A Strange Adventure X: Arthur vs. Muffy vs. Fern: STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT BRAWL!
By NocturneD
Note: Another random story with crack type humor. Do not say I did not warn you. Also, do not give me crap saying the characters are not in character. It's fanfiction and if you do not like that. Go watch the show this is fun time.
Another winter Monday morning in the quiet town of Elwood city. The usual stuff went on as stores were open for business and the police officers making their rounds. Lakewood Elementary started off its school day by ringing the bell for the day to start. In Mr. Ratburn's class the students were already sitting in their respected seats. Their teacher was not in the classroom when the bell rang so the students decided to talk to each other before he came in.
"So did you finish last nights assignment?" Buster leaned over his desk to ask his friend Arthur reader who sat across from him.
Arthur sighed. "Yeah but I had to stay up past my bedtime just to finish the stupid thing." He reached from his red assignment folder to pull out multiple sheets of paper. "It took up my entire weekend."
"Same here." Francine their friend cut in and did the same. "I can not see why Mr. Ratburn has to assign so much homework for the weekend."
"Because it's Mr. Ratburn. That's why." Buster moaned as his face planted itself onto his desk.
"You did not finish huh?" Francine asked.
"Just barely. I had to finish it on the bus ride this morning." Buster turned his face to look at Francine.
Just then Binky Barnes stood up from his seat and walked over to the radiator. Some of the students were curious to what the larger student was up to. Binky felt a very nice spew of heat flowing out of the old fashion radiator. Just then he had a wicked idea. He looked down and unzipped his pants.
"Uh Binky? What are you doing?" Sue Ellen asked.
Just then they heard a trickle of water coming from the bulldog boy's direction. He let out a sigh of relief as most of the other students picked up on what he was doing.
"BINKY! COME ON!" Arthur yelled. "That's disgusting!"
"Yeah! Go to the bathroom for that!" Francine was grossed out as the yellow stream hit the heated metal. Upon contact they saw steam fuming from the radiator along with a smell of burnt urine. The children eased themselves away from the urinating boy while emitting the word 'Ew' while some other students laughed.
"Ah." Binky sighed happily as his piss stream died down. He shook himself two times and zipped up his pants. Just then the classroom door opened to reveal Mr. Ratburn still in his winter coat and hat.
"Alright children settle down." Mr. Ratburn looked at Binky. "Please take your seat Binky."
The bulldog boy did so while Mr. Ratburn puffed out his chest to get his coat off easier. "I'm sorry I'm late but the roads are terrible as usual. Pot holes almost a foot deep down on Main street."
"Um. Mr. Ratburn. Binky took a..." Fern raised her hand to tell her teacher about the scenario before.
"I'm sorry Fern but we're really on a tight schedule today. Whatever Binky did, I'm sure he'll do the right thing." He eyed Binky again in disappointment then went back to teaching. "I do have a short announcement to make before we get started. We are going to have an election for student body president. Two or three candidates that are interested will campaign in seeing who can handle the student affairs."
"Arthur's mom has alot of those." Binky chimed in.
"So does your dad down at the gay bar." Arthur shot back.
"Your dad is down there too sometimes." Binky laughed.
"Your mom has dick, ass face!" Arthur shouted.
"How do you know unless you peaked!" Binky shot back.
"So your mom is a man or something?" Buster asked.
"Shut up!" Binky shouted.
"Thanks for burning down my house last time you fat ass!" Arthur tensed up.
"For the last time Pickles the clown did that!" Binky stood up.
"Enough you two." Ratburn sternly stopped the two from arguing any further. "Now the point was... Oh goodness, now I forgot. What was I explaining?"
"That you first discovered when you were a brony?" Francine raised her hand.
"Or the time you had tourettes?" Buster added.
"Or the time you were a nudist and decided to teach a bunch of nine years butt naked?" George raised his hand too.
"Or the time you had nasty sex with Mrs. McGrady on Binky's desk?" Jenna brought up.
"The time you married a princess from another dimension, that just so happens to be a flying unicorn?" Fern added.
"Or the time you became a ninja?" Arthur nodded.
