My Last Name Should Be Murphy

by CarminMoon

Attending a new school can be stressful, the most unexpected things can happen. Edward has been there before. Will this time be different? An FML Contest entry

FML Contest

Title: My Last Name Should Be Murphy

Pen name: CarminMoon

Characters: Edward

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I do own the most OCD dog in the world.

To see the rest of the entries in this contest, please visit the FML C2: http://www . fanfiction . net/community/FML_Contest_Fics/77195/ (remove spaces for link to work)

Have you ever had one of those days? You know, the ones where you wake up in the middle of the night -- wide fucking awake -- just to toss and turn for a couple of hours and then fall asleep right before your eardrum-splitting alarm goes off? Then you finally do get up, groggy as hell and late, of course, where you proceed to drop the shampoo on your foot in the shower and get said shampoo in your eye.

I could go on and on, but you get the picture, right? It's like you're the guy wearing the red shirt on any given Star Trek episode, and much like a snowball in Hell, there's no chance of saving your sorry ass.

To date, I have had nine of those days that I can recall with certain clarity. All of them were first my days at new schools.

Nine first days, you say? Well, I can explain. My dad is a world-renowned heart surgeon, and we move almost twice a year according to where his job takes him. When I was eleven, we moved from Oxford (yeah, as in England) to New York City. Since then, we have lived in L.A., Atlanta, Paris, Minneapolis, Cincinnati, Houston, Hamburg, and Boston.

This time we moved to Phoenix.

To top it off it was my senior year.

*~~*

I had really hoped we could stay in Boston for this year, but no such luck. I had made a few friends there, and we had some good times. Still, I was quite rudely ripped from an almost normal life and thrown once again into "new guy" Hell. It wouldn't have been so horrible if I weren't painfully shy and introverted, but such was my lot in life.

At least this time we moved in the summer, rather than the middle of the school year, so I had a chance to acquaint myself with the city and the used record stores. Yeah, I'm a music freak, no shame there. It's my one constant, and the only thing that keeps me somewhat sane. My parents indulge my love of music and I have taken tons of advantage of that fact.

So there I was, lying in my bed at 2:45am waiting to fall back to sleep and start the fuckery that would be first day number ten.

*~~*

I drove into the parking lot musing over my morning and glancing around at students milling about greeting one another. Luckily, I wasn't running too late after my semi-sleepless night.

I had fallen asleep sometime after 5am, and awoke only shortly before seven. I was extremely grumpy, hating the fact that I was going to have the stares and the whispers aimed at me all day. Not to mention the gasps when I have to speak in class with my "panty dropping" accent.

I still remember the girl in tenth grade who told me that. We were living in Cincinnati, then. Her name was Jessica, but I had mentally dubbed her "mascary" for the completely shite job she did in applying her make-up. I mean, she looked like she had spiders growing off her eyelids, for fuck's sake! Unattractive is only scratching the surface of that one.

I was quite amazed that my morning had gone relatively smooth; no shower incident, no spilling my breakfast down my favorite shirt. At this school, I would be wearing a uniform, so there were definitely no worries there. Uniforms were brilliantly shiteous, if you ask me, but it's a private school and the only one that I would even consider thanks to it's music and college prep program.

I eyeballed a parking space at the end of a row and made my way to it. Hmmm, no giant mud puddle marring its open beauty. This day was really starting to scare me. Something had to happen.

Checking my hair in the rearview I saw it was its usual charming disarray, and try as I might, I gave up after a few swipes and called it acceptable. I didn't know where this mane of wildness came from, but it's been a bane to hairdressers all over the world. No one could tame its unruliness.

My phone vibrated in my cup holder, and I snatched it up to see who texted me.

BGRinTXS: Casper! How's the sun? Lobsterized yet?

I laughed at Jasper's nickname for me. That fucker was always poking fun at my deathly paleness.

JHNYROTN: Ha fucker! Just prepping to walk into Hell.

BGRinTXS: Man, it's like lunch time! You're late.

JHNYROTN: OH NOES! You guys got any new Betties to scam this year?

BGRinTXS: A couple. But Em's not allowed to look anymore. Rose caught him fingering the goods & she got Tiger's Wife Mad.

JHNYROTN: Oh, hell! What'd she beat him with?

BGRinTXS: His baseball duffle. Full of equipment.

JHNYROTN: Ouch. Well, I gotta get into the Ninth Circle. Wish me luck.

BGRinTXS: Okay, man. Go work your hotness hypnosis on the babes.

JHNYROTN: Yeah, right. Wanker.

I threw my phone into my bag and checked to make sure I had my iPod and other accoutrements. I stepped out of the car into a day that would surely go wrong before too long.

There were a few curious glances my way as I walked across the parking lot. I focused on the front doors making my way through them and into the front office.

