This way to cope with a…..certain bit of bad news today starts near the end of episode 512, before the proposal sequence. Then it goes on after the 513….series finale.
This is the end.
When Jeff couldn't hide from the full implications of Greendale's end anymore, he hid by lying on the longue area couch instead. While it was still there.
Greendale was over, the study group/committee was over, and no big corporation was picking them up to save them again. And so after four brief, impossible months of being together again, they had no reason to come here – and come together – every day.
Like that worked so well for Jeff last time.
Then again, he was never almost willing to die and live out eternity in a boobless, boozeless animated world last time. He was never 40 last time. He was never a true failure in every possible way until the last year of last time.
Geez, he really couldn't wait till he got to the bar to think this over, could he?
Or wait until he found….another kind of bottle.
Okay, this doom and gloom without the initial high of blocking reality was no fun. Jeff needed another pick-em-up that wasn't so blurry, animated or life threatening.
Too bad Annie was usually one, two or three of those things at once.
Jeff figured he'd have to apologize for the whole "joke about making Annie cry for the last time" bit at some point. And once Annie truly started accepting reality as well, he'd have to come in before she started looting book stores or something.
Or breaking down in a way Jeff couldn't laugh at.
Or showing him what it really felt to lose the only real home they'd both ever had.
Yeah, this called for one of those actual feelings talks they had about once every few months. They were probably late by a month or so anyway. If they were on time, then….
….then maybe his birthday would have gone a lot differently.
"Jeff, I don't want you to die…..can you hear me?"
He heard her then. And he heard her so clearly now, he went right back on the couch and closed his eyes.
That was how he was going to leave her, if not for….the whole 'no real boobs and booze in animated purgatory' thing. That was why he came back.
If they all weren't laughing like idiots after he woke up, Jeff might have actually thought about that for a minute. Huh.
And this was how they were all going to leave Greendale. With nothing to show for it. Jeff most of all – and Annie second most of all.
A little more than that, if he was that honest. Which he wasn't. And look where he was now. Even at the end.
At the end….
The end of using Greendale as a crutch. The end of being around a whole school of nut jobs, who could make an entire morning, afternoon and even night a living hell because they hated things he did. The end of having no real escape from a smaller group of judgy, nitpicking nut jobs.
With those obstacles out of the way…..
Jeff needed something new after Greendale. Annie did too. Jeff needed something else to keep him on the straight, narrow, pill free road. Annie knew the best ways to avoid those roads.
Jeff needed something else he kept being annoyed by in public, and had….other emotion in private for. Annie needed something else to validate her, assure her she was worth something and keep her on the path to total world domination.
With the things that usually gave them these strengths now gone….what if this was a sign that….
Since they wouldn't have to sneak around in a school all day, or sign legal disclosure forms and stuff….and since they'd have more free time to avoid the others for as long as possible….what if….
What if the only thing that could help them move on and put Greendale behind them was….
For one second, a burst of…..something foreign but powerful coursed through Jeff as he laid on the couch.
The next second, he yawned and found his eyes getting heavy. So that explained it.
It had to.
But Jeff was too sleepy to keep his walls of denial up completely.
In that case, perhaps a nap before…..doing anything else would be good.
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This is the end.
It was sad how predictable it was in hindsight. Jeff could have even seen the writing on the wall before it started.
Then it happened anyway. The talks with Annie. The confessions. The kisses. The….more than kisses. The decisions. The initial euphoria. The transition out of Greendale and into something even more crazily addictive.
The confidence that he really was starting a new life – and unlike his last foray out of Greendale, he was going to do it right. Especially with her by his side.
Then came the even more predictable stuff.
The small arguments. The lifestyle differences. The bigger arguments. The unresolved factors of him being an unthinking jerk. The unresolved factor of her thinking he was better than he actually was. The unresolved factor of him being unable to believe her. The unresolved factor of him screwing up every relationship he ever had, where sex was a part of it.
Then came the grand finale arguments. The guilt at seeing her smile less and less. The ease in which he took the coward's way out and didn't talk about it. The ease in which he took the coward's way out and didn't fight for her when they did talk about it. The inevitable custody 'battle' where Annie got all their friends in their quasi-divorce.
And then came the loneliness. The inability to handle loneliness as well as he used to – at least while sober. The inability to get up off his ass and do something productive about it. That was typical, really.
