So I've been working on finishing up No Day But Today,and a majority of it I had posted on my old google docs account. While I was in there, I found a bunch of stories that I'd started and forgotten about and I stumbled on this one, complete. There was a link there from the kink meme (part one from the second kink meme! Y'all remember that?! Sooo long ago... good times) and apparently I started posting this story on October 8th, 2009 and never finished it. So I'm posting it now, nearly 5! years later. Better late than never?
Ahhh, repost! I hope y'all don't get multiple alerts for this. It's been so long that I've posted anything that I forgot a disclaimer! I don't own Star Trek or anything else you recognize from this story. I don't even own the idea. Credit goes to an anonymous poster on LJ. Seriously, I'm broke. No copyright infringement intended, I make no profit.
McCoy watched Jim's vitals from where he stood feet away from the bio-bed. It had been three hours since they'd found him and he was still trying to convince himself that he was actually back and alive. He closed his eyes as he remembered how they found him, naked and bound and obviously assaulted. If only they'd been faster, if only they'd realized where he'd been taken sooner. But it was too late for "if only's" because they were too late and bad things had happened and there was nothing he could do to take it back, so he just watched. Watched the rise and fall of his chest, watched his vitals continue on steadily, watch as he lived. But always with the knowledge of what happened to him. He closed his eyes as he took the seat next to the bed they had placed him in. He reached out his hand to hold onto Jim's and sat there for a long while, just watching and waiting for him to wake up. He felt himself drifting off to sleep when a movement on the bed in front of him startled him to awareness.
"Bones?" Came the sleepy voice of the Captain of the Enterprise.
"Yeah, Jim, I'm here." McCoy answered, trying to keep his voice from quivering.
"Good. I knew you'd come. Everyday I was there I knew you'd save me."
"I'm sorry it took so long."
"Doesn't matter," Jim said, his voice filled with sincerity and pain. McCoy moved to grab a hypo from the shelf, his hand never leaving Jim's.
"It does matter, Jim," McCoy said. "I'm sorry we couldn't save you from that."
"I'll be alright, Bones," Jim assured him. McCoy wished he could believe him as he stuck the hypo into his neck.
The next few days went by quickly for Jim, and he assumed it had something to do with the fact that Bones had insisted that he be kept sedated while in sickbay. Not that Jim had objected to the drugs, which he was sure caused Bones some form of discomfort. He welcomed the feeling of not feeling. After what he'd been through, not feeling anything at all was much more preferable to feeling what he would if the drugs hadn't taken effect.
He didn't know how much time had passed since he was taken, only that it was long enough for Bones to mother hen over him. He knew Bones knew what happened to him and that he felt guilty that they hadn't gotten to him sooner, but he was determined to put this all behind him. He'd be damned if he let this stupid incident affect the rest of his life. He'd been through worse pain in his life before, after all.
McCoy was worried. It had been two weeks since they'd found Jim. Two weeks since they rescued him from that hell, and 6 days since he'd cleared him for light duty and Jim had yet to say a word about his abduction. He tried, Lord knows he tried, to get Jim to open up, to get him to talk about it, but every effort he made was thwarted by the young captain, claiming that he was fine before zipping away to the bridge or to engineering, or wherever he went when he wasn't near McCoy. He knew that it wasn't healthy, after everything he'd been through, the days of torture, of... everything else he'd been through. He needed to talk about it, to get things off his chest. He didn't want to cause Jim any undue distress, but keeping things bottled up wasn't helping him.
"I'm fine, Bones", Jim insisted from his place on the floor next to the toilet. "It's just a stomach bug. I'll be back to normal before you know it."
"Dammit, Jim, who's the doctor here?" Bones asked with a sigh that made Jim roll his eyes.
"You are, but I know my own body, Bones. I'll be fine in no time, just you wait."
After a week of constant throwing up in the morning, McCoy got fed up and insisted Jim go in for tests, because no matter what bug he had, it wasn't normal for a healthy male to be sick every morning of every day for a week straight.
"You're wasting your time and Starfleet's money with this, Bones," Jim insisted. "I'm fine."
"Then just let me run my tests and we'll know for sure," McCoy said, running his tricorder over Jim. He frowned at what the results showed him.
