And For a Moment Nothing Else

by colormyheartred

Princess Emma and Prince Killian have never gotten along. But it all changes when Queen Regina starts to meddle. Captain Swan.

Dear Prince Killian,

Undoubtedly by now you're back home at your castle near the highlands. Thank every god in the skies above. I've already been told you're returning for yet another exhausting visit to our castle just so Queen Regina can discuss the logistics of this ridiculous trade that seems like it will never end. Thankfully, it looks like it's going to be finished soon.

I'm sure you're absolutely devastated that I wasn't there when you left the castle, but I assure you that I am not. I don't think I could have fathomed another second standing in your egotistically vile presence, much less that of your Aunt Regina.

Your face is what I hate most about you- how smugly you winked at me the other night while we were sitting at the dinner table. Repulsive. I couldn't eat another bite afterwards. Though, I suppose I'll give you this: if I had continued to eat, you probably would have never gotten to experience it when I embarrassed you in front of Lady Red, whom for some reason you've gotten stuck in your mind that you have even the tiniest chance of wooing.

Allow me to set the record straight in regards to this letter: it isn't in any way to make amends over the words I spoke to you during your time in Misthaven, and it's not an olive branch. We are not friends, Killian, and we will never be.

I've been asked to inquire about the timing of your next visit and if we should be prepared to open our home to you and Regina for longer than a week. Whatever it is, I will spend every second hiding as far away as I can from you and your irritating voice.

I do not expect a letter in return. If you send one, I will burn it.

Signed,

Princess Emma of Misthaven

Killian can't keep the smile from his face. It dimples in his cheeks and he takes his fingers through his hair as he sits at his desk staring at the looped cursive signature from one of the most ridiculously annoying princesses in the entire realm.

She's quite something, Princess Emma. They're both determined to hate one another with a burning passion, but he finds her fiery personality something incredibly delightful and he can't help but tease her for it.

He drags his teeth over his lower lip and considers his response. Typically when Emma writes to him, he ends up discarding the letter into his lower drawer so he can look at it later when he finds he misses their explosive banter

While Killian doesn't anticipate anything further to grow between he and Princess Emma, he likes to see it when her anger grabs the best of her, especially when the apples of her cheeks burn hotly with it and her nostrils begin to flare just so.

Cracking a wider grin, Killian sits forward at his desk and pulls out a paper and dips his pen in ink, ready to fight back with a vengeance. Perhaps he'll mock her pretentious little walk or the awful habits she has when she eats.

Just as he presses his pen to the paper, there's a knock at his study door. He continues to write his greeting as he says, "Enter."

"Killian, do you realize that everything you do is seen and judged?" his Aunt Regina, dressed in an incredibly tight dress, floats into the room and stops before him with a stern look on her face. She sets her hands on her hips as he leans back enough to look at her.

"Hm?"

Regina scoffs and rolls her eyes. "I'm talking about the tavern in a nearby village that you paid off. Struggling little place. Surely you've heard of it."

Killian licks his lips and narrows his gaze. "How is that a bad thing? Aren't we supposed to be the example or whatever nonsense you used to blabber on about-"

"Yes, but not when it's at the cost that this was. You know we're not in the best shape economically. I-"

"Since when do you care?" Killian cuts her off. "Is this because you're trying to woo that archer from the woods between us and Misthaven?"

Regina scoffs. She folds her arms across her chest and holds her mouth wide open.

"N-no-" she sputters. "It's because as the queen of this kingdom, I'm taking responsibility-"

"Responsibility," Killian repeats back to her, lifting his eyebrows at her. "This coming from the woman who personally set fire to several villages in her attempt to get to the seat you're currently occupying."

Regina's chest heaves. She leans forward, smacking the edge of his desk so everything atop it trembles at the force.

"I could end you in a heartbeat, Killian."

He smirks back at the queen and leans in so their noses are a hairsbreadth apart. "Could you, Auntie?"

For a few moments, they stare at one another. Regina rocks back onto her feet and scoffs. "If I had known I would end up sharing this dreadfully massive castle with such an ass, I would have never settled for your uncle."

Killian shrugs. "He was a pushover. Suited you."

Regina presses her tongue against her cheek and glances toward the door. "Well, we'll have to get you married off as soon as we can, then. To someone that annoys me just as much as you do."

Killian hums. "I don't know how you could manage to find someone that couldn't achieve that one. We've had sixteen chefs in our kitchen in the past month because you couldn't stand for the way they served your soups."

Regina gives her fingernails a quick examination and ignores his comment as a wicked smile spreads on her face. She steps toward him.

Killian's heart begins to race with expectancy. She's treating him like she treats the people she rules- he's not a fool. The mischievous glint in her eyes makes him nervous, but he can handle her. He's handled her for years.

"I know." Regina says, her smile curling wider. "That princess in Misthaven. You two don't get along at all."

Regina's teeth play with the skin of her lower lip and she presses her hands against the edge of his desk again, her eyebrow raised high on her forehead.

Killian gives Regina a look and scoffs. "Please."

"Just think of the benefits, my darling, precious nephew." Regina mocks him. He sees the wheels turning in her brain and can practically see the vision she starts to paint for him. "I get a castle all to myself and you get a life of poverty, living on the streets someplace after she kicks you to the curb due to the arguing. Undoubtedly you'd end up begging at my feet, but…" Regina shrugs her shoulders. "Uh oh, Auntie Regina couldn't care less."

Killian grits his teeth, but doesn't allow his aunt the honor of seeing him frustrated with her. He tilts his head to the side just slightly as he says, "Is that a challenge?"

Regina smiles wickedly in turn. "If you think you can handle it."

