DEAR SANTA…
I don't understand how you run your operation. How can you give toys away for free? Does the government pay you? If so, how do they reach the North Pole every year and how do THEY afford to give it to you. If not, how do you pay for raw materials? How do you pay your elves? Do they work for free? Are elf labor laws set into motion? Are they actually your servants? Back to the point, there's no income to cover your costs? How do you do it? Because you should know that sooner or later, it's going to catch up to you and where will I be? Please enclose your explanation in my Christmas gift.
-Calvin
DEAR SANTA…
I hope you appreciate what I just went through. Because of you, I had to be good during my Christmas picture. All I know, I'm going to put an ax through my North Pole map if you send me underwear. And I promise to sue you if you buy me a camera and a frame. Don't forget… I know where you live. And Santa, if I get any lords a-leaping, or geese a-laying, you've had it.
-Calvin
DEAR SANTA…
Hi Santa. This is me, Calvin. I have been good this year. In fact, I've been very good. In more fact, I've been extra good. I have been the nicest kid in the world this year. I have enclosed my Christmas list in this letter. Do not forget any 'essentials' like last year. And when I say essentials, I don't mean new underwear and socks.
-Calvin
DEAR SANTA…
Give Hobbes pre-owned coal for Christmas this year. Oh yeah, steal his stocking while you're at it. And one last thing, I've been the most friendly person in the world to people and I'd never say to do anything wrong to someone.
-Calvin