A/N - I wrote it in the middle of the night, and it MAY contain a little more than a little of ME in it... You know, I was feeling kind of depressed. For no reason. So there. But still. Please review. And go easy. It's my first fic. Ok, I'm done.
Disclaimer - I do not own Beyblade. If I did, I wouldn't be writing stories about it.
Everybody is lonely. Some hide it behind smiles. Some show it off openly. Some forget about it for some time. But everyone knows what it feels like.
For people like me, there's no answer to the loneliness. Some know they're lonely and they know why. So they deal with it; and that might be easier, I think. But for people like me, there's no answer to the loneliness, because there is no reason for it to exist.
The only way to solve a problem, to get to the solution, is to face it. But how do you face something that isn't there? How do you find the solution, if you don't know the problem? And there is no reason for me to be anything but happy.
My family is whole and intact and good and secure. I have friends. My schools grades are so good. By all rights, I should be a happy person. And I am not unhappy. Just lonely.
How can you be lonely, and unhappy at the same time? I don't know. I'm sixteen years old. I should know the answers by now. But I don't I just don't.
There are details to my life that I can't face; that I don't face. I miss my best friend. She never existed. I have never known what it is like to have a person belong so completely to you that you could trust her with your soul. Never.
I miss my love. It came and stayed for five tumultuous years. I'm not talking about the person. I'm talking about the feeling, the heartache, the joy of belonging to someone - even if he doesn't know it - so completely that you could trust him with your soul.
I miss my identity. I cannot remember the last time I felt so comfortable with myself that I could look at myself in the harsh light of reality and remain happy. I don't know whether I can feel that I am my own - I belong to myself.
I feel wrong; I feel neglected; I feel abandoned - Emotions that make no sense. That I shouldn't be feeling at all. But I feel them. Sometimes I don't realize them. Sometimes I forget them. Sometimes I hide them. But I feel them, and that makes a difference. And it hurts.
I'm lonely.