PROLOGUE-HOW THEY ENDED UP IN ANGER MANAGEMENT SCHOOL
Ryu had no idea where that giant anvil had come from. The only thing he knew was that, in the depths of a Japanese forest-they don't just drop outta the sky, or trees for that matter. He has become imbedded in the soft muddy floor of the forest, and was promptly struck unconscious by a bunch of people in black ninja suits.
Ken had been abducted, in broad daylight, from his car while waiting for the traffic lights to turn green.
He knew he hadn't any change for that car window cleaner but MAN HAVE THEY GOTTEN VICIOUS LATELY!
Chun-li was abducted at a ladies underwear apartment in London, where she was suffocated with chloroform and a pair of knickers! "Thank god they were clean one's!" she thought as she fell unconscious. ("But can she be so sure? Eewww! Lol (_^)
(Oh of course they were clean- I would never do something so vulgar to Chun-li! (_~)
Cammy was taken during an army exercise. She had be able to fight off the 20 or so abductees that swarmed her, but it was the fact she forgot about that big hole in the ground behind her that was her undoing. It wasn't the falling in that had bruised her, more the fact that her abductees peered down at her and laughed at her that really bruised her!
Dee-Jay, what a tragedy!!! And he honestly thought someone was just throwing him a 12-inch record while Dj-ing in his little shop. But how he could have mistaken a 40 foot wrecking ball for a record is beyond me…(me thinks he should get glasses! (_^)
Fei-long…(*tut tut tut*…(_0) I guess he had a reasonable excuse. When you work in the movie industry it can be confusing knowing the difference between reality and fiction.
But it was Saturday
And he wasn't at work
And when you are in a supermarket and someone threatens to bash your head in with a stone cold turkey FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T stand there and do what the hero's do in the movies-saying some catchy pun and then kick their head in, slow motion style-because in real life they don't wait for you to finish, THEY GET IN FIRST!!!
(Again- * tut tut tut *)
E.Honda, you damn damn fool! I know hunger can be blinding, but FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
Yes I understand that some restaurants do hold "free meal" days. (Aka roadrunner cartoons)
And yes I understand that the waiter may look a little hairy and dog-like (aka road runner cartoons)
And yes I understand that they do serve huge turkeys. (Err-well I think they appear in the roadrunner cartoons)
BUT WHEN THAT TURKEY IS STUFFED WITH TNT STICKS OF DINAMITE…
(Of the ACMETM CO-ORPERATION "blow that bird straight to hell…with a ssssmmmmile 0_~)
YOU JUST DON'T TOUCH IT OK!?
Deary deary me…
Blanka, oh my poor baby! This one honestly didn't see it coming. He was up a tree at the time. A tranquilliser hit him. He kinda got his revenge although. The abductees we stupid enough to stand RIGHT UNDER the tree when the big green fighter fell. It was 3 hours before they could pry the flattened bodies from underneath Blanka.
Guile, you are an idiot. You've been married for-how long?
You've known your daughter for-how long?
How you could mistake Kylie Minogue for your daughter…
And JEAN CLAUDE VAM DAMME for your WIFE?!?!
(Another mis-cast, but did anyone notice? YES! EXCEPT ANYONE or anything affiliated with Capcom, until it was too late!). The really funny thing was that when the abductees came along they got sooo confused and took Kylie Minogue! (yep, they were from the De souza school of casting!)
(LOL (_^ )
They realised their mistake and killed Van Damme.
Then they took Guile.
("I feel sorry for Van Damme-they should have killed De Souza! (_0)
Zangief-I guess muscle replaces your brain in your head huh? Again, this was a case of mistaken identity. As we all know. Zangief wrestles bears for fun. (Just the kinda person you'd want in your pet shop huh!) But since when do bears have huge gun-like barrels in their paws? Trust Zangief to take a closer look! And he still stood there bewildered when gas began emanating from them. You know the rest.
Dhalsim. Man-does this scenario have a real twist in the tale! Dhalsim was just meditating when a guy in a black ninja suit came outta nowhere and stole his gold cow statue! Dhalsim, being so stretchy and all, decided to try and catch this critter by forming a net like structure with his bendy limbs all around the temple. He would keep his left arm free to try and catch the little b'stard. But of course, he managed to get this arm tangled up in his right leg. So he used his right arm to try and catch him, but the little b'stard was quick and agile, and so Dhalsim managed to get his left arm caught up in his right leg. As a last, desperate attempt to catch that git, he decided to use his teeth and so stretched his neck. The ninja jumped right to the top of the temple, and then dropped down, perfectly managing to wrap Dhalsims head around his body, so he literally had his head almost up his own arse ("excuse my crudeness" (_~ ). Dhalsim tried to hide his embarrassment, and the abductee's tried to hide their laughter as they carried off the ball of human flesh.
