The Eight Sides of Mello

After spending the previous night drinking and getting smashed with Mello(boy was that fun), Matt woke up, naturally, with a hell of a hangover. Oh, that, and a sleeping Mello attached to his chest.

"M-Mel?" Matt grunted, reaching up to run a hand through his messy red hair. His goggles and shirt were missing, leaving him only in his jeans, which were unbuttoned and halfway down his legs. Matt gave a 'WTF?' look as he took in the bedroom that he and Mello shared.

It looked like a sweet-deprived L came barreling through, to say the least. The curtains were lying in a heap on the floor, the side-table kicked over and the lamp broken.

"Damn," Matt muttered. "What the hell happened last night?" He sat up, groaning as his weight shifted onto his rear end. It felt sore.

Panic settled in.

"Mello!" Matt turned frantically to the blond, who had curled up on himself.

"Huh?" Mello's eyes fluttered open and his mouth stretched impossibly wide to yawn. Sleepy blue eyes focused on the redhead. "Morning, Matt," Mello sighed adorably, sitting up along with him.

Matt was in the middle of blushing-Mello was naked, he noticed- when the blond decided he wanted a hug. Thin, wiry arms were wrapped around Matt's torso as Mello unabashedly hugged him tight-did Matt mention he was naked?

"Matt, I made you breakfast!" Mello sang, entering the door with a slight skip in his step. He smiled broadly.

Matt blinked, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Breakfast?" he asked sleepily, before he noticed what was wrong.

Mello was standing in the doorway, holding a breakfast tray...and Mello was sitting right beside him, hugging him(did he mention he was naked?).

"What the-" Matt cursed, scrambling up to his feet and bringing Mello with him. The blond frowned up at him.

"What's wrong, Matty?" he cooed.

Bewildered, Matt looked up at the doorway, where Mello was standing, still holding a tray, looking down worriedly. "Matt? Don't you want to eat the bacon I made for you?" His lower lip trembled, his eyes watered.

Matt was very confused. "Who are you?" he demanded at the Mello in the doorway. The other...Mello was still hugging him, nuzzling his cheek affectionately.

"I'm Mello!" the Mello in the doorway said in a trembling voice. "What's the matter, Matt? Don't you wanna eat my food?" Tears were now slipping down his cheeks.

"You're not Mello!" Matt shouted from his place on the carpet. "This is Mello." He pointed to the male stuck to him like a leech.

"I'm Mello!" Mello #2 yelled, dropping the tray on the floor. Bacon flew. "Stop it, Matt, you're hurting my feelings!"

"I told you he wouldn't like it," came another voice. With wide eyes, Matt watched as another Mello appeared behind Mello #2's shoulder.

Mello #2 began to sob uncontrollably. "S-shut up, Smartass!" he shrieked, turning around and fleeing from the room, crying loudly.

Matt was still lying on the floor, blinking and rubbing his eyes profusely. This was a dream. Yes, this was a dream. He was probably sleeping after god-knows-how-many bottles of beer and was just drunk as hell.

Mello #3 smirked down at Matt. "Oh, for god's sake, get up, Affectionate," he said in an exasperated tone.

The Mello who was hugging Matt whimpered, looking up at Smartass. "But he's warm," he protested, tightening his hold around Matt.

Smartass rolled his eyes.

Yet another Mello came in the room. "Oh, just get up, Affectionate! And go comfort Emo before he gets out his razors," he ordered.

Affectionate grumbled unhappily, getting up. Matt's cheeks went redder than his hair as Affectionate strode to the bathroom, still naked. "I'll be taking a shower, then," he declared, shutting the door to the bathroom.

"Is he okay?" One more Mello peeked out from under Smartass's arm.

Matt began to question his own sanity.

"He's fine, Innocent... I think." One of the Mello's leaned down to peer at Matt's drooling face. "Smartass will take care of him. Innocent, go make some more bacon."

Innocent blinked, nodding. "Okay!" He disappeared down the hall.

Smartass sneered. "You can't boss me around, Bossy," he said.

Bossy smirked. "Think all you want, but you are all my bitches." With a haughty raise of his chin, he spun on his heel and walked out of the room.

Smartass glanced at Matt. "Well, up you go," he said, pulling Matt up.

"I'm dreaming right?" Matt babbled as he was dragged to the living room. On their way past the closet, Matt was ambushed by another Mello. "Ah!" the gamer cried as he was pinned to the floor. His neck was immediately showered with kisses trailing up to his cheek.

"Mmm, you're looking delicious today, Matt," Mello murmured against skin.

"Stop molesting him, Lust!" Bossy called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, I still have to talk to him," Smartass added, sounding annoyed.

Lust ran a hand down Matt's thigh. "How about we take this somewhere private?" he purred. "Meet me in the closet in thirty minutes, 'kay?" He pecked Matt's lips before letting the redhead get up. Lust winked at him once before retreating into the bedroom.

