Note: Satine is not, in fact, an OC, but a character in The Clone Wars cartoon. Thanks to and Estora for catching my slip-up with names.
Not Envy
By icecreamlova
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I am not jealous.
I am a Jedi. A Jedi feels not anger, nor hatred, nor love. It follows that, without attachment, I cannot feel envy. I cannot be jealous of the duchess.
And I have never met the woman... But I do know so much about her. The duchess, Satine of Mandalore. A peaceful woman; but beautiful, and intelligent, and strong. She's powerful speaker in the fight to end the monstrosity of the Clone Wars. Satine is able to sweep the violent conflicts that have ravaged Mandalore under the carpet. She is respected by the Senate and by the Jedi. Satine inspires dreams, and passions ignite in admiring salute of the fire within the duchess.
I am not jealous. I can't have Obi-Wan's heart, anyway. We promised, long ago--a world of possibility slipping through my fingers as I turned my back on the pain in his eyes--to leave it all behind. And I do not regret it. I love the Jedi; exult in being one. I won't break that vow...
And yet...
When I see Satine and Obi-Wan outside the temple, talking... their closeness... the unconscious intimacy between them... it is so clear. Someone who has never fallen in love wouldn't notice; but I have, and I do. I cannot hear their conversation, but I can see. That desire. That unconscious love--it sings. Red threads bind those two, the Jedi and the duchess, a fragile, regretful, forbidden bond that means more than the only family he's ever known, more than the galaxy's soul. I know Obi-Wan, and I can tell.
I catch my breath, a part of me I had closed off long ago aching and crying. Fire flares somewhere deep inside, raging against my collected exterior. clawing to find hole in the barrier through which it can escape. Some aching wound offers up knowledge I do not want.
He would have left the Order for another woman.
He would not have even contemplated leaving the Order for me, but he would have for Satine.
I am not jealous, but for a breathless, timeless, painful moment--before I turn away and polish another secret to hide in my heart--I am.
Then I remind myself that I am a Jedi; and a Jedi shall not know anger, nor hatred, nor love.
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END
If you read it, please review it!
Note: Written because I like angsty pairings & to reconcile 2 contradictions:
1) Satine & Siri, who together have given Obi-Wan an interesting love life.
2) A pacifist Mandalore? Boba & Jango Fett are probably turning in their graves!