(Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!)
What Should Happen to Jacob!
Jacob was patrolling the forest one day and he ran into a giant ninja wolf spider! He, like the big baby he is, started to run away. The G.N.W.S. then proceeded to sing "Crank That" while doing the Soulja Boy dance which made Jacob fall to the ground in agony!
"It burns!" screamed Jacob in a high pitched girl like voice.
After the "Crank That" song was over the G.N.W.S. jumped in its pimped out Saturn SKY and drove over the poor little pathetic Jacob, who had assumed the fetal position. The G.N.W.S. then backed up over Jacob and finally drove away. Then the garden gnomes attacked with giant spoons to spoon his eyes out. He didn't deserve to see Bella's beautiful face ever again. After the gnomes were through with him, Brittany Spears came and shaved Jacob's head. Now he was deaf, blind, and bald! YES! Justice has been served! But wait, what is that sound over yonder? Why I believe it is the call of the enraged Twilight fan girls! AHH!!!
"Jacob… we have come for YOU! You can never hurt Bella ever again. You will no longer interfere with Bella and Edward's destiny!"
The crazed fan girls then made Jacob drink 32 oz. of vampire venom which led to his slow and painful death. He first suffered from indigestion that even Pepto Bismal couldn't help. Then, he started to have involuntary twitching which made him flop on the floor like a fish. Finally, his vital organs and skin burned away and left him a pile of bones. Then, the cheerful fan girls set fire to the bones and took the ashes to the giant ninja wolf spider who had really been in control of the fan girls the whole time.
(Jacob deserved everything that happened to him. Review, I wrote this at 12:00AM please don't be too harsh, I want constructive criticism)