Then there was the stuff he didn't see coming – not as well as he should have. But it was all right there, if he'd bothered to anticipate it earlier.
Like the self-hatred over actually having tried something real and substantial, and still failing at it. Like the inability to enjoy meaningless nights, booze and girls after that. Like the real impact of having no other real friends to distract him, and no other real family. And calling his mother was out after that one drunken rant.
Then came the final blow, when he saw the group hanging out at the mall – and saw Annie laughing and smiling with them.
Jeff knew when she was fake laughing and smiling to hide her pain and not worry anyone. This wasn't it. He knew when she was doing it out of bitterness too, and that was far from it.
It was the simplest, most damning truth of all. One that was years overdue to Jeff, really.
All these years of telling himself that Annie would be ruined, cynical, broken and soulless after being with Jeff were utter nonsense. Annie Edison had been tested and unbroken by things far worse than Jeff, and was still Annie Edison. And that was before she had real friends and real love to help her.
That was why Annie could be so unafraid of him. That was why she could embrace her feelings, once Jeff stopped making her feel like a child for having them. That was why it was safe for her to go all in with him, despite having failed.
Because Annie had too much going for her to not be okay, no matter what. Because she had everything she needed – value, love, kindness, brains and strength beyond all reason – to be okay no matter what Jeff put her through.
It might have taken a while, but Annie would always be okay in the end, even if she lost Jeff.
Jeff being okay after having Annie and losing her, however….
That was never going to happen.
With no illusions left of being capable of something real, no illusions left that his old ways could bail him out, no illusions left of being something who could repair damage, no friends left to prop him back up, no Greendale in general, and especially no Annie in general….
How the hell was he supposed to be okay again? What was he, Annie?
No he wasn't. He never would be.
Not in this reality, anyway.
All he had left was a way back to another reality. One where the things it didn't have didn't matter anymore. As long as it took him away from this reality for a while.
Then he reached into the bottle of pills.
Then he closed his eyes.
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Then he woke up.
Jeff had to look through his phone for the date and year, to remember what reality he was in. The one where Greendale had been sold today. Not the post Greendale Hellscape that came from….
Came from….
…..the real reality of what….trying certain things would lead to. One even worse than what he figured for so long.
It took almost dying, losing his school and some weird, all too easy to imagine nightmare to make him see that.
Well, Jeff was not in the mood to see any more unpleasant stuff. That was what feelings and emotions and relationships really got you. With schools and other things.
That's what being attached to things which would break you when they left….break you beyond repair this time….got you in the end.
Better to forget that he ever thought about it. And if the truth behind those thoughts was impossible to block out this time…..well, maybe it was for the best. To remind him why he was right all along.
Why he was right to go back to the study room, and pretend nothing ever happened. A strategy that always worked for a very good reason.
Why he was right to avoid things that would destroy an already broken person when they ended. Even if it wasn't the person he thought it'd be all along.
Why it was best to put aside the loss of things that already broke him. Even if it wasn't the killer blow.
Of course, the next thing he had to cling to couldn't be something that would be the killer blow. It couldn't be one of the only other things Jeff couldn't survive without.
It couldn't be something he cared about breaking as much. No matter how fine she'd ultimately be because she was her. And wasn't him.
It couldn't be something whose loss would take away everything he had left….except for an escape route.
But as luck would have, the blond headed, buzz killing solution came just in time.
One proposal later, everything else was forgotten.
All Jeff had to do was make that last for 60 years – or however long the age and death defying technology of the future worked on him – and he'd be fine after all.
If not, he'd be fine anyway.
Now he would be.
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This is the end.
Of the weirdest day in Greendale history, thank God. Or maybe just the weirdest day in the month of April in Greendale history.
Jeff settled on that as he climbed into bed. He needed a long, long sleep – the kind you'd usually need a bottle and a half of vodka for.
Anything to put this day behind him. Anything to forget how close he came to being trapped under Greendale forever. Anything to forget how close he came to marrying Britta.
Anything to forget what he – everyone – almost lost today.
Anything to forget how it was saved. And why. And because of who.
And the hidden meanings behind what that…..who said moments earlier.
The hidden, troubling meanings that sounded more like a closed door than an open one.
Right before they felt open for one brief, passionate moment…..
Yep, Jeff needed to sleep right now. He couldn't even take the time to get that vodka. He just closed his eyes and waited to fade into dreamland.
