Disclaimer: don't fucking sue me.
A/N: I don't usually do humor, but I had the coolest idea. This story is placed after the end of DBZ. For anyone who bothered to read this, or my other story, Morgoth, thanks.
The Marijuana Chronicles
by Arda the Vampyre
"Goku, honey?" ChiChi said in the sweetest voice possible. "Could you do me a favor?"
"What is it ChiChi?" Goku asked, coming into the living room with his mouth full. He had been in the kitchen.
"I need you to mow the lawn for me today."
Goku looked rather confused. "What's that mean, ChiChi?"
She sighed in frustration. "It means I want you to cut the grass shorter! In the front yard, you know? It's getting to high, and I want you to cut it shorter."
"Oh, I get it. I guess I could do that." He said, putting one hand behind his head.
"Good. I'm going shopping with Bulma. I'll be gone all day, so make sure to have the yard done by the time I get home, okay? Bye bye." With that she turned and walked out the door.
"Hmm. I'm hungry again." Goku muttered, walking into the kitchen. "What did she say mowing the lawn was again?"
Later....
"Kakarott?" Vegeta called, walking in through Goku's front door. "Are you here?" he looked all around the living room, but Goku wasn't there. Suddenly he heard behind him,
"Hey, Vegeta!!"
"AHHHHH!!!!" Vegeta jumped in the air, landing on the couch. "Don't sneak up behind me, Kakarott! Now are you ready to spar, or not?"
Goku nodded, then stopped. "Wait, ChiChi said I have to do something called mowing first. Do you know what that is? She told me, but I got hungry and I forgot."
Vegeta growled. "No, baka, I have no idea what 'mowing' is. Just don't do it and say that you'll do it tomorrow. It always works with Bulma."
"Now, Vegeta, that would be dishonest."
"So?"
Goku's face suddemly brightened. "I know! I'll ask Goten! He's up in his room. Mabey he'll know what 'mowing' is!"
Goku ran up the stairs and opened Goten's bedroom door.
"Hey, Goten, do you..." he cut off when he saw Goten was asleep. "Ooops. Sorry." He turned around to leave the room, but something stopped him. He smelled something, well, delicious. He turned his head this way and that, finally pinpointing the smell coming from Goten's top dressr drawer. He opened it.
"Wow. I wonder what he keeps in here that smells so great?"
He hunted around for a few minutes before pulling out a bag of green herbal matter.
(A/N: Remember, saiyajin noses are much more sensitive than human noses.)
"Wow. What is this?" he held the bag to his nose and took a huge whif. It was about the size of his hand. "Yeah, this is it alright. I wonder what it is?" his face brightened. "I know! I'll go ask Veggie!" with that he raced back down the stairs.
"Well, Kakarott?" Vegeta said impatiently. "Did the boy know what you were talking about?"
Goku shook his head. "He was asleep. But look what I found!" he held up the bag for Vegeta's inspection.
The saiyajin no ouji looked at it carefully, smelled it, and even tasted it. Finally he looked back at Goku.
"Baka. This is an earth plant called tobacco. Humans smoke it for it's nice taste. Bulma told me all about it."
"Did you say people smoke this?" Goku asked. Vegeta nodded. Goku looked back at the bag, confused. "What does that mean?"
Vegeta sweatdropped. "It means you put it into a tube called a pipe, then you burn it and inhale the fumes."
"Oh. Well, it does smell good. You want to smoke it, Vegeta?"
"We have no pipe, Kakarott." Vegeta said matter-of-factly.
Goku looked dissapointed, but then his face brightened. "Hey, if Goten had this stuff, I bet he has a pipe too!"
"Vegeta smiled. "For once, Kakarott, you may have had a smart idea. Go back to his room and look around where you found the tobacco, and see if the brat has a pipe as well."
Goku nodded and raced back upstairs to Goten's room, this time careful not to wake him. He had only searched in Goten's drawer for a few minutes before he found a metal tube with what looked like a thimble attached to the side. He took it and raced downstairs.
"Is this it Vegeta?" Goku held out his find.
"Yes, Kakarott, that is a pipe. Now, we must go outside so your bakla of a son isn't awakened by the scent."
"Okay."
The two saiyajin walked outside, and Vegeta packed some of the contents of the bag into the pipe. He used a small ki ball on the end of his finger to ignite the herb.
One hour later....
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Vegeta screamed and fell off the couch. "That purple lizard looks like fleeza, I mean Frieza. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Hehe. Yeah. Except he's..." Goku said rocking with laughter. "He's PURPLE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" they both rolled on the floor laughing as if this was extremely funny.
