So - a special dedication to one of my most faithful readers outta here, MysticTimberwolves, who inspired me the idea of a OS based off Beyoncé's Love On Top. I hope you're not too disappointed.
Disclamer : I still don't own Vampire Diaries. Otherwise, the fcuking 7 week-hiatus would be nothing but a fricking bad dream.
Disclamer II : You might find (very huge) similarities with a Damon/Andie scene from Season Two. The flashbacks are completely AU.
Not my best piece, but R & R !
Don't You Remember
Once again, the supernatural had ruined a night of human ordinariness in Mystic Falls – talk about a surprise. She should have known something would go wrong. The hope that she would be able to enjoy one night of rest from all this chaos was foolish.
Caroline was pacing nervously in her bedroom, contemplating whether or not she should follow her instinct and do what she had been wishing to do for some time now.
It was the ideal time. Everyone was home safe, including her father, whom she had just saved from a certain death at Damon's hands. She sighed. She honestly did not see how things could get any worse.
She couldn't bring herself to think about the way he looked at her. The disappointment and the disgust in his eyes when he saw her vampire face as he held that blood-bag under her nose over and over again. How he had possibly endured her screams of pain and cries for mercy without blinking – the mere thought of all that made her eyes well up. It made her feel nauseous that the very person who had brought her to his world could do something like this to her.
But he was her father, and she loved him regardless. She certainly wouldn't forget, but she would be able to forgive, eventually. She, contrary to him, had enough tolerance in her heart.
Which reminded her of … Damon.
She needed to talk to him. The anger his impulsiveness had stirred inside of her was overwhelming – she had never felt such rage before, not even since she had turned. But then, as she paused to think about the meaning behind his actions, she understood that he must have been in a hopeless place to become that Damon again – that abhorrent, impulsive, violent version of himself.
She knew that he was being pressured into becoming someone he was not. She saw what Elena was trying to make of him – a mere replacement for Stefan. The doppelganger constantly watched his every move, allowing the weight of her judgment to crush him. And he let her, because he loved her.
This was not what love was like, Caroline thought as she drove to the boarding house, shamelessly trespassing the speed limit. Her mother was a sheriff; if she was written a ticket, she would find a way around it. The sooner she talked to Damon, the better.
Elena didn't want Damon to be what others thought he was – a monster. While her friend's attitude was merely the result of wishful thinking, Caroline knew that there was more to Damon than a crazy vampire who snapped and killed people impulsively. Once upon a time, she had glimpsed a different Damon and although she had never felt like it would be wise to mention it, the time had come.
Tonight, she would confront him.
"What?" Damon groaned when he realized he had a visitor – an uninvited visitor.
He was not in the mood for small talk. Actually, he was in the mood for absolutely nothing. He wanted to be left alone to feel sorry for himself, like he so rarely did.
"You tried to kill my father."
Damon suppressed a groan. Since when did Blondie feel free to show up in his bedroom whenever she pleased? He was turning his back on her, but as she made her way into the room and her heels clicked on the floor, he pictured her rolling gait, her hips swinging steadily as she tilted her head slightly.
"Which makes me wonder what the Hell you're doing here."
Caroline snatched his glass of Bourbon from his hand and downed it. He raised an eyebrow at her, positively shocked by her boldness. Since when was Blondie not afraid of him anymore? He paused. Why would she be? She had literally beaten the crap out of him earlier. He honestly wasn't at his best.
"If you came to say that you hate me and I'm a monster and all that jazz, Elena did that for ya."
Caroline rolled her eyes and smiled to herself. She was looking at him in a rather funny way – definitely not what you would expect from someone who you'd almost turned into an orphan. He frowned.
"What's so funny?"
"I'm not here to yell at you. At least not about my father. I know you're sorry about that."
"Do you, now?" he said, getting his glass back and reaching out for a refill.
"Yeah," she shrugged. "I know you'd never want to hurt me."
Damon snorted to conceal his uneasiness. She sounded so sure.
"Whatever, Blondie. Now, do your yelling and get lost."
"You know, you don't have to be such a jerk to me," she said, visibly annoyed. "It doesn't have to be like this between us."
"Yes, it has to," he just said. "That's the way it's always been, remember?" he teased.
She heaved a deep sigh and glared up at him. His usual smirk was still plastered over his face, but she knew him and she could clearly see the cloud of what he had done above his head.
