Meet Market Charity Auction
Diagnosis Murder
Amanda Bentley/Steve Sloan
Romance/Humor
Spoilers: None
Mark helps organize a charity auction to raise money for Community General's new pediatric cancer ward. He ropes Steve into being one of the bachelors up for auction. Who will be the lucky lady to win a date with the handsome Lieutenant Steve Sloan? Read it and find out!
A/N: I don't own the character of Diagnosis Murder and the show. I only own my original characters.
"She's great. Or, she's a psycho. Based on my dating history, it could go either way," Lieutenant Steve Sloan, from the Unluckiest Bachelor in L.A. episode.
Steve was straightening out his bowtie and looking at the mirror. How he let his dad con him into doing this was beyond him. Granted, it was for a good cause – helping pediatric cancer patients, but he just didn't understand why Mark roped him into it. Steve's dating history consisted of psycho women and he got a bad feeling that the lucky woman who'd win him would be: a stalker, a killer or both. He was lost in his scenarios for the night that he didn't hear his dad enter his room.
"Dad, you know better than to sneak up on your own kid like that," Steve gasped as he feigned a heart attack.
"I am just checking to see if you are ready to go," Mark smiled.
"I can't believe you conned me into participating in this event!"
"Aw, it's for a good cause and maybe I might get potential daughter-in-law out of it."
"If she turns out to be anything like some of the lunatics I had gone out with, it will be on your conscience."
Mark couldn't help but laugh at Steve's comment. He knew that his son wouldn't actually blame him for psychotic woman winning a date. Well, maybe he would, considering the fact that some of the women Steve dated belonged in an insane asylum (in their own ward). He hopes that the lucky bachelorette that wins him is a stable person for Steve's sake.
"Steve, let's go!" Mark smiled as he looked at his watch. "We got a pediatric cancer ward to fund."
"Hold on, dad," Steve said as he checked on his hair. "Okay, that looks just about right."
Father and son left the beach house and headed toward the hotel that hosted the event. Immediately after signing in, Steve was whisked away to a room were all the eligible bachelors and bachelorettes hung out and ate. He immediately recognized a fellow bachelor almost immediately.
"Hey Jake, what are you doing here?" Steve asked.
"Steve, it's been a while!" Jake Hallman replied as the two men shook hands. "I am one of the bachelors up for auction. What about you?"
"I am in the same position as you, buddy. How did you get here?"
"I lost a bet with a colleague at my production company. What about you?"
"My dad roped me or conned me into this, depending on whose perspective you want to believe."
"Your dad organized this event?"
"Yep, and he dragged his only son into it!"
Jake was about to say something when a young woman called the bachelors and bachelorettes into another room. There were two tables set with cream colored tablecloths, plates, eating utensils, pitchers of water, glasses and a colorful floral centerpiece. The seating was assigned by place cards. The bachelors were assigned to one table and the bachelorettes to the other so no hook ups between the auctioned. Dinner was a simple four course consisting of gazpacho, mixed baby green and kale salad with a Dijon vinaigrette, lemon and herb salmon with a pilaf made with ancient grains and rice and tiramisu in an edible chocolate cup. The meal was finished with a choice of coffee and herbal tea.
Fifteen minutes after their dinner was finished, the group of bachelors and bachelorettes were summoned to a room that led to the backstage area. The instructions were that they're to wait until called by the stage manager. The bachelorettes were the first ones to be up for bid since the clichéd 'ladies first'. Steve breathed a sigh a relief that he wouldn't get called up for bidding, yet. He only hoped that he would be the last and not the first bachelor up for bid. Not that he believed in saving the best for last, but he didn't like to be first in this case either.
"Are you having fun so far, Steve?" a male voice broke Steve out of his thoughts.
"Well, Jake, the dinner was delicious and I would like to compliment the chef," Steve replied. "However, I am dreading the rest of the event."
"Aw, Steve, I am pretty sure a wonderful woman would be honored to win a date with you."
"As long as she is mentally stable and doesn't have a known rap sheet, those two criteria would be good enough for me. Some of my past dates were psychos, criminals or both."
"I am pretty sure that she won't be a lunatic."
"I hope yours won't be one either."
"Thanks! Good luck!"
"Thanks and good luck to you, too!"
Finally, Steve was called up as the final bachelor up for auction. When he appeared on stage, he was like a deer caught in the headlights. For a man whose job description included public speaking, he was a bundle of nerves. He took a few calming breaths and looked at Mark who was sitting near the stage.
"Our final bachelor is Steve Sloan," the youngish female emcee said. "He is a lieutenant with the LAPD. He also part owner of BBQ Bob's. Ladies, you know what 'protect and serve' means in this case? Steve will not only protect you from the creepy guys, but he will serve you barbeque ribs!"
Just how cheesy and corny this introduction could get, Steve thought as he rolled up his eyes at the absurdity of how he was described.
"He lives on the beach," the emcee continued. "He enjoys walks or jogs there. His other interests includes dirt biking. Now, you know a little bit about Steve, the opening bid is $8,000. Do I hear 8,000?"
Almost immediately, twenty women, whose ages ranged from 27 to 45, raised their hands while holding up their numbered cards. They shouted word and/or phrases like: 'here', 'he's mine' and 'I feasted my eyes on him first'.
"Okay, let's raise this bid up to 8,500!" the emcee intervened to prevent the ladies from possibly getting into a catfight. "You know he is a cop, right? Don't fight over him because you could get arrested and charged with inciting a riot. This is supposed to be a fun event for an awesome cause."