"Oh, I can handle it, I assure you," Killian scoffs. He looks down at the paper settled on his desk. "I'm not so certain about her."

Regina's eyebrows dance and she settles her hands on her hips. "Well, if you're so sure, why don't I send the regent a letter proposing a courtship?"

Killian's heart begins racing faster still and his gut twists. He doesn't know if he's willing to take the game that far, it being Emma truly despises him and his attempts at proving himself the better leader between he and his aunt can't possibly extend that far.

Regina waits for an answer. Her eyebrows lift on her forehead and she shrugs her shoulders. "Or maybe you're just all talk, huh?"

"I make no guarantees she'll agree to it," Killian tells her. "But I'm game."

Regina's smile is simple. "Excellent."

My Dearest Emma,

It has been such a long time since I've seen you that I fear I've forgotten what you look like. Promise me the next time we see one another I can have one of your portraits? I'll bring one of mine so that it's an even trade.

You mention in your letter that you realized I missed your presence at our departure. Of course I did. Every word from your lips is like honey and every roll of your eyes makes my heart skip a beat.

Darling, have I ever told you how breathtaking you are-

"Ugh!" Emma growls, folding the paper back up and slipping it into the envelope. She physically begins to tremble as a bitter taste fills her senses. She shoves the envelope down onto the dining table and looks up in time to see Granny and Red staring at her.

"I take it you don't like the meatloaf," Granny says pointedly, an eyebrow arched as she cuts into her meat.

Emma's heart has started racing and it's not because she's flattered. No, it's because she's angry. Angry she ever had to meet Prince Killian. Angry she now has a steady correspondence with him due to the nature of their two kingdoms.

"No, no," Emma promises Granny. "The meatloaf is fine. I'm just-" She plays for a few moments with her food and then sends her fork clattering down against her plate. Both of the women at the table look up at her with wide eyes. "He thinks he can woo me or something ridiculous even though I've told him time and time again that he's the worst person I've ever met and I hate him."

Red's eyebrows dance as a smile curves on her lips. "Is he though?"

"Red!" Emma snaps. "What the hell? I thought we were on the same side!"

"We are," Red promises. "It's just that you're almost eighteen. You haven't had a suitor… ever. Come on, Emma. Live a little."

Emma rolls her eyes. "I'd rather go to war."

Granny grabs a glass and has a sip of water. She remains quiet, so the table falls that way too.

Emma stares at her food for a few long minutes, trying to get her appetite up, but she can't. Not when she's thinking of all of the words she'd like to say to Killian and his horrible, awful face.

"Emma, if you don't eat you're not having dessert." Granny says firmly. "And we're having your favorite so I would hope you'd eat up."

Emma studies her plate for a moment longer and then turns her gaze up to her guardian. "Sorry. I'm not hungry. I think I'll go to bed."

She pushes back from the table after wiping her face with her napkin and when she stands up, Granny sighs.

"What are we going to do with you, girl?"

Emma grabs the envelope from where she'd set it down and she grips it hard enough to crumple it just a little.

When she finds herself wandering the halls upstairs in search of her father's study, Emma stops dead in her tracks and bites on her lower lip to stop from crying.

It still smells like him when she enters. She can almost see his smiling face and hear his happy laughter at the sight of her sneaking in not ten minutes after he'd tucked her into bed.

Emma wraps her arms around her chest and rubs her hands up and down her arms as she studies the books piled up exactly where he'd left them that fateful day almost fifteen years ago.

She purposefully ignores the painting that hangs on the wall across from her father's desk and instead goes to the balcony that hides behind it instead.

The night is young and the air is cool.

"If you're out there somewhere, please come back," Emma whispers to the sky, as she does every night. "Life sucks without you here."

Her heart feels heavy and she finally blinks free a loose tear. She reaches up to wipe at it with the hand that still clutches the envelope and she shuts her eyes and sighs as she sinks down on the balcony porch against the wall of the castle.

Emma opens the envelope and removes the letter once more.

Darling, have I ever told you how breathtaking you are? It's as if the sun and moon and stars shine when you laugh. It's a rarity, but yes, I have heard the sound.

I'm sorry you hate my face. If there was anything I could do to fix the devilishly handsome looks I've been bestowed with, I don't think I would do it. Sorry, love, but I do have to draw the line somewhere.

I realize you don't appreciate my teasing either and while I'd love to amend that, I don't think I can. You see, I've been forced to live with one of the realm's most unlikable rulers and with that comes a sharp tongue. I'm sure you understand. You and me, we understand each other, don't we?

Regina says we'll be venturing back to Misthaven in about a fortnight. Hopefully you'll have received this letter by then and can be anxiously awaiting our arrival. I, for one, can hardly wait to see you, darling. Please, don't run and hide. I'm dangerously good at hide and seek- my older brother, who has since passed on, could attest to that more than my fair aunt could.

As for the length of time we'll be spending with you, I've been told that yes, it will be longer than a week. Apparently Regina wants to visit with some guests you'll be having soon.

I'm thrilled. I can only imagine just how much time we'll have spent together by the end of it all. Morning walks in the garden… stargazing in the evenings… perhaps we'll attempt horseback riding on the beautiful countryside or dancing in the ballroom.

It appears I've run out of space on the page and Regina's calling for me.

Until we meet again, I am always your dutiful servant,

Killian

"Emma?" Red's voice carries, an edge of excitement in it. "Emma! Where are you?"

Emma sighs and stuffs the letter back into its envelope. She rises to her feet and calls out, "I'm here!"

She steps into her father's study just as Red begins to come outside. Red's eyes are wide and she wears a wolfish grin that makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"She's in here!"

"What?"

