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Courage is Not the Absence of Fear

By: ChoCedric

Be brave, Ginny told herself as she and Harry stood in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom at Hogwarts. Be strong. You wanted to do this. Now you have to go through with it.

Almost a year had passed since the war had ended, and the Weasley family, plus Harry and Hermione, were trying their best to get over all the horrific events they had endured. It had been a very difficult year, but with the love and support from each other, they had made it. Ginny and Hermione had returned to Hogwarts, Ron was working with George in the joke shop, and Harry had immediately begun Auror training.

But today had been a Hogsmeade day, where all Hogwarts students third year and up had been allowed to visit the village. Since today was Saturday, Harry had not had training, and he had met Ginny there. They had spent an excellent day together, but all the while, Ginny had been filled with anticipation and dread. After all, today was the day she had decided to face her biggest demon.

Shortly after the battle, she and Harry had become a couple again. They talked about everything that had happened, had even cried on each other's shoulders. They'd faced the funerals, the nightmares, the hard times together, and Ginny was so thankful she had him in her life.

When she'd first proposed the idea of needing to face this demon, Harry had been horrified. "Absolutely not," he'd said with finality. "You've been through enough, Ginny. Why would you want to put yourself through that? It happened years ago, you don't need to relive it!"

But Ginny had persisted. Ever since the final battle, the nightmares about her first year had picked up speed, and she now saw Tom almost every night, taunting her and telling her she was a stupid little girl. She'd once heard that the only way to truly exorcise a demon from your mind was to go back to the place it had occurred so you could know there was nothing to fear anymore. After a lot of coaxing, she had finally been able to convince Harry, but she could see in his emerald eyes that he was still unsure about the whole thing. "You're only doing this if I go with you," he had said stubbornly.

At this, Ginny had been filled with guilt. Harry had almost died there himself; it was selfish of her to make him relive it too. But this time, it was Harry who was doing the persisting. Eventually, they had both agreed to just do it.

"Are you ready, Gin?" Harry's soft voice pulled Ginny out of her thoughts as he tightly held onto her hand. "You really, really don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"I'm ready," Ginny answered with all the strength she could muster. "Let's go."

Harry looked at her, love and admiration shining in his emerald eyes. They walked over to the sink with the snake emblazoned on the tap. Harry's gaze fixed on it, and within seconds, he opened his mouth and hissed at it.

Before they knew it, the Chamber was open, and with one last look at each other, Harry and Ginny took the plunge, the plunge into the demons of their past.

The first thing they noticed when they got there, after they'd dusted themselves off, was the terrible smell of decaying flesh. It was overpowering, and neither of them could stand it.

Harry quickly raised his wand, performing a spell on both of them. This spell made it so that neither of them could smell anything. Once they got back to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, he would perform the counterspell.

"Phew, that's better. Thanks, Harry," Ginny said as she looked around the chamber. "Is that smell what I think it is?"

Harry took her hand in his, and they walked further in. They moved past the great statue of Salazar Slytherin, and arrived at the very part where Ginny had been lying almost six years ago.

And there, looking fierce and gruesome, was the dead, rotting basilisk. There was nothing to fear from it anymore, but the sight of it still stopped them cold. "Yes," Harry said, finally answering Ginny's question. "That's what that smell was."

Ginny simply stared at the giant snake, her eyes fixed on it. And then, all of a sudden, she was bombarded by memories.

Writing in the diary. Telling Tom all about herself. Tom telling her about his life, too. Coming to Hogwarts and feeling homesick and alone. Confiding in Tom. The strange petrifications. Not knowing where she'd been. Asking Tom what the hell was wrong with her. Tom being sweet and supportive. Seeing him in her dreams, that strong, kind, handsome boy. More strange happenings. Feeling dizzy and nauseous, developing fevers for no reason Poppy Pomfrey could find. Trying to get on with school life.

And then, it had all ended, ended with Tom Riddle leaning over her, taunting her, revealing himself as the monster he truly was. The kindness in his brown eyes, gone, replaced by evil, red slits. "You're dying, Ginevra Weasley, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. You are nothing. You are nothing but a stupid little girl. Stupid little girl. Stupid little girl. ..."

"Ginny! Ginny! Ginny!"

