(Authors Note: This story takes place after Sunset, but before the short play After Sunset: We Need to Talk. Also, Warriors and anything related to it is not mine, it is copyright Erin Hunter. One final note: later in the story I might have messed up the layout of the ThunderClan camp a bit. We can't all be perfect, can we?)
The lake was quiet under the darkness of night. The prey lay in their dens, grateful to have survived another day. All the Clans lay quiet as well, well-fed and happy in their new territory. The threat had passed; Hawkfrost was dead, the prophecy realized, and many expected numerous seasons of peace.
It would not come to pass. But that's another story.
No, this night we will focus on one particular warrior, who'd had his heart broken twice. He's fallen hopelessly in love with two she-cats from different Clans. They could've been together, but death and a true calling had cast them apart. This cat needed to prove himself again to his clanmates. But before he could do that, he had to examine his heart.
This is the story of that examination, and one night that changed this warrior's life.
By the way, his name is Crowfeather.
Night hung like a blanket over the lake. The quarter moon shone like a silver crescent in the sky. The stars of Silverpelt stood alongside it, like a king and his sentinels watching over all beneath them.
Crowfeather couldn't sleep. It had been only a few moons since he'd been left by Leafpool, as she couldn't ignore her true calling, but he was still tortured by visions of her dancing through his dreams. He couldn't have her, but yet he still wanted her. She was so beautiful, so gentle and caring, and his heart ached that he couldn't care for her, protect her, or love her.
His amber eyes opened as he gave up trying to get to sleep. He gazed around the den where the WindClan warriors slept. All was quiet except for the gentle breathing of the cats around him.
Crowfeather groaned and got to his paws. Shaking out his fur, he picked his way across the sleeping warriors quietly. When he got to the entrance of the camp, he quietly sneaked around the she-cat Nightcloud, who was on guard, then did what WindClan cats did best: run.
Seasons of living on open moors and chasing rabbits had strengthened Crowfeather; he could outdistance most others in his Clan. And running cleared his head; helped him think.
So he ran all over the moors, not going anywhere in particular, just enjoying the breeze the flowed through his sleek coat and the feeling of the earth under his paws.
He ran all the way to ThunderClan territory, then banked and ran along the river that divided their territories. He passed the spots that he and Leafpool used to meet and he couldn't suppress the shudder of longing that coursed through him like fire.
He got to the edge of the lake and turned again, running along the shore, his paws sinking into the wet sand that surrounded the edge. The moorlands raced by in a blur of dark green. Crowfeather gazed across the glass-like surface of the lake in the general direction of the RiverClan camp. If it hadn't been for the Tribe cats, Feathertail would be alive, and sleeping comfortably next to her brother.
Eventually he couldn't run any longer. His paws gradually slowed and he went from flat-out running to a trot, then slowed and stopped and sat down from exhaustion. Panting, he gave up trying to stay upright, and fell onto his flank on the moorland grass.
The cool, wet grass jolted him. His flanks rose and fell with his breathing as he lay there under the stars. He rolled onto his back and gazed upward at Silverpelt. The stars glimmered like hundreds of tiny diamonds, and Crowfeather could only wonder, Feathertail, are you up there now, watching me?
Crowfeather rolled over and sat up, shaking the dew from his black fur. He drew his tongue over his forepaw methodically, clearing his head. Every other cat could experience heartbreak, he reasoned.
But...no other cat has had their heart broken twice, and when the other cat was so beautiful, he thought. His eyes filled with sorrow.
"I just want some cat, any cat, to love as a mate and have that love returned," he murmured to no one in particular. "That's all. But why do I always want that which I can never have..." His eyes filled with all the pain and sorrow of a cat who'd seen all his loved ones torn away. Which, for the most part, he'd experienced.
Crowfeather raised his head and wailed to the stars above. "Am I destined to never love anyone without them being torn from me!?" His voice trailed off and he lowered his head, sobbing mournfully, his tears mingling with the dew on the grass.
Then he heard pawsteps behind him, and a familiar scent drifted around his nose. He recognized it immediately. He thought he'd never smell it again. Crowfeather turned his head and felt his heart do a flip. Standing next to him, her silver fur shrouded in a starlit glow, was Feathertail.
She turned her blue eyes to him and spoke. "I told you, Crowfeather, I'll always be with you, no matter what."
"Feathertail!" Crowfeather exclaimed. He moved over to her and pressed himself against her flank, inhaling her sweet scent. She nuzzled his face, and for the moment it was perfect.
"Feathertail...oh, Feathertail," Crowfeather murmured into her fur. "I miss you so much..."
"I know," she meowed sorrowfully. "And I really wish I could be with you. But that wasn't fated to happen."
Crowfeather sighed. "If only Stormfur hadn't insisted on going back to the Tribe. Then you'd still be alive..."