Red glances over her shoulder as Granny hurries into the room. "Did you find her- oh! There you are, Emma." Granny, Emma realizes, holds a piece of paper in her hand, and she has a breathless smile on her lips. "You have a proposal for courtship."

Emma's gut twists uncomfortably. She opens her mouth. "What? I thought we told everyone I wasn't accepting-" Red and Granny both exchange knowing smiles and Emma gets a sick feeling as she tilts her head at them. "Oh… no… it's not…"

Granny pulls the letter in front of her eyes and reads aloud, "I, Queen Regina, on behalf of my nephew, Prince Killian-"

"No, no, no, no, no!" Emma cuts Granny off completely. "I'm not courting him. Are you crazy? No!"

"Congratulations, nephew," Regina says coolly as he has a seat at their dining table. He sits at the far end, distancing himself from the queen as she sips at her coffee.

Still gruff and groggy from another restless night, Killian raises an eyebrow. "What for?"

Regina smiles as she settles the cup down on the table. "Princess Emma has agreed to court you."

Killian is hit with a few emotions all at once. First, shock that straightens his shoulders and causes him to choke on a hot sip of tea, and then confusion that creases his brow. "How- what-"

"I received a letter from the princess herself claiming it's not her desire to be married, but she wants the best for her kingdom. Besides, as she claims, it's just courting." Regina smiles wide. "Wise girl. I wonder how eager she'll be to drive you away." She has another quick sip from her cup and swallows as she says, "Oh, and she sent you a little note. It's there by your plate."

Killian finds the paper pressed against his knife, already torn open. "Opening my mail again, Regina?"

"Your business is my business," Regina shrugs.

Killian hums. "I'm beginning to desperately crave engagement."

He pulls out the paper from within the envelope and flips it open.

Dear Prince Killian,

You are a ridiculous, idiotic, tasteless, tactless monster and I can't wait until you come to the castle so I can find a way to release the anger welling up inside of me.

For now, I guess a letter is enough.

Just so you're aware, agreeing to courtship wasn't my idea. It was Granny's, who insists that me getting married will be good for the kingdom. We've lost a lot. Since my parents passed away, it's been hard for us to manage. Well, I say us, but I mostly mean Granny. She's the one making all of the calls.

I still think your face looks stupid.

Princess Emma of Misthaven

Killian bites down on his lower lip. He feels uneasy about it all. Despite the fact that he fancies the Princess of Misthaven when she's not yelling at him (though, even then she is quite pretty, with her flushed cheeks and squared shoulders), the gentleman in him knows better than to force his way into her heart.

Glancing up at his aunt, Killian finds her staring straight back at him. "Well, are you ready to go make things official? I was thinking we'd leave in an hour." She narrows her eyes. "Unless you're backing down from the challenge."

Killian clears his throat and sits up straight. "No, no."

It's not marriage, it's courtship, and he knows Emma's not about to give into his wiles, so he presumes this relationship will peter out within a few days. Though, if he's going to prove himself to Regina, it's going to have to get serious, and in order for that to happen, he really has to turn on the charm. It's a fight he is more than willing to partake in.

"An hour it is."

Emma finds herself nervous as she runs her brush through her hair. She sits at her vanity, anxiously listening to the sound of the ticking clock. Killian and Regina are due to arrive today, which means she has to formally meet the man she's agreed to court.

The idea makes her sick to her stomach, but Granny thinks if anything, it'll smooth over their relationship with Queen Regina.

There's a knock at her bedroom door and she turns, her eyes widened as her heart skips a beat. "Come in."

She watches as her bedroom door inches open. To her surprise, she finds Granny standing there, a small smile on her aging face.

"I wanted to talk to you," Granny says as she closes the door behind her.

She crosses the room to find a chair beside Emma's desk. She pulls it out and has a seat in front of the window. The warm afternoon glow makes her appear almost angelic and it reminds Emma that Granny's time here is limited.

Emma stares at the portrait of her parents that hangs on her bedroom wall and she sighs heavily as she rises to stand near Granny.

"When the court voted to make me regent until your eighteenth birthday, I didn't want to do it." Granny explains. "I wanted to take care of you. You were a little thing, barely able to comprehend what had happened, and it wasn't fair to you that you lose both of your parents, much less me." Granny sighs. "But somehow I managed it. I raised you while doing their job."

Emma's heart races and she frowns with uncertainty. "You're a good ruler, Granny. I don't think the people hold anything against you."

Granny smiles at Emma in spite of herself. She shakes her head. "My place isn't the throne room, Emma. It's yours. And I know you think you can do it on your own, but even with Geppetto at my side…" Granny shakes her head. "Even on our best days, we had more than enough grief."

Emma swallows. "Do you think I'll be ready?"

"I do," Granny smiles hopefully. "The court thinks you're ready too. That's why I came up. They want to have your coronation before your eighteenth birthday."

Emma's heart stops and her eyes grow wide. "What?"

"I know it's soon," Granny says gently. "But I'm not getting any younger and we've seen how you handle situations. We know you're ready."

Emma closes her eyes and puts her hands over her face. "When?"

"Within the next month or so," Granny tells her. "And by then, we hope Queen Regina will have amended the brokenness between our kingdoms and you might even have an engagement to strengthen our bond even more."

Emma groans. "Killian is the worst person I've ever had the displeasure of talking to."

Granny laughs. "Sometimes gentlemen show their affection in strange ways."

"He's not being affectionate," Emma snorts. She shivers at the thought. "He's being a pig."

Granny's eyes are bright with teasing and Emma watches as she stands up from the desk. She has to hold onto the desk's edge to balance out. "You remind me of your mother. So stubborn."

Emma rolls her eyes and turns away from Granny, instead staring out at the land below out the window.

