A/N: yey update again! I was a little busy of late and got this sudden burst of inspiration to write this so yeah here you go. But this is actually super sad and angsty so uh be prepared? Really short drabble. ooh and a longer one-shot, maybe even a three-shot coming your way :)
Sometimes, Logan sleeps in Kendall's room. He loves the blonde's smell – all woody and citrus and so uniquely Kendall. He burrows into the blue duvet they've both had their fair share of snuggling in, immediately enveloped in his favourite scent. Logan knows he has a perfectly good room waiting for him, but he supposes after spending so much time in this room anyway, he might as well call it his. And now, Kendall's room is the brunette's sole sanctuary.
He hides from the are you okays he hears from Mama Knight on an hourly basis, gets away from the pity stares he gets from everyone else. He surrounds himself with Kendall, just Kendall, and somehow tricks himself into believing that he isn't gone. He couldn't be. Kendall's right beside him, rubbing comforting circles, mussing up his hair, muttering I love yous into his ear – it crushes Logan every single damn time to look to his left and find nothing but empty space. No blonde hair, no green eyes, no Kendall.
He just needs the love of his life back.
-/-
Sometimes, Logan stands at his window, staring blankly into the rain outside. He extends a hand to the rain misted glass and leans his forehead unto the cool surface. He doesn't mind the cold, welcomes it even because it numbs him from the pain. Logan looks up for a moment and dead brown eyes lock unto the view outside. Out that window, he doesn't see droplets of rain cascade down the glass, he doesn't hear the furious pitter-pattering of the rain on his roof. He sees and hears Kendall in the rain. Kendall whispers to him, Kendall smiles at him, Kendall reaches out a hand for him, KendallKendallKendall – the brunette shakily reaches out a hand, tears pooling in his eyes, his body trembling at the thought of being reunited with Kendall, his boyfriend, his lover, his entire world.
He touches nothing but cool glass.
Logan all but crumbles into huge, ugly heaving sobs by the window, his world torn apart once again. Kendall was his life, his everything.
-/-
Sometimes, Logan hates Kendall. He really does.
He hates how the blonde can disappear from his life with so little qualms. Doesn't he know how much Logan needs him, how much Logan craves him?
He hates how Kendall has so much influence over him. He's like a lost puppy without its owner, a ship lost within the swirling tempest of the sea, a candle whose flames are extinguished. Without Kendall, he can't function. He can't live.
Logan hates him, hates him, hates him so so much –
He loves Kendall.
He loves the way Kendall calls his name. With a little crinkle at the side of his lips, the dimple Logan loveslovesloves deepening his cheek, the blonde says it cheekily, infused with so much love and adoration for the shorter brunette, leaving Logan with a smile so wide it hurts his cheeks.
He loves the way Kendall kisses him. He always takes his time, as though Logan is a treasure, a treasure worth appreciating. Kissing Kendall always gives Logan flutters in his stomach, a light feeling in his head.
Green eyes always meet brown, and never fails to show the brunette how much he loves him.
Logan doesn't have to look to know that his eyes reflect the same thing.
-/-
Sometimes, Logan feels strong enough. But most of the time, he isn't. He crumbles and collapses like sand without Kendall to hold him up.
Sometimes, Logan is fine (and by fine, he means not crying his eyes out). But most of the time, he isn't. Without Kendall, he is nothing.
Sometimes, Logan hates Kendall. But most of the time, he loves him. He loves him so damn much.