Heroes – David Bowie
It had all went wrong. This wasn't supposed to have happened. No one was supposed to die today. No blood, or tears or pain. He had promised to save them, pull them from the dark pit of oppression in which they've been forced to be slaves under, and save all of them. No one was going to die today. But rule one…the Doctor lies. The worst part was that he believed his own lie.
River watched quietly from several paces away. He wasn't "her" Doctor just yet and she wasn't sure how this version would react to her comfort. He was sulking, killing himself inside, allowing the guilt and pain to eat at his hearts with wild hunger. His cheeks tightened and released as he clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth against each other. His knuckles were white as he squeezed his hands into fists as he observed the fiery remnants of what use to be a town. His tweed was long since forgotten to burn along with the valuables of the townspeople, his shirt was drenched in sweat, water and blood with dried patches of dirt and soot. His hair was disheveled, scorched at the tips of several strands and in need of a good rinse of hot water. His skin was marked by black ash and dirt which also caked his pants around his knees and shins. His eyes were dark, reflecting the blaze of the growing fire perfectly as if the fire burning inside his soul was bursting through his pupils.
River hadn't realized she'd been frozen in place until she went to step closer and found her legs stiff and nonresponsive. She had also been holding herself tightly, fighting back the chill of the alien planet's night with her own body. Her personal appearance was no better than the Doctors. Her unruly curls were tied back hurriedly with a shred of fabric from her own coat and were now darken with soot. Her jacket was forgotten along with the Doctor's leaving her in a thin long sleeved shirt, which was now missing the entire right sleeve. Her right arm was covered in dirt and blood, her own blood. A deep gash ran up the length of her bicep, stopping right before her shoulder. She had earned that running head on into a troop of imperial soldiers to save a rebel child. Her, now black colored, jodhpurs were tucked into her black boots spotting tears and rips along each leg. On her left cheek a thin cut was visible due to the surrounding blueish black bruise that formed along its side. She couldn't remember where the injury had come from but was positive it occurred while running. There had been a lot of running today and she was sure her legs would turn on her at any second and send her falling to the ground in a paralyzed state.
She looked back up to see him still standing there. His misery etched, what looked like permanently, on his face. River looked behind her at the small group of families they had been able to save from the destruction. They were all covered in ash and dirt, wearing ragged clothing, carrying what belongings they could grab before the fire and were staring at the Doctor as well. To them, he was their hero; he had kept his promise since they were still alive. He was a new king for them, and they waited for his next command. River, still clutching herself, took a steady breath then forced her legs to carry her the couple yards to where he stood.
She stepped close enough to brush his arm lightly with hers. He didn't seem to notice so she focused her gaze down at the flames beneath them. They stood that way for what seemed liked hours and just as she parted her lips and turned her head to speak his voice was heard. She thought she had imagined it at first due to the low frequency of his raspy tone and the fact that he hadn't looked away from the fire. "I failed them" he had said before she could speak. "I promised them…I told them…" he closed his eyes, his teeth and fist clenching tighter. "Sweetie we did all we could" she whispered, realizing how horse her own voice was. He mockingly laughed at her response. "Really River? I did all I could?" He shook his head. "You're damn right I did all I could! I did all I could to ruin their lives!" His quick tone change, switching from a low whisper to full on yelling, frightened her slightly. She took a step back but kept her eyes locked with his. "I showed up in my bloody blue box and signed their death certificate on the same day! I did a bang up job if I do .!" The last part of his sentence was said through clenched teeth, his eyes still reflecting fire although they were focused on River. "You did everything you could Doctor! They were too strong for us, too well supplied and prepared for this. These people are still alive because of you!" She waved her arm in the direction of the group of rebels. He barely peeked at them before responding, louder this time, stepping closer until he hovered over her. "And look at all those I killed" he pointed towards the fire. River looked; mouth slightly parted then looked back up at him. She shook her head, eyes squinting in disbelief as she started to speak. "You didn't kill them! The Glokevian government killed them! They were dead long before we arrived Doctor" she pointed to the fires herself, "They had been forced, for centuries, to adhere to their oppressive ways, forced to kill their own children to prevent them from being stolen, brainwashed and turned into soldiers! They were dead inside Doctor. Those who died today, died bravely and for what they believed! They died in honor of their parents and grandparents and children who suffered the torments of this place. They died fighting to save them…" she pointed to the group of people currently watching their interaction, "to them Doctor, you are a hero…just for one day allow yourself to believe it too." He hadn't spoken since she started, watching her eyes and mouth as she spoke, following her hands as she pointed to her examples.
