Alright, so I got this really crazy and sick idea, this fanfiction is going to have some really nasty parts. This isn't supposed to be anything interesting, just something to do with my spare time... bear with me and read if you will. Please do. I love attention.

WARNINGS: This part is boring! If you wanna skip it be my guest cause I'll write a summary at the beginning of the next chapter!

I intend to include mature ideas, nothing explicit 'cause it's not aloud, but there will be yaoi yuri and hentai, ARR!

Disclaimer: I own only ideas, the characters, their designs, personalities, those belong to super-cool-awesome-aniki Eiichiro Oda sensei! They are from the animated series One Piece... if you don't know that much don't ask me how or why you're reading this.

Chapter 1 : Nami's Mistake Part A

WHAM!

Luffy's foe, a suit clad politician collapsed beside his previously fallen demonic parot pet, putting a cease to his disbelieving trembling. Luffy's elongated rubber arm shrank to it's original shape in his socket. His vision and hearing faded.

That had all happened but two days ago, and now that legendary hero rested in a hospital bed wrapped tight as a mummy. Nami sat close by his bed, counting the beli in her purse. The villagers had been courteous enough to agree to postponing all celebration over the end of the island's tyrannical era until their saviors awoke. According to the doctors, her young 'hero' was due to awake today. Merchants of the land had all sorts of goods coming in and everyone was decorating the streets.

The room was silent save for the faint racket of the next rooms viciously loud snores. Zoro had recieved some injuries from the battle as well. Why Nami was here and no one else was was beyond her comprehention. Sanji was usually right behind her every step, Robin was much more of a person watcher than she ever was, Chopper was a doctor after all, and Usopp had a bad habbit of worrying to much, why her?

Sighing, she looked down at the 'hero' again. He looked more like-- heck, he even acted like a toddler. It's hard to believe the things he accomplished, but right now all she could think of was his mistakes. They hadn't really been on the best of terms lately, their budget was tight and Luffy wasn't making much effort to pull in more cash. He was always recklessly throwing himself into every dangerous situation he could find. This celebration had better end with some contribution... Nami clicked her purse shut, shifted to the side on her chair and slipped it under her chair. As she turned back up Luffy's wide eyes pierced into her.

"A-Ah!" She fell back with her chair crashing into the floor. "Wh-What the hell are you doing like that and not saying anything?! Geez!!" Noticing her open legged position she quick stepped into a crouching position and hugged her legs to her chest passing Luffy a stubborn, angry, childish look. "Well?!" Luffy stared and blinked.

"That was a great nap." He stretched out his arms and patted a hand over his mouth. "I'm hungry. How's Zoro doing?" Without waiting for Nami to answer, as though he were talking to himself, he anxiously tossed the blankets over him onto the floor and fastened on his straw hat by his bed side, stepping onto the floor and out the door. Nami simply gazed after him, astonished at his cruel and natural nature.

"Wait a minute!" Although Nami stayed in her place, her tone made it sound like she was ready to pounce on Luffy and beat the beli she wanted out of him. Once again, Luffy paused, then continued walking to the next room.

"Ahh, Zoro! You're awake too? Zoro! Zooroo!!"

What's going on here? Zoro's obviously asleep... is he trying that hard to ignore me...? Just what the hell is going through his head? I don't understand him at all!

Nami grasped her ongrowing headache as if to reduce it by force. In fact, she did basically stop thinking any conceptual or perceptive thoughts, all that ran through her head right now were ideas on how to beat the living day lights out of her captain.

Springs straining and a small crash were followed by grumbling and shuffling in the next room. No doubt Luffy broke Zoro's bed.

"Just what the hell... do you think you're doing?" Luffy's toothy grin met with one of Zoro's most menacing faces. A rough, grumpy, and in some distant aspect playful hand leeched onto Luffy's face and molded it into odd positions, Luffy's smile giving out.

Gritting her teeth angrily and heating to a boil the navigator crossed her arms and squeezed herself 'til her arms were about as red as her face. That stupid Zoro spoiling Luffy again... how can they always be so damned happy?!

"Awah! Zhowo! Shtaop it pweease!"

"A crash from the infirmary! Let's go!" Hurried steps raced to the vacinity from several directions and in seconds villagers were piling in through the windows and doors.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!" The entire crowd seemed to roar at once. Such a jumpy place it was... Nami, in too bad of a mood to put up with so much good attention in the right way rubbed her temples and shook her head.

"Nami-swan! Are you alright?!" Just then, as though the situation couldn't have gotten worse, the obnoxious blonde waiter pushed his way through the crowd to Nami's heels. Nami just waved her hand before his face, either at a loss of energy of storing it to kill Luffy. Sanji looked at her a bit puzzled and concerned.

"Ah! Your bed is broken! We're so sorry! We'll get you another one right away!" Men in the background rushed about over such silly smitter-smatter. Luffy could be heard laughing and Zoro repeatedly hitting him over the head. Usopp mumbled about it being more logical to just transfer them to a different room as men took his advice and attempted lifting Zoro and Luffy into the next room. Luffy's stomach seemed to be filled with laughter, like a balloon about to pop, as Zoro smacked away a couple men attempting to court him and walked into the next room on his own, telling the crowd to do whatever with Luffy so long as they kept him out of his room. As Usopp and Chopper remained, Chopper asked Usopp how they could break the bed any way.

Suprisingly enough, through all of this Sanji seemed to be lost in either Nami's eyes or perverted thoughts as he leaned over her. Some guys just don't take a hint... Nami stood and brushed her skirt off, trying to evade giving any free shows to the low seated Sanji as she walked haughtily outside after the crowd. "Ja ne."

As she left the premisces Sanji erupted into a flowing wobbly fountain of bright pink hearts. "Ah, Nami-san is so pretty even when she's angry!!"

"Ero-cook." Usopp stared blankly almost hanging his head in shame, sweating in disbelief.

"Really Usopp? How could they? Do you think maybe Luffy was trying to make a new move, or maybe there was a rat, or maybe..."

I sure like to use the term "what the hell" with these guys... And I really know how to stretch out one dang scene! Sorry this is so uneventful and boring, I'll try to speed up the flow of the next chapter, which will most definately be up super very soon. And although it never happens, I want suggestions to the story, it adds a challenge or some flare. Okay! Take care!

Translations:

San - put it at the end of a name and it makes it into something like, "Mr" or "Ms". Ex: Nami-san Miss Nami.

Sei - Gender.

Ja ne- Later, see ya, bye