Hi,

This is just a short note. I just wanted to say that this is my first story so its probably not very good. I would really appreciate it though if you feel like reading to please tell me anything that I could to do to improve the story or just writing in general. Please, don't be afraid to tell me it sucks if it really does.

~IzIz

Touch

Why did I go to Kitty's room last night? Or the better question, why didn't I go to Rogue's? Rogue is my girlfriend, not Kitty. Whatever I wanted to talk to Kitty about I could have told Rogue. So why didn't I?

Truthfully, my first destination was Rogue's room, but somewhere along the way, my feet subconsciously changed direction and I found myself standing outside of Kitty's door. What did I think Kitty, my friend, could do to console me that my girlfriend, Rogue, couldn't?

Now that the last night has passed, I can think of all possible scenarios in my head. I'm trying to picture what might have happened if I ended up at Rogue's instead of Kitty's. Rogue would have listened to me vent; she would have reached out and held her hand on top of mine. I freeze my train of thought there. That idea, Rogue holding my hand, was a fantasy, Rogue could not touch me, no matter how much I needed it, and that was the difference. I realize that was why I ended up at Kitty's. Rogue could not have reached her bare hand out to mine, at least not without killing me. However, that was exactly what I had needed last night. I needed a touch. I needed to feel someone else's warm flesh touching mine. I needed someone to surround me in a comforting embrace. I needed to feel that there was someone else beside me. Rogue could not do that, I knew that and she knew that, but I also knew that my friend, my best friend, Kitty could.

So why am I still feeling so awful? Surely Rogue would understand. Wouldn't she? Wouldn't she at least be able to forgive me? Rogue can't give me the sensation of feeling and she knows it. Usually, I am content without such rush and she knows that too, but that night I was solemn. Everyone was. Xavier was gone and the reality of the world was crashing down on every mutant at Xavier's School. Just like everyone else, I was seeking some type of condolence to fill an empty void that had appeared deep inside me. A void only to be closed with someone touch, to elude me from reality just a little longer. Surely, Rogue would have to understand that.

I still feel terrible, though. I feel like I cheated, but I didn't. Everything I did with Kitty was innocent. I talked to her, I comforted her, and she comforted me. What else did I do that could make me feel so deceitful. Perhaps the ice rink is causing me to feel so rueful. That ridiculous ice rink must be what is getting to me. Freezing the fountain was supposed to be an innocent gesture to someone who was feeling worse off than me, to Kitty, who was not only feeling mournful and alone but also homesick. All I was trying to do was comfort my friend, my very homesick friend.

Except that's not what happened. There was that moment. That one moment when Kitty tripped on the ice and I caught her. I meant to let go of her once she regained her balance. I meant for us to laugh it off and continue skating, but instead I held tightly onto her. Our eyes locked in a gaze, and right there, in the moment, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss my best friend, Kitty.

She looked so beautiful, even despite her ruffled hair and puffy, red cheeks, which were stained from all the tears she had recently shed. There was something about her that night that made me feel exhilarated. Possibly, it was her soft, round eyes, currently embodying sorrow and longing, but still gleaming with innocence. Or, just as likely, it could have been watching her shy smile slowly stretching across her face that made me realize my feelings for Kitty, and Kitty's feelings for me. Her soft expressions that I have looked at everyday, finally revealing her true affections. Exposing to me what she always tried to conceal, and what I was always too blind to see. Kitty, I could tell, wanted to be more than just my best friend, and I found myself almost allowing her to be.

I know now that my actions were inappropriate, indecent, and impure, but Kitty was looking at me with those eyes and that smile. A facade I have noticed on her since the first day I met Kitty, but, heartbreakingly, I have never spotted on, my girl, Rogue.

I admit, I have feelings for Kitty Pryde, my best friend. Kitty who trusts me, who talks to me and tells me everything. Who smiles at me, who I can touch, and who can touch me back. That is why I feel so lousy, so low, so guilty. It is horrible I feel this way. It is terrible that my love is so twisted, and that I've roped these two girls into this. It's is all my fault because I selfishly went to Kitty's room instead of Rogue's. I knew exactly what I would be getting myself into when I knocked on Kitty's door. The only thing left to do now is to tell Rogue, to confess. It would be easier to say nothing, to lie, but have to do what is right and it is going to hurt, but it would be worse to say nothing.