One last breath
Story by ~Solaris~
Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz (c) Koyasu Takehito, Project Weiss...etc. "One last breath" by Creed.
Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
"Forgive me." He whispered softly, even as the floor crumbled beneath him. At least his teammates were safe, away from the explosion he planted just moments ago. The explosion caused the structure to tremble and crumble down, unstable itself due to its location in the middle of the sea. It was a fortress, the only access in was through the extended road, the sole purpose was for its protection. Yet its isolation proved to be its demise.
How ironic, that the stronghold of tonight's target could prove to be a perfect metaphor for himself. It was true, was it not? That he isolated himself from any emotions after Kaze's death and his misadventure with Yuriko, placing that damn mask on every single day. And now, he was slowly crumbling, falling to his demise.
Yes, fate can be such a bitch.
But now, as he clutched on the single necklace hung from his neck and to the sweater tied around his waist. The only things that didn't have any direct link to his other self, Siberian. The assassin, the killer, the murderer. Those words twisted in his minds, the fall seemed endless.
This is how I die...
This is how I escape...
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
His hands reached out to nothing, failing to grab a hold on to something. The cracks of thunder pounded at his ears, causing him to cry out in agony. Whatever this is, wherever he was...he must be closer to hell than he thought possible.
"I'll see you in hell."
A bitter laugh escaped his lips, even as he plunged down. When his body impacted on the water and he felt the crack of his ribs, causing him to cry out one more. The cry opened an entrance for the water. The water that he had thought was his solace, that he thought would one day set him free. Now, it was strangling him. Forcing the life out of him.
"Kaze." In the haze that was his mind, barely registering his surrounding, it was that damned name that he cried out. It was the name he thought he forgot. It was the name he wanted to forget. "I am in hell." He didn't know how he managed to say it as he sank deeper and deeper into the cold embrace of the ocean. Into the embrace of death, its fluttering dark wings beckoning to him.
The slim, pale hands of death shrouded in black reached out for him. His eyes threatening to close, he could only stare helplessly at the approaching hand. But, that was his only salvation. The only thing that was calling for him, that accepted him. And with that last thought in mind, he reached out his hand. He welcomed death's hand that slowly pulled him up, out of the cold water as he drifted into unconsciousness.
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down
To be absolutely honest, neither of the two older members of Weiss knew what goes on anymore. A stricken Bombay, no, Omi was sobbing nearby. Head in his hands, the youngest member was sobbing about something or other. The older blonde wasn't sure what it was. Omi had been reluctant to answer his cheerful banter, even though the cheerful words sounded awfully forced and tasted stale in his mouth.
"Omi, you have to stop crying." The blonde tried again, reaching out for his younger teammate. But Omi shrank away from his touch, pulling himself into a corner. Leaving his misery alone with no one else to share but himself. In his mind, he deserved it.
He had seen the look in Ken's eyes. He had heard the brunette talk about it aloud, although Ken didn't feel Omi's presence nearby. But what could he tell the others? That Ken was having some suicidal thoughts? That Ken wanted the next mission to be his last?
"Here I stand again." The brunette's words seem to slice through the silent night. Omi wanted to speak up, to make his presence known, just in case the brunette started to confess something...anything. God forbid if Ken started to notice the intense stares he was getting from their team leader. Not that Omi noticed it of course. No, no way. But Ken's next words chilled Omi to the bone, causing the younger one to bite back the greeting that threatened to spill out of his mouth the moment before.
"Even though I should be dead." The tone was soft, almost wistful.
'Ken-kun?' Omi thought, eyes widening as the feeling of dread settled in his stomach, turning it to knots.
"I don't even know where I am anymore, whether or not this ledge I'm standing on could support my weight." He paused, laughing bitterly. "I'm sure it won't be long before it crashes. And with it, my nightmares will end." Again, his voice is wistful. Omi felt an invisible hand squeezing his heart.
'Ken-kun, do you really want death so badly?' He thought sadly, guilt gnawing at him. How come he never noticed it? How come he never knew this...and he could have sworn that Ken is the first best friend he ever had. Why didn't Ken tell him?
"Will it end soon?" He asked, voice pleading as he looked up to the sky. Omi could barely see him from where he was hiding. But he could see the sparkles of the stars above as Ken gazed at them with forlorn eyes, a haunting look that Omi would probably never forget. Eyes that usually are bright with happiness, no forced happiness. Now they were bright with...tears?
Omi's breath was caught as a silent tear glistened in the moonlight, making its way down Ken's cheek. "When will you leave me alone? When will the torments end?" Then he paused.