A frantic voice pulled her out of her recollections. It was Harry leaning over her, not Tom Riddle. It was Harry stroking her face, not Tom Riddle. It was Harry's voice who was repeating her name with love and fear, not Tom Riddle's who had said it with spite and loathing.

And she realized now that she had collapsed to the ground, not able to hold herself up. And Harry was holding her, the look in his emerald eyes so intense that Ginny had a hard time staring into them. The look contained terror, regret, fear ... but above all, love. And Ginny couldn't bear to be looked at like that. How could he feel any of those things for her after what she had done, after almost killing those people? She'd been weak, she'd wanted a friend, she'd made one in Tom Riddle, and look at what had happened.

And then she thought of the secret, the most shameful secret of all, the thing she never, ever wanted Harry to know. Through all the time she'd spent with him, she never wanted him to find out. She thought that with coming to the Chamber today, she'd be brave enough to tell him the truth, but Merlin, she wasn't. She'd convinced herself that Harry would understand if she told him, that he wouldn't leave her, but now the doubts came flooding in. Being here, in the place where it had all happened ...

It was at that moment she couldn't bear to be in Harry's arms anymore. She scrambled away, retreating into a corner. "Don't touch me!" she cried, her voice coming out almost hysterical. "Please, don't!"

Harry looked at her, his face one of bewilderment. "Why not?" he asked. "Ginny, what happened here wasn't your fault." He sighed, his eyes full of sorrow. "This was a bad idea. I never should have said yes to you doing this."

Tell him, her mind commanded her. Just tell him. And if he looks at you with horror and revulsion, you deserve it.

"Ginny ..." Harry whispered, trying to get near her again. "Ginny ... please tell me why you won't let me touch you. Please don't hide from me. Please."

Just do it, Ginny's conscience said one more time, and with that, her mind was made up.

"Harry," she said slowly, looking him right in his eyes. "Harry, when I was eleven, before everything happened, when I was still ignorant and naïve, when I thought Tom Riddle was a good person trapped in that diary and he needed a friend just like I did, I ... I ..."

"What?" Harry said softly. "What is it, Ginny? Please, just say it." His eyes were gentle – did he already suspect? Did he already know? But that was impossible – if he did, why was he looking at her with such tenderness?

"Harry, I loved Tom Riddle. He was the first boy I ever trusted, the first boy I ever fell in love with. He gave me friendship when I felt alone. He gave me support when I thought I had none. I used to think of him, trapped in that diary, and I felt awful. I wanted to set him free. And me, being the naïve, stupid little girl I was, told him so! If only I'd known what it meant! On the last day, the day he brought me down here to die, I'll never forget what he said to me when he revealed who he was. "You should be happy, Ginevra. Your wish is coming true. You will die, and I shall be set free. Isn't that what you wanted? Didn't you tell me you loved me, Ginevra?" That's what he said! Harry, you've got to understand, I never meant for any of that stuff to happen that year! Colin, Mrs. Norris, Nearly Headless Nick, Justin, Penelope, Hermione, and ... and you."

By the end of her speech, tears were streaming down her face and she was sobbing. More shame filled her – what was she doing? She was Ginny Weasley, for God's sake, and Ginny Weasley didn't cry! She tried to stop, but the sobs kept coming. They were being torn from her very soul, all the shame and guilt of that year crashing down on her.

And then, seconds later, she felt herself being pulled into strong arms. She struggled, still overwhelmed by memories. "Don't touch me! I loved your worst enemy!" she screamed. "Why would you want anything to do with me anymore?"

But Harry, at that moment, was stronger than she was, and finally, he succeeded in pulling Ginny into a crushing embrace, and not letting her go. "Ginny," he whispered, his own body trembling from sorrow, tears stinging his own eyes. "Ginny, please don't cry. It's okay, it's all okay now. I'm not going to leave you. I said I'd be here for you no matter what, and I'm keeping that promise." He rubbed her back, letting Ginny sob into his robes. "Ginny, Tom Riddle is gone now. He's gone. He won't hurt you, or anyone else, ever again."

