The diary of Harry Potter
Day One
I arrive at Hogwarts.Big relief,I can finaly look my Uncle in the eye and kick the dark place known to some people as his ass.
Day Two
I meet the emperor geek known as Ron. Did you know that the Polecat is not a cat at all, more of a nocturnal weasal,like Ron.I also met Hermione 'Greasy' Granger. AAAAAAhhhhhh!!.She's so beautiful, she makes Hedwig, my one true love,look like a rat! Ron's rat to be precise.
Day Three
Today, I met the teachers. Lord,I pray, please never let my eyes be burdened with such a terrible fate again! I met slippery snape, or, 'Severus Snape' as he likes to be called. I also met the headmaster, Dobin, or ' Albus Dumbledore' to the people who know him best.He's so hairydon't ask me how I know, please! he makes Ron's penis look like a ladies shaved leg!
Day four
We have flying lessons on our brooms. I got a rust-bucket two thousand. I mean, what is this? The twent-first century?(oh, wait.It is the twenty- first century At leased I exeled in flying. Long- arse Nevil,or, 'Nevil-Longbottom,couldn't even get up in the air.personal note; Ron's not so good himself
Day five
Hagrid , the urban ledgend known as the bogey man, took us to see his three headed dog. No affence to Ron or is there?? but even he's got better table manners then Fang. Apparently, word is there's this evil bugger called Mouldy-Vouldy, or ' Voldamort. The whole room's shaking as I write his name... No,sorry.. my mistake, that's just Ron's mattress vibrating cause he farted. Dobin says, I'm special. He says when I'm older, I'll battle Mouldy-Vouldy and one of us will die. I replied, " Well, I always had a knack for getting Dudley into a headlock but battling the evil bugger himself,I'm flattered!"
Day six
Today I received a letter from my Uncle saying that surprisingly, ' There's a lot more space in the house' and ' How long till your coming back ?' I wrote a reply letter saying to Uncle Vernern how's thing's apart from your ass which I kicked the day I left for Hogwarts.