Hello everyone, and welcome to Can You Love Me Again? This is the sequel to I Cried For You, and I strongly recommend reading that first - a lot of what goes on here will not make sense otherwise.
Considering I ended I Cried For You on somewhat of a cliffhanger, I've written the first three chapters of this story in advance, and will publish them fairly quickly to be a less cruel author ;) But later, I'll aim for weekly updates.
This story is about healing, about making progress, about figuring out yourself, about conquering your demons, and about happy endings. It will be rated M, though, mostly for dark and difficult topics, but also for smut if I don't chicken out. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or are wary about reading this.
I hope you'll enjoy the journey! Feedback is always appreciated. And I need to remind you that English is only my third language, so please forgive any bad grammar and weird word-phrasings.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Ryan Murphy.
As soon as Blaine's in the air, he can feel his shoulders lower themselves on their own, and the tension in his body is left behind on the ground. It's been two stressful weeks at Dalton after he was discharged from Bellefontaine. He had a lot of catching up to do, and he needed to do as well on his exams as possible. His father wouldn't be happy with mediocre results like B's, hospital stay or not. He'd hoped to be able to spend more time with the boys, simply hanging out and having fun, but it had turned out impossible. He'd obviously seen a lot to his roommate Wes, and he shared several classes with Nick, Jeff and David. But he hadn't seen as much of Kurt as he'd hoped for.
Maybe this summer is what he needs to finally get over Kurt Hummel. Maybe three months in LA with his brother is what he needs. If he manages to avoid texting or calling Kurt, maybe he can get the boy out of his system before they approach their Senior year.
He still wants and needs Kurt as his friend. But he has to stop thinking about him in any romantic sense. Or erotic…
Cooper is waiting for him at baggage claim, meeting him with open arms and a warm hug.
"You look better than expected," he murmurs, still embracing him.
"Is that a compliment?" Blaine asks amused.
Cooper steps back to take him in properly.
"I've worried about he," he admits. "But I'm glad to have you here. This summer is going to be awesome!"
He helps him gather his multitude of suitcases and bags he's packed for the summer, loading it all on a baggage trolley.
"Are you hungry?" he asks when they can see his car.
"Starving," Blaine admits. He'd fallen asleep instantly in his seat, and thus missed out on the meal they served on the seven hours long flight.
They decide to call for pizza they can pick up on their way home.
After having devoured the food, Cooper helps him unpack and get settled in his usual room in the big family house. Somehow, he ends up in Cooper's bed, though, where they daydream about all the plans Cooper has for them while Blaine is in Los Angeles. The 100 pushups a day-challenge is expanded to even include 100 sit ups.
"We're gonna look stunning by the end of this summer, and we'll need bodyguards to save us from the streams of drooling pursuers. Speaking of which, how is that boy of yours doing?"
Blaine swallows heavily, trying to figure out what to say.
"He's fine, I guess."
"Blainey, what's wrong?" Cooper asks sincerely, rolling over to his side and looks imploringly at his brother.
"I think I've made everything up in my mind. He doesn't see me as more than a friend," Blaine says slowly, hoping the words won't feel as overwhelming then, and that it'll keep the tears at bay.
"That's his loss," Cooper curses. "Well, I'm gonna help you forget about him. My baby brother deserves all the happiness in the world. So first rule is to delete his number."
Cooper didn't end his nagging, until he watched Blaine delete all information he had about Kurt from his phone. How he was going to delete the phone number he knew by heart from his brain, Blaine didn't know.
All in all, it was a pretty great summer. Cooper had to work, and only had a few weeks completely off of the three months Blaine spent in LA. But they made the best out of it.
The first week, Blaine wasted most of the day sleeping, feeling exhausted after the intense exam period in school, and his body demanded complete recovery. He woke up early afternoons, and for breakfast he prepared dinner for Cooper and himself. But after a week, his body claimed to be fully charged, and he could stop being a lazy, stereotypical teenager, and fill his days with more useful habits.
He begins by picking up the guitar he brought, and to dust the piano in the library. He spends hours creating melodies, playing 'till his fingers if not bleed, at least hurt. He's never far from his ratty notebook, where he scribbles down sentences and verses, words that can be sung. He even brings pen and paper to the beach not far from the family house, where he spends time swimming and sunbathing. He itches to tell doctor Whimchester about it, how he's seeking out a public place all by his lonesome, challenging his anxieties, and overcoming them to enjoy his summer. He doesn't talk with anyone, and keeps to himself, but at least he exposes himself. A few guys hit on him over the weeks, but Blaine just blushes and gently turns them down. Even if the attention feels nice, they don't feel right. They can't fill the Kurt-shaped hollow in his heart, and Blaine thinks maybe he needs to fill it on his own.
