This was based off a post I saw on tumblr, I haven't been able to find it again though. But, enjoy.
Creativity
"Alright class for this week's assignment, we will experiment with a new form of storytelling called a tandem story." The English teacher began. Wendy tapped her fingers lightly on the desk to the beat of the latest upbeat pop song which was stuck in her head. English was one of her favorite subjects out of all her high school classes, the idea of writing always fascinated her, to have the power to make people you imagined up do literally anything, from starting a family to starting a gang. Wendy often came up with some ideas for novels, mostly romance, as it is her favorite genre. Love, to Wendy, was a beautiful thing.
"The process is simple. Each person will pair of with the person sitting next to them. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph to the beginning of a short story. You will email your partner a copy and send one to me. Your partner will read the paragraph and write the next paragraph to the story, then email a copy to you and me. The story ends when both you and your partner reach an agreed end to the story." Cartman wasn't happy to say the least, why you may ask? Well, to his right was the know-it-all ho who went by the name of Wendy Testaburger. This wasn't going to be good.
"Okay look Cartman, I know you and me..." Wendy began, moving a strand of dark black hair out of her face.
"Save it ho, here's my email." He shoved her a small scrap of paper. "You email me first, got it?"
"Well, I was just trying to be civil."
"Well, go be civil somewhere else bitch."
"Don't call me a bitch, fatass!" Cartman was about to reply with a witty comeback, when the bell rang signaling the end of class. Wendy huffed and walked out of the classroom.
It wasn't until much later, after Wendy had finished all her other homework and procrastinated a bit, did Wendy begin writing the first paragraph for English.
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which use to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he like chamomile. But she felt that she must now, at all costs, keep her mind of Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma would start acting up. So chamomile was out of the question.
Wendy looked over what she had written for any errors, before sending a copy both to Cartman and her teacher. Wendy tilted her head back, bumping it against the headboard of her bed lightly. She had no idea how Cartman would respond, not well she predicted. Meanwhile on the other side of town, Cartman scrolled through pictures of very attractive, nearly naked women that Kenny had sent him. How Kenny got a computer with internet he would never know. At the fifth scantily clad girl he looked up to notice he had an email. Clicking on the tab to his email, he sighed. It was from Wendy, that hippie bitch. Clicking on the email, he read her short paragraph and burst out laughing. It sounded like the beging to a cheap boring romance novel. Suddenly hit with inspiration Cartman began to write the next half to the story.
Meanwhile, Advanced Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about about then the neuroses of an air-head asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed through out of nowhere and blasted a hole through the ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
'Hah, lets see Wendy turn this into some stupid love romance shit.' Cartman though as he hit 'send.' Slowly, Wendy reread what Cartman had sent to her. Air-headed asthmatic bimbo?! Laurie was an amazing character, what the hell did he know. She began to type out the next paragraph.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,'" Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when days had past unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beauty around her.
"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a women?" she pondered wistfully.
"What a beautiful ending. To bad Cartman's gonna fuck it up." Wendy thought out loud after hitting 'send.' As soon as Cartman received the email, he felt like he was going to puke rainbows. "'Why must one lose one's innocence to become a women?' What kind of romantic bullshit is that?" Cartman yelled. No, the story wouldn't end like this, not if Cartman had anything to say about it. Cartman began writing out the next (and hopefully last) paragraph.
Little did she know, she had less than ten seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted, wimpy, peacekins who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours of the treaty of Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverise the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missiles entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top secret mobile submarine headquarters on the Ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivable massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
Cartman laughed at the ending and hit send. Less than a minute later he received an email back.
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
Cartman couldn't believe it, she called him semi-literate! Says the one writing about fucking tea. He began to write his response.
Yeah? Well my writing partner is a self-centered, tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other type of FUCKING TEA? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"
Seconds later Cartman got his reply.
Asshole.
He responded back.
Bitch.
In one minute the little 'bing' sound of an email popping up was heard in Wendy's room. Opening the email, she clenched her hands in anger. Immediately, she began her response.
FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
Cartman smiled at Wendy's response, it was exactly what he expected, thus his amazing comeback would work perfectly.
In your dreams, ho. Go drink some tea.
Wendy screamed, slamming her laptop shut with such force that she would be surprised if she didn't have to get a new one.
"Cartman is such an asshole." She yelled, throwing her back causing it to hit the wall with a hard thunk. "Ow." Wendy rubbed the back of her head lightly, getting up to get some ice, Wendy noticed some sort of stickiness between her thighs. Looking down she noticed that she was currently turned on. Very turned on.
"Fuck."
So what do you think? Leave a review to let me know, even if all it says is 'potato.'