It straightened him out once today, so he figured it'd be fine.
Of course, it straightened him out into getting engaged to Britta.
Another reason why dreamland had to get going and redeem itself tonight.
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This is the end.
Even Abed struggled to accept it, and he predicted it.
But eventually, everyone had to accept that this was no joke. No denial would work anymore, no last ditch space missions would spare them, and no movie was going to be made about this for them to laugh at.
The asteroid that would end all human civilization was coming soon and couldn't be stopped.
All the group could do was huddle together at Annie and Abed's apartment. Abed should have been ready with an extravagant, satirical bomb shelter by now, after having imagined post-apocalyptic movies and nitpicking them for years. But with Troy unable to get back in time, and with actual reality getting through to him, Abed couldn't get inspired by end of the world tropes now.
Without that last ditch hope to survive, there was nothing left to cling to. Nothing to do but wait for the asteroid to come. Nothing to do but think about all that happened, and all that would never happen.
All that would never be said.
All that was never said for reasons that….meant nothing now.
"Annie!" Jeff found himself calling out. He then found himself taking her hand and leading her into her bedroom. Before he thought anything more about that – and anything else, for that matter – he had to get this out.
"Annie, it was never in your head," Jeff spoke before he could change his mind. "I felt everything you felt. Probably even more so. That's why the robot computer opened the door. Because the passion I had was for you."
Jeff could always excuse the meteor for that cheesiness later. After Annie stopped crying tears of joy and kissed him like it was the last time. Which it would be.
"Jeff, what the hell are you doing?" Wait, that wasn't a teary kiss.
"Huh? Well, I'm finally telling you the truth," Jeff answered. "I wanted you all along. For….well, everything. Even the thing I told you I never wanted. But I've only wanted them with you."
And still the tears and kisses didn't come.
"Jeff, please don't," Annie said. "Don't….don't lie to me just to make me forget we're gonna die."
Okay, even the Disney tears would have been better than that.
"What?" Jeff exclaimed. "Where did you…..what do you think I'm doing?"
"I get it," Annie said, more blankly than Jeff was comfortable with. "You think pretending that it wasn't all in my head will help me. Give me something to smile about at the end. But you don't have to do that. Frankly, it'd be more insulting if it was true."
"What are you….what?!" Jeff struggled.
"Oh, come on, Jeff. You had years to say something, and you wait until the world's already over to do it?" Annie asked.
"Sounds just like me, doesn't it?" Jeff argued.
"That's how you thought I'd believe it," Annie insisted. "But let's be honest. If you really felt that much about me, why did you almost marry Britta? Why did you want her just so Duncan couldn't have her that one time? Why were you ready to let yourself die from anti aging pills? Why did you deny everything for four years? Two or two and a half would have been believable, but four?"
Jeff scrambled for the right way to start answering, yet Annie kept going. "I got the message, Jeff. It took me long enough. You regressed and stopped talking to me for months at a time so much, I had to get it. At least I accepted it and moved on at the end. At least I got to be a real adult for a little while when I did. You don't have to take that away from me."
"Hold on. You thought you weren't an adult because you liked me?" Jeff asked.
"That was the general message of the last four years, wasn't it?" Annie questioned. "And it turned out to be the lasting one. But it's too late to dwell on it now. So why do we have to?"
"But….but you don't understand! I never let you!" Jeff argued. "It was all because – "
"I know, Jeff," Annie jumped ahead. "And I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" Jeff couldn't believe.
"Jeff, I've accepted everything and I'm fine. But you lying because you think I'll feel better at the end….it won't make me feel better and I won't be fine," Annie informed. "I appreciate the effort, but it's really not necessary."
"Yes it is!" Jeff insisted. "You need to know that – "
"Jeff, please!" Annie snapped. "I told you it's not necessary! And I know how convincing you can be….so don't convince me that….not now, okay?" she tearfully asked, then laughed. "Not ever is more accurate, I guess."
Jeff was out of words to try and convince her. Even if they wouldn't just get interrupted.
"I know it doesn't make sense that you could feel….that way about me. No one ever did, really," Annie admitted. "I don't want to think about that now. I really don't. And I don't need you to try and cheer me up by lying. There wouldn't be enough time for you to fix it with a Winger speech, anyway. So save your last one for when the meteor hits, okay?"