"When will I die?"
I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found
The road to somewhere
He felt heavy, a heaviness that seem to spread across his chest, causing every breath he takes in to be so agonizingly short. He wanted to move, to make some kind of movement in this gloom. But his limbs were wrapped in the heaviness too. In fact, his mind was so hazy that he wasn't sure where he was.
"Where?" The words came out to be slurred, sleep-ridden.
Even that one word seem to suck out every bit of energy left in his un-cooperating limbs. But with that, his mind cleared slightly. Recollection of the events the night before made him realize something. He must be somewhere between life and death, hanging in between the strings that fate had spun for him.
But where his body was unresponsive, his mind was functioning perfectly. He pondered on the bits and pieces that was coming together. Did his teammates find his body? Or did they think that he was where he said he would be, waiting for them in the secluded woods on safe land? But at the thoughts of his teammates, his mind jerked.
How would they react to all this? He knew that his existence never mattered in the eyes of Aya. At least that was one person he didn't have to worry about. But why did that thought make his heart ache, ever so slightly? Never one to dwell on one thought for too long, he shifted instead to Youji.
There was a ghost of a smile on his lips as he thought of his blonde-haired comrade. There was something about Youji that made him tolerable, to a certain extent. After all, without his presence Ken would have given in to insanity a long time ago. But luckily, the direct, in-your-face method that Youji tends to use when it comes to Ken never fails. Despite aggravation at some of the actions carried out by this one assassin, Ken knew that Youji had been a good friend, for the short time they were together.
Lastly, there's the youngest of the quartet. The 'chibi', as Yotan would call him. But despite his genki attitude, Omi was the spirit of the group. He always finds a way out of the obstacles of his life, which always made Ken feel slightly embarrassed. After all, Omi has been through a lot despite his young life and he's still going strong. Unlike someone...
There was a strong sense of guilt in him now. He never told Omi that he loved their times together, that Omi was more than just a best friend, that he considered him as a brother. And he never told Youji that he enjoyed their arguments, despite how childish they can be. But they were always, always fun...
That's it. That's all he's guilty for.
'Are you sure?' His conscience asked. He growled in annoyance. Yes, that was it.
'You're such a lousy liar, Hidaka and I know it.' Dammit! What did it want?
'Aren't we forgetting someone?' Yes, he's quite aware that he hadn't mentioned one person. But that one person is an enigma himself and he dare not venture on to that topic. He had yet to sort out what exactly he felt for his team leader--former team leader--when it all happened. The decision to just let himself die in the explosion was a last minute decision after all.
'Don't shy away from the topic, Kenken.' Despite the situation, he had to smile. It seems that Youji had rubbed off on him after all. The damn blonde. He heaved a sigh in defeat and he could feel that stupid conscience of him smile!!
He never told Aya that the older man meant...something to him. He wasn't sure what exactly, but Aya's presence in his life was more than significant. Hell, it was one of the things he held on to. So, what exactly is it?
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
His thoughts stopped there, the heaviness starting to sink into his mind as well. He couldn't help it, he groaned. Something was prickling his eyes. Was it...light? It was something bright, that's for sure. He froze for a moment, realizing that it was light that was enveloping him now, not the darkness.
A whimper escaped his lips this time. Wasn't he heading for hell? The eternal torments of the devil and all the fallen angels? Wasn't he one of them as well? An innocent that fell into the fiery pits of hell only to rise as a bringer of death. Why was he heading to the other place? To the palace of light and forgiveness? Did he not lose that too when he let the blood of one of His creations stained his hands?
Despite that, however, any acceptance is fine with him. He even found some relief that maybe he finally found the forgiveness he was searching for. The one he had looked for, after his first life ended and the nightmare that is his second began.
'Kami-sama, do You forgive me? Can You forgive me?' He felt tears prickling his eyes this time. No longer the light. In the short moment of its arrival, he was finally used to it.
He paused, if he's close to the light, it means he was finally leaving his life. Leaving his teammates--his friends--for good. There was that pang in his chest again, a barely audible sound coming from his heart. Can a heart cry? Because he could have sworn he heard his own heart cry.
His lips parted, he whispered the words, only hoping that his friends could hear it. That they could find a way to go on, but he was sure they could.
"Gomen minna."
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down
Seeing the whimpering Omi and the distress written clearly in Youji's eyes, Aya rose from his seat. Despite his worry about Ken, which was slowly causing him to go insane, he had a duty to his teammates. And right now, there was little he can do for Ken, while the other two he could do something about.