"They'll be here soon," Granny says. "And I want you on your best behavior. We want to make a good impression- not a nasty one."

Emma snaps her gaze to Granny's, and Granny turns hers pointed. "Understand me?"

"Yes," Emma sighs wearily. "But I'll probably break it off by the end of the night."

Granny nods. "That's your right." She shrugs her shoulders. "But don't be too closed off. You might find you like him after all."

She has the decency to keep quiet until after Granny leaves her alone, and then she's screaming into her pillow.

Not a minute passes before there's yet another knock at her bedroom door. Emma groans, throwing her head back, and then says, "Come in."

The door opens and she finds Pinocchio standing there, smiling at her teasingly. His eyebrows dance as Emma's eyes widen and her mouth does too.

"What are you doing here?" she gasps. Emma charges up to him and collides into his warm embrace, both of them laughing.

"I finished my book," he tells her. "And I wanted to come home because I heard a rumor that the Princess of Misthaven has a suitor. Needed to see this guy for myself."

Emma hums skeptically. She pulls away from him and narrows her eyes. "He's not that serious. We fight like cats and dogs every time he's here."

Pinocchio gives her a look. "You, Emma, not getting along with a gentleman of noble background? Unheard of."

Emma rolls her eyes and shoves him back. "You're an idiot." She takes a step toward her desk and quickly hides the letters she'd left out from Killian in the bottom drawer. She can't have Pinocchio snooping around and teasing her even more for this. "Does Granny know you're home?"

Pinocchio laughs. "Ah… haven't gotten around to saying hi just yet, but I will."

Emma hums. "She's missed you. She talks about you a lot."

"Emma!" Red's voice interrupts the moment as she pounds on the door. "Emma, are you ready to woo your man? Because he's here."

Emma groans to herself, shaking out her arms. She absolutely does not want this in the least.

Pinocchio chuckles. "Don't worry, Emma. I'll protect you if he's really as awful as you say."

Emma rolls her eyes and marches up to her bedroom door. "I can handle it myself, Pinocchio."

He hums. "I'm sure you can. But just know I'm here if you need me."

Emma nods. "I know."

There aren't any words for what Killian feels the moment Princess Emma walks into the room. He's standing with Regina, anxious butterflies flapping away in his stomach as he attempts to hold a conversation with one of the dwarfs about the trip to Misthaven.

She's wearing a light blue dress and her hair is let down in pretty golden curls around her shoulders. Her expression is hard as ever, but he still finds grace in the way her eyes twinkle.

"Here she is," Regina says under her breath. "Are you ready to win her over?"

Killian hums. "As I'll ever be."

When Emma comes to a stop before them, she immediately greets them with a curtsy and a slight smile that fades when she sets her eyes on him for long enough.

"Hello, Prince Killian."

Killian bows and grins. "Princess. It's a pleasure. As always."

Unlike their previous visits, Emma is accompanied by a man he's never met before. He turns to him and raises a questioning eyebrow.

"Your Highness," he smiles, bowing slightly. "I'm Pinocchio. My father was a member of the court."

Killian smiles at Pinocchio and nods his head. "Aye. I've heard stories."

For a few lingering seconds, Killian stares at Emma. She avoids staring back at him. He understands it, he truly does, but in order to win her heart, he's going to have to work at it.

"I've never been in a courtship before," Killian breaks the silence. He can practically hear Regina's snickering now. "But I'm fairly certain it means we need to speak to one another in private at least once before committing to it."

Emma raises an eyebrow skeptically. "Okay."

Her main priority as she and Killian walk into a sitting room on the lower level of the castle is making sure she's not giving off any signals that might indicate that she wants this. Because she doesn't.

She's not even sure why she wrote back that she wanted to consider a courtship with Killian in the first place.

As soon as the doors are closed and they're alone, Emma spins on her heel to face the prince.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she immediately demands.

Killian raises his eyebrows and holds his hands up as if he's an innocent party. "I've done nothing wrong, Princess. You're the one who closed the doors behind us."

Emma folds her arms against her chest and tilts her head at him. She gives him a hard look. "You know what I mean. Why ask to court me?"

Killian gives her a look. "What, do you think I'm playing you?" He lowers his voice and searches her face. "Emma, I don't mean to be abrupt, but we've known each other for several years and you know when I'm lying to you."

Emma holds his gaze firmly, watching as he leans forward just slightly. Her heart begins to race and she clenches her jaw. "You're full of it."

"I am not," Killian responds. He groans softly when Emma takes a few steps away from him. She walks toward the bookshelves against the far wall and she begins to stare intently at the covers as if she's never seen them before. "We have obligations, as prince and princess. I know you know that just as much as I do. Marriage is just one of the steps in the order of things."

Emma avoids looking at him, even when he crosses the room and attempts to get her to face him. He fails for a few long moments, but then, when she gets irritated at the silence in the room, Emma gives in.

"I'm not a plaything," she informs him lowly. "And I'm sure my parents would be offended to find out that you're the first suitor I've ever had."

Killian gives her a playful smirk. "Darling, I'm not all bad, am I?"

Emma rolls her eyes. "You're such an arrogant pig. You care more about your appearance than keeping friendships and you've probably never courted anyone because no woman in her right mind would ever wish to spend more than ten seconds in the same room as you. I don't know how I've lasted as long as I have."

Prince Killian just smiles and nods. He laughs quietly to himself and licks his lips before biting them. He turns his gaze to the books on the shelf and runs his fingers against the binding.

"Well, now that you've got it all out of your system," Killian finally says, clasping his hands behind his back and rocking forward on his heels. A smile spreads on his face, a warm one, and he gets those dimples that often hide for much longer than she'd like. "Can I please tell you why I've decided to ask for your hand in courtship?"

