Disclaimer: I don't own Community.
Summary: Britta hopes one day she can forget him. She knows it's next to impossible, but she wants to at least pretend like she's trying. JeffBritta, oneshot
Okay, so I don't know why it's taken me this long to write something for this brilliant show. Probably because I was slightly - or not-so-slightly - intimidated by the loveliness and perfection of the show and I didn't want to ruin it too bad with my…stuff. Anyway, I really like Jeff and Britta together, so this is a little fic about them. Obviously. Anyway, please enjoy! And happy new year!
Insight
She hopes one day she can forget.
That's the one thing that she wants the most, though she knows that those things are always the hardest to achieve. The things that one wants - wants more than anything - are the things that are always out of reach. Always the things that brush just against one's fingertips, but are pulled away before one can grasp them fully.
She wants to be able to wipe her mind blank of him, like a dry-erase board. Like deleting a text message. Like tearing up a letter.
Regarding those options, she knows that they wouldn't work. Because even after the mediums are destroyed, the words live on in her memory, something that isn't affected so easily.
She knows that this is completely out of character for her, ridiculously so, but she finds that she can't help the way she feels around him. Though she is all for independence and female empowerment, she can't help but feel like the heroine of one of those old Hollywood romantic movies when she's around him, as foolish and stupid as that sounds.
Britta really, truly hates herself for it.
There's absolutely nothing she can do about it.
She can't forget. Forgetting would be the best and the worst course of action for her. Something that she doesn't want to happen, but something that she wishes would. The contradiction is something amusing to her, but only for a moment.
She would love to forget the image of Annie in Jeff's arms.
She takes in a deep breath and steels herself. There is something about the whole thing that just screams wrong. It should be her with Jeff, not Annie Aderol. She was the one that confessed how she felt in front of a group of people, not caring what they thought of her, and yet he was with her.
Giving Vaughn up to Annie was completely different than this. She could wax poetic about this as well, but to put it simply, Vaughn wasn't Jeff.
She feels completely stupid for all of this, feels like she should have taken the chance when Jeff first showed interest. But that wasn't in her character. Succumbing to the whims of a pretentious asshole on the first meeting? That might have been in her past, but she'd be damned if it was her future.
But she got to see how Jeff changed. How Greendale had wormed its way into his black heart and made it grow - like on the Grinch or something like that - and she knew that what she felt before was okay because Jeff wasn't the asshole she thought he was.
But she was too late.
The moment she realized how she felt was the moment that someone else had their hands all over him.
Thus was the story of Britta Perry.
She sighs and sinks down into her chair, nothing really going on in study group that day except for the covert glances that Annie and Jeff are giving each other.
It all gives her the urge to gag.
Shirley gives her a look from across the table - a kind, searching look. Britta reassures her - and herself - with a smile that probably looks more like a grimace. Shirley gives her a nod and a slight smile, knowing that Britta isn't exactly okay. Moments like this are the ones in which Britta isn't sure she's grateful or begrudging of Shirley's observant nature.
Abed is saying something now - something odd, no doubt - and she finds it in her to laugh at it. She immediately feels Abed's eyes on her, as if he recognized the doubt in the sound, but he says nothing for once. For that, she is grateful.
She doesn't really know what she can do, other than wait for their study session to be over and hope that no one notices her until then.
Britta crosses her arms and leans back further in her chair, so far that she is almost on the floor. She looks over to Jeff, who is speaking about something or another. Nonsense, and all. She tells herself that she doesn't care, but she does. She absorbs every word with the attentiveness of a good student.
Jeff doesn't notice her, though, which is odd. Odd and something that she most definitely does not like.
She sighs lightly to herself and gently lets her eyes shut, tries to think of anything but the man next to her, and fails. His stupid face is all that she can see, even when she closes her eyes. Even when she's so mad at him that she can't see straight.
Stupid.
She hopes one day she can forget - and she hopes that day is soon.
End.