Matt swayed, feeling dizzy. Smartass steadied him. "God, you're all such pain in the asses! If we get interrupted again, I swear-"

There was a loud bang.

Innocent cried out, running forward and leaping into Matt's arms. Matt yelped, falling back down on the floor.

"Is there a robbery?" Innocent whispered, covering his eyes.

"Trigger-Happy, dammit, didn't I confiscate your gun?" Bossy shouted.

"You can't stop me!" Trigger-Happy cackled. "I have an infinite supply of guns!" There was a loud commotion as he jumped over Matt and Innocent, followed by an angry Bossy. Innocent whimpered, burying his face into the crook of Matt's neck.

Back in the living room, Emo wailed, "He might as well shoot me! I don't deserve to live in this world! I'll always be Number 2!" More crying.

With a resigned sigh, Smartass helped Matt and Innocent up. "Sometimes, it's like taking care of children." He added in a lower voice, "Children that look like you."

"Wait," Matt choked out. "What are you saying? What's going on? Why are there seven clones of Mello in my apartment?"

"Here, sit on the couch. Move your fat ass, Emo," Smartass said.

Emo wailed louder. "I knew it! I'm fat! I shouldn't have eaten all that chocolate!" The depressed blond ran away, allowing some space for Matt to sit down. Innocent made himself comfortable in his lap, absently playing with his hair while Smartass explained.

"We're not exactly Mello's clones," Smartass began. "We're simply his different personalities who have taken form in a human body. Mello's body, to be specific."

"So I'm dreaming," Matt said, trying not to be bothered as Innocent leaned against his chest, sighed, and began to suck his thumb.

Smartass smiled. "More like hallucinating," he corrected. "Dreaming is a process that takes place when you're asleep. I recall that in the midst of your drunken state, you looked at Mello and began to stare off into space."

Matt grumbled in annoyance. "I know what dreaming is," he said. "Where's the real Mello then?"

"Not here. If he was, then we wouldn't be here, because we would be back in his mind. Duh." Smartass said, well, smartassedly.

Matt narrowed his eyes. "By 'we,' how many do you mean?"

Smartass replied, "Eight. There's me, Smartass," he pointed to himself, "Innocent." he pointed to the Mello in Matt's lap. Innocent paused to smile shyly at the redhead. "Lust and Emo." He pointed to the two in the kitchen. "Trigger-Happy, Affectionate, and Bossy." He gestured in the direction of the bedroom.

Matt counted. "That's seven. Who's the eighth?"

Smartass winced. "Well, you see, um-"

"I know!" came a happy chirp of a voice. The eighth Mello appeared with Affectionate clinging to his arm. "I spend so much time on my hair, yet people scarcely comment on it!" he exclaimed.

Affectionate nodded, cuddling up to his shoulder. "I think it looks pretty."

Mello #8 giggled. "Your hair doesn't look too bad, either!" he said, running a hand through Affectionate's hair. Affectionate purred in contentment.

"Who's he suppose to represent?" Matt asked.

Smartass chuckled nervously. Innocent leaned down to whisper in Matt's ear. "He's supposed to show Mello's...gayness," he whispered conspirationally.

Matt laughed despite the situation. "Seriously?" he asked Innocent.

Innocent blinked. "Seriously," he said.

"So...what do you call him?" Matt said awkwardly.

"They call me plain ol' Gay," Mello #8 said, appearing in front of Matt. "But, really, I prefer Meadow. Isn't it such a beautiful name?" He blew on his nails.

"M-Mello?" Matt stammered, staring at Mello #8's more-feminine face. He had make up on, with just the right amount so he looked nice.

"I'm Gay," Gay reminded. He glanced down, then wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Ugh, Emo got blood all over the carpet again!" he complained, stomping a high-heeled foot.

"I deserve to die!" Emo cried in the background.

"Oh, now I'll have to spend tomorrow morning trying to get the stain out." Gay sighed. "And I just got a manicure, too!"

Matt tried to ignore Affectionate, who'd joined Innocent in his lap. The two were fighting over who got to sit in the redhead's lap. Finally, Affectionate seemed to win, and Innocent looked down sadly, scooting away.

"Okay, we get it!" Smartass interrupted Gay's rant about how important it was to never to iron his hair again.

"Ooh, I remember now!" Gay squealed, magically retrieving a DVD from behind his back. "I rented Brokeback Mountain for the whole group to watch!"

Matt paled.

"Sounds good!" Affectionate gushed.

Smartass raised an eyebrow. "Is it one of your gay movies again?" he asked boredly.

Gay smiled, blinking. "Of course not, Smartass," he answered.

"Okay, then, I'll get everyone." Smartass looked back behind the couch and hollered, "Bossy, get everyone in the living room, now!"

"Right!" Bossy called back. "C'mon, Trigger-Happy, give me the gun!"

"No!"

Bang!