"Or the time you were a zombie killer?" Binky smirked.
"Oh yeah. Those were some fun times." Mr. Ratburn smiled.
"By the way that stain on the futon is still there from when you made love to princess Celestia back at my house." Arthur brought up.
"By the way whatever did happen to Naruto anyway?" Sue Ellen asked.
"Oh him?" Buster replied. "He rented out the house next to mine. Place is littered with ramen cups all over the floor."
"Okay class let's get back on schedule. Time to pass in your homework that I assigned last Friday." Mr. Ratburn clapped his hands joyfully. "Matter of fact. Why don't I turn up the heater for you children so we can get busy?" Mr. Ratburn walked over to the thermostat and turned up the heat.
The rat man sniffed. "Does the radiator smell like burning pee to anyone else?" Mr. Ratburn asked. He then formed a scowl face, "Oh god! DID SOMEONE PISS ON THIS THING?!"
Later that afternoon. A wild homeless man entered Mr. Ratburn's class and asked the kids if they wanted to accompany him to the scary shack behind the school. Binky was the only stupid one enough to fall for it... Twice and then the day went on as normal. Somewhat normal if you read my past stories. Except for the part where a hot air balloon crashed infront of the school but then nothing became of it. Mr. Ratburn pulled into his driveway and locked his car door. He opened the front door to his house and walked inside.
"Honey I'm home." Ratburn called out as he slid of his winter coat and hat.
A tall white horse with vibrant colorful and flowing mane stepped out into the hallway. Her eyes with a sense of peace glued to the rat man as she trotted up to him. Her wings eased to her sides perfectly.
"Rough day Nigel?" The white flying unicorn asked.
"I swear these kids." Ratburn shook his head. "Makes me think that I can not teach them anything."
"Now now." Celestia smiled. "I'm sure you can clear your mind with a nice slice of cake." The winged unicorn used her magic to raise a plate with a slice of cake towards his face. It was the most sexy looking cake Ratburn had ever seen.
"Oh my lord." Nigel smiled.
"Let's eat in the kitchen so we can have a nice conversation." Celestia turned her equestrian body around to walk back into the kitchen.
"Dat flank." Nigel bit his lower lip.
The two sat down at ate an entire cake for dinner because the two loved cake so flipping much.
"So Nigel?" Celestia asked. "How was work?"
Ratburn wiped his mouth clean. "Well I started the day by announcing that the school is going to have a student body election and well the rest wrote itself."
"What do you mean?" Celestia raised an eyebrow.
"Well first, Arthur and Binky were fighting again over who knows what. Then for some reason whenever I turn on the heat it smelt like someone pissed on the thing. Buster was talking about aliens and then suddenly a homeless person came into the classroom and sat down. He smelled like ass." Ratburn frowned. "Then we had a fire drill and because we can't take anything with us. We had to wait out in the freezing snow, then it rained, then hailed. Half the kids had to go home from catching a cold or bruises. Then for some reason Nazis came into the school and Hitler's clone was the principal for the rest of the day. I shot him in the head and saved the day also by the way the position is still open. Francine and Muffy got into a huge fight, then Prunella had her first period today. Would sound simple but she was bleeding like a waterfall. Fern had the shits. Jenna was crying because some kid said her ass was too big. I could go on all day honey."
Celestia blinked once, then twice. "Alright then. So did any of your students show any interest in becoming student body president?"
"Well one of our chosen candidates is Muffy Crosswire. She has a good head on her shoulders but sometimes she can let the glamor get to her." Nigel explained. "She comes from a rich family already and knows a bit about politics."
"And the other?" Celestia asked.
"Fern Walters. A quiet child but I think she can use the experience." Ratburn put his hands together to twiddle his thumbs. "Our third candidate is..."
Arthur slammed the front door to his house after passing through it. Same old house. Same old crap. Same D.W. hogging the only television in the house because his parents were too cheap to buy another one. Same old ugly ass green couch. Same dad cooking up a storm, same mom doing taxes on the computer. Arthur set his book bag down on the kitchen table where his father quickly noticed him.
"Oh hey Arthur. How was school?" Mr. Read asked.
