Hehe, I'm sorry. I know I should be getting through The Gig, but I've been re-reading a lot of awesome one-shots lately, and finally decided to stick my two-penneth-worth in.
Most of said one-shots are by Venus Reiko, so if you're going to blame anyone for this, you can blame her.
Rei: "I'll be sure to bear that in mind. On that note, I'm the official complaints officer, so if you got a problem, I'm you're girl."
Minako: "Funny, that's exactly what she put in her personal ad."
Rei: "Shut up!"
Minako: "Aw, is poor little Rei-Rei still mad about-"
Takako: "Mina! You'll ruin the story!"
Rei: "Exactly! She can't be trusted with your plot secrets! She'll just blab to everyone! So you should just take it off and never speak of it again, and no-one EVER has to find out…"
Minako: "Oh, they'll find out. They'll find out and LIKE IT!"
Takako: "Close, Rei, but no banana."
Minako: "Yeah, too bad. Now come on, monkey, let's leave the readers to their story…"
Rei: "If you're not careful, I WILL get some banana, and THEN where will you be?"
Minako: "…"
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon. If anything, Sailor Moon owns me.
The Sidekick
This wasn't going to be easy.
Two violet eyes stared from behind a door panel. In the next room, the living room, the rest of the Inner Senshi sat patiently awaiting their fifth member. How the hell they had gotten in with Grandpa on business and her out shopping was anyone's guess, but here they were. And that made life all the more difficult.
She scanned the room. Ami and Makoto were sat in one corner, engaged deeply in a conversation. Unfortunate – they were the neutral party. What she really needed was a distraction for… them.
There they were, on the other side of the room. Two blondes. Giggling. Squealing. And – oh – to Rei's horror as she twisted to get a better view, they had dismantled her entire collection of manga and strewn it across the floor.
Rei clutched the package in her hand even more tightly. At times like this, she knew nothing in her home was hers, but she had to do something. She had to save it. Slowly, silently, she backed away from the door, but as she did so, she noticed the blondes look up. Her heart stopped.
Oh God. They could smell the fear. No, more than that. Rei was foolish. In a sea of week-olds and glossies, the scent of fresh print would be vivid. She watched their ears prick and knew they could hear it, too – the voice Rei had been listening to all the way home, and wanted desperately to obey.
Read me, Rei. Read me…
Suddenly, their eyes locked into hers. And in that moment, Rei knew that it was all over.
But not without a fight.
She bolted, skidding around each corner as she tried desperately to escape the pursuit. Two pairs of feet padded after her, until she heard a shriek and the sound of smashing china that she would no doubt not be as thankful for later as she was right now.
One down. She knew who the last girl standing would be, and gritted her teeth in determination. Eventually, Rei threw herself into her room, stumbling over the threshold, but stopping before she involuntarily vaulted the bed. Her predator, however, felt no such regard for Rei's well-being, and launched at her, knocking them both onto the duvet.
Rei writhed as she tried to escape Minako's fingers, but as the tickling sensation began to assault the nerve endings in her sides, she resolved that fight was better than flight, and rolled onto her back to grapple with Mina.
The objective of the battle forgotten, the mystery package slapped onto the floor at Usagi's feet. She had recovered from the vase incident and had come to join in the pile-up before noticing the enticing little bag, and presently she picked it up and pulled out the contents.
"WOW!"
Rei looked over and suddenly remembered herself. She looked back down at Minako, whom she had successfully straddled at some point during the last two minutes. The other girl was flushed from exhaustion (Ha! Yeah, sure, Rei, exhaustion…) and Rei felt a world of strange emotions so far overcome her that she rolled off the Senshi of Love. She stood, ready to deal with the fallout of her being subdued.
Ami and Makoto now emerged from the hall to see what all the fuss was about, and suddenly Rei felt very uncomfortable having so many people in her personal space.
"It's the new Sailor V manga!"
"MY new Sailor V manga," corrected Rei exasperatedly as she approached their not-so-princess.
She was quite surprised that Minako wasn't in tow, but then again the girl wasn't really into reading about herself. It seemed too egotistical. Plus, coping with the inaccuracies in it would probably give her an aneurism.
"But wait…" Usa paused and tilted her head one way and the manga the other, as if looking at it sideways was going to help somehow. "Why is the title, 'Mars'?"
"Looks like the artists are finally incorporating the rest of the scouts into Venus' storyline," piped up Ami with mild interest. She and Makoto came fully into the room and closed the circle of friends.
"That's right! And I'm the first to be introduced!" Rei smirked smugly at Usagi, whose eyes began to fill with tears.
"Ooooooh, that's not FEHHHAIR!!!!!!! I'M the PRINCESS! Why can't I be first?!?!"