Now she wants to make my time here even more stressful and torturous, Steve thought. Don't tell me that I have to investigate a possible murder. If that's the case, I am fed up with going to a fundraising event and a disaster occurs. Dad didn't sign me up for detective work here, just humiliation and a possible date with a crazy lunatic.
"Do I hear 9,000?" the emcee asked and two women put down their hands. There were four new women who raised their hands and numbered card. One of the new women that joined in on bidding on Steve was Dr. Amanda Bentley. When he saw that a friendly face bidding on him, Steve breathed a subtle sigh of relief and secretly hoped she would be his winner. "Okay, ladies, now we are raising it to 9,500 and we see that four bidders had dropped out and twelve more women have joined in the bidding. Steve Sloan must be that eye candy the ladies salivate over."
Eye candy? That's a new one, Steve thought. Am I being on auction for female cannibals? Get me out of here!
"I want him for $20,000!" Amanda screamed while her arm was still raised and holding her number card.
"Anyone else bidding on our final bachelor for 20,000," the emcee shouted. "Going once, going twice! Sold to bidder number 16!"
Oh, thank goodness it's Amanda that won the date with me, Steve thought. I know her and trust her. I'll let dad off the hook in reprimanding him when we get home.
"Now, we will move into our silent auction," the emcee said. "The items include a day of pampering at Tranquility Gardens Spa, gift cards from a variety of local stores and eateries and a few other items. Remember, this is for a good cause."
During the silent auction, Steve and Amanda looked at the items while holding hands. Mark approached the new pair and shook their hands. Steve excused himself and took his father aside.
"Aren't you glad I roped you into this?" Mark asked.
"Yeah, I guess I have to thank you for conning me into this," Steve replied. "I guess I let my fear of being won by psycho get in the way of looking on the bright side."
"Amanda is a good woman and you know that."
"Dad, we could have asked each other out even without the charity event."
"Son, I know that, but you needed a little push."
That statement earned Mark a glare from Steve.
"Dad, I am a grown man and Amanda is a grown woman," Steve whined. "We could have gotten together with or without a charity auction."
"True, but I thought this would be fun and for a good cause," Mark countered.
"Let's change the subject slightly. Can you explain to me what 'eye candy' is? I heard that term from the emcee as some of the single women were fighting over me."
"It means that someone or something is aesthetically pleasing to one's eyes," Jesse said as he joined with the Sloans. "I hear Susan tell me this all the time."
"Phew, I thought that I was in a Twilight Zone episode involving a gang of cannibalistic female zombies wanting to literally eat me!"
"Relax, Steve, they are just feasting you with their eyes."
"Ahem, excuse me, Mark and Jesse," Amanda said. "I know that you want to spend some more time with Steve, but I won him in the regular auction."
Amanda's remark caused Steve to chuckle and both Jesse and Mark to look at each other with proud accomplishment. The new couple resumed perusing through the silent auction items. Steve noticed a donation of four gift cards from BBQ Bob's as well as an opportunity to cater one event. He would have to talk to his dad and Jesse about this, but he didn't want to be a killjoy.
"The silent auction will conclude in 20 minutes!" a disembodied male voice announced. "Make your selection and bid on it before the bell rings."
Steve and Amanda decided to bid on the spa package and a trip for two to California's Wine Country. They couldn't bid on either the BBQ Bob's gift cards or the catered event, since Steve is part owner and a conflict of interest would occur. When everyone was satisfied with his or her choices, they returned to the main area. Since some of the people had left during and immediately after the bachelor/bachelorette auction, there were empty seats for the new couples to sit down and relax. Everyone was served a variety of chocolate truffles and a selection of coffee and teas.
Hours after the winners of the silent auction were announced, Steve and Amanda were sitting at the deck of the Sloan Beach House. While it wasn't an official date, the pair decided to hang out at his place. They were talking and taking in the night ocean breeze.
"I can't believe somebody won the items we placed bid on in the silent auction," Amanda whined. "We could have had a relaxing time at the spa or Napa Valley!"
"Hey, you won the most important prize," Steve smirked and pointed to himself. "It's for a good cause, as dad told me earlier."
"I couldn't believe all that corny stuff the emcee was saying about the bachelors and bachelorettes."
"You heard what she said about my being a cop and a restaurant owner, well part owner."
"Oh yeah, 'not only will he protect you from the creepy guys, but serve you barbeque ribs.' You should have heard what she said about your poor friend Jake."
"I have a feeling that it will be cheesy and/or corny."
"She said something about Jake's production company and that he could produce her video anytime!"
"Ugh, that was a lamest that I had ever heard."
Amanda was about to say something else when Mark came outside with a slight smile. He had a piece of paper that looked like a piranha took a few bites out of.
"I have good news to report," Mark announced.
"If it about organizing next year's charity event," Steve said. "Do everyone a favor and never hire that screwball emcee again!"
"That's funny, son, but I have thought about next year's event. I had just got off the phone with the hospital treasurer and though this isn't an exact figure."
"Mark, just tell us," Amanda said.
"So far, Community General raised over a quarter million dollars! We'll get an official total within a week."
"That's a great start!" Steve and Amanda reacted in unison.
"I'll leave you kids alone."
About half an hour later, Amanda went home to relieve the babysitter. She had called Steve and thanked him for a good time and conversation. They agreed to have another date: dinner and a visit to a museum. At his apartment downstairs, Steve climbed into bed and fell asleep almost immediately with a smile.
THE END!