"Omi, you have to stop crying and start explaining what's wrong." He said, nearly cringing at how insensitive he sounded. Omi looked up through tear-streaked blue eyes.
"I'm crying because my friend could be dying!" He shouted, causing his two teammates to stare at him with surprise. Omi never, ever yells at anyone. "And you act as if you don't even care!" He added, a sob forcing him to stop. Aya felt something in his throat, blocking his airway.
He didn't care? Is that what they think? That he didn't care at all that Ken's lying in a hospital bed, life slowly flowing out of him as they sit by and watch? Hell, he cared more than the other two did. No one knew how long he had been watching the brunette, he didn't think so anyway, the agonizing hours of just watching Ken's every move.
The way he would roll his eyes at one of Youji's jokes, the way his eyes lit up as he sees another one of those soccer games. The way he laughed as he and Omi share their in-jokes together. And the way he quietly push down his bangs, hiding the fake happiness that flickered out of his eyes as his thoughts are consumed yet again by painful memories. Hiding the empty, lost eyes that would be seen if he didn't have the cover of his bangs to hide them.
He loved Ken.
"I care Omi." He finally said, causing heart attack number three for the day for Youji. The current tally was one from when Aya first found Ken and Kami knows how their leader knew that Ken was still in the building, let alone drowning after the building crumbled to the sea. The second was from Omi's outburst and three from the words that came out of Aya's mouth just seconds ago.
"More than you can ever imagine." He added, causing Youji to raise an eyebrow and for Omi's eyes to widen, tears forgotten for now.
"Y-you care for Ken-kun?" Omi asked, voice shaky. Aya could feel a blush tainting his pale cheeks. Damn, why do people always ask the most obvious questions? "I know that you've been staring at Ken for some time now," Heart attack number four for Youji Kudo. "But I never expected that you would actually care about someone, Aya-kun. Other than your imouto that is."
"Aa, I know. I never expected it either." Confessed Aya.
'Heart attack number 5!' Youji thought. 'Damn it! Would someone call the doctor please? Another heart attack and they would be laying flowers for my funeral! Eh...bad joke, bad joke. Gomen, Kenken.' He thought.
"So what do you feel for Kenken, Aya?" Youji asked, there was a lack of the usual humor around him. But what Aya said next was so unexpected that it startled both Omi and Youji more than his first surprise.
"I love him." Any thoughts, comments or anything related to the comment was put on hold as a soft whimper rose, coming from the still figure in the hospital bed. Three figures leapt to the brunette's side at once. The brunette's featured was twisted in agony, seemingly torn between something akin to pain and...what was it?
"Ken?" From the softness of Aya's tone, it was undeniable. Any suspicion on whether or not the redhead's earlier words were true or not flew out of the window.
"Gomen minna." The soft murmured words caused all three men to widen their eyes at once. What was he talking about? But the brunette had fallen back into comatose before they have the chance to wake him.
Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe
There's something left for me
So please stay with me
Cause I still believe
"Omi, what's he talking about?" Youji asked, looking at the younger blonde. Omi opened his mouth but no sound came out of it. He shook his head quickly, swallowed and forced himself to speak. He had to tell them.
"Ken-kun hasn't been...well, the past few days." Omi began, looking anywhere but at Youji and Aya. "I caught him talking to himself one night, he-he was saying things...things that-that weren't right. That shouldn't be said."
"What was he saying Omi?" Pried Youji.
"H-he wanted..." There came the tears again, he clasped a hand over his mouth. But when he thought he couldn't continue, Aya placed his hands on Omi's shoulders and grasping the younger boy's shoulder tightly and looking into his eyes he said,
"Tell me, Omi. Please?"
Omi wasn't sure what did the trick, the look of sorrow mixed with the desperation and love in the older man's eyes or the fact that Aya said 'Please?'. Whatever it is...
"He said he wanted t-to die."
"WHAT?" Youji shouted, dropping the unlit cigarette that he was holding. Aya's eyes widened and Omi got a first glance of seeing the desperation turned into fear. His knees nearly buckled. He had never seen Aya scared before and over someone else!
But suddenly, the pressure on his shoulders was gone, Aya walked over to the bed. He looked down at the mass of brown hair, stuck to the younger man's forehead by sweat and bent down to brush the hair away. His touch caused the brunette to stir, but not waken.
"Ken, can you hear me?" He whispered. "Ken, come back. Come back to us." He paused, desperation finding its way to his voice. "Come back to me. Damn it, Ken, open your eyes!"