Jeff didn't think he could come up with a Winger speech again after this. He might have even thought this if there wasn't a meteor coming to kill them now.
"So are we good?" Annie got herself back together. "Are we finally resolved?"
"Yeah," Jeff had no choice but to concede. "Yep. This is how we're resolved. Forever."
"Good," Annie agreed, going over to hug him. "Since you were just kidding, I can let it slide. The thought still counts, though. Don't worry, you're going out a good man."
She broke off before Jeff could hug her back. She opened the door, saw that Jeff wasn't following, then said, "We'll all be here when you get out. Don't take too long, okay?"
"Me go slow? Nah," Jeff joked. The mill second she shut the door, though, Jeff stopped pretending.
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This was the end. And he'd blown everything to pieces worse than the meteor would.
If aliens were recording the end of the world on some alien DVR right now, this would be Jeff Winger's last legacy.
The end of the great Jeff Winger would consist of two failed attempts to get back Britta, nothing of any significance with Annie, a burst of feelings that saved Greendale and went nowhere after that, him still turning away like a coward before Annie could look at him afterwards, and the confirmation that he was much too late either way.
A confirmation that Annie was done feeling the same way. Had probably been done long before the end of the world, thanks to him.
And now…..now she would die thinking that no one ever….loved her. As in, loved her loved her.
Annie would never know how at least one person saw how special and beautiful she was in every way. She would die never knowing how her insane, overly committed, overly annoying goodness had changed at least one person's life. She would die believing that no one had ever cared for her as much as she cared about someone else.
She would die with no one having ever fought for her. With no one putting her first above all things. With no one who she knew accepted and loved every part of who she was. No matter how childish, good or pen-obsessed.
She would die without knowing she was right about Jeff all along. Without being told just how right she was. She would die ignorant and unknowing of how special she truly was. Without ever having been appreciated the way she should have been this entire time.
Without anyone ever telling her they were sorry for hurting her.
That was the final legacy Jeff Winger had left behind.
And it was so much worse than any worse case scenario he ever had about them being together. Even the one that scared him the most all along.
And she would never know that it was him, and his own fear of being nothing when she was gone, that made him diminish her all along. Not her. Not her 'childish imagination.' Not anything she did other than be the best person anyone could ever know.
And she would never know that she was.
No. That couldn't happen.
Jeff hoped that he would still do this even if a meteor wasn't coming. He wasn't too confident, though. But he didn't have time to think about that, or other worse case scenarios about himself. Maybe if he'd started that long ago….
No, what mattered was now. What mattered was telling her what she needed to know. No matter what happened afterwards. It would be worth it to see her light up just one more…..
Then the sky lit up.
Then a loud boom was heard from far away.
Then Jeff finally rushed out of the bedroom, only to nearly be blinded by the light coming from the windows. Light that soon turned firey.
Light that covered everyone else. Including her.
"Annie!" Jeff tried to say over the apocalyptic noise. "Annie! Annie, listen to me! I-"
But he didn't get to say it. He used to think – in the brief moments he let himself think before forcing shame and fear on himself – that he'd have a year to think about saying it. Now there were no more years. Now there were no more chances.
Now they were resolved, all right. The Jeff Winger kind of resolved that resolved nothing real. And would never resolve anything real. Forever and ever and ever.
This is the end.
The only end Jeff deserved. Even if she didn't. Which should have mattered more all along.
With that, all the seasons, and all the apocalyptic movies based on those seasons, were silenced forever. Along with Jeff, Annie and the rest. Forever.
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Then he woke up.
Then he looked around and made sure there were no apocalyptic sights or sounds.
Then he checked the time and saw it was 2 a.m. on April 11. Not some unspecified time after April 11, when the world ended and Annie never…..
Then he ran to get his nearest shirt, pants, socks and shoes on.
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It was about 2:30 a.m. by the time Jeff started knocking on the Casa….Anniebed door. He forced himself to stop combining those names together after that. He also hoped Abed was a heavier sleeper than Annie was, if that was at all possible.
Thankfully, when the door opened, it turned out it was.
"Jeff?" Annie yawned. "It's the middle of the night, what are you doing? And why wouldn't you just call?"
Because he couldn't kiss her over the phone. The one thing he couldn't and wouldn't want to use a phone for.
But instead of telling her that, he showed her.