"What's the matter?" Jim asked, noticing the look.
"Nothing. Nothing's the matter," McCoy insisted, moving over to cabinet and pulling out a syringe. "I'm just going to draw some blood and get some definitive answers, alright?"
"Yeah, whatever," Jim said, waving his hand dismissively. "Just get it over with, will you?" McCoy nodded and stuck the needle into Jim arm, extracting just the amount of blood necessary for the tests that he needed to run. He was actually shocked that Jim didn't insist on knowing why a blood sample was needed when they never had been in the past, but was grateful that he didn't have to explain this just yet.
"So, give me the news, Bones," Jim said as he hopped onto the biobed. "Am I gonna live?"
"Yeah, Jim, you're gonna live," Bones said, his face somber.
"Then why do you look like you're about to read the eulogy at my funeral?"
"I'm not going to lie to you, Jim, this isn't good news."
"But you said I wasn't dying. That's the ultimate bad news. Anything can only be good news from there on."
"Jim, you're pregnant," Bones said bluntly.
"That would be considered bad news," Jim said and then laughed. "But seriously, what's the news?"
"That is the news, Jim. I wouldn't joke about something like this."
"Bones, seriously... that's... this isn't funny," Jim said, a bit of hysteria entering his voice. "You've seen me naked, you've done my physicals for the past 5 years, you've fucked me more times than I can count. I'm a guy... it's not possible."
"It is, though, Jim. Last month when you were..."
"Oh," Jim said, cutting off Bones. "And they..."
"Yeah," Bones answered softly.
"Oh."
"Listen, Jim," Bones started.
"What are my options?" Jim asked, cutting him off.
"You carry it to term and then you give up the baby or you keep it."
"So then I can't just... you know..."
"The fact that you can't even say it tells me that you would have reservations about aborting it, but no. And believe me, I checked and double checked and then triple checked, but you can't just abort it. I don't know what they did to you, but if you get rid of the child there's a 96.43% chance that you would die as well."
"Oh."
"Look, Jim..."
"I need some time," Jim said, looking anywhere but at Bones.
"I understand," Bones answered and watched as Jim stood up.
"I'll, um... I'll see you later."
"Jim..."
"Bones, please. I just need to be alone." Jim didn't wait for a response before striding out the door.
Jim was avoiding him, McCoy knew it. And not just not showing up randomly in sickbay to bother McCoy while he worked, no, that he could deal with, but at meals and in the halls and everywhere else that they could have and have previously bumped into each other. It was for this reason that he decided to track the intrepid captain down.
"Jim," he said as he entered the empty mess hall, knowing Jim would be there by asking several different crew members.
"Bones, hey, what's going on?" Jim asked, a smile that wasn't genuine on his face.
"What's going on?" McCoy asked. "You mean besides you avoiding me?"
"I've not been avoiding you," Jim said. "Just been busy. Busy, busy, busy. If they'd have told me how much work it was to be captain I might have turned it down."
"Jim," McCoy started.
"I don't want to talk about it, Bones," Jim sighed.
"We have to talk about this."
"Why? I'm dealing, Bones. I snagged one of your books from your office and I've been watching what I eat and drink. I'm having this kid. What more do you want from me?"
"Jim you were.."
"Stop! Don't try to victimize me here to get me to talk to you, because I don't want to talk to you about this. You want to talk about anything else, great, let's talk, but this is off limits. I'm fine, everything is fine. Just let it go." They stared at each other for a long moment before Jim turned away from McCoy. McCoy sighed and watched Jim leave the room.
Jim heaved a sigh as he tossed in his bed. He'd been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours and failing miserably. Every time he closed his eyes he was back in that room. He slammed his fist on the bed in frustration, his heart beating quickly, before heaving himself up and throwing on a pair of sweat pants and an old t-shirt. No, it wasn't Starfleet issued and approved clothing, but he couldn't make himself care as he strode out of his room and down the hall, almost automatically. He stopped in front of Bones' room and knocked gently before punching in the access code. When the doors opened for him he found a sleepy blear eyed Bones looking up at him from the bed.