It isn't as much fun being on the beach alone, when he knows how much fun the two of them can have together whenever his big brother have the time, but he'll beat Cooper in who can get more tan this summer. He'll win the competition, and Cooper will grumble about unfair genetics, just because Blaine takes more after their Italian mother and Cooper is the spitting image of their American dad. Ironically, their father is the one with some colour, while their rheumatic mother is pale and sometimes even almost translucent.
When Cooper has the time, he joins him on the beach, giving him lessons in flirting, and demonstrates with any random young woman passing by. They play tag in the sand like kids, they build castles in the sand, they eat too much ice cream, Cooper has a blast playing his boyfriend when one of the boys from earlier returns, and Blaine is thrown into the water repeatedly by his taller brother.
In the afternoons, when Cooper comes home from work, the brothers watch an indecent amount of movies, or walk down the memory line of childhood and kill hours with old video games. But they also get some serious conversation done, talking about hopes and dreams, Blaine's ghosts, Cooper's fear of never really making it in the business, and their shared issues with their controlling father. They talk about Blaine's future, and how he doesn't want to follow in their father's footsteps, or work in the satellite office in San Francisco he's appointed for him, at all. They talk about what Blaine would like to do after graduation, and how they can convince their parents. Blaine talks about his fear of never being strong enough, his fear of never being able to shake off his insecurities, and his fear of putting himself up for failure if he pursues his dreams. Cooper holds him through his tears, encourages him to not give up, helps him with perspective and tells him how far he's come the last two years, and distracts him when comfort isn't enough. As promised, Cooper takes Blaine to a wide range of theme parks, and they shamelessly let out their inner children.
Blaine spends time on the phone when Cooper is working, chatting with the other four in The Fabulous Five, keeping himself updated on their lives and what goes on back in Ohio. He never asks about Kurt, though, and they never tell him anything. He wonders if they've figured out how he feels about Kurt. Felt. How he felt about Kurt. He's moving on, getting over him. That's the plan. It wouldn't surprise him if his friends knew. They know him so well, they know how rarely he lets new people in, they know how guarded he usually is, and they must have seen how he let Kurt straight in to walk all over his heart.
After a month, Nick invites him to his 4th of July-party he's hosting for the Warblers. Blaine would have loved to fly back to Columbus to celebrate with his friends, but he can't. When Cooper negotiated with their parents to have Blaine with him the entire summer, part of the deal had been a family weekend around Independence Day in LA.
The family weekend turned out to be a business occasion, with several of his father's colleagues on the west coast invited for a big barbeque with a hired chef and a whole roasted pig. It took Blaine more than an hour to realize that his father was introducing him to various members of the staff at the satellite office he pictured Blaine interning with in only a year while studying. But when he understood the plot and what the so-called family weekend was a guise for, he sought out his brother, and didn't leave his side. He wasn't strong enough to challenge his father on his own yet, but having Cooper as a buffer helped. Cooper had managed to venture out on his own, following his own dreams and wants, regardless of what their father expected. Cooper had managed the messy separation, and come out the other end stronger and happier. Blaine's not sure how to do that, but he tries. But so far, sitting side by side with his brother, and discussing football while rebelliously nurturing a cold beer he's too young to drink, is the best he can do, ignoring his father and the business talk.
The next day, their father needs to spend the day in various meetings, taking advantage of being on the west coast and doing the rounds, showing his face, discussing plans, and whatever he needs to do. So Blaine spends the day with their mom. He loves her so much, but it's difficult when he is so fearful of his father, or at least of his expectations of him. It's not easy having parents, when you want to spend time with one and avoid the other. But he takes advantage of this day, and takes her to the beach, where she can soak up sun and warmth, maybe soothing some of the chronic pain in her body.
They bring a picnic basket, and spend hours talking, not really about anything important, but still filling the time with kind words. They talk about how she wants to redecorate the kitchen. Redecorating is somewhat of a hobby she worships to wail away some of her time, when she isn't in one of her clubs organizing charity events. His mom is such a cliché, except she's really a sweetheart, and not some evil, spoiled, rich upper class-snob. She married up, and always remembers her background. It baffles Blaine, sometimes, that a man like his father could marry from love, and not strategic connections. She doesn't really understand what Blaine is going through with his anxiety and PTSD, but she understands pain, as it is something she lives with daily.
