Author Note: It's been a while since i've written anything new, i have stories in the works but it's just getting them pieced together and finished that's the problem. But this story... i guess it started out as a way for me to start writing again, get back in the right mood, i had actually been planning on typing up another story but this one got written instead. I guess it's just me trying to figure out how i feel, i hate change, it kinda sucks, but i also can't wait to see what else is out there. It's just very scary and i don't know what to expect so =/
Plus i really wanted to write a new Maitlyn, i am obsessed with them, they are totally my favourite couple =)
I don't own anything at all
Change - Caitlyn's POV
I don't know what it is about change that so many people don't like. Change can be good, it can mean a new start, a new chance to do things differently, better… But I guess it can also mean the end of something, the end of an era…
I, in fact, hate change. I just don't completely understand why. There's just something about it, something that makes me turn away, pull back, even fight against it. Something that makes me feel physically sick when I think about it, about everything that could change, that will change, that has to change… I don't want anything to change; I like my life just the way it is at the moment. But I guess it's not really up to me, there's something bigger than me that's controlling it. And I'm not talking about God and all that religious mumbo jumbo- no; I'm talking about fate… or is that the same thing? I'm never sure where the belief in fate stands with religion.
I believe that everything is already decided, that our paths have already been chosen for us and all we can do is follow them and see where we end up. Now, sometimes, that doesn't sit too well with me. I hate not having control; I need to know where I'm going, what I'm doing… but that's not always possible.
You wanna know why I rebel? Why I won't just sit here and let my life play out like some computer game? Because I want to be in control, even if it's just for a little bit, even if I can only chose small things, make unimportant decisions… like should I have cornflakes or coco pops for breakfast? You know what I'd choose? Both. I'd just mix the cornflakes right on in there with the coco pops, shake things up a bit, you know? Small things like that make me feel like I'm not completely helpless.
You can't stop change, believe me, I've tried enough times! It doesn't matter what you want, or how you feel, change happens anyway. Sometimes you don't even realise it's happening! One day it could be so hot that you have to go to sleep at night with the covers kicked right off the bed, but by the time you wake up the next morning, you could find yourself shivering your butt off and reaching for the cover again because when you look outside all you can see is white. How the hell could it change so quickly? It just doesn't seem possible.
That is where I'm wrong, it can change that quickly, you could blink and miss it! You don't even have time to argue, to try and stop it… it just… happens. Okay, maybe it's just me, maybe I'm just really backwards, or something, but I don't want things to change, I like them just the way they are right now! Because I know the moment I take my posters down and pack all my books and clothes and everything else I own into those cardboard boxes and load them into my car… I know that everything will be different. And that I can't ever go back.
I want to go to college, I want to leave home and explore the world, make a name for myself, show the world that Caitlyn Gellar can survive on her own out here where it really matters. I know it's time, I know I have to go but… what if things don't work out, what if things go horribly wrong? What if… what if… what if… so many questions, so many uncertainties… I just keep thinking… is it really worth it? I guess I won't ever know until I try, right?
"Caitlyn?" Her voice broke into my thoughts, finally bringing me back to the present day. "Are you okay? You've been zoned out for ages; I was starting to get worried!" She'd crossed to sit on my bed with me, her hand finding mine and locking our fingers together. She smiled gently at me, concern in her beautiful brown eyes.
I managed to shake myself out of it and focus back in on her. "Uh… yeah, I'm- I'm fine, Mitch, don't worry." I tried a smile, but it felt strange on my lips, I guess I hadn't been the best person to be around lately. I'd just been so caught up with everything that was to come, that I hadn't really been concentrating on the here and now.
"Okay, Caitlyn, sure. But I'm here, if you need me." She smiled again before getting up and heading out the cabin.
"Mitchie?" She turned back round to face me, one hand on the door handle.
"Yeah?" When I didn't say anything, a slight frown creased her face and she let go of the door to face me completely. "Caitlyn?"
Before I knew what I was doing, I'd slid off the bed, crossed the room and kissed her. She stumbled backwards to lean against the door, my hands planted either side of her head as I kissed her like my life depended on it. After a few seconds, I stopped and pulled back slightly. My eyes fixed to hers, gauging her reaction. Her mouth opened and closed for a few moments before she could make any sound.
"W-What was that?"
"A kiss."
"Yeah, I know that. But… but why?" I leaned in to kiss her again, just softly on the lips, but when I pulled away her eyes stayed closed and she took a shaky breath.
"Mitchie?" Her eyes snapped open and her cheeks coloured in embarrassment, but I just smiled.
"Why, Caitlyn… just… why?"
"Because I wanted to."
"You wanted to kiss me?" I nodded and kissed her again, this time she reacted, kissing me back quite forcefully, her arms wrapping themselves round my neck. It was true, I had wanted to kiss her, for a long time now, but I'd just never had the courage! "Caitlyn…"
"Sorry, it was just something I had to do. You're not mad are you, Mitch?" I felt her throat vibrate with laughter as I kissed down it to her shoulder.
"Mad, definitely not. Confused, a little. Unbelievably happy… pretty much, yeah." She moved her head, giving me better access to her neck. A gasp escaped her lips when I bit down on her shoulder before kissing back up to her lips.
"Good, because I kinda love you." She pushed me away then, surprise evident in her eyes.
"You… you… love…" I nodded, kissing her again.
"I hope that's okay too. Just wanted to tell you, you know, so you knew that this isn't just a onetime thing."
"Caitlyn, what's going on?" She managed to push me away again.
"I guess you could say I'm living in the moment, Carpe Diem, taking a chance on you." She held my gaze for a few moments, processing my words, before a grin took over her face and she pulled me back to her, crushing our lips together.
"It took you long enough, Gellar! I thought you'd never get your act together!" My grin matched hers as we locked eyes and gasped in air. "Because I love you too."
Maybe change isn't so bad after all. If I hadn't changed and started trying to focus on what was right in front of me, then I never would have realised just how much in love with my best friend I was… and how much in love with me she was!
Yeah, change sucks, and the future is always uncertain and full of 'what if's' , but sometimes, we just have to forget about all that stuff and focus on what we have right now. Take a chance every now and then, you won't ever know until you try, right? Okay, so it's scary and you can never be completely prepared for what's to come, but if you take things one step at a time and remember not to get so caught up with what's ahead… then things will be alright.
Plus, you won't be alone. You'll always have someone to fall back on. Whether it's your parents, friends, or your very own Mitchie! Don't forget about them, because you don't have to handle everything on your own. Fate isn't everything, we can change our path, shape it how we want with the choices we make. So think hard and choose carefully, it's your life to live.
So live it.
Carpe Diem.
Author Note: Hmm it'd be great if i had my own Mitchie, how about you guys? Lemmie know what you think, and i shall try and get back to my other stories =S but i am moving in a week so no promises (heh just got that lol) wish me luck at university! Peace Out =)