After a quick trip to get my sign in sheet and a locker combination, I headed to the second floor and my new homeroom. The crowds were plunging through the halls; groups of guys laughing, girls checking their make-up in their locker mirrors, guys checking out girls and vice versa. All very typical. All very tan. All very comfortable. All but me. I was unfuckingcomfortable to say the least. But I was glad Jasper had texted me. That cock-shite always knew when I needed a pick-me-up.

I missed my two friends back in Boston. They were the first close friends I had made in years. They grabbed me up one Friday after school and told me that I had to come reindeer gaming with them that night. They wouldn't take no for an answer. I had never even heard of reindeer gaming, so I reluctantly agreed. We had some pizza and watched a movie for a couple of hours at Jasper's until it got dark. Then the fun began. Emmett drove us into a neighborhood that was riddled with Christmas displays. Some of them were so elaborate it must have taken days to set them up. Then my two accomplices explained reindeer gaming. We spent the next four hours running back and forth, dodging cars, and rearranging the displays in three different neighborhoods into compromising sexual positions. Seeing a giant blow up Santa take it up the bum from a reindeer is a bit disconcerting at first, but then you just couldn't help but laugh.

After that we were inseparable. Until my dad got the call to come to Phoenix.

My homeroom teacher signed my slip with barely a glance and told me to sit at the back of the room. He was old, balding, and a Darth breather. I was glad I would be sitting far away from his desk.

I watched as the rest of the students filed in and took their seats. I saw a few curious glances my way, but no one tried to speak to me. I was used to that.

Emmett had once told me I had a perpetual eat-shit-and-die scowl. I didn't really believe him, but then again maybe I did. I thought it was a defense mechanism for me. So, I concentrated on not looking like I was going to bite someone's head off if they approached me and received a tentative smile from a short, dark-haired girl when she walked through the door. Well, maybe the giant ass-munch was right. I'd never tell him that though, his ego was way bigger than it needed to be already.

When our friendship first started, he and Jasper had to convince me that I was not at all a total geek. They even took a poll in our school on it. Between my head of hair-fail, nerd-sized glasses, gangly limbs and vampire-like pallor, I was fairly sure I was the King of Geekdom. Emmett however formed this poll and I was somehow launched into hunk status. I still didn't see it. I wouldn't have put it past him to pay off people to vote the way he wanted.

Homeroom passed quickly, and we were dismissed by the bell to head to first period. I went down stairs and took a right down a long hall to my English Literature class. This should be interesting. I was no slouch when it came to reading, being an only child with few friends only contributed to that fact.

I quietly went to the teacher's desk and cleared my throat to get her attention. She looked up and a smile lit her face. Huh, that's a new one.

"You must be my new student. Mr. Cullen I presume?" She asked with a slight accent that I couldn't place. She had strawberry blonde hair and was quite pretty for a teacher.

"Yes, Miss Denali. You are correct." Her eyes went a bit wide at my words. This past winter I had contracted a severe case of the flu accompanied by laryngitis that left my voice with a gravelly tone. Lauren Mallory, back in Boston, said that it was "fuckhot." From what I knew of her, though, everything was fuckhot…including her fire crotch.

Miss Denali's hand was stretched towards me, obviously indicating her need to sign my paper. I handed it to her. While she signed it, I heard whispers behind me, and knowing I was the center of attention made my back stiffen. She handed me back the paper and indicated I should take a seat.

I found one close to the door, not making any kind of eye contact and settled in for a long hour. It went relatively smooth for the most part; I had read several of the books we would be discussing in class, and the few that I hadn't sounded interesting. This class was beginning to have some merit.

When the bell rang, I exited and made my way to the first restroom I came across. I still had a bit of anxiety over my first day, but it was slowly retreating to the back of my mind. I was washing my hands when another guy came in. He looked to be about my age, so I concentrated on not looking assholish. He glanced my way and gave me the guy nod, which I returned and finished up at the sink. I took one last look in the mirror at my helpless hair and pushed my glasses back up my nose. I needed to get them adjusted again.

My second class was Biology. After my teacher introduced me to the class, (not near as embarrassing as it could have been) I took a seat next to a guy who shall from here on be known as the one-upper. He was a bit on the greasy side, and looked as though he spent a lot of time practicing faces in the mirror. He had a different expression for every thing he said. The teacher called on him frequently, and I wondered if they were in some secret science-nerd club.

Third period flew by with a crazy stream of chatter from my newest Spanish teacher, Miss Smith (how ironic). She had an atrocious accent, but I could deal with it. This class would be an easy A for me. Our old housekeeper in Boston, Maria, was a great tutor. Jasper and I were studying for a Spanish quiz one night, and she overheard us. She came into the room and told us we were butchering her poor language and taught us more than our teacher ever could.

I think she had a thing for Jasper, but the feeling was not mutual. Though with all his charm, he persuaded her to cook us the best damn food all the time.

Lunch was up after that, and I was never more thankful in all my days to see a coffee stand in the food court. I was feeling a mid day crisis coming on and needed caffeine…lots of it. I was anxious for the other shoe to drop. For that inevitable "thing" to happen that would prove all my first days were not complete without a mini-massacre of my psyche.