"Well... I decided to run for student body president." Arthur smirked.
"That's great Arthur." David smiled at his son. "Who you running against?"
"Muffy Stinking Crosswire." Arthur frowned. "And Fern Walters was somehow volunteered to be the third candidate... by force because of peer pressure."
"Oh right. Ed's kid." David frowned as well. "Hey wait. Is Fern the girl that was growing boobs early?
"Dad we're talking about the election and you're saying someone has boobs. What the hell?" Arthur raised an eyebrow.
"I GOT TO SHIT!" DW shouted from the other room. "NO ONE CHANGE THE CHANNEL WHILE I'M GONE!"
"I'm going to change the channel!" Arthur taunted from the kitchen.
"DON'T YOU DARE!" DW shouted.
"I'm going to!" Arthur chuckled.
"FINE! I'LL SHIT ON THE COUCH THEN!" DW hollered.
"DON'T YOU DARE!" David shouted.
"THIS WOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM IF YOU JUST GET ANOTHER TV!" DW bitched.
"DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE AND BEAT YOUR ASS!" David warned.
"YOUR HAND WILL BE COVERED IN SHIT THEN IF YOU DO!" DW countered.
"She has a point dad." Arthur brought up.
"She's five and acts like she owns the house." David shook his head. "By the way is your teacher still married to that horse?"
"Who Sarah Jessica Parker?" Arthur replied.
"No. This horse actually has a weird fascination with cake and pastries too." David tried to explain.
"Pinkie Pie?" Arthur scratched his head.
"No the big white one that has long waving hair. She's a princess but stayed here in Elwood for god knows how long." David pointed out.
"Oh right. Princess Celestia. Or queen I forget." Arthur scratched his crotch. "Mr. Ratburn is supposed to be King but has yet to do anything."
"King of Ponyland yet teaches a class full of retards." David frowned. "No offense Arthur."
"None taken dad." Arthur smiled. "What's for dinner?"
"Oh nothing special tonight. Pasta with tomato sauce." David replied. "It should be ready in an hour."
"Fine. I'm going to go talk to mom then." Arthur walked out of the kitchen and into the living room to find his mother typing on the old IBM computer. An out dated piece of crap that no one really should be still using for today's standards unless your a computer collector. Arthur's family were a bunch of cheapskates anyway. Real story behind this computer is that it fell off a truck on the highway and Jane just so happened to pick it up.
"Hey mom." Arthur stopped then sniffed the air. "What smells like shit in there?"
Jane also sniffed the air. "Oh no don't tell me."
Arthur walked over to the couch. DW was not sitting there at all but it smelled horrible. He pulled up the middle couch cushion and found a dead frog.
"Oh this is Toady isn't it?" Arthur picked up the frog and chucked it into the fireplace. "So anyway mom. I'm running for student body president."
"Oh good for you honey." Jane smiled then went back to playing solitaire but because of her computer it lagged. "Do you know anything what a student president does?"
"No." Arthur replied.
"Good enough." Jane nodded. "Wish you luck honey."
Meanwhile at the Walters residence.
"Honey, that is great that you're running!" Mrs. Walters clapped her hands in excitement.
Fern mopped as usual. "I don't really want to run though."
"But you volunteered right?" Mrs. Walters asked.
"Not really. I was raising my hand to go the bathroom because I had the runs." Fern blushed.
"Honey. It's a good way to get noticed." Mrs. Walters explained. "Even if you lose, you can still make a good impression. The important thing is, to try."
"Well I don't want Muffy to win and I think Arthur is not a good example." Fern commented.
"Why's that?" Mrs. Walters asked.
"Because he missed so many days of school or let alone cut class." Fern smirked. "Plus he has issues. His dad has a police record and mom is kind of a slut. Let alone his little sister just scares people. I think they have a baby girl there but no one seen her since forever."
"Well whatever happens honey." Mrs. Walters smiled. "I'm proud of you either way. But you have to strive to win no matter what the cost is."
"Like dance around the science fair topless and win my son first place?" Fern asked.
to be continued... somewhat.
Note: Yup, pays tribute to my past stories. I also do not own Arthur, My Little Pony or Naruto.