"I remember you used to be nice to me," she whispered softly.
"What the hell is it with you people, these days? I am a freaking vampire! I am not nice to anyone because I do not care! How much clearer can I make this?" he shouted.
"Oh, shut up, Damon!" she yelled back. "You know what? I'm a vampire, too. That means I remember. Every single moment we spent together and everything you said to me."
Damon's jaw dropped at her words. She had risen from her chair and she was standing next to his bed. He was stubbornly looking straight in front of him.
"You said you loved me," she breathed.
He said nothing. He couldn't speak – he couldn't think.
"Have you completely erased this from you memory?" she asked, her voice quivering. "I kept my distance so you wouldn't have to deal with what happened between us, but now I'm done. Please remember."
She brushed his shoulder and walked out. Damn you, Caroline Forbes, he thought. And then, for the first time since all of this happened, he allowed himself to remember.
"I'm warm," she said and he chuckled, distractedly playing with a strand of blonde hair. "Feels good."
"You're naked and it's past midnight," he pointed out.
They were lying in the forest, recovering from yet another mind-blowing encounter. Damon had texted her a few hours before because he wanted to spend the evening with her. It was absolutely unexpected – he had not called in a few days and she was starting to get really worried. She was missing him.
He had sent one of those texts she loved, that simply read: Meet me in the woods. She had texted back. Why? The answer had made her knees go weak. Hungry for you.
She knew it was the promise of sighs of pleasure, light-headed moments, heated kisses and burning caresses. It also meant that he would inflict her pain when his fangs would break the skin of her neck; because his desire always came with bloodlust. Nothing was perfect; but it was worth it. Because after fighting through the tears of always being second best to goddamned Elena Gilbert, finally someone was putting her first.
"You make me feel warm," she corrected.
His breath was back to normal after a few minutes of recovery – his stamina never failed to impress her, vampire or not. While she had a sheet pulled up to her chest, he was lying there in all of his naked glory, the moonlight glowing on his skin. She tore her eyes away from him, staring at the clouded sky instead.
Damon brushed her shoulder and she rolled over so that she faced him. Their faces were so close that her nose was brushing against his. She allowed herself to drown in the ocean of his eyes.
"Your eyes are so blue," she whispered before she could help herself. "So beautiful."
He smirked and said nothing. Caroline knew he didn't really like to cuddle after sex but there was something about tonight – something different. First of all, he brought food and wine for a late night picnic. Then, he called her beautiful. And then, he didn't bite her – it was a first.
"Your own eyes are blue, Caroline," he observed.
"Yeah, but yours remind me of holidays. I can feel the sun whenever you're near," she confessed shyly.
She was afraid that he might overreact like he sometimes did when she was too overly expansive. It was going to take some real work to get him to accept her manifestations of affection. But she was going to vanquish his reluctance, she was sure of it. She had to.
Because this man was everything she had always longed for.
Every time he touched her, she just melted to it. He was the reason everybody asked her why she was constantly smiling from ear to ear – during boring classes, while shopping, when watching a fluffy scene in a movie. She had found the one she wanted; the one she needed. The only she saw. It was him. Damon Salvatore. Her boyfriend.
"I can see the stars all the way from here," Damon said softly.
"That's a vampire thing, right?" she pouted after she checked and saw nothing but clouds; he nodded.
"That's what you make me think of," he said. "The stars."
"I'm sure you say that to all the girls," she moaned, unable to hide her growing smile.
"Maybe," he teased.
She playfully hit his abs under the sheet while he stole her a kiss. A long, slow, passionate kiss that made her insides melt as his hands ran through her hair.
Suddenly, a flash of lightning broke through the sky. Caroline jumped a little and Damon immediately held her closer. Before they even had time to understand what was happening, rain was pouring. The first drops had Caroline screaming – she got to her feet and danced awkwardly from one foot to the other.
"What the hell," she yelled to cover the sound of the rain.
Damon got to his feet and got her dressed from head to toe in less than five seconds. Caroline giggled all the while, not caring that the droplets were ruining her makeup and that she probably looked like a wet dog right now. He gathered everything they had set – the picnic basket, the glasses, the empty bottle of wine. He was all good to go when he noticed that she had visibly decided to stay.
She was spinning around with her arms wide open, and he could see a thrilled smile on her upturned face. From the corner of her eye, Caroline saw him shaking his head with a small smile and she laughed.
