The philosophers brain

by Give my socks back

If you're up for a laugh this is the story for you. It's basically a reconstruction of philosophers stone, but better. haha not really. I really reccommed chapter 4. If you don't read up to that I'm afraid the world will implode! Please submit your revie

1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

Dudley's "do."

Harry Potter was no extraordinary boy. He was a skinny, rather scrawny boy with electric green eyes and a mass of extremely untidy brown hair. In fact; the only thing that was truly extraordinary about Mr Harry Potter, was the large pineapple shaped scar at the top of his forehead. He was in fact, so ordinary, that when his aunt cut his hair in fear of him looking like some sort of ragamuffin; it grew back six months later. And whenever he got angry and happened to have a glass of ribena clasped tight within a sweaty palm, he would drop it in tantrum where it would smash into a million tiny pieces.

It was at this time that Harry grabbed his glasses from the bedside drawers and made his way from the garden shed up to the grand house in which the cobblestone path had led up to. Harry came to the back door, but instead of simply opening the simple duplicated hinge system, he bent down and scrambled through the cat flap, remerging on the other side.

"Get cooking Dudley's birthday risotto Le' crème NOW!" aunt Petunia scolded, as she looked in adoration at her pig faced son.

"Mother… how many presents ARE there?"

"Exactly five hundred-and-thirty-six Duddykins! Your father has been counting all week!"

Harry bit his lip trying not to laugh. Unfortunately for Dudley, he bit it a little too hard. Now Dudley had Birthday treat Risotto La' crème with raspberry ripple.

"YOU !" Dudley Furby screamed at the top of his voice. "I TOLD YOU! LAST YEAR I HAD 537! TWIST ON TH…."

Uncle Vernon tried to restrain his sons outburst, whilst Aunt Petunia closed her eyes, wishing the scene would somehow vanish. Harry stuffed his knuckle in his mouth to stop himself laughing.

"I tell you what dudders - we'll buy you two more on the way! That way you'll have one more than last year! … Oh gosh, look at the time, we'd better be on our way to the zoo…"

Yeah, where Dudley will find his long lost gorilla family and leave us tragically forever. -Harry hoped. He waited until the Furby's had cleared out of the kitchen, and reached for his coat, only to find that it was well and truly stuck in his mouth.

"Godammit."

"