"Hey, Veggie, I'm hungry." Goku said sluuredly. (A/N: I just made up that word.)
"Don't call me Veggie." Vegeta said back. "I am the great saiyajin no oowie, I mean ouji. You must call me Fruit." They both fell over again, laughing histerrically.
"But really, I'm hungry."
"Well, go find something to eat, boka, I mean baka." He fell over laughing yet again.
"Okay." Goku got up and stumbled into the kitchen, or at least what he thought was the kitchen. It turned out that he was walking out the front door. He stumbled down the steps, falling into the knee high grass.
"Well, mabey just a salad..."
5:00 pm.....
"Goku!! Wake up!!" Goku opened his eyes to see ChiChi standing over him with a concerned look on her face. "Oh you poor dear. It was so hot today that you must have gotten sunstroke while you were mowing the grass. Poor thing." She helped Goku to his feet, and he stood shakily. He had quite a stomacache.
"What did you say ChiChi?" he said shakily. "Sorry, I don't feel so good."
"I said the yard looks great."
Goku looked around, and the yard was indeed mown to perfection. "Wow. I guess I did do a good job. Funny, I don't remember mowing at all."
"Poor thing." ChiChi said, leading him into the house. "You must have forgotten, after getting sunstroke and all." She led him over to the couch, where he sat down. He looked around himself. No sign of Vegeta. he must have gone home.
"Now I'm going to fix you a big dinner." ChiChi's voice came from the kitchen. "So you just go get cleaned up."
Goku nodded, even though she was in the other room, and got up and walked to the bathroom. He was looking at himself in the mirror when he noticed something funny.
Why did he have grass stains around his mouth?
In Goten's room.....
"Trunks!!!" Goten screamed into the phone. "Baka yarou! What did you do with it?!!"
"What are you talking about?" came Trunks' voice from the other end of the phone.
"You know good and well what I'm talking about!" Goten yelled. "You got into my stash!!"
"What? That's crazy, Goten. I haven't even been at your house all day."
"Oh yeah? Who else would have taken it?"
That is the end of the chapter, but not the story. If I get good reviews, I'll write more chapters, involving the rest of the DBZ gang, and their getting intoxicated. If I don't get any reviews, I will curl up into a little ball and cry. You wouldn't want that, now would you?
Ja ne!
-Arda the Vampyre
A/N: I don't usually do humor, but I had the coolest idea. This story is placed after the end of DBZ. For anyone who bothered to read this, or my other story, Morgoth, thanks.
The Marijuana Chronicles
by Arda the Vampyre
"Goku, honey?" ChiChi said in the sweetest voice possible. "Could you do me a favor?"
"What is it ChiChi?" Goku asked, coming into the living room with his mouth full. He had been in the kitchen.
"I need you to mow the lawn for me today."
Goku looked rather confused. "What's that mean, ChiChi?"
She sighed in frustration. "It means I want you to cut the grass shorter! In the front yard, you know? It's getting to high, and I want you to cut it shorter."
"Oh, I get it. I guess I could do that." He said, putting one hand behind his head.
"Good. I'm going shopping with Bulma. I'll be gone all day, so make sure to have the yard done by the time I get home, okay? Bye bye." With that she turned and walked out the door.
"Hmm. I'm hungry again." Goku muttered, walking into the kitchen. "What did she say mowing the lawn was again?"
Later....
"Kakarott?" Vegeta called, walking in through Goku's front door. "Are you here?" he looked all around the living room, but Goku wasn't there. Suddenly he heard behind him,
"Hey, Vegeta!!"
"AHHHHH!!!!" Vegeta jumped in the air, landing on the couch. "Don't sneak up behind me, Kakarott! Now are you ready to spar, or not?"
Goku nodded, then stopped. "Wait, ChiChi said I have to do something called mowing first. Do you know what that is? She told me, but I got hungry and I forgot."
Vegeta growled. "No, baka, I have no idea what 'mowing' is. Just don't do it and say that you'll do it tomorrow. It always works with Bulma."
"Now, Vegeta, that would be dishonest."
"So?"
Goku's face suddemly brightened. "I know! I'll ask Goten! He's up in his room. Mabey he'll know what 'mowing' is!"
Goku ran up the stairs and opened Goten's bedroom door.
"Hey, Goten, do you..." he cut off when he saw Goten was asleep. "Ooops. Sorry." He turned around to leave the room, but something stopped him. He smelled something, well, delicious. He turned his head this way and that, finally pinpointing the smell coming from Goten's top dressr drawer. He opened it.
"Wow. I wonder what he keeps in here that smells so great?"
