Chapter 1: Intro to Hell

My name is Travis Touchdown, twice I was Rank 1 in the United Assassins Association or UAA. My twin brother, Henry Cooldown, has recently found out the UAA has gone up in terms of ranked assassins, leading to me dealing with 27 new foes, according to him. I don't even know how I'm going to get through this a third time.

"Good morning Travis." Henry greeted me, wearing his long gray trench coat and his beam katana, the Cross Sword, strapped to his side. My new agent in the UAA, Quincy, informed me about the Mexican/Italian/French Don Killar, ranked at 30. Henry was going to help me kill everyone, and that meant he would also wake me up every morning.

"Morning Henry." I grumbled, getting out of bed. I picked up my beam katana, Blood Berry, and looked at my gray cat, Jeane. She was no longer a kitten, like in the first two No More Heroes. She was a full grown cat, and once again gained weight.

"It's been three years since you've last done your ranked battles, I see." Henry started, getting ready to tell me how to fight. He bought me a punching bag so I could fight it whenever I felt out of practice.

"Yes, I know," I cut him off. "And I didn't forget how to fight over that time. I'm ready to just kill everything and get back to Rank 1. And I'll keep my ranking this time."

"You know, it's not the UAA's fault you stay away too long. That's why you keep on losing the title."

"Shutup, Henry. I've been...busy."

"Whatever Travis. Let's just meet Quincy in the UAA Office."

Henry drove us to the UAA Office, a large building that looked like a stereotypical business office. When we walked in, we were greeted by the black haired man we were going to meet.

"Hey Travis. Hello Henry." He said in a rushed voice. He was always pretty nervous, and tried to stay away from people, he seemed to be a pretty paranoid kid. And yes, kid, I mean he's only 16.

"Hey Quincy." I greeted, bored. "We're still killing Don Killar first?"

"Yeah, and just so you know, he's pretty tough for Rank 30. He's a former matador and has been known to drive people insane. I don't know if that's alright with you, but I have some doubts you'll be able to handle it. Henry I know can do this just fine."

Of course, he praises Henry. Apparently, he's a "good influence" on me, seeing as how he's so calm and formal about everything.

"How long do you estimate the fight will take?" Henry asked.

"Depends on how quickly you kill him. But knowing Travis's killing methods...you should be there for roughly ten minutes."

Great, more time wasted doing complete bullshit.

A/N: Well, this is my first No More Heroes story. I've had this idea for a long time, a No More heroes three, which would be like a co-op game where player two is Henry. Both Travis and Henry have perks, for example, Travis having the charge attack and Henry having the long range attack. Just rambling now. I don't know how this story will turn out, but hopefully you all like it. The 30 ranked assassins idea was inspired by a story called Similarity and Casualty, which I really suggest you check out. It's a great story, and hilarious and original characters make it even better. Anyway, review please!