She even started kissing back after the first few seconds.
God, that took Jeff back. Back to the second time they kissed for real…..four years ago. Goddamnit, how –
Then Annie took Jeff back to the first time they kissed, by breaking it up without warning. But not to cap off a debate victory.
"What the….Jeff, what did….you were engaged!" Annie cried out. "You're damn lucky I knew you broke it off! Even though I had to hear it from Britta! Not that you had to check with, I mean…..what the hell?!" she recovered.
So Annie didn't just swoon and turn school girly over kisses anymore. Jeff should have seen that coming. But since he wasn't going to run away for three months after this, it made more sense.
So did the obvious truth that a mere kiss wouldn't do it here. "I'm sorry," Jeff said.
"Apologizing for kissing me. At least I know how to deal with that. Now," Annie scoffed, but softened. "Sorry. I'm still too sleepy, I guess," she tried to excuse. As if she had anything to excuse.
He'd taught her nothing else at times like this. If a meteor hit now, she would never know anything better.
Another reason Jeff had to act fast. Before he thought about other things that….weren't as scary as the alternative anymore. Or shouldn't matter as much, even if they were.
"I mean I'm sorry for everything else I did," Jeff began. "Everything I ever did to hurt you, make you feel like a child, and make you feel like you weren't important. To me, or anyone. Well, mainly me." He paused and clarified, "That includes our first summer and….what happened after that. And the bathroom incident. And….pretty much every single thing I did today."
"Well….opening the door wasn't so bad," Annie tried to joke, before she gave into other emotions.
"I didn't think so. I mean, you made it that way," Jeff hinted. It took a few seconds for Annie to fully get the hint. She opened her mouth to say something, and she looked on the verge of smiling and cooing a few times, but she finally went blank at the end.
"Jeff, if you're saying what I think you're….actually, I don't know what you're saying," Annie said. "You're saying some sweet things, but….there's still a lot you're not saying. If I'm gonna know how to feel about this, I need more to go on."
Yet once again, she backtracked soon after and asked, "Or is that too much? I know there's only so much opening up you can do," she said without any malice or resentment. "And it's the morning, and people don't always think clearly in the morning, so…."
"This is the first time I am. Of course, it's the first time I've been up this late sober in a while," Jeff joked, then regretted it. Maybe he could only act different so much.
This would have to fill the rest of the 'so much' then.
"Can I come in? I promise when I do, I'll tell you everything. And I mean everything," he left no wiggle room. To be safe – an ironic choice of words, perhaps – he added, "And when I'm done….whatever happens next will be up to you this time."
There it was. He handed power over what may be the rest of his life, and whether it would be worthwhile – a power he only handed to booze, suits, his Lexus, his silver tongue and anonymous boobs before now – to Annie. Before he really did anything to make sure he could handle a negative outcome first.
But again, there were worse things after all. Things that didn't all revolve around Jeff. It shouldn't have taken crazy dreams, almost marrying Britta and activating a 40-year-old computer to see that. Yet this was the hand he forced himself into.
At least there was time left to make himself a better hand. Maybe. Annie's unusually blank face didn't bode well.
"Okay," she showed mercy. "Come in. There's no way we woke up Abed, so we should be fine."
"Maybe," Jeff dared to admit, for the first time in forever. "I'll be sure not to disturb Milady's humble home anyway."
It wasn't as simple a way to say that word again as it was in his head. Regardless of how he made himself think it was far from simple at the time. But he did say it out loud this time.
And she did see it and hear it. And he did get to see her smile from it. And maybe later tonight, he'd hear her say something out loud to him for the first time in four years too.
Only after Jeff finally said some things first, though.
Once the door closed behind him, he was as ready to open other doors as he'd ever be. Even without any 40-year-old feelings powered computers to hide behind.
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This is the end.
At least it was the end of the world Jeff Winger carefully constructed to hide behind – at least when it came to Annie and anything meaningful beyond friendship. And the end of the world Annie Edison resigned herself to hiding behind – at least when it came to Jeff and love.
Some worlds – internally and externally – end without anything close to such closure. Without any concrete hint of a better world or future ahead.
But in other worlds, such hints aren't the end.
In other worlds, the beginnings and possibilities are still endless, and they always will be.
In at least one world, Jeff and Annie could explore those possibilities without crippling fear. Or as much of it.
In that world, this was canon.
THE END