yesterday he was tying up you and trying to make you scream for mercy," Wayne remarked with a wink.

"You should have been here last Saturday," Megamind spoke up with a sudden burst of energy. "There's this spot right underneath her left ear that makes her go crazy when you…"

Sitting up as quickly as possible Roxanne announced, "Alright! Happy Hour is officially over!"

Megamind fell across the couch when her body was no longer against his. He cried out, "The party's not over yet! What about our guest?"

They both turned when Wayne let out a loud snore and found him passed out with his head lolled back and drool hanging from his chin.

"What about him?" Roxanne drawled with a dangerous tone. She hauled the drunken alien to his feet and led him to the bedroom.

"But we're having such a great time!" he insisted.

Megamind began to protest as she dragged him away from the living room, his arm stretched in an effort to reach the bottle of sangria on the table. "Roooxxxxaaane! I'm not sleepy!"

"Yes you are."

"But I don't wanna go to bed," he whined like a child. Then a slightly devilish grin appeared on his face. "Unless you're not up for sleeping too…"

"I doubt you stay awake for that," Roxanna shot back with a shake of her head.

"Try me," he challenged with in a seductive voice. "I can take whatever you can dish out, Ms. Richie."

He leaned forward to kiss her, but lost his balance when Roxanne placed a hand on his chest. She lightly pushed him and he stumbled onto the bed. Once his head hit the soft pillow his body went limp and a loud snore erupted from him. With an exasperated sigh she started to pull at his boots and removed them before tucking him and patting his large forehead. She placed a small kiss there and sat next to him as he slumbered for a few moments.

"He's not going believe any this tomorrow morning," she muttered to herself with a grin before heading into the kitchen to aid Minion.

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There will probably be a follow up chapter. It was getting a little long for a one-shot, so I'll include the epilogue in the next one.