A/N sorry for the hiatus on my last fic but... I will continue it. This just came to me and prevented me from having any ideas for the other one. Still soul crushing angst though. Sorry for the OOC characters but also not because its fanfiction so... Yea. I don't own Hetalia.

The warnings for this story are as follows: smut, depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts/actions, smut, yaoi, a little bit of gore depending on how things go, mpreg, and did I mention smut?

Beta Note: This is Michael J. O'Malley, the awesome beta for this fucking Hetalia nerd. Just going through and fixing mistakes that my friend here has made. Just pretend I'm not here (*lurks*)

Denmark

Denmark woke up earlier than he wanted to that morning. He could've blamed it on the nightmares but he knew that wasn't technically untrue. They usually didn't wake him anymore but rather trapped him in his own personal brand of hell.

There was no reason for him to be awake at all. He probably should have considered this an omen from the start that something was not right. Denmark was a heavy sleeper when he drank and he usually did try to drink his pain away even if it never worked.

He would come to think of it as is own hardheadedness that kept him from considering such things. So he went about his day as he usually did. He dragged himself out of bed, took a shower, tried to make himself look halfway decent, and left out of his horrible, lonely, depressing house as fast as he could manage.

Only one thing was different about his routine today and that was that he had a specific destination in mind. Normally he would just drift until he ended up at Norway's, get rejected and hurt, go to a bar, get drunk, and then pass out at his jail cell of a house. The blond haired nation startled himself into a stop when he considered how pathetic he had become. Almost everyday he spent seeking out someone that clearly didn't want him around even though he knew he was going to get hurt. He wished he knew why he did that. Sought out pain. Maybe it was because he was just too stupid to give up on his naive hope that maybe that beautiful, cold Norwegian would forgive him and not hate him anymore.

Norway had on more than one occasion told the Dane that he didn't hold grudge when Denmark had gotten so drunk that he just couldn't control himself and had gone to him begging for forgiveness. Norway had said so, but the Dane wasn't ready to accept the alternative, which was that Norway and the other Nordics hated him for being him. Thor knows that was why he hated himself; he just couldn't take them that from them too.

He had tried to change but it was hard and it didn't seem to help. It hurt to think that he couldn't fix the relationships he had lost with the people he loved the most. It hurt him until he could hardly breathe. So Denmark took the easy way out like the weakling he was. He diluted himself into believing his dreaded fear was not reality and felt thankful once again that he had to be at a meeting with the very people who hated him and that he would not find himself somewhere he is unwelcome.

He took a plane to Oslo and on the way felt thankful that even though he knew he would be hurt, at least he wouldn't be alone. He could deal with pain, but he couldn't stand the awful hollow suffocating loneliness. That feeling was what made him want to die.

…

Norway

The only thing that Norway could manage to say in his own defense after what he had done that day was that he had woken up feeling like absolute hell. Some economic problem had caused the Norwegian much grief making him feel ill and giving him a headache that would not relent. It was no excuse. What he did was inexcusable. But it was the only explanation he could come up with when asked.

As for all the other days he had built up to this one, Norway had not a single word to say in his own defense for that. That was just him being awful to someone he never should have hurt in the first place. Completely taking them for granted; unable to see beyond the charade he truly believed to be the truth. Norway was ashamed of what it took to wake him up.

He had gone to the Nordic meeting even though he felt ill. As per usual, Denmark was late and they had to wait for him to show as to not get another speech about 'leaving out the king of the north.'

Denmark was truly a great actor.

Norway and the others were reaching the end of their endurance when the boisterous Dane did not show for an hour after their scheduled time.

At bout and hour and a half after the man in question finally did show "What the hell Denmark?! Your late! More so than usual!" Sweden scolded. Had Norway been looking he would've noticed how Denmark was shaking and the tear stains already on his face, but those were things he only bothered to notice looking back on it. He did however take note of the Danish nation's bloody slightly torn clothes.

"I-I hit a deer.. totaled my rental… I killed it…. I didn't mean to.." the obviously upset Dane struggled. Once again no one took the time to notice that something was wrong or that Denmark was forcing his smile even more then normal.

"It should've been you killed you idiot. We could've been done already if it weren't for you." Norway had growled at him lowly.

That was it. No 'are you okay' no 'do you need help' not even 'is that your blood.' Denmark started shaking harder and even though he kept up the fake smile he was unable it seemed to hold in his anguish and tears rolled down his face.

No one else said anything just let the horrible comment lay. They were all to shocked. Rendered voiceless by the display before them. This man that none of them ever thought was anything but happy with broken tears running down his face. They were just realizing how many more fake smiles they had seen from him. They were only now regretting hurting him.

Norway looked into Denmark's eyes and saw something he'd never forget. He saw someone precious to him break right down the middle because of his own blindness. He knew that he destroyed the one person in the world who loved him unconditionally.