I looked at the empty bottle on the floor. It just lay there. Like my life it lay there that was all it didn't move it just stayed the same, miserable, horrible and painful. My only comfort was that bottle, well the contents of it anyway. But that had gone in 10 minutes. I needed more , i had to face it i was a addict i couldn't stop it was the only thing that brought a glimpse of happiness into my dull, wasteful life. Not that i could afford it. I mean i lost my job at a club in town. So I was living practically on nothing. My life was a mess, my head was a mess just everything was a mess.

I looked up at the clock 10.30 in the morning and already drunk. That must be a new record. I sighed slowly and continued staring at the clock watching the seconds, minutes and hours pass ever so slowly. After a while i moved my eyes across the room. It was empty nothing but walls and a smashed window, a clock and a empty bottle of Vodka on the floor.

I was wasting my life, Like i had been doing for the past 5 years. After circumstances which i do not like to discuss. I was so tired , i hadn't dare close my eyes because every time i did i pictured the same painful image which was to sad to look at. I had nothing to sleep on anyway just the cold, hard floor. I didn't care i didn't deserve it , i didn't deserve a nice warm bed to sleep in i didn't deserve anything.

It felt like being in a prison cell there was nothing. This wasn't even my home. I didn't have a home , i had nowhere but this cold, damp little room which smelled awful. To be honest a prison cell would be a luxury compared to this , i would rather be in prison than here!

I was cold, shivering. My arms where covered in goose bumps and cuts. I had tried self harm. Sucide would be way to dramatic and if you knew me well enough you would know that i hate causing a scene. No one knew the real me. I wouldn't let them , i let no one in my life. Why would anyone want to be a part of my life, a mess?

I hated thinking about my past, my past was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, my past had the worst thing that ever happened to me involved. I don't like to think about it now , i try not to but sometimes i just wonder if things had have been different , what would have my life have been like now?

My life at the moment was shambles , crap, not really much of a life at all. I was a mess my hair was greasy, my clothes were dirty, and my face well it was a state. My mascara was smudged , my eyes red and my forehead was bleeding. I had made myself like this i could have changed my life turned it around but i chose not to, i chose to dote in the past. But i had a good reason for it , perfectly understandably reason for it.

Time was ticking away, it was going so slowly until i decided to dwell in my thoughts and then it just shot by in a flash. It was now 6.00 it was pitch black outside not to mention freezing. I crammed up into a tiny ball hoping it would make me more warmer but i didn't , it actually made me more colder.

I needed to leave, he would here any minute for his weekly dose and i didn't want to i hated doing it but i did need the money , but i just couldn't today. I mean if i told him i didn't want to he'd force me and he'd done before and i hated it like i hated it now.

I staggered upwards using the wall for some kind of support. I felt a sharp feeling in my neck. It was my locket it was all tangled up. I carefully unclipped it not wanting to break it as it was the only thing i had left of my past. As i told you my past was horrible and as i said before the most painful thing happened in that time but it wasn't painful to begin with infact it was the best and worst day of my life.

I moved towards the door , ever so carefully not wanting to loose my balance as i was to drunk and i probably wouldn't have got back up again.

I opened the door and stepped outside my hair blowing in the wind. I was so cold. Goosebumps were everywhere now. I couldn't see properly it was just a blur. I felt like i was going blind or something. I choose to ignore it. I stepped forward having no idea where i was going.

I began to feel a little light headed so i sat down on a old barrel which was outside. I figited with my locket staring at the image inside. It was beautiful, she was beautiful a beautiful little baby girl, but now she wouldn't be a baby girl she'd be 5 now. I wanted to find her i wanted her my baby.

I closed my eyes tightly trying to picture what she'd look like. Blonde hair, blue eyes and a pretty little face. For once i smiled.

I sat there for about half an hour thinking about my baby my little girl. She'd have a new family. 2 new people that she called Mummy and Daddy, but i am her mummy. I never wanted to give her away i was forced , she was the best thing that ever happened to me but then the worst when i got separated from her. I named her Amy, i loved that name she looked like one 2. I only got to hold her for 2 hours And 23 minutes exactly. Then my dad came in and stole her away from me i hated him for that!

I was broke out of my trance when i felt a tight grip on my shoulder it hurt. I wasn't thinking about the time he was back for his weekly dose..........................