Choices Revisited
Insert disclaimer here
Spoilers: The Leadership Breakfast, a bit
And yay for no more weird spacing issues. I finally figured out how to fix that.
Thanks for all the reviews thus far! These are still old stories- there's five more to go before I get into new territory. I'm just getting them up as I have a chance. So no worries on having more to read. There's plenty, believe me.
Josh bit his lip as he heard the music coming from CJ's office. He debated for a moment, trying to decide if he really wanted to bug her, if he really wanted to talk about this. Because, he thought, if I go in there, she'll know something is wrong immediately, and she's relentless. Shaking his head, he got up, put his coat on, and poked his head through their shared doorway. "CJ?" he asked, not seeing her immediately.
"Down here," she said, not looking up. She was sitting on the floor with her back against her couch, with her feet tucked up underneath her, as she sorted through a large pile of papers.
"Want to get some lunch?" She looked up, then, about to say that she wasn't hungry and that she really needed to finish what she was doing. But the look on his face stopped her protest and she nodded. "Yeah, ok. Get my coat for me?" she asked as she started to stack the papers in order. He nodded and picked his way across her office, trying not to disturb her papers and pulled her coat off the coat rack. She accepted his hand up and shrugged into her jacket. "Where to?"
"Village Cafe, I thought, maybe," he replied.
"Sure, that's fine," she said, as she let him lead her down the hall towards the exit.
"Want to walk?"
"Yeah." They walked in companionable silence towards the small restaurant. She didn't ask what was wrong, and he didn't volunteer anything until they'd sat down and given their orders to the waitress without even looking at the menu.
"Do you ever eat anything other than the egg salad?" he asked her.
"Yeah, I'm just not that hungry," she answered.
"The last five times we've been here, you've ordered an egg salad sandwich with a cup of lentil soup. Are you never hungry anymore?" he asked.
"Josh," she said, warningly.
"Sorry," he said, genuinely repentant. He knew when he was edging too close for CJ's comfort. But she'd gotten thinner this winter, and he wondered sometimes if there were things that bothered her and that she hadn't felt able to talk about while he'd been busy pushing everyone away. At the same time, though, he knew that even if he hadn't been pushing her and everyone else away that it wouldn't have mattered, she wouldn't have talked about it anyway.
"It's all right," she said, swirling her straw around in her water glass. He knew she was waiting for him to talk, and sighed. Silent relentlessness would get him every time.
"Donna and I had coffee this morning," he said slowly.
"That's good," CJ said, titling her head "isn't it?" She alone knew what had happened on Christmas Eve after Donna had taken him to the hospital to get his hand looked at.
"No. It wasn't," he sighed. "It really wasn't."
"What happened?" she asked, leaning closer.
"Dr. Free-ride happened," he grumbled.
CJ blinked and thought a moment. "The guy who left her right before she joined the campaign." Josh nodded, relieved that her exceptional memory had picked up on what he was saying. "Happened how? She's going back to him?"
"Actually, he's coming back to her. Apparently, he's finished his residency, and one of the places that was offering him a job was Georgetown Medical Center. It was the best offer, so he took it. But before doing that, he somehow got ahold of Donna's email address and emailed her to see if she would be willing to see him if he came to take a look at the hospital. She said she would, but we were out of town the week he came down. Apparently, they've been emailing each other since late January. I guess he's moved here now, and they went out to lunch the other day. He asked if she'd let him come back. She told him she'd think about it, but last night, she decided that she would let him. I always thought he left her, not the other way around," he finished, shooting a questioning look at CJ.
"I didn't know the whole story, Josh. At the time, I wasn't exactly being terribly forthcoming about where I was from and what I had done, either. Donna and I made great roommates on the road partially because neither of us asked the questions," she said softly. "I knew exactly what you knew."
"Well, I never asked for the whole story. I just guessed, and she didn't correct me, probably because she was too busy trying to talk her way into a job," he replied.
"Which is a good thing, for all concerned," CJ said with a smile.
"I'm not disputing that. And she promised she wasn't leaving," Josh said. "She told me, because she wanted me to know that she counts me as one of her best friends and nothing is going to change that. And that she wouldn't leave me, even if Ryan asked her to. I guess the major reason she left wasn't that he was treating her badly, it was because she wasn't happy. She's happy now, that's why she thinks this will work out this time."
"I take it she wants it to work out," CJ said as the waitress set their food in front of them.
Josh took a bite of his hamburger and nodded. Swallowing, he said, "Yeah. She said she loved him, and when she left him, she made herself think she didn't love him, but as soon as he emailed her, she realized she still loved him. Said it wasn't really anyone's fault it didn't work before. She left when she wasn't happy anymore, and found us, and felt useful, and like she was doing something important again."