He took a deep breath then exhaled loudly through his nose before turning and walking a few steps away. He placed his hands on head, sliding them down over his face then looked up. His feet had stopped moving and his hands rested on his sides as he stared up into the sky. "It's not fair River" she could hear the tears in his voice. "I'm not a king and you're not a queen…we fly around in my blue box as if we were…landing on planets, figuring 'Hey! We could save them!'…but we can't always save them…can we?" He looked over his shoulder at her. River shook her head slightly before walking over to his new position. "No sweetie we can't save them all…but we did save some…and for that we can be heroes….just for today." She rubbed his back lightly, starting from his shoulder blade, dragging her fingers down his spine until placing her palm at the base of his lower back.
He closed his eyes, sighed heavily then turned towards her. He stepped closer, leaving no room for distance. Her chest met his as he hovered over her, studying her face like a piece of art. He raised his hand slightly to place a curl behind her ear then gently traced the bruised cut along her cheek with the back of his knuckle. "Just for today" he whispered his breath hot against her forehead. Her eyes closed as he cupped the back of her skull and pulled her head into his chest. Her arms latched around his middle as she buried her face in his shirt. She could feel him dive, face first, into her curls, holding her tight by the head and lower back. "Just for today" she mumbled into his shirt as the sting of tears bit at her eyes.
They escorted the remaining rebels to the closest safe zone, protected by the democratic Herbolizine government, another colony on the planet, before returning to the TARDIS. With slow, tired movements the Doctor set the machine off for the vortex, he couldn't imagine another adventure at the moment.
River, once entering the TARDIS, had collapsed against the wood for support, unable to move another foot. The Doctor looked up from his position, hunched over the controls, palms flat against the console, and watched her for a moment. Her eyes were clouded with exhaustion, clothes dirty, hair matted and arm injured. Arm injured? He hadn't noticed the gash until now. River jumped when he suddenly appeared next to her, examining her arm with his sonic. "Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?" he mumbled, not making eye contact. River watched him before realizing the question was directed at her. "I'm fine sweetie…" she stated simply, placing a hand against his cheek. It was then, when he looked up, for just a second, that she noticed it. He was crying. "Doctor…" she started, pulling her arm from his grasp to cup both his cheeks. "I'm sorry River" he choked out before trying to pull away. She quickly brought his face towards her, tucking it away between her jaw and collar bone. His lips trembled against her throat as tears coated her skin. "Shh shh my love…" she kissed his temple lightly, "I'm fine…part Time Lord remember? I'll heal right up!" She threw in a happier, optimistic tone in order to shush his tears but they only increased. "It isn't fair" he mumbled against her throat. She knew right away he wasn't talking about the deaths of the poor rebels…he was talking about them. "I know…I know my love" her tone was new, understanding and sad.
Their life, their twisted, backwards love that time wouldn't allow was the cruelest war yet. One in which they fought everyday and every time he was forced to drop her back at prison they lost. She closed her eyes tight, the sting of tears returning, and shook her head. She fought to remember all the smiles and kisses and embraces and love making and adventures, all the times she's had and has yet to have. She couldn't cry now, just for one day she had to forget that time was against them. "Promise me something Doctor" she spoke suddenly. She assisted in helping him pull away from her neck to look her in the eye. "Promise me that for today, just for today…we steal time…you and me…we forget about the limits and rules and just be together…just for today…what'd you say?" He looked at her, lips trembling, cheeks wet, eyes red, face still covered in blood, dirt and soot and nodded. "I promise Pond" he smiled weakly.