"Jim?" Bones questioned and Jim suddenly felt like this was a bad idea.
"I'm sorry," Jim apologized. "I couldn't sleep and I thought... I'm sorry. I'll just go." He turned around and made to walk back through the door. Behind him Bones sighed loudly.
"Don't be an idiot, Jim," Bones said and Jim stopped. "Get over here."
"Are you sure?" Jim asked, looking at Bones. "I mean, I've been such a jerk, if you don't want me here, I understand."
"I'm sure. Now get over here before I drag you over here." Jim nodded slightly before walking slowly over to the bed. Bones lifted up one end of the covers, a clear invitation for Jim to join him, and Jim hesitated. He hadn't shared a bed with anyone since before they rescued him. He knew he was being stupid. This was Bones, his Bones. They'd shared a bed countless times, more often than not engaging in activities that would make most men blush. He breathed in deeply before climbing under the covers, stiffening slightly when Bones automatically pulled his body close. Jim closed his eyes and made himself relax before burrowing his head into Bones' chest.
"So what's keeping you awake, Jim?" Bones asked softly.
"It's nothing. I'm just being stupid."
"It's not nothing if it's keeping you awake at night and don't think for one second that I don't know that it has something to do with you fighting to keep control right now."
"Bones..."
"Is it dreams?"
"No," Jim breathed.
"Jim..."
"It's not. I can't even close my eyes without being back there."
"How long has this been going on?" Bones asked, running his hands soothingly through Jim's hair. Bones sighed when Jim shrugged. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because this is stupid. I'm fine. I don't know why I'm letting this affect me."
"Oh darlin', you're not fine," Bones said. "And no one expects you to be."
"I do."
"Yeah, well you always were your toughest critic." They lay like that for awhile, listening to each other breathing, feeling each others heart beats and Bones continued to soothingly run his hand through Jim's hair and up and down his arm. "Jim?"
"Hmm?"
"You gonna fall asleep or do you want me to give you something?"
"I think I'll be alright. Just as long as you're here with me." Bones tightened his hold on Jim slightly.
"I ain't going anywhere, kid."
"Let's just get this over with," Jim said as McCoy spread the cool gel on his stomach.
"This won't take long," McCoy said. Jim looked away as McCoy started to check the ultrasound.
"Everything looks good, kid," McCoy said.
"Great, are we done now?"
"Your first trimester is coming up. Once we hit that point it'll be smooth sailing as long as you don't go and do anything stupid."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"And you should tell the crew, as well. Or at least your senior officers."
"I'll inform them when it's necessary." Jim said and McCoy nodded.
"Do you want to see the baby before I shut this down?" McCoy asked and Jim continued to stare away from the machine and McCoy.
"No."
"Jim..."
"I don't want this to feel real, Bones. If this feels real then I don't know if I could..."
"You have a lot of time to think about this."
"I know that."
"And I'm here with you. You're not alone," McCoy promised.
"I know. I just... I don't even know who the father is," Jim said quietly. "Not that it would matter since they're all dead."
"You're the father, Jim."
"No, Bones, I'm the mother. The mother carries the child."
"Not with seahorses," McCoy said.
"What?"
"Seahorses. The male carries the children."
"I'm not a fucking seahorse, Bones," Jim said.
"I know."
"I'm not keeping it."
"That's alright."
"I have to go." McCoy nodded and watched as Jim hopped off the table and left the room.
"Fuck," Jim cried and Bones came into the room to see Jim naked and standing in front of the mirror, tears rolling down his face.
"What's the matter?"
"I'm getting fat."
"You're not getting fat, you're 4 and a half months pregnant."
"I know how pregnant I am, thanks, but that doesn't change the fact that there's a parasite inside of me making me fat!" Jim yelled through his tears. "And why the hell am I crying? I hate this!"
"It's the hormones, Jim," Bones said, reaching out to embrace the younger man. Jim let himself be held as he cried into Bones' shoulder.
"I think I hate it," Jim said sadly.
"What?" Bones asked, moving away from Jim slightly to see his face.
"The baby. I mean, I'm doing everything you say I should, eating what you say, taking the pills that you want me to, and I don't wish it any harm, but I don't love it. And I feel like I should, because it's a part of me, it's ipart me/i, but then I think about why it exists and I hate ithem/i and it makes me hate iit/i."