"Josh," CJ said quietly. "It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't love you."
He looked at her, confused. "No?"
"No. Sometimes things happen, and you wind up loving more than one person, and it just happens to be at the same time. But you have to look at both situations and choose. She's choosing Ryan, because she can't have you now. It doesn't mean she doesn't want you, it just means she knows it won't work with you right now, but it will with Ryan, so she has to choose him." CJ took a sip of her soup and waited for Josh to work it through.
"Why won't it work with me?" he asked.
"First of all, did you or did you not have a conversation the week after Christmas about the fact that you did not belong in a relationship in your current state?" CJ asked.
"Yes, but," he trailed off as she interrupted.
"Your current state has not changed that much, Josh. Yes, you're thousands of percents better, but can you honestly say you could handle the emotional roller coaster of getting involved in a relationship?" When he sighed, she continued, "Thought so. It's ok, no one expects you to be completely healed after 2 months, Josh. I'd be more worried if you did think you were ready." Josh looked up sharply at that. Why was she still worried about him? She didn't seem to notice as she continued. "Secondly, she knows as well as you do that a relationship with you would be tricky in the least, and nearly impossible at the most. The whole boss-subordinate idea, y'know."
"Yeah, I know," he sighed. It was the other reason they hadn't done anything at Christmas.
"Ok, then," CJ said. She looked at him, and her voice softened. "I am sorry, though. I know it hurts."
He didn't ask how she knew. He just knew that she really did understand. "I know you do. That's why you're such a wonderful listener," he said softly. She smiled tightly at him, but didn't reply. They ate in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. "She wants me to come to dinner with them tonight. Thought it would make me more comfortable if I met him, and saw that he really does care about her," Josh said finally. "She knows me too well."
"Yes, she does," CJ said, smiling.
"Would you come with me? I'd feel odd if it were just the two of them and me," he asked.
"If Donna says it's all right. I can't just invite myself, it would be rude," she replied.
Josh rolled his eyes, but nodded. "I have to call her anyhow to see where we're going."
They finished their lunches and paid the checks. "Are you going back to work?" he asked.
"Have to, I need to finish the preliminary platform questions," she replied. "That what you were working on when I asked you to lunch?" he asked. She nodded. "Leo wants them on his desk on Monday. I haven't had time to work on them, I'm still dealing with fallout from Toby's snafu with Ann Stark and the whole GDC thing."
"Not to mention the other 40 thousand things going on at the moment," Josh said with a smile.
"Right," she nodded. "Ok, I'm going to call Donna," he said. She nodded as they walked up into the building and back towards their respective offices.
CJ had just settled back down on the floor and started sorting papers again as Josh poked his head into her office. "I'm going to pick you up at 8, ok? Donna's going to make reservations for 8:45 at Café Milano."
"Tell you what, call me at 7 and see where I am. I may still be here," she said with a frown.
"You can't go to Café Milano in what you're wearing," Josh said, looking at CJ's jeans and worn Oxford shirt.
"And if you call me at 7, I can get home and change before you pick me up at 8. Which you could probably make 8:15, it won't take us 45 minutes to get to Georgetown."
"You can get home, clean up, change, and be ready to go when I get to your apartment at 8 if you leave here at 7? I'm sorry, CJ, but I highly doubt that."
She sighed. "Ok, fine, call me at 6:30."
"That sounds a little better," Josh said. "I'm headed out, I'll call you."
"Ok." She looked up at him for a long moment. "See you, then" she said, finally.
"I'm coming," CJ yelled at 5 to 8 as someone was pounding on her apartment door. Either it was Josh, or one of her neighbors, because no one had called up to get the front door unlocked. Josh, along with 75% of the West Wing staff, senior or otherwise, knew her code. She stumbled over the bag that was sitting by the door and cursed a moment before unlocking the deadbolt and opening the door. "Hey, you're early" she said.
"Yeah, Donna reset my watch. She was tired of me being late all the time. You just about ready?" Josh asked.
"Mm-hm. Just need shoes," she said as she put her second earring in and turned to retrieve her black flats.
Josh sat down on the couch and waited. She came and stood in front of him and he smiled. "I like that dress," he said, referring to her cranberry red dress.
"Thank you," she said, holding out a hand to pull him up from her couch. "Ready?"
"Yeah, I guess," he sighed.
"Then let's go, mi amor," she replied, slipping into her dress coat and then smoothing down his tie.
As he let her into his car, he said, "I have this strong desire to get well and completely wasted tonight."
"But you aren't going to," she informed him.
"Well, not at dinner, no. I wouldn't embarrass her like that," Josh said, settling into the driver's seat.