"Aya-kun." Omi whispered, Youji nudged the younger boy and motioned to the door. It was all up to Aya now. The only person able to bring Ken back and through this.
"Ken...I-I don't want you to go." He was desperate, not knowing what or how he could bring Ken back. Anything as long as he comes back. He can't just die without at least knowing that someone loves him! "Don't leave me."
Maybe God heard him, maybe Fate thought it would be best or maybe Death simply refused to accept Ken so easily, no one knows. But all that Aya knew was that one moment he was holding on to Ken's hand and the next, the brunette's eyes fluttered open.
As if from a dream, he winced, lifting one hand to shield his eyes. The other was, after all, on the confine of the cast. Slowly, he turned his head to Aya. He furrowed his eyebrows, not yet awake enough to connect the face with a name.
"K-ken?" He hated the stutter as he said Ken's name. Slowly, lips curled to a smile.
"Aya." The brunette stated, dropping his hand to his side. He winced as he tried to shift position. "What happened?"
"You don't remember?"
Ken frowned. The haze was starting to clear and the sadness was coming again. But somehow, it was less than before. He felt lighter somehow. "The mission."
"Aa. You got hurt."
"The explosion, ne? I was still inside?" Ken said, voice barely a whisper.
"Why did you do that Ken? Why did you want to die?" Startled brown eyes found their way to violet ones.
"How did you know?"
"Answer me!" Ken's eyes widened, not seeing the steel glare that usually accompany an order, but a look of sorrow, desperation, hurt and...what else?
"I'm tired, Aya." He replied. "I don't want this life anymore. I've found myself lost along the way, not knowing where to go."
"Aa, I know." The brunette's eyes snapped to look at Aya. "I saw through your mask, Ken. I know you haven't been happy lately. I knew you were lost and confused. But why, tell me what's the reason that you wanted death so much?"
A shaky smile before he continued. "That's quite a question, Aya."
"It's a reasonable one."
"Why do you care anyway?" Ken asked wearily, not knowing where this would lead to.
"Because! Because..."
"Because?"
There was a long pause as Aya struggled to find the words, the reason as to why. It must be time to fess up after all, end all this uncertainties. Even if Ken can't accept his love, Ken would at least know that someone cares for him enough. That his existence means something.
"Aishiteru." If there was ever a world record for the number of heart attacks in one room, it was probably broken that very day in that very room.
"N-nani?"
There's something left
For you and me
For you and me
For you and me
"I said I love you, Ken."
"OK...so I'm not losing my mind AND hearing after all." The brunette said, laughing shakily. He looked at the owner of the voice. "Do you mean it?"
"I wouldn't say things I don't mean."
'Guess your dream has come true after all, Kenken.' Damn. The voice is back again.
'Yes, genius! That feeling you feel for Aya...you know, the one you didn't know what exactly it is? It's love BAKA!' A question, if your own subconscious begins to call you names, should you be worried? Well, Ken certainly wasn't. Because the answers to his troubles, his fears and his sadness was finally found.
'I love Aya.'
"Ken, say something." Ken didn't exactly say anything, instead, the brunette reached out to tug the older man's arm and Aya found himself extremely close to Ken's face. Ken's smiling face. And he didn't even remember when their lips met. All he could register was the pressure of Ken's lips on his own. The intensity of the soul-searching kiss, answering every question that needed to be answered. The kiss was broken when the two of them finally regain the necessity of air.
"How's that for an answer?" The brunette said breathlessly, eyes laughing. Real laughter this time. A smile formed on Aya's lips, before a pale hand reached down to stroke Ken's cheek.
"I couldn't have said it better." He whispered, before covering Ken's lips with his own again. And it was as if Fate thought they had their share of fun, a loud wolf-whistle came from the doorway. Aya broke the kiss as Ken groaned, knowing who it was without even looking.
"Now that's what I call fast move!" Announced Youji as he walked to Ken's side. "Hiya Kenken! I'd ask you how you're feeling, but I can see that it's better than just fine." Youji said with a chuckle. Ken threw him a glare.
"Why I oughta-"
"Ken-kun!" Omi had just launched himself at Ken. Brown eyes widened and Ken inhaled sharply. The weight of Omi and the sudden attack was making his ribs scream. Aya saw this and pulled Omi carefully away.
"Thanks Aya." Ken said, wincing at the feel of his ribs.
"Daijoubu ka?" Aya asked with concern.
