Something I came up with as an avoidance of school work, I figured I foray into Brittana just to give it a shot. Hope y'all enjoy (:
Someday
The rain is just barely falling as I pull into Brittany's driveway. It was the 5th of April and we had just gotten out of school for the holidays. To say that Brittany was excited would have been the understatement of the century; the whole way home I could see her legs bouncing up and down out of the corner of my eye. I knew that I should have both my eyes on the road but I never could help but take a peak at my passenger every once in a while. People were lucky I could keep my eyes off her long enough so that I actually could drive without running red lights or beating their back fenders to death. It only felt like yesterday was the first time I had driven her home; it was the day after my sixteenth birthday.
I could remember how she had just climbed into the car without a second thought, without a hint of worry on her face. Looking back on it now she had almost looked proud.
My hands were practically shaking as I turned the key in the ignition. I remember her placing her hand atop mine on the gear shift as I go to change from park to reverse. As soon as I began to back out I remember tearing my hand out from in under hers. I had told her it was because I had to keep both hands on the wheel while driving when I saw the smile on her face drop. But I'm certain now that she knew it was because I was afraid someone would see us. She never did it again. As we pulled out of the school parking lot the incident had seemed to be forgotten as her legs started bouncing up and down like she normally did when she was excited about something.
"This is great San, now we don't have to ask my mom to bring us to the mall or take the bus to school." If I hadn't noticed her legs, the tone of her voice would have clued me in on her excitement. She sounds like a child on Christmas morning seeing that that the biggest gift under the tree had their name on it.
"I know right, no more being a Lima Loser who rides the bus." I say nervously as I stop at a red light. "And at least we have somewhere to hide out for breaks when Sue makes us practice in thirty degree weather."
Brittany giggles. "I'm sure we can use the backseat to warm up."
At her words my mouths goes dry and I can't help but look at her. There's a sparkle in her eye that I know is reserved just for me which makes butterflies flutter around in my stomach. And that's when I was sure. The moment those butterflies stirred for about the hundredth time I knew I couldn't ignore it. No matter how much I wanted to push it away and forget all about it, I simply couldn't. I, Santana Lopez, was in love with the one and only Brittany S. Pierce.
"Hello? San?" My attention is brought back to the fact that I was sitting in the driver's seat not somewhere that I could let my mind wander.
"What?" I practically snap at her and I immediately feel guilty for it. The butterflies slowly start to dissipate, slowly being replaced by knots.
"The light's green that means you can go now, right?" Brittany says, the excitement is gone from her voice and I can hear a hint of fear that makes the knots in my stomach grow tighter.
"Right." The word falls out of my mouth as I take my foot off the brake, proceeding through the intersection.
The closer we get to her house the worse I feel; the guilt is just mulling over in my stomach. As we turn into her neighbourhood I can't take it anymore.
"I shouldn't have snapped at you." I say, my right hand letting go of the steering wheel. I know that I'm driving to fast for anyone around us to see us but I'm still hesitant. I shyly take her hand that was sitting in her lap and intertwine our fingers together. "I'm sorry."
"I know." The words are barely out of my mouth when she replies. "You're always sorry."
And it's those words that break my heart. It's because I know she's right. I always have to tell her I'm sorry. She's the only one I ever say it too. She's the only one that can break my walls down enough for those words and feelings to slip out. I never want to hurt her but I can never switch from the mask I put on at school, and sometimes at home, to the person behind that mask that I am with her without tripping over a couple of hurdles.
I can't help but let out a sigh of relief as we pull into her empty driveway. Even though I knew both of her parents worked until six and her sister usually stayed at a friend's house until they got home, much like the way I had at Brittany's everyday after school, I still felt some relief because there's no one in the house that could see us from the window. I didn't want this moment to be intruded on. I squeeze Brittany's hand before reluctantly letting go to put the car in park and shut it off. Once these necessary tasks are complete Brittany immediately begins to get out of the car.
"Don't go." My voice is barely above a whisper as I lean across her to pull her door shut.
She turns her body to face me and my eyes find hers instantly. The pureness of her pale blue eyes never ceases to warm my heart, even if I try to hide it in public. It saddens me to see that their previous sparkle has faded, making it almost nonexistent. I take her hand once more, lacing our fingers together, and to my pleasant surprise the sparkle slowly begins to return. And this time I don't try to hide the butterflies; a small crosses my face and if it's possible, my cheeks flush.
"What are you doing, San?" Her voice sounds so innocent, startlingly sounding like a young child asking if they could have a baby brother or sister.