"It's alright to feel this way, kid," Bones said, reaching his hand up to wipe Jim's tears.
"It's alright to hate my baby?" Jim asked.
"It's alright to be confused. No one should have to go through what you went through and then to have to deal with this on top of it? You're allowed to not know how you feel."
"It doesn't make me a bad person?"
"No, baby, it doesn't," Bones answered, pulling Jim back to his body again. "I promise you, it doesn't."
McCoy opened his eyes when he heard Jim whimper in his sleep. He'd gotten better about the nightmares, but they still happened more often than not and McCoy was always there to help him. There was a time early on when McCoy feared that he would lose Jim, that he would withdraw so far into himself that there would be no chance in getting him back and he's never been more glad that he was wrong before in his life. Jim cried out and McCoy wrapped his arms around him, gently rubbing his hands on Jim's side and arms and whispering reassurances in his ear. When Jim finally settled down, thankfully still asleep, McCoy pulled him close to his chest, so his back was snug against him. He rested his hands on Jim's protruding stomach. Jim didn't know it, but he had a son growing inside of him. A healthy baby boy. McCoy had tried to get him to take more of an interest in the child, because he knew one day Jim would regret his decision, but he never pushed too hard. He respected Jim's choice and decided that he'd just do his best to be there for him.
"Make love to me, Bones," Jim said when he walked into their room. Bones was sitting on the bed reading a book. He set it aside and looked at Jim.
"What?"
"Make love to me. It's been five months since we've had sex and I'm horny and hormonal and I want you to make love to me."
"Jim, you only recently stopped flinching when I touch you. Are you sure you're ready for this?"
"Of course I'm sure... okay, well, not exactly, there's still... but it's with you and you won't do anything to hurt me, I know that."
"I don't know, Jim," Bones sighed. Jim smirked at him and walked over to the bed, stripping off his clothes as he went and crawling up beside Bones.
"Please?" He asked, leaning in and kissing Bones.
"You promise you'll let me know if it's too much?"
"I promise."
"Alright," Bones said. "You call the shots, how do you wanna do this?"
"I want to see you," Jim answered after a moments hesitation. Bones nodded and helped him lie on his back. They went slowly, Bones making sure Jim was completely ready. They'd not done this in so long, Bones was afraid he'd hurt Jim, but Jim insisted and Bones found that he couldn't just tell him no. So Bones went slow and when Jim stiffened when Bones entered him, he stroked Jim's side and told him that everything was alright and then Jim smiled at him and Bones smiled back and started to move.
"Missed this," Jim said as they moved together. This wasn't like the sex they'd had in the past, they were making love and Jim had never felt so secure.
"Missed you," Bones responded as he held Jim in his arms.
"I love you so much, Bones."
"Love you, too, kid."
"They don't fit anymore, Bones," Jim said and McCoy suppressed a sigh.
"I'm surprised you got them to fit this long, Jim," McCoy answered and Jim glared at him.
"You're not helping. What am I supposed to wear if my pants don't fit me? I can't exactly go to the bridge in my pajamas."
"You could get away with it if you'd just tell the crew what's going on? You realize they all think you're just gettin' fat?"
"They do?" Jim groaned and turned to look at himself in the mirror.
"Yeah," McCoy answered with a nod. "Just tell them, Jim. You're gonna to have to eventually when you get too big to walk without waddlin', not to mention you'll probably have to be on bed rest before the baby comes."
"I don't want them to know, Bones," Jim said quietly. "It's hard enough as it is dealing with this without having to see their looks of pity every time they see me. When you guys rescued me, that's how everyone looked at me for weeks, and most of them didn't even know everything that happened."
"I know you don't wanna appear weak in front of them, but you should give your crew a little more credit, Jim. They all care for you."
"I know they do," Jim answered. "I'll tell them soon, I promise."
"Good," McCoy said with a smile before walking up to Jim and kissing him. "And I'll be right beside you when you decide you're ready."
"Thanks, Bones," Jim smiled.
