A/N: Just something I wrote to get back in the mood of writing first person.

I have seriously started to doubt that there is still truth out there. Everyone lies; about different things, stupid things and at the worst times possible. Have you ever noticed that you tend to lie when the truth matters most? I have, because I am a little too self aware for my own taste. You just get trapped in this vicious, unavoidable succession of truth avoidance episodes. Your best friend asks if her new haircut looks good and you say yes even though it looks like David Bowie mauled her head. Someone wants to hang out with you but all you want to do is sit at home on the couch eating disgusting junk food and watching original Star Trek reruns until you doze off with cheeto orange smudges all around your mouth. So, to get them off your back you tell them that you have a project due the next day that you haven't even started. There are big lies; like telling your parents that you're a virgin when you actually hooked up with Chris Kim in the art room closet when you were in 9th grade.

Large or small, the worst lies are the ones you tell yourself. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. It's easier really. When your dad splits on you for a new family you have to make this great story up to keep the feelings from drowning you from the inside out. At first you say, he'll be back when he realizes how much he misses me or he will send for me when he is ready. Then there is my favorite; he is away on a trip to some far flung corner of the world but he will be back soon bearing gifts. Namely, that boom box you asked for when you were five. This is how you mend your broken heart a little at a time but the fault lines are always still there. Those little breaks in your foundation that could erupt given the right catalyst.

So, here I was Freshman year of college finding myself in the presence of my long lost Dad, at least weekly. It's sure as hell not how I imagined it at five but you have to grow up sometime. I was attending college, barely, and as part of this crazy deal he had struck with me I was a member of an all girls a capella group. Now, my plan was to play along and keep my head down until I could get the hell out of here and catch the first plane to L.A. I got more than I bargained for. I started to care.

There are a lot of things I could try to blame my complete inability to connect in a deep emotional way on. Of course, there are the ever present daddy issues but as long as I am truth telling I have to take part of the blame. I don't like feeling unsafe and getting closer than casual friends has been hard enough but getting romantically involved is definitely far across the border of danger land. I've had my share of trysts, short lived flings, and almost stalkers. My weakness for drummers was kind of an issue in high school, but I have yet to fall in love. This year that might change.