T.Hawk was communicating with his people when he was struck. Standing on top of the mountain miles away from his tribe he was reading their smoke signals. The part of his tribe who sent him these smoke signals was psychic, and often warned him of future events. So he was waiting for messages from his tribe, and he got one, it read…
H…esbeh…indyo…u…
He stood there for moments wondering what the hell they had been saying.
"Hhhmmmm…h…esbeh…indyo…u?" he knew that the wind had played part in messing up the letters and so took this into account…
"H…esbeh…indyo…u…h…esbeh…indyo…u…"
He realised what they had been trying to say-
"OH! HE'S BEHIND YOU!!"
`WACK`
And off to coo coo land went T.Hawk
Balrog, oh, now here's where it gets really depressing. While on mission Balrog had run into the abductees. This is a guy who, even considering his missing teeth, really HAS more teeth than brain cells. While fighting his opponents in this weird maze he managed to trap an unsuspecting fellow who has a very long neck and a squashed little face. After bashing his head against this fellow a couple of times, he began to get woozy. He noticed that his opponent was also on the brink of unconsciousness so he continued. Moments later Balrog was on the floor, panting for breath. And so was his opponent.
"Huh, think I'm gonna let you get away huh?"
He gave the guy a couple more head bangs, and then fell on the floor unconscious.
So did his opponent.
And the people who ran that mirror maze at that fun fair were NOT going to be happy so see some idiot had broken their mirror!
Vega. Oh Vega. You are my favourite. But like the others you can also be stupid. Vega, as we all know, likes looking in the mirror. He does it every day. So you would have thought when he was standing opposite Britney Spears in a door way he would have noticed that it wasn't him. And you would have thought he would have caught on when his "reflection" was holding a huge frying pan. But nope, not our Vega! ("Quit rubbing it in nemesis!"). Fortunately she did not do any harm, well she couldn't really could she? After all he's like, 10x stronger than her. Luckily his vanity has left him thick skulled.
("NEMESIS!"…"Hey sweetie-I like you that way!" `smooooooccchhhhhhh` "oh yuck nemesis!")
He was dragged off by the abductees, conscious, kicking and screaming with a huge lump on his head. The abductees paid Britney a huge amount of money, and she skipped of happily.
(Lets face it-she's doing it ALL for the money right?)
Sagat: you see I can relate to this guy, having only one eye and all. But bless his little heart! Sagat is really, deep down a good honest man! He is also a strict fighter. He has never smoked and only drinks the minimal amount of alcohol. So it was unfortunate that the alcohol had knocked him out.
Oh no, his drink was not spiked or anything.
A Heineken truck hit him!
M.Bison: now, this guy's got "psycho power" and all, so you wouldn't think this guy would be easy to capture, right?
WRONG! Our abductees knew it was gonna be a little harder getting this guy unconscious. So they ran into shadowlaw, ran right into his room, screamed "tag-your it!" and ran back off. Of course Bison followed. But they forgot he could teleport, and so he appeared right in front of them. But luckily they had already reached the gas station.
Now, the one thing you don't do is light any sparks at a gas station.
Becoming a great big spark is a no-no.
Doing anything remotely sparkly is a no-no.
So, of course, when Bison did his "psycho crusher" into the abductees hiding in the gas station he literally "set the night on fire!"
He had realised his mistake, 2 seconds too late that is.
The blow was enough to render the great fighter unconscious.
And as for the abductees?
All I can say is…KFC! (Krispy fried c**ts)
(mmmmmmm…KFC…err, I mean S.T.A.R.S!)
All the fighters had gained consciousness when they awoke in the "rooms" of the anger management mansion. (A bit like Xavier's x-men school for the gifted) ready to begin their lessons.
They had no idea who there lecturers were
They had no idea where they were
They had no idea what was in store!
Next time-day 1 at anger management school.
(I hope no one was offended by my portrayal of the fighters. I KNOW they are not really this stupid-but for the sake of this fan fiction this is what happened ok! Good. (_^)