Emma takes a breath and holds it in. "Fine."

Killian's smile spreads and he nods once. "I want you to know that I'm not as awful as you've made me out to be."

"That's it?" Emma gives him a look.

He holds up a hand as if he wants to tell her to be quiet and he continues, "And in turn, you'll realize that all of this hostility you hold toward me is simply you deflecting your true feelings." Killian leans in closer to her, studying her expression with a unwavering grin. "You see, Princess, I've got a feeling you quite like me from time to time."

Emma keeps her lips pressed together for fear of saying something she'll regret and instead just watches as Killian leans away again.

"You're beautiful in that dress," he tells her lowly. "That's my favorite shade of blue. Did you remember that from my letters?"

Emma rolls her eyes. "I never read your letters."

It's a lie. Of course she remembered. Maybe part of her wishes that this courtship will actually mean something in the long run and that it won't just be for the sake of the next natural step.

Killian hums, a hint of skepticism in the way he eyes her. "Well, I think you're stunning, Princess. And I hope you'll take me up on my offer of a walk through the castle garden tonight after dinner."

Emma sighs heavily. "Fine. But you don't get to touch me. And if I want to leave-"

"Anything you wish," Killian promises, his charm making his eyes somehow brighter. "I'll see you at dinner?"

Emma nods quietly. She stares at Killian for a few long moments in contemplation before she starts for the doors to the room.

She doesn't take two steps before Killian's rushing on ahead of her so he can pull them open himself.

"I can open a door myself. I'm not suddenly handicapped." Emma berates him lightly as she steps through the open doors.

Killian rolls his eyes. "Just trying to be a gentleman, darling. If you'll allow it."

As Emma walks, she glances behind her in time to catch Killian's eyes just before she turns down the hall for the stairs.

Killian smiles. "So I take it we're courting now?"

Unable to hold back a smile of her own, Emma informs him, "I still think your face looks stupid."

She takes off for the stairs as fast as she can without running and prays that this isn't going to be a huge mistake.

She thinks he's trying too hard.

The confident demeanor doesn't do anything but prove he's good at putting on a mask, and his flirtatious comments only fuel her desire to throw up her hands and go running back into the castle.

The night air is a little chilly, but Emma forces herself to stay calm and collected. She stares ahead of them, listening to the sound of their shoes against the ground. They've both been quiet since coming out here and it's starting to get a little irritating.

"So are we going to talk about it?" Emma asks, raising her eyebrows as she slows to a stop at a bench.

Killian purses his lips and watches her sit. "About what, Your Highness?"

Emma gives him a look. "About us. Earlier you really wanted to come out here after dinner so we could talk." She shrugs. "I'm here. Talk."

Killian smiles slightly and hesitates as he averts his gaze to the sky.

"Actually, I want to be honest with you, Emma." He sits beside her, not too close, and keeps his eyes on the sky above. "Regina's the one that wanted us to start courting because she thought I wouldn't last. The nature of our relationship has always been quite argumentative and difficult-"

He cuts himself short and she waits for him to continue, but he doesn't.

Emma looks up at him, discovering that he's still gazing at the stars.

And for once, she feels like she's seeing him honestly.

She knows he used to love sailing- it's actually how they met as children on one of his uncle's ships while he and his older brother Liam hurried around doing tasks as if they were one of the members of the navy.

She knows it had been his aspiration to join the navy, but after the passing of his brother, he hadn't wanted to.

Emma follows Killian's eye line and focuses on the stars near the half moon.

"So you don't want this," Emma says, surprising herself at how much disappointment and anxiety floods her chest.

"No, no," Killian shakes his head. "I-"

Her fingers begin to twist together in her lap and a breeze makes her clench into herself as much as she can.

"You're freezing," Killian mutters. "Forgive me for not offering my coat sooner."

He shucks his coat as soon as he stands again and then he's draping the warm coat around her shoulders and rubbing down her arms with a tiny smile on his lips.

Emma reaches up to hold the coat and in turn, brushes his fingers. Their eyes meet and Emma's heart skips a beat.

She's always known him to be attractive, despite what she might tell him otherwise. She just thinks he's ridiculously full of himself and selfishly she doesn't want him to know that she's too proud to allow someone into her life and her heart.

She works her arms into the sleeves of Killian's coat and marvels at how the sleeves fall past her hands.

"I was thinking about the constellations," Killian says as he sits down beside her once more. This time, he edges a little bit closer, and Emma finds herself not minding in the least that she can feel the warmth of his body heat. "And how sailors use the patterns in the sky to find their home."

Emma looks at the sky and her teeth dig into her lower lip. "Why were you thinking about that?"

Killian is thoughtfully quiet- she can practically feel it as she studies his profile. He swallows and a nervous smile crawls onto his face. He turns toward her and shakes his head slightly.

"The problem is, Princess," Killian pauses and turns his gaze skyward once again. "I don't have a place that feels like home, so I'm not sure where to look."

Emma's heart both breaks and grows warm all at once. She knows exactly how this feels, because she hasn't found a place that feels like home, either.

As she considers how to respond, Emma searches the sky and thinks of the nights she would yell up, begging for her parents to save her from this life she's had to live without them.

"Which one's here?" she asks quietly.

Emma turns her attention to Killian and he narrows his eyes slightly. He looks up at the stars and points to one above the castle.

"Do you see that there?" he asks, tracing a shape with his pointer finger. Emma nods. "It's called the Cygnus."

Emma holds Killian's coat a little bit tighter. "A swan."

"Aye," Killian says, smiling when she looks back over at him.