"Not a problem, kid," McCoy answered before grabbing Jim's pants from his hands. "I'll just take these and let them out a little. You're gonna have to order a bigger size, though."
"You're a life-saver, Bones," Jim said, pecking McCoy on the cheek.
"Yeah, yeah," McCoy muttered before walking away from Jim, pants in hand. Jim suddenly frowned and turned to McCoy.
"What was that you were saying about bed rest?"
The day they were ordered to go planetside to help negotiate an end to a civil war was the day that Jim decided it was time to come clean. Five months into his pregnancy was just not a good time to go running around a planet, possibly getting shot at. So Jim gathered his bridge crew and with Bones at his side he told them.
"I'm pregnant," Jim said bluntly. He expected shock, disbelief, what he didn't expect was laughter. And certainly not from Uhura. He almost glared at her when he heard Bones let out a little growl from beside him. Uhura stopped laughing.
"Seriously? You've gained some weight, Jim, no need to make up stories."
"I assure you that it's the truth," Bones said and Jim silently thanked him for intervening.
"I was roommates with Gaila, I've heard all about your... you know. How would it even be possible?"
"The baby is not McCoy's, is it?" Spock asked quietly and Jim knew that Spock understood.
"No," Jim replied quietly.
"Oh," Uhura said, realization dawning on her. She stayed quiet.
"Congratulations?" Sulu offered and Jim shrugged.
"That's still undecided," Jim said and his friends nodded in understanding. There was a moment of quiet before Jim spoke up again. "Anyway, I'm telling you all now, because it's not possible for me to go on the away mission. And probably not anymore for the next four months or so."
And that was that. No more questions. Just understanding. Jim wondered how he got so lucky to have such good friends.
"I think about keeping it sometimes," Jim confessed one night as he lay in McCoy's arms, gently rubbing his large stomach. "And during my last check up I almost asked you to tell me the sex."
"Really?" McCoy asked. He'd never been given any indication from Jim that he'd considered not giving the child up for adoption.
"Yeah. I mean, what other chance am I going to get to be a father? I'm only pregnant now because some dumb alien race decided to make me pregnant, so it won't ever happen again. I'm not ever planning on leaving you, so knocking up some chick is out of the question... I just feel like, what if this is my only chance?"
"There are other options, Jim," McCoy answered. "There's surrogacy for one."
"I know, but why have one made like that when there's already one growing inside of me. Either way, the child wouldn't be both of ours biologically."
"No, it wouldn't," McCoy agreed.
"The thing is, it's taken me a long time to get over what happened to me, and I know I'm not really completely over it... I'm just afraid that if I kept the baby, that all I'd ever see when I looked at it is the men that hurt me. Growing up, whenever my mother looked at me, she could only see my father, and I know how much it hurts not to be seen for you, but for a memory, and I wouldn't ever wish that on a child."
"You're not your mother, Jim," McCoy said. "I've met her, and as lovely a woman as she is, she still doesn't realize what she did to you as a child. She wasn't aware that she was looking through you and only seeing your father. I know you, Jim, better than I think I know myself, and I know you'd never be like that."
"I don't know what to do," Jim sighed, resting his head on McCoy's chest.
"Whatever you decide to do, you have my complete support, Jim."
"I know I do, Bones," Jim said. "What do you think I should do?"
"Whatever your heart tells you to. It might not be clear to you now, but when the time is right, you'll know."
Jim was on the bridge sitting in the Captain's chair when he let out a grunt of discomfort, causing most of the members of his bridge crew to look over to him.
"Captain, are you alright?" Spock asked and Jim turned to him.
"Yeah, I'm fine. The baby's just decided to play soccer with my organs is all."
"The baby's kicking?" Uhura asked excitedly before erasing the glee from her face. "That's umm, that's perfectly normal." Jim rolled his eyes.
"Would you like to feel it, Lieutenant?" Jim asked and Uhura was out of her seat before the question finished coming out of his mouth. She knelt beside his and set her hand on his stomach - Jim was proud of himself for not flinching at the touch. She smiled at him and he smiled back.
"That's amazing," she breathed, turning her attention back to the baby. It was amazing, Jim knew, he just wished he could get excited about it as Uhura was. He was glad that someone was joyous about this.
