I Wanted Everything

Italics are thoughts, Bold Italics are memories/flashbacks.

What would you do if you were finally getting everything you wanted, all your dreams seemed to finally be coming true, but then a skeleton from your past comes crashing out of the closest? When life seems hell bent on stealing everything you've worked so hard for, do you run away from it? Or do you fight like hell to make your dreams come true?

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Chapter 1: Why did you keep this from me?

You look at him, tears are steadily building up in the corners of your eyes. He's staring at you, so many conflicting emotions run through you. You're upset, this isn't how he was supposed to find out. You're worried, what if he doesn't hear you out?

This cannot be happening to me, not now of all times. Just when everything was finally perfect for us…

"Brooke... tell me this doesn't say what i think it does. Please Brooke, please tell me you haven't kept something this huge from me for more than 4 years."

He keeps staring at you, clearly waiting for you to say something, anything to explain that horrible piece of paper he holds in his hands.

"I…"

Nothing. You can't even begin to form the words. How do you explain a piece of paper that just told your fiancé that he was supposed to be a father? You don't think you're even capable of explaining it to him, it's been so long since you let yourself think about it.

"Brooke, look at me damn it! Why did you keep this from me? Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant, that I was a father?"

His whole body shakes with anger and you silently think that you've never seen him anywhere near this mad. Not when you slept with Chris, not even when he thought Jimmy had killed Keith. This is bad, really, terribly bad.

"Are you that selfish Brooke? Are you really so selfish that you would just have our child and never think to tell me? What kind of person does that?"

"Is that really how you think of me Luke? Do you think that I would just keep something like this from you all for my benefit? You don't know a damn thing Luke!"

You try to hold back the sob as you think back to that day four years ago.

"Miss Davis, I'm sorry ma'am but the babies didn't make it. We aren't really quite sure what happened, we think an increased amount of stress may have been the main factor but we can't tell for certain."

You just look up at her with a blank stare at first, it doesn't sink in right away. After a few moments of processing, you swallow over the lump in your throat and try to speak.

"Ex- excuse me, did you say babies, as in more than one?"

"Yes ma'am, I'm sorry I know this is a lot to take in, but you were pregnant with twins."

"Oh. Okay, thank you."

You silently grab your purse and walk out of there as fast as your legs will take you. The next few hours are an alcohol induced blur, all you remember is downing a bottle of whiskey at some seedy little bar. You think the bartender put you in a cab but at this point you don't even care. It's past midnight when you fall in to your bed and no matter how hard you try to fight it, the tears won't be stopped. So for the rest of this miserable night, you cry.

"I didn't have a baby Luke," you shake your head in an attempt to stop the tears from falling "I didn't…"

"What are you talking about Brooke? It says right here that you were pregnant during senior year."

"I didn't have a baby Lucas… I miscarried."

You see the guilt rush to his face and you just laugh bitterly. Of course, now he'll feel guilty. You can see it just by the way he's staring at you with those intense eyes of his. It's as if he's looking inside of you, and right now it just upsets you even more.

"Don't Luke. Don't look at me like that, like you suddenly feel so sorry for me. You could have just given me some time to speak, you didn't have to assume such horrible things about me… but you did."

"Brooke, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that, you're right. I was just upset that you had kept something so important from me, my mind just jumped straight to the worst possibilities I could imagine."

He grabs your hand softly, "I love you Brooke, please don't push me away okay? Don't push me away, just let me in on this."

You laugh to yourself, because really, how rich is that, Lucas Scott begging to be let in.

"It sucks doesn't it, feeling like the person you love isn't letting you all the way in to their heart?" You run a hand through your hair in an effort to calm your nerves. "I'm sorry Luke, I don't want you to think I'm being a bitch here, but I won't lie to you, in a way the hurt high school girl finds it very satisfying to see you finally feel the pain I felt when you couldn't or wouldn't just let me all the way in."

He has the decency to look properly ashamed at the reminder of his old ways.

"What does this mean Brooke? Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know Luke, I really just don't know…"