"You're not going to after dinner, either." CJ said, in a voice that brooked no argument.
"And why is that?" he asked.
"Because tomorrow morning, you are explaining things to me." He looked at her, and she was completely serious. "Explaining what things to you?" he asked warily. It was rarely good if you had to explain things to CJ, because it tended to mean she was peeved.
"In order, the budget plan, education, and campaign finance," she replied.
"Oh," Josh said, relieved. "And why me? Education is the only one of those three programs that I am directly involved in. The budget is Leo's baby and Toby's working campaign finance."
"Yes, but you understand all three, correct?" she asked.
"Well, yeah. I have to." he replied as he weaved around a bus.
"So do I, if I'm to write intelligent questions."
"Yes, this is a valid point, but why am I explaining them to you?" he asked again.
She sighed. "Because I don't feel like dealing with Toby right now, and because if it deals with money, I usually need an explanation of Leo's explanation. He just gets the President to explain it to him, and then gives me the explanation verbatim, which makes next to no sense to me. I'm not entirely sure it makes sense to him, either, actually."
"Are you still mad at Toby?" Josh asked.
"I'm not mad." she replied. "I was not mad in the first place." She'd been furious and frustrated, instead.
"Ah." Josh wisely did not comment further. "Ok, what time do you plan on dragging me out of bed in the morning?" he asked as they pulled up to the restaurant.
"9-ish?" she asked hopefully. "We can just do it at my apartment, I only went into the office today to check on a few things and get all that information together. It's all at home, now."
"Mmm, throw breakfast in, and you've got a deal," Josh said, as he got out of the car.
"Done," she said, as he held her door open for her.
Donna was waiting for them at the door. "Hey guys," she said, reaching out and squeezing Josh's arm. "Ryan's running late, he got caught just as he was about to leave work, but he should be here any minute. Let's go ahead and sit, ok?"
"Sounds good," Josh said, nodding to the hostess who led them to a table and took drink orders.
Dinner went surprisingly calmly at first. Donna had chosen the restaurant because she knew it was one of Josh's favorites, and because Ryan hadn't eaten there yet. CJ liked Italian, so it worked out for her as well, which made things run smoothly. Donna had apparently had a few words with Ryan, because he was keeping away from work topics and he and Josh were chatting amiably about the upcoming baseball season. CJ joined in occasionally, but, like Donna, seemed content to just listen for the most part. As the conversation lulled, Donna leaned forward to mention that the food seemed to be taking awhile. As she reached for her glass of wine, she blushed suddenly and furiously, and grabbed at her shoulder.
"Hon, you ok?" Ryan asked, concerned, as Josh looked over with a worried glance.
"Yeah, fine. I'm, um, just going to...take a quick walk," Donna stammered, sliding out of her chair and taking off for the restroom at a good clip. CJ sized up the situation immediately and bent down to retrieve her purse.
"Are you going to make sure she's ok?" Ryan asked her.
"Something like that, yes," CJ said, smiling disarmingly. "She's fine. I'll be right back." She gently trailed her hand across Josh's back in support as she slipped past him. Josh looked at his companion uncomfortably, and Ryan gave him an equally uncomfortable look. In both of their experiences, it was never a good thing when a woman made a beeline for the restroom with that sort of look on their face. It often signaled an occurrence that was just as embarrassing for her companion as it was for the woman in question.
CJ walked into the restroom and found Donna pulling at her neckline in an attempt to see where her bra strap has snapped. "Hey, need a safety pin?" she asked gently.
"Oh, do you have one?" Donna replied hopefully. When CJ produced one from her purse, Donna just sighed in relief. "Thanks. I thought I was going to have to take it off, then either throw it away or somehow smuggle it into my coat. And this is one of my expensive ones, too," she said.
CJ grinned. "And of course, you would think that would be the one to hold together, wouldn't you. Here, let me." She expertly pinned the strap back together and stepped back to let Donna readjust her dress.
"How embarrassing," Donna sighed. "I suppose we shouldn't leave them alone too long."
"No, give them a minute or two. If we go out there right this minute, I imagine we'll be interrupting something," CJ said as she sat down on a bench.
"Mmm, probably. I just don't want Josh to completely destroy my love life, though." Donna replied as she sat down next to CJ.
"He won't. He promised he'd behave himself," CJ told her confidently.
They sat silently for a moment, and then Donna asked, "Do you think I'm being stupid?"
CJ thought about that for a moment, and then shook her head. "From what Josh told me this morning, no, I don't. It would be different had he been mistreating you. In that case, I'd be sitting here trying to knock sense into you."
"I bet Josh wants you to, anyhow." Donna replied.
