"Where in the bloody hell is that elf?" Narcissa was screaming, "I have things that need unpacked!"

"Mandrake voice..." Bellatrix muttered under her breath, "Don't you get it, Cissy? There are no elves here! Not even for you! We're in a filthy muggle hovel! What elf would come to a filthy muggle hovel?"

Narcissa heaved a sigh. "No elf would, Bella. And, personally, I wouldn't be either, but the Dark Lord ordered it to be so... And I can use my mandrake voice when I please, my dear sister."

"I know," Bella said, "I'd sooner stay in Azkaban! At least there were wizards there! Here... it's nothing but... muggles..."

At this, Narcissa lifted a curtain and peaked out the window, "Dear Salazar... Bella, they're everywhere! There's one there! And another! And like five of their filthy little children! Oh, of all the hideouts in the world, why must we stay here?"

For a moment, Bellatrix seemed lost for words, but once she'd gotten past her pure-blood nature, the answer seemed obvious, "Because the Dark Lord commands it!" She let her own eyes travel to the window, and couldn't believe it, even after what her sister had been saying. They really were everywhere... but not to worry... "The Dark Lord wouldn't have told us to come here if it weren't for the greater good."

"This is true, I suppose." Said Narcissa, letting the curtain fall back into place. "And besides, sister. THIS way we can find the muggles that we can force to be our slaves. As for the rest, I always do enjoy watching them writhe for a while before I kill them."

"Well, I'll join you for the writhing anytime, but as for slavery... not as long as there are elves. Elves are faster, and they know their place. Muggles have proven over and over again in the past to be... untrustworthy..."

"Not when you crucio them until their will is broken, sister. Not to mention that muggle torture is such fun!"

"I can't argue with that last part...While we're on the subject... did your husband actually take that position?"

"Yes, actually, he did."

Cissy seemed momentarily oblivious to the look of disappointment that crossed her sister's face.

"He will enjoy it, I'm sure." She went on.

"Oh. Well... if he ever decides he doesn't want it anymore, just to let you know, I'd be happy to take it off his hands... I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of other positions you and your husband would enjoy... Speaking of which, you haven't been up to much lately, have you? I mean, Lucius is off torturing muggles right now, and you're stuck in a filthy muggle hovel..."

"You're stuck here too!" Narcissa snapped back, sounding slightly indignant.

"But I've been in Azkaban! What's your excuse?"

"I've had to take care of Draco, Bella. Otherwise I would be with Lucius now. It's hard to look after that boy, he finds more trouble than Harry Potter!"

"So get a nanny! We had one, and we turned out fine, didn't we?"

"Don't think I didn't look..."

"So what was the problem?"

"Well, it seemed like everyone he wanted to hire was prettier than me!" Narcissa cried, sounding slightly put out.

For a moment, Bellatrix kept her face blank.

"So...hire a man?" She smirked a bit, "Or were they all prettier than you too?"

Narcissa's face didn't change.

"I have been meaning to address that issue with him. I really must write and find out the truth."

"I'm sorry...?"

"Bella, I believe that my Lucius may be a... a... a bisexual!"

Bella reverted back to keeping her face blank. Cissy began to say something, but was cut off by Bella suddenly laughing insanely (yes, it was quite like the laugh she used when torturing someone...) sitting down, and conjuring them both drinks.

After a sip, she seemed to have enough of a hold on herself to speak,

"It's not the end of the world... believe me..."

"Wha—"

"So," Bella cut her off, "Where exactly is that man now, anyway?"

"To tell the truth...I'm not entirely sure... He won't say in his letters... says he can't..."

"Comforting," She said with a smile, and then proceeded to take a very large drink of her wine. "Suppose he's with a nanny now..."

"Then I'll hex his bits off." Cissy did not look amused as she took her first sip of her wine.

Bella looked up for a moment, her face not really blank as much as unpleasant, "You're joking, right?"

Cissy shrugged, "I've done it before..."

Bellatrix was startled, "When?!"

"Well, while the Ministry insisted on searching our homes for dark objects, Lucius found that shrinking things and hiding them on my person was an easy way to keep them from being found. The first time he did it he stuck that Hand Of Glory thing in my ear!"

"You can't be serious..." Bella said softly, "In your ear? How could you understand anything?"

"Well that's just it!" Cissy raved, "I couldn't! Not a thing! I had to sell the inspectors some story that I had been slowly loosing my hearing in that ear for years! So, after they had gone, I told him I'd hex his bits off if he ever tried it again."

"And he forgot?"

Narcissa took another sip and nodded. "Indeed he did, Bella. He later tried to get me to hide some poisons in my nose! He never got the chance! The second he started to shrink them I let loose on the jinx. It was priceless to watch him try to pull himself together before the investigators arrived!"

"I'm going to guess he didn't manage? How did you explain that? I somehow don't think they'd believe that he'd been progressively loosing his bits for years..."

"Oh, he managed by saying that he had misfired a spell because he was startled. Though, he didn't speak to me for a month, and slept in one of the guest bedrooms."

Bella raised an eyebrow, "So, you hexed his bits off, and instead of getting mad at you, he lied for you and kicked himself out of his own bedroom... I'll never understand men..."

"Kicked himself out? Hardly! He was either too angry to sleep with me, or too embarrassed to."

"Well, I can see how sleeping with you in the bed where you conceived your son without his bits could be awkward..."

"I eventually put them back, of course..."

Bella nodded, "He couldn't very well fuck a nanny if you hadn't."

"Not only the nannies, but me as well."

"So, when was this?"

"It was three years ago, just before the Dark Lord rose again."

--

A/N:

Credits:

Narcissa: Fluffy! (SSO: Isn't she cute?) thought from Fluffy Cute, but I HEX BITS OFF!!!

Bellatrix: The one and only Scary Satanic One. (SSO: Fear me, bitches!)

Yes, this happened, almost word for word (and our wine was actually soda, sparking juice, and orange juice...). This will continue for as long as we continue to roll play and come up with this random crap. Some will be long, some short. All humorous. Please review. That little button down there, see it. Click it, type what you think. Please try to resist the urge to say "What the hell were you smoking?" because that information is classified. (SSO: But I'm selling it out back... Don't tell Fluffy!)