"Oh Hagrid!" Hermione moaned in Hagrid's hut. He pushed her roughly against the wall, as she felt a large intense wet feeling on her neck. Hagrid moved his kisses back from her neck to her mouth and she moaned ferociously.

"Oh come on baby" he groaned in his husky voice, letting their tongues battle in their mouths passionately. He ran his hands through her hair leaving it tangled. Hermione started unbuttoning his moleskin jacket hurriedly. Hagrid used his massive hands to quickly throw off Hermione's clothes and leave them discarded on the floor so he could get his hands all over her body.

"OH HAGRID" Hermione screamed in pleasure, and Hagrid was thankful his hut was far away from the castle where anyone could hear their heated sex session. She could feel her body throbbing with anticipation and want like she had never felt before with the surprising love she feel's for Hagrid.

Hagrid kissed her roughly to their pleasure as they were both stripped of all their clothes.

"Wow Hagrid! What a big doodle!" Hermione said shocked but licked her lips seductively at the exciting sight. Hagrid tried to push himself into her but found a major problem. It was too big to fit in.

"Mmmm" Hagrid groaned, not being able to wait any longer. He used his own hands moving up and down and Hermione found herself drenched in one squirt.

"Oh Hagrid!" she giggled. "Give me more!" He moved his hands up and down faster until Hermoione was soaked and felt herself feeling wet at the thought. Hagrid pushed as hard as he can and managed to push into Hermione.

"OHHHHHHH" They both screamed in unison. Hagrid moved up and down quickly trying not to squash Hermione.

"OHH HERMIONE! THIS IS SO GOOD!" Hagrid shrieked.

"Oh yes!" It felt so good and Hermione was so glad she could finally do this with Hagrid, the love of her life.

"Oh Hagrid! Ohhh!" Hermione started screeching as he was pushing her to hard against the wall and beginning to suffocate her but Hagrid didn't understand. He continued pushing harder and faster and she nearly passed out with suffocation and loss of breath from the pleasure.

Suddenly there was a loud bang against the hut, which wasn't coming from Hagrid and Hermione for once. Dumbledore entered the room just as Hagrid orgasmed and tried to pull out of Hermione. He grunted as he pulled out as hard as he could, snapping his penis in the process. Once he forced it out he was still squirting and his malfunctioned penis jetted out into Dumbledore's awestruck face.

"Oh bugger" Hermione sighed as they had been caught and Hagrid was likely to be taken away for child rape.

"Hagrid! You've already had your wand snapped in half, now your penis is snapped in half so however can I punish you now!" Dumbledore raged.

Hagrid hung his head in shame and when he looked up again Dumbledore had stripped off to his man thong and was approaching kinkily with a sexy dance. He slowly removed his man thong, flicking it onto Hagrid, turning him onto the max.

"Oh, so this is how I will repay you!" winked Hagrid. Hermione had stayed very quiet in the process but when Hagrid cast his eyes over to her, her tongue was hanging out as she stared at Dumbledore's lower parts which were only covered by his dangling grey beard, or maybe his pubes as they both looked similar in colour.

"Mmm, let's have some fun" Hermione moaned as the two men surrounded her. She was already wet from her session before so Dumbledore slipped up her easily and Hagrid went up the other end.

"OHHHHH" she groaned, feeling more pleasure than she ever had before. They moved up and down to the rhythm for a while before letting themselves be soaked be Hagrid's large load, then Dumbledore got his Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans encrusted whip out. He went to whip Hagrid first but the whip broke on his massive bum cheeks. The beans flew everywhere and one got stuck up Hermione.

"Oh my bean!" she screamed.

"Oh yes I know" Dumbledore said, not understanding what she meant. "Do you want me to give it a flick?"