"But where would we be then?" she asked. Crowfeather looked puzzled. "We were in different Clans, Crowfeather. Think of my father; it didn't work out for him." She gazed across the starry lake. "It was the same situation with Leafpool."
Crowfeather started, then the sorrow crept back into his eyes and he looked at his paws. "I'm sorry..."
Feathertail chuckled and pressed herself against him. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Crowfeather. Cats fall in and out of love. It's a fact of life."
She gazed across the lake again. "That's why I'm here tonight. I can't stand to watch you beat yourself up over me and Leafpool. I hope to help you sort out your feelings."
Crowfeather looked at her. "What do you mean?"
Feathertail stepped away from him and motioned with her head. "Follow me." She spun around and raced off across the moors like a bolt of silver lightning.
Crowfeather was worried he wouldn't be able to keep up with her, but he found that he could quite easily. He caught up to Feathertail and kept in pace with her, brushing her pelt with his with every step they took.
They crossed the river that formed the border with ThunderClan, bounding into the dark forest. Crowfeather tensed, as he was uncomfortable in enclosed spaces from living on open grassland all his life; but Feathertail pressed herself against him and her sweet scent enveloped him, urging him onward into the dark pines.
They bounded through the trees, weaving in and out of shafts of moonlight that spilled through the canopy above. Feathertail raced onward and Crowfeather followed. He realized that they were heading in the general direction of the ThunderClan camp.
Still following Feathertail, they picked their way through the wall of brambles that protected the camp. An image flashed through Crowfeather's head of Brambleclaw and Leafpool's hotheaded sister Squirrelflight. They're lucky, he thought bitterly. They can be together...
They picked their way through the camp, past a snowy-white warrior that Crowfeather recodnized as Cloudtail. He didn't seem to notice them.
"We're nothing but ghosts here," Feathertail meowed, as if answering his unspoken question. "Come with me."
Feathertail motioned with her tail to a cleft in the rock face. Crowfeather moved towards it and went inside and froze. Inside, her flanks heaving lightly, her light brown fur highlighted in the moonlight, was Leafpool.
Seeing her brought back the memories of the past few moons. Promising to be together forever...running away together...the pain at realizing they had to return...came rushing back to him in an instant. It hurt so much it felt like his heart had burst into fire.
Crowfeather turned to Feathertail, who was sitting in the entrance. "Why have you brought me here?"
Feathertail got to her paws and padded over to the sleeping ThunderClan medicine cat. She gazed fondly down at Leafpool before returning her gaze to Crowfeather. "I brought you here to ask you a question, Crowfeather. If I still walked among the Clans, who would you choose? Me, or Leafpool?"
The question drove into Crowfeather like a badger claw. His gaze moved to Feathertail's indifferent face, then to the sleeping Leafpool. He looked at his paws. Great StarClan, they're both so beautiful. I could never choose... He sighed. "Honestly, I couldn't choose."
Feathertail's eyes were gentle. She padded over to him and nudged his flank. "If I were still with you, you'd be torn between her and me. You think you're in pain now? Heartbreak is one thing, but having your heart torn in two is too much."
Feathertail padded out of the cleft. Crowfeather followed, taking one last longing look at Leafpool before he left.
Crowfeather emerged into the gorge and for a moment couldn't see Feathertail, but then he saw the silvery glow of her fur near some of the brambles. He raced over to her and she nodded into a gap in the brambles. Crowfeather pushed his way through.
The inside was filled with sleeping cats, their flanks heaving and their paws and tails twitching as they chased prey in their dreams. Feathertail pushed by him and went over to a pair of cats. As he drew closer, Crowfeather saw that the cats were Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight, their brown and ginger tails twined together as they slept.
Feathertail brushed up against him. "See Crowfeather? This is what you could be like if you stop living in the past and focus on those around you." Crowfeather's ears twitched as Feathertail told him the same thing Leafpool had many moons ago. As he watched, Brambleclaw shifted in his sleep, snuggling up closer to Squirrelflight, and she let out a soft purr of content. Crowfeather's heart ached.
"Can we...go now?" he sighed mournfully. Feathertail purred and nosed his flank. "There's one more thing I have to show you," she meowed.
They moved back across the clearing and into another hole in the brambles. A sweet, milky scent wafted against Crowfeather's nose, and he realized that they were in the nursery. A cream-colored queen lay asleep, her kits snuggled in the curve of her belly. Near her was a tortoiseshell she cat that lay with her kits in a purring heap. Feathertail moved closer to the tortoiseshell and gazed at her and her kits fondly. She turned to Crowfeather.
"Like I said before," she mewed softly. "You could have all this if all you did was open your eyes to those around you."
Crowfeather whipped his eyes upward and glared at her. "When will you get it, Feathertail?" he growled. "I want to be with you, and only you!" He spun around and ran.