For a few moments, they stare at one another. Emma turns her eyes away from him and instead stares up at the Cygnus.

"Maybe…" Emma says thoughtfully. "Maybe the Cygnus can be where you look. For your swan."

She doesn't look at him until she feels him shift on the bench, his fingers between his legs to keep them warm.

He stares at her like she means something to him, like she isn't just a task and she isn't just the next step in his life. Instead, it feels like she's here with him now and that means everything to him.

"For my swan," he repeats quietly, a twinkle of playfulness in his eyes while he seems to attempt to soak every line of her face into his memory.

Killian smiles then, a little thing, and he looks back up at the sky. So does she.

"I wager the reason we fight so much is because we're both lost sailors searching for home." Killian says after a little while. "You certainly can swear like one at least."

Emma rolls her eyes, but otherwise doesn't say anything. Instead, she grips at the ends of Killian's coat and plays with a button. The colors of his coat contrast harshly against what she's wearing- a good representation of their relationship up until this moment.

She's always wondered what he'd be like if he wasn't so infuriating. Allowing him the chance to show her has certainly proved that he's willing to be a good man for not only her, but for himself.

"Emma?" he asks, almost timidly.

"Yes?" Emma turns her gaze back onto Killian. She finds him already staring at her.

"Would you like to go riding tomorrow?"

She takes a breath and releases it before rising to her feet. She holds out her hand for him to take and after he stares at her extended palm, he finally does. Only after he stands does she nod her head at him.

"Aye?" Killian asks a little breathlessly. It's as if he can't believe it.

Emma nods again. She bites down on her lower lip and her heart swells under his gaze, so she does something reckless- she pushes up onto her toes, grabs onto one shoulder, and kisses his cheek.

When she's back on her heels, Emma takes a few broad steps back and watches his bewildered grin spread.

"How long have you had a crush on me, Killian?" she asks him bravely.

Killian shakes his head. "Longer than I'd care to admit, love."

"Me too."

Emma's hair is soft and her laughter is sweet.

They've ended up sitting beneath a weeping willow, Emma's head in his lap while he reads aloud from one of her books. She keeps teasing him for the voices he's giving the characters and he keeps the fingers of his free hand curled in the length of her bunched-up hair.

Emma plays with the pendant on the necklace she wears, only occasionally interrupting his reading to pick fun, and otherwise seems just as content as he feels.

It has been two weeks since they began their courtship, officially, and with each passing day, he's found himself becoming desperately lost in Emma.

He doesn't know why he used to be so difficult with her. Yes, his heartache had drawn up walls and hardened his heart, but that wasn't an excuse to treat Emma the way he had.

The one thing he's realized in the time that they've spent together is that Emma had done the very same thing, and that perhaps, seeing him just as broken as she helped her realize that their connection runs deeper than their history.

The sun makes the air warm and Killian has his sleeves rolled up past his elbows. Emma reaches for his hand, the one that was in her hair, and takes it for her own examinations. Her touch is gentle and it tickles him some as she feels the skin of his palm and trails down his arm.

"Whatever are you doing?" he chuckles, settling the book down on it's pages in the grass beside him.

Emma bites on her lip and smiles up at him slightly.

"Your hands are rough." She informs him.

Killian raises an eyebrow. "Aye. I spend time on our naval ships every chance I get. You know that."

Emma hums. She continues her mindless examination of his hand and then says, "Geppetto's hands were too. He warned me against marrying someone with soft hands because they don't know what it means to work."

Killian's heart skips a beat and Emma must realize what she's just said, because she lowers his hand away from hers and pulls herself up so she's sitting.

He frowns. "I know he meant a lot to you, Emma."

She looks over her shoulder at him and sighs heavily. "Yeah." Emma moves to sit beside him. She rests her head against his shoulder and plays with her own fingers. "Everyone I love leaves me. I don't..."

Killian immediately reaches for one of her hands and slips his fingers between hers. "I'm not going anywhere fast, love."

Emma scoffs. "You say that now."

"Hey," Killian murmurs. He draws their hands up to his lips and kisses the backside of hers. With the action, he earns Emma's attention. "I realize what's going on between us is new and it scares you- it scares me too, if I'm honest- but if there's anything you can trust it's that I won't leave you. Not now that you finally have stopped telling me my face is stupid."

Emma laughs once and shakes her head. Her smile fades into a worried frown and she releases his hand so that she can pull her hair over her shoulders.

"I'm supposed to be coronated in a few weeks."

Killian watches as she sighs and presses her hands together in her lap. She turns her attention to the castle in the nearby distance.

"You'll be a good queen, Emma."

She sighs. "That's what everyone keeps saying."

"Well, if your temper has any influence on your diplomacy, I do fear for the safety of your relationships with other kingdoms," Killian pauses when Emma doesn't laugh at his teasing.

He can sense that she's about to cry- he can see the tremble of her lower lip and the glassy look in her eyes.

"I know you'll be a good queen because you worry about your people." Killian says honestly. "I've seen you in court. I've seen you at dances and at dinner parties and with other rulers." He pauses. "Do you know what my favorite part about you is?"

Emma takes a breath and shakes her head.

"Your heart," he tells her. "It's the most beautiful thing about you. Behind all of those walls that guard it from hurt and pain, it cares and it loves and I can tell that it's uneasy." Killian studies Emma's face and smiles a little. "And I hope it's my job to protect your heart, so please, Emma, believe me when I tell you- you've nothing to worry about."

She tilts her head to the side and it earns him a teasing eye-roll before she says, "Are you asking if you can have my heart?"

Killian shrugs. "Are you offering?"

Emma laughs gently and bites down on her lower lip as she considers him honestly. "You already have it."