"Donna, above all, Josh wants you to be happy. I think he's noticed that this is making you happy, so he'll be ok with it. Trust me," CJ said gently.
"I do. I just don't want to be Mandy, here," she said, looking over at the older woman.
"Oh, Donna, believe me, you are so not Mandy. Not in the slightest. Because if you were, I would have taken you down long before you could have gotten even close to being this far." CJ told her in completely confident tones. "Aside from the fact that the last thing Josh needs right now politically or personally is to have his head played with, I told him quite some time ago that if he got into something like that again, I'd damage him myself." She was hesitant to the point of superstitious about threatening to kill Josh.
Donna nodded, reassured. "Ok then."
"Good, because we should get back out there and reassure them that it was just your bra strap and not an unexpected visitation, if you know what I mean," CJ said, standing. "Because you know that's what they're thinking."
Dinner continued quietly, without any further crises. Their food had been waiting when CJ and Donna returned to the table, and Josh looked a good bit more comfortable. They'd all finished eating, and Donna was about to suggest going someplace for dessert, when Josh said he had to get up in the morning to wade through a couple mountains worth of work. "Oh," Donna said, glancing up at him. She'd figured on having Sunday off since Josh hadn't mentioned needing her. It would be just like him to tell her now, at dinner.
"What?" Josh looked at her, and then shook his head, "Work for me, not for you. I'd have told you already if I needed you."
"Oh, I don't have to come in?" she asked.
"Nope. I'm not even going in, I'm just going to work at home." Josh didn't mention that most of his work would be explaining things to CJ, and that he really didn't intend to do much other than that. CJ kept quiet, since she could tell that Josh was just trying to extricate himself from the evening. He looked like he'd had enough social life for one night.
"Oh, ok," Donna replied. She had the feeling Josh just wanted to go home and this was the most graceful way of doing it.
"So, I think we're gonna call it a night, if that's ok with you," Josh finished, reaching for his wallet.
"Oh, no, I've got it," Ryan said. "We invited you, after all."
Josh looked ready to protest, but a subtle headshake from CJ stopped him. "Ok, then, but next time is my treat."
"Good deal," Ryan said.
"Nice to have met you," CJ said, as Josh stood up.
"Likewise. It was a good time," Ryan told her. She nodded.
"See you later," Josh said to Donna who nodded. They left the couple alone, then.
"So?" CJ asked once they were in the car and headed for her apartment.
"So, he's a nice guy," Josh said, grudgingly.
"And?" she prodded a bit further.
"And she certainly seemed happy," he sighed.
"So, you're gonna leave it go, right?"
Josh didn't say anything for a long moment. They were nearly to her apartment when he sighed again and said, "Yeah. I'm gonna leave it be."
"Good." CJ said. They drove the rest of the way in silence. Josh parked in front of her building and turned off the ignition. "Oh, you don't have to walk me up," she told him.
"Hey. Never let it be said that Josh Lyman doesn't know how to treat a lady," he told her, getting out of the car. He opened her car door, and continued, "I may not do it as often as I maybe should, but my mother did not raise me to not see a lady safely to her door after an evening out." CJ blushed, but didn't say anything. "Besides," he said, "I don't like you out this late fumbling for your keys."
"Josh, it's usually later than this when I get home from work," she pointed out. She knew he was being chivalrous in an attempt to displace his feelings about Donna, and while she admitted it was kind of nice to be reminded that he cared about her, but that didn't mean she would let it slide without comment.
"Yes, I know, and I would still feel better if you'd take the car service. You're entitled to it, you know," he told her, completely seriously.
She shot him a look as she punched her code into the keypad. "First of all, no keys, see?"
"You knew what I meant," he interrupted.
"Yes, of course. But secondly, I'm a big girl, Josh." she pointed out.
"I didn't say you weren't. I just said I would feel better if you weren't out here on your own at night, that's all. This really isn't the best neighborhood," he told her as they started up the stairs to her second floor apartment.
"It's not a bad neighborhood. I feel safe enough here," she said softly as they stood outside her apartment. "Besides, we had this discussion when I rented the place."
"I remember," he sighed. "Ok then."
When he didn't say anything, she said quietly, "9 tomorrow?"
"Yeah." he replied.
"Good." She smiled at him and said gently, "Thank you."
"You're welcome." He didn't have to ask why she was thanking him. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. He watched as she unlocked the door and got it open. "Ok then. Sleep tight," she told him, turning to face him.
"You too, sweet-tart," he grinned quickly at the shared joke and pulled her into a quick hug. She squeezed his hand before letting it go to close her apartment door. He waited to hear the deadbolts shot home before resignedly walking down the hall to the stairwell.
End