"Shit! You just shot the fucking roof! If it leaks when it rains, I'm killing you! Now get in the living room!"

Trigger-Happy walked in the room with an eerie smile on his face. His fingers twitched, obviously missing his gun, taken by the mean Bossy.

Bossy appeared for a brief second as he went to the kitchen. "Lust! Stop trying to talk Emo into bondage, it's weird 'cuz you'll be doing it to yourself!"

"Perhaps you want to try it then?"

"Hell no! Now get your asses in the living room!"

"I call sitting next to Matty, though," Lust declared, appearing. He smiled seductively at Matt, who blushed for the umpteenth time and looked away.

Emo appeared with Bossy, murmuring, "At least he doesn't think I have a fat ass." He glared pointedly at Smartass.

Once everyone was settled down in the rather large couch, Matt felt squished. Trigger-Happy was sitting farthest to the left beside Bossy, trying to convince Bossy to give him his gun back. Next to Bossy was Gay, who chattered loudly about shopping while Affectionate listened intently. Beside Affectionate was Lust, smiling suggestively at Matt, as he knew what this movie was about. On the opposite side of Matt was Innocent, who was tucked under the gamer's arm. Finally, Smartass was at the farthest to the right.

"It's starting, everyone shut up!" Gay yelled once the movie began.

All talking hushed as nine pairs of eyes were drawn to the screen-well, technically eight as Matt glanced down to see Lust's hand placed too innocently on his knee. The hand began to creep up his thigh, slowly rubbing.

Matt nudged Lust a little, trying to get him to stop. Lust just grinned, turning to him and leaning in to capture his lips in a heated kiss. Matt made a noise of protest, making Gay "SHH!" loudly. Lust didn't stop, merely pulling away to settle back as his hand molested Matt's below-the-waist.

Innocent had noticed, looking up at Matt with wide, curious eyes. Matt shook his head, and Innocent shrugged, resuming sucking his thumb and resting against Matt's side.

Matt managed to survive Lust's touches throughout the whole movie. They were the hardest to endure at the part where the two cowboys in the movie got...hot and heavy. Matt almost yelled out a thank you to above when the movie finally finished.

"That"-hiccup-"was"-sob-"so"-whimper-"sad!" Emo wailed as the credits rolled. The depressed Mello jumped out and ran to the bathroom.

"Well, I'm going to stop him before it becomes a bloody mess and ruins the bathroom, too," Gay announced, getting up and sashaying after the other.

"I'm going to attempt to fix that roof now," Bossy said, getting up and leaving also.

"Wait! Please give me my gun back! I'll be good!" Trigger-Happy begged, following.

"Should have broken the DVD in half the moment I saw Gay pull it out," Smartass muttered, shaking his head. He stood, carrying a dozing Innocent bridal-style. "I'll be tucking him in," Smartass said, starting down the hall.

As each of Mello's personality left, Matt silently begged them to take Lust with them.

At least Affectionate was still here.

"Scat!" Lust hissed at Affectionate, making the other blond jump up and run out.

Matt gulped. Oh, dear. It was just him and Lust now, all alone... Shit.

"Well, that was an interesting movie, don't you think?" Lust said in a low tone, straddling Matt's hips.

Matt's eyes went wide as saucers and his cheeks flamed up. "S-sure," he muttered, eyeing the gun tucked in the back of Lust's leather pants. Damn Mello, carrying a gun with him at all times...

Lust grinned deviously. "How about we make up for earlier?" he suggested. "The closet's pretty roomy..." Then a hand was at Matt's crotch, and Matt screamed.

"Matt! Calm down, you buzzkill!" someone giggled.

Matt blearily opened his eyes, half-expecting Affectionate. He looked at Mello, confused. "Why are you groping me?" he said in a hoarse whisper.

"Silly, it was the only way to snap you out of your little daydream!" Mello hiccuped.

Matt slowly sat up. "Is that you, Affectionate?" he asked cautiously.

Mello gave him a pout. "No, it's just Mello." A peck on the cheek. "How about we down the last bottle of beer, huh?" The chocoholic gestured to the last remaining bottle.

Matt spaced out again for a while. So. He'd been hallucinating. Well, that was good.

"Matt!" Mello whined. "Are you goin' off to," a hiccup, "lalaland again? Do you want me to grope you again?" He smiled mischievously.

Shaking his head, Matt grinned drunkenly. "Nah, I'm back. Now let's split that last bottle, eh?" He fumbled for the green glass bottle, downing nearly half of it. Mello drank the rest, looking pretty hammered.

"Let's go to the bedroom, Matty," he gasped.

Matt nodded limply, stumbling after Mello to the other room. On the way there, he swore he saw Innocent waving shyly at him from the kitchen, and Lust peeking out from the closet to give him a wink.

...Definitely one of the weirdest things I've ever written. But it's a good weird, right? *hopeful puppy eyes*

Out of all eight of Mello's personalities, I like Innocent the best. *squishes him to death*