He's always heard stories of what it feels like to be in love but he's never felt it for himself, that is, until this moment. His heart swells and he can't keep the smile from his lips, even when Emma suddenly sits forward and kisses him.

He chases her lips when she parts from him, desperate to make this moment last for the rest of his days, and it makes her laugh sweetly. Killian settles his palm against her cheek and their foreheads touch.

"Can we finish the story?" Emma asks quietly.

"Hm?"

"The book," Emma nudges him. She leans back and reaches across his lap to grab the leather-bound novel from the grass. Emma sits back against the tree and clears her throat.

"Hold on, now," Killian grins playfully. He slides down the tree just slightly and then presses his head into her lap. It makes her laugh happily and she presses the book against her face. "There we are. Go ahead, darling."

Emma slips her fingers into his hair and gives it a generous tug. "You're lucky you're handsome."

"I thought I had a stupid face," he teases back.

"Well," Emma hesitates. "Hmm."

He furrows his brow deeply. "What?"

She shrugs and starts to comb through his hair, gentler this time. "Maybe it isn't that bad."

Emma sighs as soon as she sits down at the table for breakfast. Admittedly, she feels better than she has in a long time- probably in her whole life- but today is the day Killian and Regina are returning home to their kingdom.

Killian, of course, has promised letters daily and he'll be coming for her coronation ceremony. While it's endearing, she also is anxious about what's to come.

This courtship with Killian has been very good since it started, but that doesn't mean things won't fall apart. After all, their relationship had started with him irritating the life out of her.

"Good morning, Emma," Regina says as soon as she sits down across from her.

She manages to smile back at her. "Morning, Your Majesty."

Emma reaches for a pastry and picks at it with her fingers. She's preoccupied thinking about what she's going to say to Killian when they say goodbye.

"So, things with my nephew must be going well."

Emma looks up at the woman with wide eyes. "Um…" she feels her cheeks heating up. "I guess."

Regina smiles almost evilly. She drops the smile as she attends to the toast and spread in her hands.

"I suppose they should be. He's a very good actor, isn't he?" Regina's eyes widen playfully. "The last girl he settled for was… well, she was boring. You're much more of an adventure for him."

Emma's stomach twists. "What… what are you talking about?"

Regina grins and shrugs. "You know how it is, being a princess yourself. You have higher standards where it comes to playing games. This is what he likes to do."

Regina has a bite of her toast and licks her lips, a frown soon overcoming her expression. She leans forward. "Do I have to spell it out for you, Princess? He's. Not. Interested. He's pretending to like you."

The queen sits back in her chair and raises an eyebrow. "And by the looks of things, you bought it."

Emma shakes her head. "Killian wouldn't lie to me. We've known each other too long for that."

Regina hums. "Well, did he tell you that it was my idea to set you two up?"

"Yes," Emma says on a nod. "And he also said he's had feelings for me for a long time. Before you were even in the picture."

The queen takes a deep breath and releases it slowly.

"Well, Princess, I guess it's on you to decide who's telling the truth." Her smile spreads. "Either way, I'm sure you'll lose him. It's only a matter of time before he realizes just how pathetic you are. You're so desperate for someone to love you that you settled for my nephew!"

Regina laughs.

Somewhere in the back of Emma's mind, she hears a little voice that tells her that nobody's ever loved her and those who have are gone or are leaving.

"And weak just like your parents before you. Not to mention you'll probably let your mood swings get the best of you when you're the queen."

Regina gives Emma an apologetic smile. "I see the real you, Emma. And I know you see it too."

Emma can't fathom eating anything, and she isn't sure what to think of Regina's words. She's never trusted the woman. But there's something that feels terrifyingly true about what she's saying.

"Good morning, Aunt." Killian's voice carries from the door.

Emma finds herself looking up at her suitor even as Regina denies him the honor, instead opting to smirk at Emma, an eyebrow raised in a challenge.

Emma swallows thickly and watches Killian cross the room to her. He leans down to kiss the top of her head. "Good morning, love."

In comparison to the way he'd greeted his aunt, his tone lowers and becomes warm, as if it's a beautiful secret spoken just to her.

She realizes as she sits there listening to him spread jam over his toast that she can't do this. She can't live with the suspicion and she doesn't want to lose him or have her heart broken over a man she thought she knew but now might not truly.

"I'm sorry," she says as she pushes back from the table.

"Emma?" Killian asks in confusion.

She feels tears in her eyes as she stares at him. "I'm sorry. I can't."

"Why?" Killian's brow furrows.

"I made a mistake," she admits to him. "And I trusted you when I shouldn't have. I should have just protected myself like I wanted to."

Emma rolls her fingers into her palms, making fists at her sides. Her fingernails dig into her flesh as she marches toward the door. She pivots around when she hears Killian's chair push away from the table.

"Emma- I don't know what it is that I've done."

"Of course you don't," Emma says. "Because you're the same arrogant pig you've always been. I just let myself believe you were different because I'm weak."

He looks hurt by her words, just as hurt as she feels, but she's not going to take it all back now.

Regina was right- she's weak and pathetic and she's not going to make a good queen. And if Regina's right about that, she's probably also right about where Killian stands in regards to this relationship.

Dear Prince Killian,

You are an awful person and I hate you.

I don't want to see you anymore or hear from you, so stop writing to me. I know what happened at the castle the morning you left was probably abrupt, but I have my reasons and I have to protect myself.

Signed,

Princess Emma of Misthaven

Killian sighs as he sets the note down. It's probably the shortest letter he's ever received, from Emma or otherwise.

He isn't entirely sure what provoked Emma to suddenly decide to end their courtship, but he knows she's under a lot of stress with the coronation and just about every other element of her life.