"Yeah," Jim said. "Yeah, it is."
"Just breathe, Jim," McCoy said, reaching out a hand to let Jim grip it.
"It hurts, Bones. Fuck!" Jim gasped and squeezed McCoy's hand tight.
"I know it does and I called Chapel, she'll be here in a minute, you just gotta breathe for me, darlin'."
"Bones, it's too early. I'm only 8 months, what's going on?"
"Do you remember in that book I gave you and it talked about false pregnancies? This is what this is. It feels like you're really in labor, but you're not, okay? And I just need you breathe with me until Chapel gets here and we'll stop the contractions, alright?" Jim squeezed his eyes shut and nodded, trying hard to concentrate solely on breathing. "That's good, baby. You're doing great." Just then Chapel walked in through the door and McCoy knew they must look quite the site, the Captain curled up tight in a fetal position while his CMO held him tight. He let out a sigh of relief, though, and reached out for Chapel to hand him the hypospray. He injected it into Jim and watched as Jim's body slowly relaxed.
"Thanks Christine," McCoy said, nodding at Chapel. She smiled warmly at him before exiting the room. McCoy held onto Jim, his hands smoothing his hair.
"You okay, Jim?" McCoy asked.
"Yeah, I'm good," Jim answered as he buried his head into McCoy's chest. "Actual labor isn't going to be that bad, is it? Cause I don't know if I can take it."
"I won't let it be like that, Jim. We're gonna knock you out and do a cesarean, okay?"
"Sounds good to me," Jim yawned. He began to move to get out of bed.
"Where exactly do you think you're going?"
"It's morning, Bones. I have to go to work."
"After all that you're just going to get up and go to work?"
"Yeah. I'm fine, Bones. Well, I will be fine."
"No, not today, and not until after you have this baby. Congratulations, Captain, you're officially on bed rest." McCoy rolled his eyes when Jim groaned.
"I'm bored, Bones," Jim complained over the comm. He'd been on bed rest for two weeks now and was slowly driving Bones insane.
"So call up Spock and invite him for a game of chess," Bones said and Jim heard the annoyance in his voice.
"We played chess earlier and he let me win. I swear, just because I'm pregnant, doesn't mean I need pity wins."
"So then call Uhura..."
"And let her mother-hen me?"
"Then Chekov or Sulu, or I don't know, read a book or something."
"The only book I have that I haven't read is that baby names book Uhura gave me," Jim answered quietly.
"Ah, kid, I told you to let me get rid of that book. I swear I coulda killed that woman when she gave you that."
"She didn't know, Bones."
"I know she didn't, but still..."
"I might look through it," Jim said.
"Jim..."
"The kids going to need a name, right?"
"You don't have to name it, Jim," Bones said. "If you don't want to, you don't have to."
"I might want to... I don't know."
"It's your choice, Jim. Just make sure you know what you're doing, alright?"
"Sure, sure," Jim answered. There was a loud noise in the background. "Bones?"
"I have to go. I'll see you later though, alright?"
"Yeah, sure."
"I love you, Jim."
"You, too."
"Bones," Jim's voice called over the comm and McCoy rolled his eyes.
"Jim, go bug someone else for awhile."
"Bones, I..."
"I'm busy Jim. Some of us are still working, you know," McCoy said, cutting Jim off.
"But Bones..."
"I know you're bored. Just call up Spock and get him to play chess with you."
"Bones!" Jim said loudly and for the first time he could hear pain in Jim's voice. "My water broke. The baby's coming."
"Shit," McCoy cursed. The baby wasn't due yet. He had a cesarean scheduled for two days from now. "I'll be right there," McCoy said as he cut off the transmission to Jim and began barking orders throughout sickbay for everyone to get ready for the Captain's arrival. When he was comfortable with the knowledge that his staff were all doing their jobs, he ran out of sickbay and towards the room he shared with Jim, glad that it wasn't too far away. He ran through the doors as soon as they slid open and was at Jim's side in seconds. He appeared to be fine, only a thin layer of sweat covering his brow.
"How long ago did it happen, Jim," McCoy asked, grabbing Jim's hand. Jim smiled at him.