Mako and Ami both winced at her wailing, while Rei grinned with pride at making Odango so jealous. Mina, however, was curious. She took a tentative step forward, still recovering from such a close encounter with the miko, and began to listen in as Rei and Usa's tiff became physical.
Eventually, Rei pulled the manga free and scarpered to the other side of the room to flick through it.
"I can't wait! I bet I'm really awesome. I wonder what powers I'll have? Ooh! Maybe I'll start out evil and then become allies with Venus later on! Or… uuAAHHHH!!"
The four other girls watched Rei's face turn comic with shock. And not the good kind of shock. A few moments of totally stunned silence ensued, before everyone gingerly began to approach her.
"Rei? Are you… okay?"
Rei's mouth was dry from hanging open so long, but she eventually began to stammer the words.
"I'm… I'm…"
Usa grabbed one side of the manga and pulled it towards her for a better look. After a few seconds, her eyes grew wide and her face swelled. She burst out laughing.
The other Senshi followed her with their eyes as she collapsed onto the floor.
"A SIDEKICK!!!" Usagi announced between guffaws. "OH! OH, IT'S TOO FUNNY!"
Ami and Makoto fought not to chuckle with very limited success. Minako, meanwhile, her intrigue peaked, peered over the stunned raven-haired girl's shoulder at the caption. She released a congenial giggle at Rei's expense.
"Hehe, you're my bitch."
The miko flushed a dark red and turned to face her. "I am NOT you're bitch!"
"Oh, I think the slutty fuku you're wearing says different, sweetie."
Ami smiled. "It's like Holmes and Watson."
Mako's eyes glazed over dreamily. "Or Willow and Buffy!"
Everyone sweat-dropped.
Rei was clearly annoyed. "Great, so now not only am I a loser, I'm gay."
This disdainful comment shot through Mina like bullets, but she hid it behind a grin.
"You gotta admit, Rei, you may have drawn the first straw, but you definitely got the shortest one." Her expression turned wise. "Now, what did you learn?"
Suddenly, Rei flung the manga across the room. It missed the bin, however, and this failing seemed to rile her even more.
There was a wary silence.
Finally, Minako spoke up:
"Um… Maybe we should leave Rei alone for a while."
Desensitised to Rei's bad moods after so many fights, the tension went over Usagi's head. She turned to Minako. "Hmm… Good thinking, Batman!"
She walked away down the hall with the others until she gauged that the space between her and Rei could guarantee safety. Then she grinned cheekily at the raven-haired priestess and waved her way out of the door. "See you later, Robin!"
Rei growled and clenched her fists.
---
Minako felt bad. They shouldn't have pushed it so far – after all, to be disappointed and humiliated in a way that Rei was destined to read about in her favourite manga every month was going to be hell; listening to people getting the wrong idea about her and being powerless to argue otherwise? Sailor V herself knew all too well how that felt; but still, she had to admit that the idea of Mars of all people looking up to her was actually kind of cool.
Her guilt had driven her here. She skipped (it was supposed to be a walk, but she tripped over her foot) up to the front door, and rang the doorbell. After a few moments, the thunder of feet down stairs could be heard from behind the door, and it opened a moment later.
"Hey, Hotaru. Is Michiru here?"
---
It had been two weeks since the purchase of The Manga. The time between then and now had been punctuated by many ongoing jokes on Usagi and Mako's part ("Rei, is it a special occasion? You're not wearing your underwear on the outside today"; "Where's your studded dog collar?"; "Rei, how do you spell 'subservience'?") and featured a rather unusual absence of Minakoness; she wasn't sure whether she had upset her, or if Minako thought it was the other way around, but in some ways it was better – the puns would die quicker without her around.
Rei kicked restlessly in her ill-timed wake. She glanced at the clock, what felt like the first time in an hour, but found that little time had passed – if anything, the hands seemed to have gone backwards since the last time she looked. She narrowed her eyes in a mix of suspicion and loathing only usually becoming of Rei around youma or her father. Or Usagi when she was reading her manga.
In fact, Rei could almost have been termed relieved when a clanking sound marked a stone rebounded off her window pane. Initially she paused, making sure it wasn't a fluke, but when a second one made contact she rolled out of bed to see who it was – after all, the whole situation was so romantic.
Is Yuuichirou back here already?
Quietly, she crept towards the window and opened the latch.
Then there was a shout, a crash, a falling sensation and a lot – a LOT – of pain.
"Oh my God, Rei, are you okay?! I'm so sorry- ah!"
Minako flinched as she pulled the window up, loose glass shards dropping on her head. She practically fell through the gap and rushed to kneel over Rei, who was flat on her back on the floor.
"I really didn't mean to throw it that hard!"