After what seemed like an age, Ginny's sobs finally calmed. She lifted her face from Harry's robes, and with strength she had no idea she possessed, she looked into Harry's eyes. The hatred and revulsion she'd feared she'd see there when she told him this secret was not there. Instead, she saw only love and acceptance.

"Ginny," Harry said softly, taking her small hands in his own. "You need to understand that once you got hold of that diary, Tom Riddle was determined to use you no matter what. Even if you hadn't told him you wanted to set him free, he would have done it anyway. Tom Riddle was a master manipulator. Remember me telling you how he manipulated Slughorn to tell him about the Horcruxes? Headmaster Dippet gave him an award for saving the school when the chamber was opened over fifty years ago, because it seemed as though he'd caught the monster who was attacking students. And ever since the war ended, I always suspected," he went on, looking at her again, "That there had been something between you and him. I don't know why I suspected it, but it was just a feeling I had. But don't be ashamed of it. Your heart was open, you let someone in who appeared friendless, and he took advantage of you. That's his fault, not yours. He was a bastard, Ginny, truly a monster, and I'm glad he's gone. He will never, ever hurt you again."

More tears came to Ginny's eyes as she saw the absolute sincerity on Harry's face. "You really mean that?" she said in a small, broken voice.

"I do," Harry replied, holding her close. "I love you, Ginny. Nothing will ever make me stop."

"I love you too, Harry," Ginny whispered back. "I know we've already talked about this, but at the battle last year ... Merlin, I was so scared. I thought Tom had taken everything from me. Seeing you there, in Hagrid's arms ..."

"I know," Harry said, his eyes now full of regret. "And I'm sorry. I never wanted you to go through that. If I could go back and change that part of the plan, I would."

"I know." Ginny said softly. "I understand why you did what you did. But it was just awful to see. But you're here now, and that's all that matters." She clung to him, holding him as tightly as he was holding her. "Thank you, Harry," she said softly.

"For what?" Harry asked, stroking her face tenderly.

"For understanding. For being there. For letting me come here today," Ginny said. "Because as hard as it was, I needed to do this. You may think it was a bad idea, and yes, I was terrified, but I think it helped, in the end. I've held this in for so long; coming here finally brought it out."

"I'm always here for you, Gin," Harry answered gently. "But tell me ... after it all happened, how were you able to recover so quickly? In the years afterwards, it didn't seem to affect you."

"That's because I never showed anyone it did," Ginny replied. "But I wasn't as strong as I seemed. I took Dreamless Sleep potions many, many nights to help me sleep. Only Mum, Dad, Madame Pomfrey, and the mind healer I was seeing really knew what was going on.

"Mind healer?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Ginny answered. "She and I met every week, in an unused classroom. She swore a magical oath not to tell anyone what was happening. We had sessions for a year, and she got me through the worst days."

Harry gazed at her, his eyes shining with that look of love. "I never knew," he whispered. "I never knew how badly that affected you. I feel awful."

"Don't," Ginny pleaded softly. "I didn't want anyone to know. I wanted to get through it on my own."

"Ginny, you are the strongest person I know," Harry said, and Ginny could tell he meant every word. "Just because that experience affected you badly does not, in any way, make you weak. You were only eleven, only a child. No one should have been hoodwinked by that monster, especially someone as trusting and innocent as you. And what you did today, Gin, I am so proud of you. You were afraid, but you faced your fears. It reminds me of something Hermione once said. "Courage is not the absence of fear." I never asked her where she got that from, but I'm going to."

And then, Ginny smiled. It was a shaky smile, but it was a smile nevertheless. "Thank you, Harry," she whispered. "I'm proud of you, too. You almost died in here yourself, but yet you came and relived it as well, so you could be with me. I love you, Harry."

"I love you too, Gin. Always."

Suddenly, there was a fluttering noise, and then, Fawkes was there. It was as if he'd known to come at that moment. Last year, after the battle was over, Fawkes had returned to the school, and had been here ever since. And Ginny knew he was here now, to help her and Harry out of the chamber.

Slowly, the two stood up, still holding hands. They took one last look at their surroundings, and Ginny smiled again, this one more assured. She had come here, faced her demons, and now it was time to return to life.

And with that thought, she and Harry grabbed onto Fawkes, and with a swoosh of his feathers, he took them back to reality, a reality where they would continue to heal.