He ran out of the wall of brambles, out of the forest, and finally to the lake. Still running full-tilt, he snagged a paw on a rock and tripped, his body slamming into the moorland grass hard. He got up, spitting grass out from between his teeth. Anger was coursing through him. There was no way he could move on! He couldn't prove himself to his Clan, he couldn't find love, and even Feathertail had stopped caring for him, so what was the point? He began to heave himself towards the water.
"Crowfeather! NO!" Feathertail slammed into him, knocking him away from the dark water.
Feathertail glared at Crowfeather, her eyes full of shock. Crowfeather ducked away from her gaze. "Why did you do that?" she mewed.
"You want me to stop loving you, Feathertail," Crowfeather growled. "You want me to move on, past you and Leafpool. I…I can't do that…"
Feathertail let out a mrrow of laughter. "I never wanted that, Crowfeather! I only want you to live your life without the feeling of loneliness in your heart. I don't want you to forget me, or Leafpool; I just want you to be happy. Don't you see?"
Crowfeather looked up. Feathertail's blue eyes, shining with gentleness like twin sapphires, were inches from his own. "If anything," she murmured. "Live y our life for yourself…and for me…" She moved closer to him, purring and winding her body around his own and twining her tail with his. Her scent flooded over Crowfeather, and he purred in contentment. At last he understood what Feathertail was trying to tell him. He could love some other cat, and she and Leafpool would understand. He didn't have to be afraid anymore.
"Remember my promise," Feathertail whispered in his ear. "I'll always watch over you…until you can join me among the stars…"
The feeling of her body against his faded, and he was left with her scent for a few moments longer. Then, Feathertail was gone.
Crowfeather immediately felt lonely. But he knew Feathertail would watch over him. He gazed at the stars for a few moments longer and murmured, "Thank you, Feathertail…"
"Crowfeather?"
Crowfeather turned around and saw a brown cat padding towards him. He dipped his head in respectful greeting. "Hello, Onestar."
Onestar nodded. "Are you out here for any particular reason?" he asked. Crowfeather saw just a flicker of suspicion in Onestar's gaze.
"No, not really," he answered. Crowfeather gazed out at the water, still as glass. "Just thinking, really."
Onestar nodded. "I do this myself sometimes. Helps relieve some of the pressure of running a Clan." He looked at Crowfeather. "What are you thinking about?"
Crowfeather decided to be honest. "I was thinking of how I could prove myself to the Clan again. After what happened with Leafpool and all."
Onestar gazed across the lake, his eyes indifferent. "I can't tell you how to do that Crowfeather." Onestar turned his head. "But I can tell you, that, as your leader, I'm proud of you."
Crowfeather was surprised. "For what?"
"You went against the laws of the Clans laid down ages ago by falling for a medicine cat. I don't condone such actions, but that fact that you did it was a very brave thing indeed." Crowfeather stared as Onestar continued. "Also, it was Leafpool who wanted to come back, right?"
Crowfeather nodded. "Well, I know it must have taken all your courage to agree with her and come back to face your Clan, even though what you had done was wrong." Onestar's eyes glowed in the dark. "I think, that because you sacrificed your love for her, you proved far more courageous than even the boldest warrior."
Crowfeather was astonished at his leader's praise. He hung his head. "I don't deserve your praise, Onestar."
Onestar drew his tail along Crowfeather's flank. "Yes, Crowfeather," he meowed. "You really do."
Onestar turned and began to pad in the direction of the camp, when he called over his shoulder, "Oh, Crowfeather!"
"Yes?"
Onestar's eyes glimmered with amusement. "In case you haven't noticed, I think Nightcloud finds you extremely beautiful." Laughing softly to himself, Onestar was swallowed up by the night.
Crowfeather stared after his leader. Unknowingly, Onestar had just answered his problem. He gazed at the stars. "I'll prove I'm loyal, and I know how to do it."
He turned and raced back to camp. As he approached, he Nightcloud prick her ears and call out, "Who's there?"
"Nightcloud, it's only me," Crowfeather said,20padding into the moonlight.
Nightcloud glared at him. "Have you been sneaking out to see some cat at night again?"
Crowfeather sat beside her. "No. I just needed to think is all." Nightcloud huffed and laid her head on her paws. "Do you mind if I stay here for awhile?" Crowfeather asked.
Nightcloud stared at him, looking a bit shocked, then relaxed. "No, I don't mind." Crowfeather sat beside her, and she pressed herself against him, purring softly.
Crowfeather knew that the only way to prove his loyalty was to have a mate and kits in his own Clan. For the moment, the black she-cat would have to suffice. She is kind of pretty̧ Crowfeather thought, but not as much as Feathertail or Leafpool.
Without warning, he smelled Feathertail's scent and heard her whisper in his ear. "Remember, no matter who you love, I'll always watch over you…" Then it was gone.
Crowfeather laid his head on his paws, but some doubt still lingered in him. Even with all of Feathertail's assurance, he knew deep in his heart that his feelings for her…and especially Leafpool…would never completely vanish.