He couldn't contain the feelings he had for his friend. They've been making his heart yearn for his touch for far too long, and it was about time that the truth should come out. With trembling hands, he picked up the phone and dialed his number. There was no going back once he heard his friend's voice on the other line.
"Morty, why are you calling? What do you want?"
Morty's mind went blank. He knew what he wanted, but he just couldn't squeeze his feelings out, especially after hearing Eusine's voice. No. He went in with a plan and he was gonna execute that plan.
"I gotta talk to you about something. Are you busy? Do you think you could come over for a little bit? I need to get something off my chest." Morty sounded exasperated; it took almost everything in him just to initiate his plan. He couldn't even imagine what it would be like when Eusine sat in front of him, breathing the same air.
"Yeah give me 5 minutes." Eusine didn't say anything else before he hung up, leaving Morty hanging, wondering if Eusine was in a bad mood and this would be a bad time.
His thoughts were proven wrong when Eusine showed up, smiling and with a happy aura. Once Morty opened the door, he simply walked in and made himself comfortable on the couch.
"So why'd you call me over here? What's your problem? I bet it's not as big as my problem."
Morty sighed. Of course Eusine had to bring up Suicune. Not a day went by when he didn't and honestly, it pissed Morty off. It was like all that man cared about was that dumb Pokemon. He wished Eusine would broaden his horizons a bit.
"Well…uhmmm," Morty stuttered a bit as the knot in his stomach grew. This was it. Like Michael Jackson's movie, This is It. "I've been…thinking for a long while, right? And I feel I should tell you this." He sat next to Eusine on the couch and without a second thought, grabbed the other man's hand and started into his mouthwash blue orbs that sparkled from the light coming through the window. "Eusine, I really like you. More than a friend. I have a crush on you and I was just kind of wondering if you felt the same. You know, if you're into that. If not, I mean, I guess that's cool but I don't know, you've always struck me as being kind of fruity. So what do you say? Want to go to dinner with me sometime?"
Eusine had a disgusted look on his face as he pulled his hands away from Morty's, grabbed a pillow, and hit Morty on the side of the head with it.
"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, MORTY?! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DARE ASK ME OUT WHEN YOU KNOW THAT THE ONLY RELATIONSHIP I'M INTERESTED IN IS ONE WITH MY DARLING SUGAR PIE, SUICUNE. YOU'RE AS DENSE AS A BRICK AND I HOPE YOU NEVER GET LAID YOU SCUMBAG!" Eusine ran out of the house in tears, leaving Morty heartbroken and speechless on his cigarette stained, zebra print couch.
He felt an empty void in his heart, yet the pain he was experiencing at the same time was immense. How could he be so dumb to drop a bombshell like that? His heart relied on mutual feelings from Eusine and now that he didn't have what he wanted, there was no use. He had to do something to end these feelings. Something drastic.
He got in his car and sped to Goldenrod City. He needed to find a random drug dealer in an alley that would sell him weed for cheap.
He parked his beat '97 Toyota Camry in the department store parking lot and stumbled out towards the alley, face red, holding back tears like the Hoover Dam. Once in the alley, he collapsed to his knees, letting the tears out, almost howling with sobs, screaming up towards the heavens, cursing and pounding the ground until he passed out.
It was once he was passed out that he found his salvation. An angel of sorts.
He looked like Lil' Wayne and smelled like him too. He descended on a smoke cloud, a giant weed leaf behind him as some type of backdrop, white robes, he was beautiful. Morty sat up a bit, squinting because one of his contacts fell out when he passed out. Was he dreaming? No, he was awake. This was real. As real as something really real like a reality show. Maybe like the TV show Cops. Yeah, that real. The angel started to speak in tongues, but then once he saw the confused look on Morty's face, switched to English.
"My little homie, you came here looking for salvation," Morty could smell weed on his breath as he talked. "I have that salvation you seek. Before I give it to you, however, you must show me that you are deserving."
Morty knew exactly what to do. He took gum out of his pocket and unwrapped it, throwing the gum on the ground and covering his teeth with the wrapper to simulate grillz.
"Is this what you wanted to see, master?"
The angel of weed nodded, "You have passed my test, young Mortimer. Now go. Go on and be free."
The sky above split as the angel went up. It was all over.
When Morty woke up, he was a bit bummed that it was all a dream. It felt so genuine.
But then he noticed the little baggie next to him and his faith was restored.
Looking up towards the sky, he whispered, "Thank you Weezy."
And that's what started it all. It was all Eusine's fault that Morty became reliant on pot. If Eusine never broke his heart, Morty would still be a respectable young man with a bright future and clean fingers that wouldn't have Dorito residue on them constantly.
The pot helped, but not completely. Even stoned, numb to everything, Morty still ached. Even worse, he was always hungry. And where would a stoned 20-something year old go to eat when hungry?
Taco Bell, the home of Doritos Locos Tacos.
Morty would go there and order 10, eating them in his car, pot burning, eyes flooding with tears.
Eusine would never know the pain he felt.
As Morty squeezed hot sauce all over his tacos, he thought about Eusine and how they could have been squeezing hot sauce on tacos together. But no, he had to only have eyes for that damn dog. As Morty got deeper and deeper into thought, he started choking up, his chest felt tight. Throwing the taco he was in the middle of eating down on the floor of his car, he whipped open the door and collapsed in the parking lot.
"WHY, EUSINE? WHY WOULD YOU HURT ME IN THIS WAY? I JUST WANT YOU TO TOUCH MY DNA RIFLE!" He screamed and laid face down, creating a puddle of tears on the concrete. It was 1 a.m. and nothing would ease the pain. He cried for about 10 minutes before drifting off into a deep sleep.
He was in his bed, with his familiar Power Rangers bed sheets and wall plastered with various '90s alternative rock and reggae posters. Sighing, he smiled to himself. It was all a dream. All of it. He was happy and warm, safe in his house with….he looked over to his side and saw Eusine lying next to him, smirking and licking his lips.
"Let me touch your magic wand, Morty. I want to show you a new magic trick I've been working on." He adjusted himself to be on top, looking down into Morty's longing eyes. "Just one taste, come on." He brushed his hand against Morty's cheek sensually.
They went at it all night, rubbing their members together, moaning and screaming, doing impossible positions because bodies could move in many different ways that you would never know. Eusine pressed his lips against Morty's neck countless times, licking and nipping, making sure Morty would have marks in the morning, proof of their love.
The fell asleep nestled in each other's arms, heart to heart. Morty couldn't be happier. This was all he ever wanted.
He woke up to Eusine's soft touch on his shoulder. God, Eusine's hands were always so smooth. He must use Bath and Body Works lotion or something. Damn.
"E-Eusine?" Morty mumbled half asleep.
"Kyle stop kicking that hobo" A woman's voice penetrated the air. Morty opened his eyes and saw a little boy kicking him, not Eusine touching him. Slowly lifting himself up, he noticed it was mid afternoon and he was in the Taco Bell parking lot. The fancy Taco Bell. The perfect Taco Bell for a hot date with Eusine that he'll never get to have.
He started bawling his eyes out again and just took the baggie of weed and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.
Fin.