While they spent as much time as they could during those two weeks, it wasn't half as long as he wished, and now the memories he has are dampened by the brokenness he feels in his heart.

"So," Regina's voice interrupts his thoughts. She steps into his study studying her fingernails and when she looks up at him, she raises an eyebrow. "It turns out you can't woo any girl you desire. Certainly not Princess Emma." Regina sighs. "A shame. I was looking forward to seeing you grovel at my feet."

Killian narrows his eyes at his aunt. "Did you say something to her?"

"So what if I did?" Regina responds hardly. "It's not like the whole thing was ever serious to begin with. After all of the arguing you two did, I was surprised to find out you were suddenly getting along. It wouldn't have lasted. It never does."

Killian rises from his chair and clenches his jaw. "Do you know how long I've known Emma? I've known her since I was ten years old. And I have fought with her ever since, but it's never been because I hated her."

Regina's eyes widen slightly at the realization. "So you love her?"

"Aye," Killian says. "And now she hates me for whatever it is you said."

His chest feels so heavy that it anchors him back into his chair. He studies the words on the page before him and presses his hands against his face.

It's over. It's over and he can't breathe.

My Dearest Emma,

There are no words that can adequately describe how at home you've made me feel at the castle. Thank you for opening up to me. Thank you for allowing me the privilege of being one of your closest friends. I know it can't be easy for you to let someone like me into your heart.

You've asked me to give you a list of my favorite attributes- no, you want a list of five of my favorite attributes. (Make up your mind, darling, I'm writing this for your benefit, not as much mine.)

Regardless, here are my five favorite things about you, my Swan.

1) your heart, as we've often discussed

2) your laughter (it sounds like the purest music)

3) your hair (while you sit beside me laughing about this one, I must tell you why- it is impossibly soft and when you stand beneath the sun, or moon and stars, it glows so beautifully)

4) your smile

5) the way you take my hand (silly, I know, but it being that I've yet to have someone do it with as much grace as you… I believe you can fill in the blanks)

Apparently this is enough and you have other ideas for how to spend our time together, rather than watching me write you a letter.

Thank you, Emma. For everything.

With love,

Killian

Emma smiles in spite of herself as she reads and rereads the letter she'd left sitting on top of her desk.

The thunder and lightning had kept her awake. The sound of the rain as it cascaded around the castle had been loud, indicating a heavy storm.

It's gone now, has been for a while, but Emma still sits at her desk, wrapped in a robe with a mug of cold hot chocolate sitting on the desk where she'd left it.

She's only a few days away from being coronated and the nerves tickle at her fingertips, but what overwhelms her is her guilt for not saying goodbye to Killian and instead sending him a letter informing him that she hates him.

It may have been true in the heat of the moment, but it's not anymore.

Emma's eyes water and she wipes at them, sniffling in time with a distant rumble of thunder.

She has a sip of hot chocolate and just as she stands up so she can go back to bed, there's a knock at the door.

Furrowing her brow, Emma walks over to the door to open it.

On the other side, she's more than a little surprised to find Killian standing there, soaked to the bone and still dripping. He's winded, gasping for breath as his eyes widen at the sight of her.

"Killian, what are you-"

"Emma, I love you."

She's stunned into silence. Her eyes grow bigger and she feels her heart race.

"I love you," he repeats softer. "And I'm sorry I- I don't know what it is Regina told you, but I swear to you that I have only ever wanted you, Emma."

Emma takes him in again. His clothes are clinging to his skin and his hair is dripping puddles onto the floor. He has a desperate look in his eyes, and when she doesn't say anything, the desperation leaks into his voice.

"Please," his voice cracks just a little. "Emma, I know you want to protect yourself, but in doing so you're hurting someone who loves you."

For a few seconds, Emma stands before him in silence. Her mouth falls open and she nods her head. "I love you too."

Killian's desperation turns into joy and he laughs. "Truly?"

"Yes," Emma laughs in response. "I love you. I know I said I hate you, but I don't. I never have. I was just… overwhelmed and angry."

Killian nods. "Aye. I understand." He looks down at himself. "I'd very much like to hug you but I'm drenched, love."

Emma can't help but laugh even more, so much so that she's afraid she'll wake people up. Killian's laughter mixes with hers and she shakes her head.

"Come with me. I'm sure Pinocchio has some clothes you can borrow."

"What were you doing awake when I came to your door?" Killian asks as she fixes up his bed.

A blush fills her cheeks and she pulls back the covers. "I was reading one of your letters."

When she turns toward him, he tilts his head to the side and furrows his brow. "One of my letters? I thought you burned them."

Emma, caught in the act, holds open her mouth and shrugs her shoulders. "I guess I didn't do that."

Killian laughs. He steps up to her. His hair is still damp, but he's warmer now that he has dry clothes and a belly full of hot chocolate. He pulls her to him, his arms around her waist, and Emma smiles up at him.

"How did you find your way here in the dark, with the storm and everything?" she wonders.

Killian leans in to kiss her forehead and when he pulls back, he smiles softly at her, a teasing quirk to his eyebrows.

"Don't you know?" he asks. Emma shakes her head, so he tells her lowly, "I followed the stars to find my way back home to you."

Emma sighs, a smile on her lips. She could probably cry, but instead, she replies wittily, "You're lucky you have a nice face because words like those aren't going to earn you a kiss goodnight."

Killian laughs and she does too. "How about the fact that you love me? Hm? Is that enough?"

Emma sighs again, this time faking exhaustion. "I suppose."

And it's there, as Emma kisses Killian goodnight, that she thinks for the first time in her life that things will absolutely, without question, be okay.