"Seconds before I called you."
"Good," McCoy said, squeezing Jim's hand. "We can still do the c-section, then." He helped Jim to sit up. "Can you stand?"
"Yeah, I'm good," Jim said and he let McCoy help him stand as he had done for the past month. The extra weight on his slim frame often made him unbalanced and he needed a little extra support to do the simplest of tasks. They walked out of the room together, Jim refusing to be wheeled around on a gurney or in a wheelchair, and made their way slowly back to sickbay. Once there McCoy helped Jim onto the operating table that his staff had set up for him. They began attaching him to monitors and sticking him with needles.
"I'm going to put you under now, Jim," McCoy informed him, taking his hand. "When you wake up this'll all be over." Jim nodded and McCoy moved to remove his hand when Jim squeezed is tightly. McCoy looked at him with a frown.
"I'm going to have a baby, Bones," Jim said in what McCoy could only describe as awe, as though Jim hadn't known for months that this day was coming.
"Yeah, Jim, you are." McCoy agreed, his free hand moving to run through Jim's hair. Jim smiled brightly at McCoy.
"Okay," Jim said with a nod and loosened his grip on McCoy's hand. He took that as permission and grabbed the hypo that would knock him out. "I love you."
"Love you, too," McCoy said before pressing a kiss to Jim's forehead. He pressed the needle into Jim's neck and watched him slip into unconsciousness.
When Jim woke up he could feel the weight of the drugs trying to keep him under. He'd been drug induced into unconsciousness enough times to know how to fight it, though, and blearily, he opened his eyes. He tilted his head to the right slightly and saw Bones sleeping in the chair beside him. He tried to move his hand to Bones' head, but felt that his hand was already occupied by Bones. He, instead, squeezed lightly. He smiled as Bones slowly opened his eyes.
"Finally awake, huh, kid?" Bones asked.
"Yeah, well, someone had to save you from that chair. You're going to be bitching about your back for a week, you realize?"
"Small sacrifice, Jim," Bones smiled. "How are you feeling?"
"Floaty. The drugs haven't worn off completely yet." Bones nodded. He'd expected Jim to wake up before the drugs were supposed to let him. "The baby..."
"Is fine," Bones answered. "Perfectly healthy."
"What is... is it a boy or a girl?"
"A boy, Jim. A beautiful, healthy baby boy." Jim smiled softly.
"Can I see him?"
"Of course you can," Bones answered and stood to leave. Jim watched him go and stared at the spot where he disappeared until he came back, the baby, ihis baby/i, cradled in his arms. He held out his arms to Bones and Bones carefully lowered the baby into Jim's arms, arranging Jim's hands so that he held him correctly.
"He's perfect," Jim whispered.
"He is," Bones agreed.
"I cant give him up, Bones," Jim said, his eyes never leaving the baby. "I think I've known for awhile that I wouldn't be able to, but seeing him? I didn't realize I would fall in love with him like this."
"I knew you would," Bones said. "I just wanted you to come to the realization yourself." Jim looked up at him and smiled before carefully scooting over on the bed, an unspoken invitation for Bones to join him. Bones got onto the bed and carefully pulled Jim into his arms. He rested his head against Jim's and watched the man he loved holding his child. "Do you have a name for him?"
"Jaden Lee," Jim replied, still cooing over the child in his arms.
"J and L, huh?" Bones asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Mmhmm," Jim answered, flashing a smile up at Bones.
"Jaden Lee Kirk," Bones said, trying it out. "I like it."
"Jaden Lee Kirk-McCoy?" Jim asked quietly, not daring to look up at Bones.
"What?" Bones asked and Jim cringed.
"I mean, you don't... I wouldn't..."
"Are you serious, Jim?"
"Well, yeah, I mean, if you want..."
"Of course I want, idiot," Bones said and Jim looked up at him, his eyes questioning.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Bones said, smiling, before kissing Jim. They broke apart when the child squirmed and looked down at the baby in Jim's arms. Jim smiled at him and for the first time since this happened he thought of him as a gift instead of with the pain that he'd previously associated with him. He never thought something so horrible and unexpected would make him so happy.
-Melissa