AN: Absolutely pointless MasterCard commercial parody. Everyone's doing it! I just had to try it. Be gentle. I own NOTHING.

Sir Integral (aka Integra)

Aspirin for putting up with Alucard:

$500/ year

Cigars for putting up with Alucard:

$750/ year

Paying for those long-distance phone call while Alucard makes snarky remarks about him turning you on (or vice versa):

$800

The look on his face when you finally decide to ignore him:

Priceless.

Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.