He kissed her then. His actions ungraceful and urgent but accepted with eagerness and desire. His hands knotted in her tangled hair as he pulled her face closer, plunging deep with his tongue and teeth. She moaned slightly into his mouth as his hands tore away the fabric holding her curls up and pulled them loose. They pulled away breathless and weak, still physically exerted from earlier. They stared at each other for the longest time, forehead to forehead, against the wooden doors. The Doctor traced her face softly with the tips of his fingers, watching as her lips part to kiss each one. They agree a shower is the best idea since fish fingers and custard and make their way to the nearest bathroom.
Once there, the Doctor allows the water to run, opting for a higher temperature, as they disrobe. River is first to struggle with trying to pull her top off, wincing and groaning as she tries to raise it over her head. "Let's try this" the Doctor chimes in taking a pair of scissors from the cupboard above her head. He places them at the hem of her sweater, finds River's eyes then begins to cut the shirt in half. She sheds it easily, pecking his lips in gratitude. He's next to pull his shirt off, wasting no time with the individual buttons and instead rips it from his body. They both manage to remove their boots easily before slowly dragging their legs from their pants. The stand there momentarily, nearly naked, watching the other. The steam from the shower has filled the room, interfering with their vision. Soon River is shedding the remaining of her clothes and helping the Doctor with his boxers. He watches her, frozen, as she slides the waist band over his hips until they're a heap on the floor. He steps out of them then takes her hand as he steps into the slower, pulling her with him.
The water is painful at first. The heat pin pointing the exact location of each bruise, scrape, ache and burn as it hits their bodies. Soon the water begins to sooth and they find themselves standing together under the spray. The Doctor reaches behind her as River watches his face; he pulls back shampoo and squirts a good amount into his hand. He then waits for River's hair to be completely drenched before applying the shampoo to her curls. She sucks air in through clenched teeth and closes her eyes as his hands work the shampoo into each root of her unruly mass. He's soon helping her rinse and apply conditioner. After rinsing that, it's his turn. River switches places and applies the shampoo to his floppy wet brown locks. He moans with appreciation as she digs deep, removing any grime left over. As the conditioner sits she lathers up a cloth and starts to clean his chest and arms, removing any residual dirt or soot on his skin. As he throws his head back to rinse his hair she brings the cloth across his neck, over his shoulders and back to his chest. He waits for her to finish before repeating the process for her. Once clean they remained standing in the shower, under the spray of the water. His arms wrapped around her waist pulling her against him. She slid her hands up to lace around his neck before kissing his chest lightly and repeatedly. He lifted her chin to place a gentler passionate kiss to her lips. His mouth swallowed the sound of pleasure that escaped her throat before reaching back to turn the water off. They found plenty of towels and wrapped themselves in them before heading off to find clothing. They settled for the less splendid outfits for bed, sweats and tees before heading off. The Doctor grabbed a medical kit from the bathroom then followed River to his room.
"Let me see it" he stated as she sat down at the end of the bed. She rolled the short sleeve up over her shoulder to allow him full access to the gash. It had already begun to heal due to her DNA but was still in need of some proper dressings. He opened the kit, found some antibiotic ointment and started to dab it onto the gash. She winced immediately and he quickly kissed her lips in apology. After he finished dressing the wound he drew back the sheets and climbed in first before motioning for her to join. River crawled in close, molding her body to his in every way, front to back. His arms wrapped around her middle, pulling her even closer until they fit like a puzzle. She drew the covers over them then placed her arms over his. He wrapped a leg over both of River's, dragging a foot over her calf before settling between her feet. He kissed her neck sweetly before digging his nose into her curls. "Just for today let's steal time…and never let go" he whispered as their eyes closed. "Just for today I'm king and you're my queen," he kissed her neck again, lingering to show his love. River reached and arm back to hold him there by the back of his head. "Just for today…we're heroes…forever and ever." They stopped talking then, sharing their feelings through intimate kisses and touches before emotional and physical exhaustion won out and sleep drifted in. They knew that tomorrow reality would kick in; Stormcage awaited River and more running was waiting for the Doctor. But for tonight, as they slept, tangled together time no longer existed. They were all that mattered, the madman, his wife and the blue box.