He hunted around for a few minutes before pulling out a bag of green herbal matter.
(A/N: Remember, saiyajin noses are much more sensitive than human noses.)
"Wow. What is this?" he held the bag to his nose and took a huge whif. It was about the size of his hand. "Yeah, this is it alright. I wonder what it is?" his face brightened. "I know! I'll go ask Veggie!" with that he raced back down the stairs.
"Well, Kakarott?" Vegeta said impatiently. "Did the boy know what you were talking about?"
Goku shook his head. "He was asleep. But look what I found!" he held up the bag for Vegeta's inspection.
The saiyajin no ouji looked at it carefully, smelled it, and even tasted it. Finally he looked back at Goku.
"Baka. This is an earth plant called tobacco. Humans smoke it for it's nice taste. Bulma told me all about it."
"Did you say people smoke this?" Goku asked. Vegeta nodded. Goku looked back at the bag, confused. "What does that mean?"
Vegeta sweatdropped. "It means you put it into a tube called a pipe, then you burn it and inhale the fumes."
"Oh. Well, it does smell good. You want to smoke it, Vegeta?"
"We have no pipe, Kakarott." Vegeta said matter-of-factly.
Goku looked dissapointed, but then his face brightened. "Hey, if Goten had this stuff, I bet he has a pipe too!"
"Vegeta smiled. "For once, Kakarott, you may have had a smart idea. Go back to his room and look around where you found the tobacco, and see if the brat has a pipe as well."
Goku nodded and raced back upstairs to Goten's room, this time careful not to wake him. He had only searched in Goten's drawer for a few minutes before he found a metal tube with what looked like a thimble attached to the side. He took it and raced downstairs.
"Is this it Vegeta?" Goku held out his find.
"Yes, Kakarott, that is a pipe. Now, we must go outside so your bakla of a son isn't awakened by the scent."
"Okay."
The two saiyajin walked outside, and Vegeta packed some of the contents of the bag into the pipe. He used a small ki ball on the end of his finger to ignite the herb.
One hour later....
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Vegeta screamed and fell off the couch. "That purple lizard looks like fleeza, I mean Frieza. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Hehe. Yeah. Except he's..." Goku said rocking with laughter. "He's PURPLE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" they both rolled on the floor laughing as if this was extremely funny.
"Hey, Veggie, I'm hungry." Goku said sluuredly. (A/N: I just made up that word.)
"Don't call me Veggie." Vegeta said back. "I am the great saiyajin no oowie, I mean ouji. You must call me Fruit." They both fell over again, laughing histerrically.
"But really, I'm hungry."
"Well, go find something to eat, boka, I mean baka." He fell over laughing yet again.
"Okay." Goku got up and stumbled into the kitchen, or at least what he thought was the kitchen. It turned out that he was walking out the front door. He stumbled down the steps, falling into the knee high grass.
"Well, mabey just a salad..."
5:00 pm.....
"Goku!! Wake up!!" Goku opened his eyes to see ChiChi standing over him with a concerned look on her face. "Oh you poor dear. It was so hot today that you must have gotten sunstroke while you were mowing the grass. Poor thing." She helped Goku to his feet, and he stood shakily. He had quite a stomacache.
"What did you say ChiChi?" he said shakily. "Sorry, I don't feel so good."
"I said the yard looks great."
Goku looked around, and the yard was indeed mown to perfection. "Wow. I guess I did do a good job. Funny, I don't remember mowing at all."
"Poor thing." ChiChi said, leading him into the house. "You must have forgotten, after getting sunstroke and all." She led him over to the couch, where he sat down. He looked around himself. No sign of Vegeta. he must have gone home.
"Now I'm going to fix you a big dinner." ChiChi's voice came from the kitchen. "So you just go get cleaned up."
Goku nodded, even though she was in the other room, and got up and walked to the bathroom. He was looking at himself in the mirror when he noticed something funny.
Why did he have grass stains around his mouth?
In Goten's room.....
"Trunks!!!" Goten screamed into the phone. "Baka yarou! What did you do with it?!!"
"What are you talking about?" came Trunks' voice from the other end of the phone.
"You know good and well what I'm talking about!" Goten yelled. "You got into my stash!!"
"What? That's crazy, Goten. I haven't even been at your house all day."
"Oh yeah? Who else would have taken it?"
That is the end of the chapter, but not the story. If I get good reviews, I'll write more chapters, involving the rest of the DBZ gang, and their getting intoxicated. If I don't get any reviews, I will curl up into a little ball and cry. You wouldn't want that, now would you?
Ja ne!
-Arda the Vampyre