"Aaaah! Gomen ne, Ken-kun! I forgot about your ribs, it's just that I'm so glad you're OK and everything! I thought that we're going to lose you or something! I'm so glad we didn't! I'm really happy you're awake now!" Omi was babbling again and Ken couldn't help a snicker as he watched on with amusement. "Especially after I heard that you were so sad. Death isn't the answer Ken-kun, we all care for you here and-" Omi stopped short, realizing what he just said.
"What? You were eavesdropping?" Ken asked.
"Um...not really...I was going to leave, I swear! But then you said you wanted to die and that made me really upset so I stayed. I'm so sorry I eavesdropped Ken-kun! But I was worried about you, I didn't want you to die! You're my best friend and if you're gone that means I'm left with Aya and Youji and we both know how sociable these two are!"
"Hey!" Exclaimed Youji, whacking Omi over the head.
"Is that how you found out?" Ken asked, looking at Aya, who nodded.
"Ken-kun, you're not going to..." Omi's voice trailed off, even as he whacked Youji on the arm for the assault. Ken smiled and shook his head.
"I don't think Aya would let me." Ken said softly, eyes locking with violet ones.
"Aya-kun told you! That's great Ken-kun! I'm so happy for you!" And Omi went on and on. Aya looked at Omi and then at Youji.
"Youji, did you feed him sugar again?" Aya asked.
"Well, he was looking depressed and I thought he could use some cheering up." Youji said.
"How much sugar?"
"Not much. Well, not THAT much anyway. I've seen him worse than this, so you shouldn't blame me or anything. Besides, we should be happy that Kenken is back ne? After all, Omi's happy and things are as they should be." Ken shook his head.
Great, now they had two babbling assassins.
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down
He stared at the edge, a few feet away. Taking that plunge would be so easy, just dropping into the abyss. Into death's embrace. The coldness of death...
But warm arms were wrapped around him, pulling him towards a warm body. And as he woke from the usual nightmare, he sighed into a warm chest, snuggling comfortably, knowing who it is.
"Another nightmare?" A soft voice asked.
"Hai."
"The same one."
"Uh-huh." The arms tightened around his body, causing him to look up at the owner. He smiled, eyes sparkling to show the genuine happiness. "I'm fine, koi. As long as you're holding me."
Aya planted a soft kiss on brown locks. "At least they're not as frequent, ne?" Ken shook his head.
"They'll be gone soon. As long as you're here with me."
"Always."
.....
.....
.....
"Ran?" Aya looked at Ken with questioning eyes. After the confessions at the hospital Ken had insisted upon a nickname for Aya. But the redhead instead gave him his real name, which Ken thought was worth more than any cute nicknames any day. And besides, the privilege of calling him with that name belong to Ken alone.
"What is it?"
"Aishiteru."
"Aishiteru, Ken." He said, before leaning down for a warm kiss. After a few moments, they broke away.
"Ran, Omi's at his friend's house right?" Ken asked.
"Yes." He replied, raising an eyebrow. Ken couldn't possibly be asking what he thinks the brunette is asking...right? Besides, he thought last night was enough to last for the whole week.
"So...who opened the door for Youji last night?"
"Oh shit!"
Surprise, surprise. In the tradition of all
RanKen fics, we just had to write a typical
Ken-gets-hurt-and-Aya-confesses-his-love fic! Wai-chan and Aki were both
listening to Aki's Creed CD and after listening to Aki's favorite song "One
last breath", they thought they should write a songfic. Amazingly, it was
Aki who suggested with the pairing this time. It was leaning for Ken+Omi, but
Aki said RanKen would be better. Who were we to argue?
- Kyoko ^_-
Forgive the ending. I don't even know where it
came from. But don't you just love Ran and Ken together? *grins like an idiot*
After listening to Creed's CD for 15 times and counting, this song is becoming
my favorite as well. Thank Aki for the idea though! BTW, did anyone notice that
Kyo-nee-chan changed her name? She used Ryoko at first, but changed it to Kyoko
now. *grins and gets hit on the head by Kyoko*
- Wai
Yeah, yeah. So we did another RanKen. But at
least I got Wai-chan to agree to write a Gundam Wing fic next time. It's going
to be 5x2, my favorite pairing. Sorry for true 1x2 fans, but I happen to love
Wufei. (Wai: Same here! Fei is so kawaii!) And I love 5x2/2x5 as much as
1x5/5x1. Sue me, I'm not normal. (Minna: -_-;;) As to the question: Why suddenly
write one of these? I think Wai and I were reading too many RanKen fics where
Ken falls ill or ends up in a hospital.
- Akira