I don't really know quite what to say, so I don't say anything at all. I just do the best thing I know that will make her smile right now. I lift her hand, still intertwined with mine, to my lips placing a delicate kiss on her porcelain skin. As I remove my lips from her hand, a gigantic smile forms on her face and I can't help but smile along with her. She doesn't say anything; she just continues to smile at me. I swear it felt like we sat there for hours, simply holding hands like little kids.
"San?" Brittany's voice is barely above a whisper.
"Yes, Britt-Britt?" I say, never looking up from our intertwined hands.
"You know I,"
"I know."
I cut her off, fully well knowing what she was going to say and that if I heard it I wouldn't be able to handle it. Having those three words that are so little yet so immense coming from Brittany's mouth would make my mind go to overdrive and I wouldn't be able to control myself.
"Then do you want to come in and,"
"Watch Finding Nemo. Yes I do." I cut her off once again because she's been talking about Nemo practically all day. "You go on and unlock the door and I'll get your bag." I squeeze her hand and give her a smile.
"Okay, Sanny." Brittany grins, leaning over to place a lingering kiss on my cheek before hopping out of the car.
After retrieving our bags from the backseat, I can't help but chuckle as I walk up to the front porch. Brittany was still trying to open the door, she never could remember the concept of "lefty loosy, righty tighty".
But one thing was sure, if I was lucky enough to help her unlock doors and watching Disney movies with her for the rest of my life I'd be the happiest person in the world. Brittany may not have been good with keys, but she held the one that belonged to my heart.
"So what's the plan for today, boo?" I say as I turn the keys in the ignition, shutting the car off. "Are we."
I don't get to finish my sentence before Brittany has jumped out of the car. I can't help but chuckle at her; she's all out sprinting towards the mailbox on the other side of her yard. As I get out she starts jumping up and down beside the mailbox.
"Sanny!" Brittany screams excitedly. She slams the mailbox shut before practically skipping back across the yard. "Look what I got!"
She thrusts an envelope into my hands with a big grin on her face. I don't focus on the recipient name, my eyes drift to the top right corner. The Juilliard School. New York, New York. This is it, the moment that is bound make us or break us.
"Open it, San."
Brittany's eyes meet mine and I can feel my heart skip a beat. Her eyes are so filled with hope and love that I can't help the large smile that forms on my face. Even with the smile forming on my face, the knots in my stomach form on their own accord. Much like that day that I first drove Brittany home; the nervousness mixed with excitement of what could happen.
I place the envelope back her in hands. "No," Gently I place a kiss on her forehead before wrapping my arms around her waist. "This is your dream, sweetie."
"Are you sure? I mean, are you sure?" The excitement in her eyes has dulled down and is replaced by nervousness.
"This is what you want right?" I ask her, receiving a cute nod in response. "Then you open it."
"Dear Miss Pierce." Brittany's voice is hesitant but hopeful as she continues to read. "Based on your transcript and live audition given in early March, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to The Juilliard School of Dance for Fall 2012. We are also are pleased to inform you that you will be a recipient of a partial scholarship pending your final transcript."
As soon as she finishes her sentence she throws her arms around my neck, burying her face in my hair. I can't help but tighten my grip on her, pulling her as close to me as possible. I hold on as tight as possible, I never want to let this moment go. I want to remember the first time that I was truly excited for the future with no worries or fear; I want to remember this moment forever. The look that was on Brittany's face, the sweet smell of her hair, the feeling of her warm breath against my cold neck, but most of all I wanted to remember the look of being completely content in her eyes. She looked as if she had everything in the world she had ever wanted.
Into Brittany's exposed ear I whisper my favourite phrase of the English language. "I love you, Brittany S. Pierce."
"I love you too." her words instantly warming my heart.
It's in this moment I can see it. I can see everything I've ever wanted but was to afraid to admit to myself. I can see Brittany dancing around sending wet paint everywhere as we decorate our first apartment in New York together, her taking my hand in hers as we walk to the dreaded subway to catch the trains to our respective school, her Juilliard and myself NYU. I see the look her face as I get down on one knee and ask her to be my wife, the gigantic smile spreading across her face as she walks up the aisle towards me, the pure happiness in her eyes as she tells me that we're going to be parents for the first time, the pride on her face as our son or daughter takes their first steps and says their first words. I can see it all.
I had thought they would always be just fantasies, fantasies to survive on for the rest of my life because I knew Brittany would never be mine. But now I know. I know that someday that all these things will happen. The only thing I've ever been more certain of in my life is my love for the girl currently wrapped in my arms, the love of my life.
Now all I had to do was wait; for someday.