"Come on!" she shouted. "It's fun!"
Caroline grabbed his hand and dragged him into her uncoordinated dance. He let her, and so they started to dance like crazy people under the rain. She would probably be sick tomorrow, but she didn't care, because this was her fairy tale. She was Beauty and he, the Beast. His smile widened again and again, until he couldn't take it anymore and started to laugh as well. She realized she had never seen him laughing heartedly. And then, the words escaped her.
"I love you," she exclaimed. "I love you, Damon Salvatore."
She expected him to say nothing, so it didn't upset her when he did. She noticed that he didn't stop smiling or dancing. He grabbed her in his arms, made her spin like a princess and kissed her with a passion she had never felt before.
Damon remembered vividly now; he could almost feel the raindrops dripping on his skin and Caroline's wet lips claiming his over and over again as he brought her home. It had been incredibly hard to focus on his driving with this blonde tornado on the passenger seat stealing a kiss every twenty seconds or so.
Things with Caroline were simple. He usually rang her whenever he was hungry and/or horny and she came. She sometimes called him to go to the movies and if he was in a good mood, he went with her. He occasionally took her to the restaurant, and he never failed to have new underwear delivered to her when he ripped hers apart. When he needed her to do something, she did it; given, sometimes he had to resort to compulsion, but still. Things were simple.
But that night in the forest, her confession of love had changed things. He was still madly in love with Katherine back then, but hearing those words, spoken so naturally and sincerely by this girl he so often pushed around, had touched him. She had seen his darkest side and yet – she loved him.
He had gradually started to be gentler with her. The bites were less frequent and less painful – he made sure to bite where it wouldn't be seen and to feed her blood so she wouldn't be too weak. His words towards her were somewhat less aggressive and he even said she was not shallow, stupid and useless.
Yes, her confession softened him.
Damon sighed. This was not what she asked him to remember.
"What are you doing here?" he snapped when he turned to see Caroline standing in the doorway.
"I had a feeling you could use some company," she said lightly.
Damon almost wondered if it was because he had fed her so much of his blood that she was able to sense when his mood was terrible. Because it was indeed very, very terrible. He didn't even have a reason to be upset; he simply was.
"You're the very last person on the planet I need to see right now," he mumbled. "So go home, I don't want Morality Police to show up."
"I know what they say but I don't care," she said as she made her way to him. "Love hurts, all the time. At least, you bother to heal me when I'm hurt."
He chuckled.
"Caroline, seriously, I don't have it in me to listen to your stupidities right now."
"We don't have to talk," she said suggestively.
She straddled him and settled on his lap, her blonde hair brushing against his face.
"Caroline," he groaned and she misinterpreted this as the sign of him giving in.
"I'll make you glad I came," she purred. "You know I can."
"You don't want me angry, Forbes," he said darkly. "Get the Hell out of there."
"No," she said firmly. "You're upset and I'm staying. Because I love you."
The words pushed him over the edge. He couldn't stand the infinitely compassionate inflexion in her voice, or the way she looked at him – like he was one of the charity projects she devoted herself to. She probably thought she could change him, tame him with her curled blond hair and pretty blue eyes. She certainly believed all it would take was being here every time he was upset to soothe him and he'd behave like a lovesick puppy. The Hell with her. He was a monster, and he liked to be one.
She screamed when he grabbed her upper arms roughly and threw her against the closer wall. She felt her head it the wall violently.
"Damon," she begged. "Stop, you're hurting me."
"Yeah, well I did warn you," he muttered.
His face changed and he sank his fangs into her with no delay. Another scream of pain escaped her – he had never bitten her like that before. Savage and out of control, he tore at her skin several times. He was not even thirsty – he just wanted to hurt her. For every time one of her silly comments made him smile. For every time he found himself longing for her company. For the nights when he'd dream about her. For letting that Matt Donovan moron flirt with her. For the way his body reacted to her, every single time.
She was trying to fight, pulling at his hair and kicking him the best she could. She kept chanting his name in a hopeless plea but every time, he just bit harder – so much that her neck quickly became nothing but torn-down flesh oozing blood.
And then, she stopped fighting. Her body went limp in his arms and her knees gave in. Damon frowned, unsure of how this happened. He had not realized he was even drinking from her.