After grabbing a large coffee, a sandwich, and an apple, I found a seat off to the side of the room and pulled out my iPod. I decided I didn't want any company, so I also grabbed my giant tome of Poe and opened it. My earbuds assaulted me with The Sex Pistols and The Ramones while I pretended to read and eat my lunch. Before I knew it, it was time for fourth period.

Calculus was a blur of numbers and utterly boring. But I was glad for the boredom. It meant nothing bad had happened.

Fifth and sixth period were hopefully going to be my favorite times of the day. I had back-to-back music classes. The first was Music Theory, and the teacher was a very knowledgeable instructor. We had an hour of quiet today, just reading over materials that we would be covering this semester.

The second was Music Ensemble. There were some thirty-odd students in the class and we would be giving a few performances this year. The band director, Mr. Marcus, was an older man with shockingly long white hair. He had an air of authority around him and I immediately liked him. When we entered the classroom, he informed us that there were four new students this year, and we would each be playing something this hour for him to assess our talents. He gave us fifteen minutes to prepare ourselves and he said he did not want to hear some, and I quote, "trite, overdone, melodic drivel." I cringed.

Here was the other shoe. I waited all day for it and it was going to drop in my favorite class. Shit. He drew names out of a hat. Mine was thankfully not first.

The first girl looked nervous but covered it well. She played the clarinet and was fairly good at it. The jazz number she chose obviously pleased Mr. Marcus.

The second girl was not so lucky. Her flute playing left a fuckton to be desired and he let her know it. She looked like she was going to cry but held it together.

The third guy was a drummer, and I was rather impressed. He basically had his own little jam session for about ten minutes. It was definitely better than the flute. Mr. Marcus critiqued a few things on his style but seemed to like it for the most part.

Then it was my turn.

I took a deep breath and rose from my chair, heading for the piano. I thought about what I would play the whole class. I didn't want to play anything classical, especially after the comment Mr. Marcus made. I decided on Good Enough by Evanescence. Amy Lee is a goddess in my eyes, and her playing is beyond amazing. I hoped I could pull it off.

I played a quick warm-up to test the piano and started into the haunting tune.

After the first few notes I heard a few gasps around the room, but refused to let them distract me. I played the whole thing through and finished quietly. The room was silent. Was I that horrible? I had been playing since I was six, I couldn't have been that fucking bad, could I?

As the silence continued, I began to feel that queasiness that accompanied my "first day" jitters, but then Mr. Marcus began clapping. That single guy clapping scene flashed through my head, and then the whole class started. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

The rest of class was a breeze, and I was riding the wind with a wonderful high.

*~~*

I had made it through the day without a breakdown, without a complete and total fuck-up, without a horrifyingly shittastic scene. I was home free!

I made my way back to my locker, put my books away and made sure I had everything I needed before heading out to my car. My step was light and jovial, I think I was even smiling when I reached the driver's door of my car.

Just as I did, I heard a voice call my name. I turned to see a girl with long brown hair making her way over to me. She was pretty with big brown eyes and a bright smile. I tried to place her in my classes and just couldn't. How did she know my name? I let my gaze slide past her and saw the tiny girl who had smiled at me in homeroom. She was standing with several boys and one other girl. I guessed she had told the brown-haired girl my name.

The girl approached me and held out her hand, "Hi! I'm Bella."

I took her small hand in mine, "Hi, um, you already know my name, I guess." I chuckled when she grinned and giggled at me.

"Yeah, so, I was wondering…um, could I maybe get your number? For my friend over there?" She jabbed a thumb over her shoulder at the group. I glanced at the small dark haired girl again. She was looking my way, and gave me that small smile again.

"Uh, well, sure. I haven't really met anyone yet, so it'd be nice to get to know some people," I told her reassuringly. Her big eyes were taking me in and I wondered if she were really asking for her friend.

"Awesome! I think you'll find lots of friends here, Edward." She followed up her comment with a sly wink.

I smiled back at her and reached into my bag for a piece of paper, jotting down my cell number for her. "So, I can be reached at anytime. I am kind of a night owl, so it's never really too late." I handed her the paper and felt a bit awkward.

"Cool. I'll make sure to let him know. Bye!" She turned and sped off before her words registered in my brain. Did she just say him?

I watched, horrified, as she returned to her friends and handed the slip of paper to a boy of Asian descent with black hair swept across his face in one of those High School Musical hair don'ts. His dark eyes met mine and he raised his hand shyly and waved his fingers at me like a sea anemone.

OH. MY. BABY JEEBUS IN A PINK TUTU!

THEY THINK I'M GAY!

Yeah, this was totally the fucking time for caps lock voice. I wondered if I could transfer schools.

Fuck my life.

My Prompt: Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then very meekly waved at me. FML.

Many, many thanks to my awesomesauce wifey, Shalu. (I really love that you make my thoughts legible, precious!)