fatality
fa-tal-i-ty
she was one girl lost
she was one girl who just needed hope
she was one girl who forgot
she was girl who almost suffered a fatality
The thoughts of suicide had roamed her mind like countless glasses of wine shattering to the ground. She had contemplated whether or not to take her own life because her heart wasn't into it at all. Rima was broken on the inside like the reflection she saw in the mirror each morning. Corrupted issues had burned deep into her soul and she tore away from all existence that seized to exist in this world.
They didn't understand her grieving pain at all. The two individuals that brought her into this world were ignoring her every need and it messaged into her mind that they were never going to care at all. In fact, years later she was nineteen and still stuck in the clutches of her parents. They were divorced for years but kept going at each other like wild cats in the jungle. She had enough of it.
Now she sits on the edge of the balcony of her once beloved school. She held a knife by her side and pricked the edge of her pointer finger with it. Rima watched the blood flow out in little droplets and somehow felt disturbed. She wondered why people found comfort in doing such explicit acts to themselves especially when their body was a beautiful piece of walking art.
Everything below her looked so tiny, almost like she could step on every single person walking by. But she knew that would be too silly to do because she would be dead by the time the sun was going to set. As she swayed her legs back and forth, she thought back to the memories she shared at this school.
Seiyo Elementary was full of memories where met her best friend, Amu, fought with a crossdresser, became the queen of the Guardians, called silly names like Rima-tan by Yaya, shoving buckets on prissy princes who annoyed her to no end (even though she held a lot of respect for Tadase, he could be a little mean while in character change.), and transforming into her dream. But that was all over. Her best friend was off on a scholarship studying abroad, Nagihiko was still in town, Yaya was running a daycare, and Tadase was busy being an intern for the local government. Here she was; broken and small.
"There's no point in waiting." Rima said.
The moment she got up in her spot and stared at her surroundings, a familiar face was walking into the school's entrance. She glinted her eyes and watched him drop his flowers. The petals broke apart and danced into the wind as Nagihiko watched her from afar. Rima knew exactly what he was going to do when he started running for the roof's stairs. Slowly, she stepped back a few and then proceeded to take small, baby steps to her death; the knife in her hand remained by her side but she was happily waiting for this moment to happen. Meanwhile, Nagihiko was racing up the stairs, just like how his heart was doing the same. When he slammed open the door, he saw Rima almost about to fall.
"Rima-chan! Don't do it!" Nagihiko yelled with all of his might.
He was sweating and losing his breath but with as much energy as he could, he skidded across the ground and forcefully grabbed her by the waist. When his arms grabbed her, she started to scream and kick; protesting him to let go because she felt the need to not be here. He ignored her stubborn cries and stood in front of her. Rima held her face in the palm of her hands as she cried and angrily cursed him underneath her breath.
"I don't want to live, you stupid crossdresser! I want to die!" Rima screamed.
"I'm not going to let you be stubborn and do that!" Nagihiko yelled back at her.
He was furious with her now. Out of everyone, Nagihiko would have never thought that Rima would be the one to try and commit suicide. He knew a lot about her and her past but he knew that she was a strong person inside and out.
"I don't want to be with this disgusting race anymore. I don't want to be surrounded by annoyance and breathe the same air as them. I hate everything. I hate my parents and friends for leaving me behind. I hate myself!" Rima said, glaring up at Nagihiko.
"I want you here, Rima-chan. More than anything, I do! Your parents may have left you and your friends too but they still care and love you. We all love you." Nagihiko assured to her.
"There's no point in living when there's only pain." Rima mumbled.
"But pain is here for a reason; it makes you a stronger person." Nagihiko said.
"And just how would you know how I feel?" Rima insisted.
"Because you told me that you wouldn't give up. You do have a reason for living. It's because of this that you're still here." Nagihiko said.
He held her hand and kept it toward her heart. Rima suddenly stopped struggling to feel the beating of her was strong and alive, just like how she should be. The pumping was one of the reasons why she was still breathing. Her heart didn't want her to go, just like how her dreams came alive from that very place. If she went and killed herself now, then she would be murdering Kusukusu as well. She didn't have the heart to do that at all because out of all the people in her life, Kusukusu was there for her the most. Even if Rima didn't realize it until now but her dream was watching over her every single day.
She dropped the knife and turned her eyes toward Nagihiko. He held that subtle pain in his eyes and in an instant, his arms were around her. His hands shook as he held her in his embrace, and Rima noticed a few wet tears upon her shoulder. Rima wondered why he was struggling so much to help her even when she was icy to him in the past. The overwhelming pain engulfed her entire spirit and she gave in to his touch.
For once in her life, she let loose and cried along with Nagihiko. They both let out everything that was holding them back until that moment. To have someone else share the pain let Rima know that she wasn't entirely alone in this big world. She'd only let her facade slip up this once. The two continued to indulge into the healing process, squatting on both knees with their arms encircled around each other. Every single tear was a particle of the darkness that dwell in their hearts.
"You shouldn't give up your life so easily. Even if you don't believe me, Rima-chan, do it for yourself." Nagihiko choked.
She lifted her face from his shoulder and looked at him. He looked like a wreck with his tinted red cheeks and cracked tears on the corner of his eyes. Lifting a finger to take a tear from him, she closed her eyes and leaned back against him. Although no words were said, Nagihiko completely understood that Rima needed more time to think but he was glad that she wasn't make the wrong decision.
"You can make a new start." Nagihiko suggested, wiping away the rest of his tears.
"Why...?" Rima questioned.
"Because I need you, Rima. There's always one person who will need you in life." Nagihiko smiled.
He had no other way to explain what he was feeling on the inside. Nagihiko wanted Rima to be alive so much more than she anticipated. She was so young but what struck his attention graciously was the way she seemed to light up the room whenever she walked in. Rima was no Amu but she had her own way of catching people's attention. The way she secretly cared and loved the ones around her showed him that she was capable of becoming a great person in the near future. No, she is a great person. It was only because nobody was there to tell her these things. No matter what, he didn't want her to regret a decision in the end that couldn't be returned.
"You have so much to live for..." Nagihiko whispered into her ear.
"Don't be sorry at all. They weren't meant to be a part of your story. And if they were, then they will come back for you, I promise."
"Rima-chan..."
His words were starting to get to her and she stared at her hands. Nagihiko's fingers gently placed themselves on top and he smiled down at her. She wasn't sure why but he was really finding a place in her mind and thoughts. Her outlook was starting to change like the rise of the sun on the horizon. What was he doing to her?
"Besides, didn't you say I could be a character in your story? That surely won't have a happy ending unless I'm not there." Nagihiko winked.
But maybe having a story with him wasn't that bad, not enough to be a fatality.
a/n: I can't shake this feeling that this isn't completed like it should be a story to carry on what happens afterwards. How does Rima's story go from here? I wrote this for a reason. As a writer, sometimes you feel explicit pain in order to write better stories. Tonight... I won't go into detail but let's just say I was feeling exactly like Rima. Suicidal.I'm okay now, don't worry about that. I just wanted to get it through to other people that ending your life is NOT a solution. You are here for a reason and whatever it may be, it WILL come to you. I can only hope..
Anyway, reviews are lovely.