He seemed to snap out of whatever delirium he was in when he saw her almost lifeless body on the floor. He lifted her in his arms and carried her to his bed, oblivious to the fact that she was straining his silk sheets.
Her comments made him smile. He sometimes longed for her. He dreamed about her. He was actually jealous that she let other boys flirt with her. His body reacted to her, every freaking time. His eyes widened.
"Wake up, Caroline," he shouted. "Wake up, god dammit."
She didn't budge. He tore at his own wrist and brought it to her mouth, parting her lips so the liquid flowed into her. She had absolutely no reaction.
"Don't die on me," he begged. "You can't die."
Caroline didn't look dead; she looked like a princess from a fairy tale. Damon listened for a pulse, and when he didn't find one, he hesitantly leaned towards her and his lips brushed against hers – he noticed they were really cold.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to – I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I love you too, you annoying twit," he blurted out. "Now wake up!"
A laugh that strangely resembled a bark escaped him when her eyelids fluttered. This had to be some sort of joke. A kiss and a confession of love, seriously? She was like his very own Sleeping Beauty. She moaned a little and immediately wiped her lips with the back of her trembling hand, tasting his blood in her mouth.
Caroline opened her eyes and looked at him with bewildered eyes.
"You love me," she whispered. "You said you loved me."
His anger and fear shifted at once. He stroked her cheek softly and kissed her, wondering what had possibly gotten into him when he said that. He loved Katherine. Caroline, she was just a distraction and a means to an end. At least, he talked himself into believing it. He had said that in a moment of weakness. He didn't mean it. He couldn't. Right?
"Forget it," he compelled her. "Forget I said 'I love you', Caroline."
Caroline jumped when she caught sight of Damon in her bedroom. She couldn't help but snap at him.
"Has your mother not taught you how to knock?"
"Knock-knock," he shrugged and made his way into the bedroom.
He had not been here in a long, long time. Some more memories waved through him – memories of a time when she would have done anything to lure him inside that bedroom. Now, all he could smell was Tyler Lockwood and it irritated him.
"You remember," she observed quietly, noticing that his eyes were glistening. "All of it."
Damon nodded. He seemed incapable of uttering a single word. His eyes were unfocused, as he stared at her bed.
"You can't take back what happened that night," she said. "Although I know you want to, sometimes."
"I would never let you die."
"You've proven that to me a few times, now," she said, a gratitude perceptible. "I meant, what you said."
Silence fell upon them. Blue eyes drowned in blue eyes and it was Damon who looked down.
"You've known all this time – why bring it up now?" said Damon.
Where to begin? she wondered. She wanted to remind him that he could – should – be loved for what he truly was. It seemed important to get him to understand that Elena probably couldn't accept his darkness, like she, Caroline, once had. But it was okay to have a dark side – everyone had. As vampires, they obviously came with a little more background, but still. He shouldn't have to conceal it.
She was not okay with him killing people, but she knew that deep down, he wasn't either. Her point was that he shouldn't have to be kept in check by anyone, because he was very capable of doing it on his own. He knew when to stop; he just had to want it.
"The Damon who saved me, the one who loved me - don't tell me this was not the real you," she said quietly. "I know it was. When will I see you again?"
"I've changed. My – my feelings -"
"I've moved on, too, you know," she smiled.
She motioned to invite him on the bed and he sat without a word. It was hard for him to look at her, to see all of this affection and understanding in her eyes. He didn't deserve this.
"Why don't you hate me?"
Caroline laughed softly.
"You were horrible to me but when I really needed you to make everything stop, you put my love on top."
He frowned and wondered how she could be so accepting.
"We were in love, Damon," she said. "Nothing can change the fact that you were my first love."
She nodded and intertwined their fingers. He let her, watching curiously as her creamy skin brushed against his in a way that he didn't knew he had missed until this very moment. He looked up and she simply smiled. Her other hand went to guide his head to rest on her lap and he didn't fight. Delicious blast from the past.
"I will always be there for you," she whispered. "So next time you feel like you're about to kill your best friend, come yell at me instead. I can take it."
"Why are you doing this?" he said.
"Somehow, I think I will always love you," she said matter-of-factly. "That's why."
"Let's keep it a secret, 'kay?" he said hoarsely. "Don't want any more trouble with Tyler Lockwood."
"My lips are sealed."
He laughed softly and didn't tell her this conversation was proof that she was positively incapable of keeping a secret.