They Say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I have one problem with that statement. How is it better to have that love and then deal with the thought that you'll never feel that love again? How is it supposed to be better spending the rest of eternity remembering that love and feeling the excruciating pain that those memories brought?

It was snowy and cold out as I emerged from my slumber, still wrapped in the many layers that was needed to survive a New England winter. I had no particular reason but for some reason I resented waking up. I wished to roll over and sleep again, but of course I would never be that lucky.

"Bellatrix! Wake up!" My mother yelled from downstairs "If you don't wake up your going to be for ballet!"

"Mom! I'm up!" I yelled stretching "Can't you hear me getting dressed!"

"Bellatrix Anne Bannon!" She screamed "You don't get your rear end out of bed and quit lying I'll get Derek to come up there and throw you into the snow!"

"Great." I muttered to myself as I rolled out of bed and put bare feet on the cold hard wood floors of my bedroom. I walked around my room grabbing miscellaneous pieces of clothing off floor and changing.

My brother Derek often made fun of the fact that I was the only girl he knew whose room was worse than a guys. I wasn't a stickler for organization like he was. Actually my kind of organization was either in the clothes basket or on the floor. It was needless to say that I was constantly yelled at about my room.

"Trix! Get your butt down here!" Derek, my older brother, yelled up the stairs.

"Gorramit Derek, I'm coming!" I yelled as I threw on my shoes grabbed my ballet bag and ran downstairs and out the front door.

I run through the snow almost slipping twice as I made my way towards Derek's red 1987 Camaro Z28. I opened the door and jumped in as I quickly buckled in. As soon as I was buckled up I heard Derek switch into reverse and begin to pull out of the driveway.

"Thanks Bro." I said softly as I looked over at Derek as he accelerated down the road.

"No prob Sis!" He said as he looked at me and smiled "Just remember that you have a double today. I won't be there until about nine tonight so if you can call mom and see if she'll pick you up."

"Yea right." I said sarcastically as I giggled "Do you want me try Santa as well? Oh and I can ask him to bring me a pony and a plastic rocket!"

"Ok wiseass! You need to lay off Firefly for a while." He said as he lightly punched my arm "Maybe go hang with some friends from ballet."

"Are you Insane?" I practically yelled back "First off I love Firefly! And Second…"

"You just watch Firefly because Summer is bad ass!"

"So? What's your point?"

"My point is you're a obsessed fan-girl." He laughed smugly

"Guilty as charged!" I yelled as I raised my hand

We both started laughing at our conversation knowing full well we'd never say any of that with either of our parents there. My parents wanted the perfect little daughter they had always dreamed of, Hence the ballet. I would have preferred to go out for football or do martial arts.

At eight I was the "baby" of the family. Everything I did was watched by at least one person. The time I spent alone with Derek was the exception. Derek was always supportive of me, no matter what I chose to do. He was the one who taught me how to play football, when my parents said that it was no sport for a girl to play.

I looked out the window and was surprised to see the red brick ballet studio already coming up on our right.

Derek walked me into the classroom and after a quick kiss on my forehead he left.