"YES!" she shrieked hopefully, hoping he would flick it out of her but he only flicked it further up. Hagrid was feeling left out so he went back to Hermione and stuck his penis up her, and then squirted so much the bean came out of her mouth along with everything else. She left her mouth open until everything was out but Hagrid got the wrong idea so he stuck his shaft in and choked her because it was so big. Hermione choked and bit into it hard until it came off and she was disappointed she couldn't get any more pleasure from it so moved on to Dumbledore and pleasured him in the same way.

"OH ALBUS PERCIVAL WOLFRICK BRIAN DUMBLEDORE" she orgasmed.

"Wow that screaming my name was longer than the quickie we just had!" Dumbledore grinned.

"Oh yes your really sexy orgasmic name" said Hermione. Hagrid felt very annoyed and left out so bit Hermione's vaginal areas in revenge but he was biting in all the right places and made her so happy and she squirted all into Hagrid's mouth, and it all mixed in with his big bushy beard. He began licking and sucking his big bushy beard but unbeknown to him it had everything in there from their own sex session earlier and was mostly drenched from his own little surprise for Hermione.

The door was flung open again and Professor Snape appeared, singing to himself "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape, HAGRID OOOOHH" He noticed everyone else was already there and felt betrayed by Hagrid.

"I'm so sorry Snape but I love Hermione!" Hagrid said. Snape burst into tears on the floor and Dumbledore tried his best to comfort him but forgot he was naked. He stepped forward to pat Snape comfortingly on the back, but accidentally stuck his erect willy into Snape's open mouth.

"Well..this is awkward." Dumbledore chuckled.

Snape started giggling uncontrollably, Dumbledore's penis, still in his mouth. They caught each other's eyes and Snape gave Dumbledore a cheeky wink before giving Dumbledore a wondrous blowjob. Dumbledore moaned appreciatively as he reached his climax. Snape then finished and stood up. He whipped off his robes in a second and revealed a kinky catsuit with a hole in the crotch, just big enough to allow his penis to poke through. Dumbledore giggled sexily as he moved closer to Snape.

"OOOOHHH SEV!" he moaned as they embraced.

Meanwhile Hagrid was sitting on his patchwork quilt, his penis totally bitten off; he now resembled an overweight woman. Hermione felt guilty about what had happened before and moved onto the bed next to Hagrid. Hagrid stared into her twinkling eyes, and before he knew it they were kissing again.

Another loud bang startled everyone. They all stopped what they were doing and looked towards the door as it swung open. Cheryl Cole sexily slinked into the room wearing only two onion rings around her already hard nipples. She plucked them off and tossed them so they landed on Snape's penis.

"Oooooooooh!" He moaned as she got down on all fours and crawled towards him. She put her mouth around his penis and started to lick around the onion rings. Unfortunately, Snape was allergic to onions and his penis rapidly started to swell until it was the size of Hagrid's recently deceased dick. Cheryl didn't care and gave him what he wanted anyway.

"OOOHH OOHHHH OHHHHHHH CHEZZAA!" He screamed as he exploded into her mouth. She swallowed it up but his whole dick had exploded and she nearly choked to death on skin poison.

By pure coincidence, Kimberley was passing by and sensed Cheryl might be in danger. She whipped off her outfit to reveal her sexy superwoman outfit she had been using in bed with Justin earlier, and rushed into Hagrid's hut. She saw Cheryl choking on Snape's penis, and rushed to help. She started to perform the heimlich maneuver on Cheryl.

"Come on Cheryl, you can do it!"

"OOOOOHHH, OOHHHHHHHH"

"Come on, Come on, your nearly there!"

"OHHHHHHH!, OOOOHHHHHHHH!" Cheryl moaned as Snape's exploded penis flew out of her mouth. Dumbledore had got incredibly turned on by the whole thing and came all over the whole hut. The whole scene got drenched in his seamen.

Just then, the door flew open once more and Ke$ha strolled in, on one of her weekly visits to her old friend Hagrid. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the scene in front of her. Hagrid was about to try and explain but it was pointless.

"We were just-" Dumbledore started but Ke$ha interrupted.

"Oh my days! This is perfect for my new music video!"