Back in the house, Blaine plays a piece he's been working on for piano the last weeks. He doesn't add the lyrics; they are way too personal and intimate to be shared like that. But he can share the sad, haunted melody, hoping she can't clearly understand the longing and loneliness that trickles out from the grand piano. Judging by the hug she gives him, she does, though.
"Bambino," she murmurs, and kisses his forehead. "You should always play like that," she smiles sadly, her words still framed by an Italian shadow she's never managed to get rid of. "La passione. Il tuo cuore. Are you happy, bebè?"
"I'm glad you came for the weekend," Blaine smiles disarmingly at her.
"That's not what I meant, and you know it," she says, looking disappointed at him, like only a mom can.
"I want to be, Mama, I just don't know how to, yet."
She hugs him then, a surprisingly strong hug from someone as tiny and tender as she is. She makes Blaine look huge next to her, and it isn't only because the hundred sit ups and pushups a day-challenge is working out perfectly.
Their parents leave to go back to Columbus, and the air is somewhat easier to breathe with almost an entire continent between him and their father.
One weekend, Cooper suggests taking his car on a road trip. Blaine happily obliges. They head up north, stopping at every whimsical idea.
"Do we have a destination?" he asks his brother after roughly 200 miles. They packed bags, in case they need to take in on a motel along the road.
"Yes," Cooper grins. "I've always wanted to go to Eureka, and shout that from the top of my lungs."
"Shout what?" Blaine asks confused.
"Eureka!" Cooper grins wider.
Blaine groans, but can't help but laugh. It's so typical Cooper.
"So how far do we have until bellowing?"
"Still more than 400 miles, so I hope you're up for car games."
The next weekend they go to Las Vegas, sneaking Blaine in considering he's underage. Blaine watches as Cooper gambles 100 dollars on various tables. That's all they're going to waste, was their agreement when they got in the car. Cooper ends up winning 40 bucks, so they didn't lose that much, and he gets it all in singles, and takes Blaine to a gay strip club. They see as many shows as possible during the 48 hours they have, and they eat ridiculous amounts of food ordered on room service, just because they can.
All in all, it's a pretty awesome summer. They sing and dance, creating new Anderson bro-numbers that nobody will ever see. Blaine crawls into bed with Cooper the few times he wakes up from nightmares, sleeping tucked close to his brother just like he did when he was a little kid. Cooper finds a nightclub for 18 years and up, and takes him there, but Blaine doesn't enjoy it. It's too crowded, too loud, it reminds him too much of that dance, and he doesn't feel safe. Cooper only wanted to offer him a scene to test the flirting he's been teaching him, but Blaine isn't interested. He's not looking for a summer fling. Just the thought of it makes all his boundaries scream in his face with flashing sirens on. So they leave after an hour, and go to a karaoke bar instead. Blaine refuses to sing on his own, but he doesn't mind doing a duet with his brother. He's not alone in the spotlight then, he can pretend that everyone is really starring at his brother, and Blaine can be the invisible singer.
He can truthfully say he's been happy spending these months with Cooper. He returns to Ohio just a week before he has to be back at Dalton, to sort out his things, do measurements for his school uniform, spend a few days with his mom (his father is thankfully away on business meetings in Chicago), and catch up with his friends before the back to school-madness engulfs them. He feels comfortable in his skin. All the sun, swimming, working out, relaxation and brotherly distractions have done him great favours. He's well rested and recharged. He's ready to attack his last year in high school, and feels sufficiently optimistic about shaping his own future with aid from Cooper, even if it means walking a path that strays far from the highway their father expects him to follow.
The last day before they are going back to Dalton, The Fabulous Five meet at Wes' place for pizza and an Iron Man-marathon – they all appreciate superheroes, and at least three of them really appreciate Robert Downey Jr. Blaine snickers whenever he imagines them as the dapper version of the Avengers. When Nick asks Wes about Kurt's whereabouts in a way that makes it clear that they've tried repeatedly over the summer to include the boy in their social affairs, Blaine is happy to notice that his heart is tamed into obedient submission, and doesn't react to the name mentioned. The hollow feeling in his stomach worries him, though, but he tries to fill it with pizza.