The Fire Senshi sat up abruptly. "Minako what do you think you're doing?" Rei thought her voice sounded unusually nasal, but tried to ignore it. "My house only has one floor! Why not knock?!"
Minako grinned mischievously. "But what fun is that?"
Rei sighed, shifting slightly into the moonlight. Minako gasped.
"Rei, your nose is bleeding! Let me nurse it for you…"
Rei yelped. This unusual wording had made her unpleasantly nostalgic, and she leapt up to stand protectively in front of her stereo. She laughed nervously. "No thanks, Nurse Venus!"
Suddenly Rei felt a warm tickling sensation and rushed her hand out to catch the blood.
Minako sighed and pouted dejectedly. "Fine. Then let me trail behind you as you locate your First Aid Kit."
Suddenly Rei felt guilty. She smiled kindly. "No, that's not what I meant," she lied. "I just don't think it needs any treatment. Could you maybe just get me some tissues to soak this up? It would be a big help."
Mina's eyes became wide, and she saluted zealously before marching off to fulfil her assignment.
When this task was completed, Minako called for Rei, only to find her out on the front decking of the shrine, leaning against the wooden rail.
She turned upon the Love Senshi's arrival, and took the tissues with a nod of thanks. There was a period of silence as Rei mopped the blood and Minako shifted her weight from foot to foot nervously. Intent on her task, the priestess failed to initiate conversation until she was sure the bloodflow had slowed nearly to a stop. Finally:
"So what did you want to see me about?"
"Um…" It was an expected question, but as ever Minako had failed to fully prepare an answer for it. She reached into her school satchel and took out a collection of papers, stapled together in the middle to create an A4 booklet.
"I wanted you to have this."
Rei rearranged the items in her hands to keep the booklet clean, and she turned her back to Minako so that the hall light would illuminate the pages. Minako fidgeted as Rei turned each page.
To the Fire Senshi's astonishment, it was a hand-drawn Sailor V comic book. It showed Sailor V being attacked by a youma, and a hero called the Martian Miko coming to her rescue. Her costume was impressive, a black and red kimono with a red mask similar to Sailor V's. Rei's eyes darted avidly right to left until she reached the penultimate page, which showed the Martian Miko and V standing opposite each other.
She turned over, expecting some cheesy finale, only to stare stunned. There was no picture; just an empty box.
"How does it end?"
Rei turned around to find Minako transformed into Sailor V. The heroine stepped towards her. She placed a red mask on Rei's nose. Leaning in, she cupped the miko's face and sealed their lips together.
The touch was gone in seconds. Minako allowed her hand to slip to Rei's collarbone and rested her forehead against hers. She whispered the words in the thick darkness, aware that Mars' face was hot from blushing.
"You could never be my sidekick, Hino Rei. You're my hero."
With that, she made one of her impossible leaps onto the roof of Hikawa Shrine, before disappearing into the shadows.
Rei touched her lips with a smile. She remembered the mask only when it slipped from her nose, and she knelt to pick it up. She regarded it thoughtfully. A contented sigh escaped her, and Minako heard it. The ecstatic glow on her face made her ever more beautiful.
---
"Drawing lessons?"
The surprise was plain in Uranus' voice as she and Neptune wandered through the park the next evening. Another youma had been sighted, so the two had gone out to patrol the area. Their mission now complete, evident from the pile of ash scattering in the wind near the swing set, they had resolved to go part of the way home transformed to evade discovery.
"Why?"
Michiru shrugged in response. "Something for Rei, I think."
Haruka grinned. "Don't tell me you were playing cupid for those two?"
"Not intentionally!" Michiru blushed defensively. "But you could peek in Rei's bedroom to find out if you're that interested!"
"Come on, you know I only have eyes for you."
The two kissed under the full moon, but when they parted, Michiru pouted. "And you know you're the only one who can get away with a line that cliché."
Haruka laughed, then began again in chastising, holier-than-thou tone.
"So, do you have any intention of meddling in other people's love lives anymore?"
"No!" Michiru sighed exasperatedly. "It's way too exhausting! I have absolutely no intention of having a hand in their romantic issues again!"
Meanwhile, Iijima Kazuko, better known as a Sailor V illustrator, dove back behind a tree and punched a number frantically into her phone.
"Boss, it's me! I've got something that's totally going to sell out the next issue! I just saw two of the other Sailor Senshi… kissing!"
She listened to her employer on the other end of the phone; then her face fell. "Which ones? Um… I'm not sure… the tall one and the one with ice powers!"
What a shock Mako and Ami would have next month…
---
Well, that was fun. My first one-shot! Liked it? Review! I will love you forever! Have to go and watch my full 200 episode and three movies Sailor Moon collection. Yet again, Fedex saved my life… So, sayonara, minna!