Maybe this kind of Banjo-Kazooie fanfiction has been done hundreds of times before. I don't know. My goal here is to tell a fun, simple story in the style of a Banjo-Kazooie/Banjo-Tooie game that I would totally play in a heartbeat. Hopefully I'll succeed.
Enjoy!
Zithero-Tooty
Chapter One:
Not Exactly Final Boss Material
(In Which Gruntilda Uses Her Secret Weapon)
Isle o' Hags
(Spiral Mountain)
It had been a long winter for all those who dwelled on Isle o' Hags, be they creatures or inanimate objects with adorable googily eyes. Spiral Mountain in particular had its landmarks coated in a layer of slush and mud, but it was still possible to see the indent of the witch-shaped crater where Gruntilda Winkybunion fell over a decade ago.
Something gray and decayed fell from high up, screaming all the way down. It landed with a slushy impact right next to the witch-shaped crater. It wiggled its way out of the snowbank, revealing it to be the heavily decayed and still sentient head of Grunty.
She growled at the inconvenience of losing her body, shortly before her biomechanical body landed on her, tube-side down and legs in the air. Her violet cat, Piddles, joined her by landing claws bared on her bloomers, and Grunty's metal hat completed the pile-up by crushing a very annoyed Piddles.
"Awww, you two look tired!"
Banjo the bear and Kazooie, his red-crested breegull companion, touched down in the slush and mud a short distance from the pile-up.
"What do you say Kazooie?" Banjo said with a stupid grin plastered on his face. "Want to just call it a game and just cut to the credits?"
"Might as well." Said Kazooie, disappointed. "Final boss my feathery butt. You should of stayed in old TV-face's factory making games."
Grunty clumsily got to her feet and yanked Piddles out of her rump. Her head righted itself in the tube on top of her body and she screwed her hat back on. She smiled an innocent old lady smile with her remaining teeth, which only served to make Banjo and Kazooie suspicious.
"Oh, but I have been making games, you see,
As inside one we'll shortly be!"
Before the two of them had a chance to react, Grunty whipped out a massive, clunky videogame console and slammed it into the snow. It booted up, and the four controller ports each glowed a different color before each sucking Banjo, Kazooie, Grunty and Piddles into them.
Inside Grunty's Videogame
Banjo and Kazooie felt a tingling as their bodies were rendered. The bear landed on his butt on a field and sky that were both mud-colored.
"Errr, okaaay?" Kazooie said. "Where are we?"
"And why is everything all brownish?" Banjo said.
"Haven't you heard, fleebag of old?
Sepia colors are gaming gold!
Weep at the next-gen graphics you see,
Before you cry at the beating from me!"
The duo gasped at the sudden appearance of a green-skinned babe of a witch crammed full of as much fanservice as you can get away with in an E-10-Rated game.
"Huh?" Banjo said. "Is that…Grunty? Why, she's not as ugly-looking now!"
Kazooie shrugged indifferently. "Meh, I don't see any difference."
"Welcome, featherball and furry runt
To a world I call Gamegrunt!
Wrote in GRUN~ and with unlimited power,
I'll boot your butts within the hour!"
"But," Banjo started, "wait, if this is some kinda virtual-reality-thingy where you can make yourself not butt-ugly, why didn't you make us look like freaks or anything?"
Grunty put her slender hands on her curvy hips and cackled.
"While my beauty is always up for perfection,
You two have always won the ugliness election!"
"Wow," Kazooie yawned. "What a sick burn. Clearly, Banjo, we should surrender to the talking pile of vomit."
"Mrrrowr," growled a low voice behind Banjo, "if that's what bird says, I want to toy with it first before I eat it."
The duo twirled around to come face-to-face with a massive cat-like beast. The fact that Piddles was still that purple color did not diminish her scariness.
Banjo gulped. "Looks like she's given her cat an upgrade too."
Grunty gracefully leapt through the air and onto Piddles's back while the author grimaced at the ugliness of the name "Piddles" with an apostrophe-s at the end. There simply had to be a better way to indicate possession in grammar.
Banjo in turn pulled Kazooie out of his backpack and cocked her dramatically. He aimed her beak-first at Grunty while Kazooie readied her egg ammunition.
And once more, bear and bird and witch and cat did battle.
The horrible GRUN~ pun was inspired by the webcomic Homestuck. I'll let you figure it out on your own.
Also, yes, we will get to Tooty, her new partner, her new antagonists, her new mole mentors, her new worlds and her whole big freakin' fanfic adventure eventually. Think of it like the Legend of Zelda games. You start out living a peaceful life in a village, and then all kinds of crazy crap goes down, and then the genre shifts and you start the classic dungeon-crawling we all know and love. Just be patient and trust me.